JeffKardde's Cat (what's left of it)
Daryus Aden
TSN
Frank G
Coddman
Liam
Sol System
First of Two
Lee Kelly
Jubilee McGann
MaGiC
LOA
The Capps Family *duh duh duh duh, snap snap*
Red Quacker (yes him, if he can be located
)Mr.Capps is in attendance?
*forgive the spelling and grammar - I've only been awake forever!*
MIB: Mr. Capps! You are being charged with changeing the forum without warning. The sentence is 5 years in prison. Hoe do you plead?
CC: Not Guilty
MIB: I knew you'd say that. I rule that Mr. capps is guilty! Take him away.
CC: You can't do this! It's against the law!
MIB: Yes I can! I AM THE LAW!!!!!!
MsChris: Guards! Get this crazy Judge Dread guy out of my court room.
MIB: What are you doing! I AM THE LAW!!!
MsChris: No you're not. Your just some dude in a funky costume acting like an idiot.
MIB as he's being dragged away: NO!! YOUR NOT THE LAW!! I AM!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
[ June 01, 2001: Message edited by: MIB ]
Ladies and Gentleman of the Jury. Many of you may refer to him as the benevolent administrator of the forums. The Good Leader. The one who brings happiness. But there is a side of him that you do not know. And that is what we this trial is about. We will bring forth evidence that the infamous "Forum Change" incident was merely a front to advance his plans for world domination. We will bring forth evidence that the Defendant was behind a sheep revolution that nearly brought the world to its knees. We will also bring evidence that the Defendant used his sheep to spread forth the deadly "Foot and Mouth" Disease across Europe. Finally, we will provide evidence that the defendant is the creator of the A3000 "Floating Head" SmitoTron that nearly leveled the town of Morgan Hill, which he affectionately refers to as "Moron Hell".
Besides that, we will be calling witnesses who will testify to the extent in which Charles Capps was planning to take over the world. We will call a former administrator who was fired and forced to remain in silence once he knew about the defendant's plans. We will call a person whose plans for domination of the United States were thwarted by the defendant who then used the witnesses plans to further his own agenda. We will call another person, who has documented evidence of Mr. Capps attempts to take over the world. Members of his family will be called, including the defendant's sister. Finally, you will hear from the Defendant's girlfriend, known only as "Jubilee", who will give her extensive knowledge of his diabolical plans.
In the end, your duty will be clear. You will find the defendant should be severely punished for his crimes.
[ June 01, 2001: Message edited by: Tahna Los ]
Any remaining sheep not toasted by the barbeque
JeffKardde's Cat (what's left of it)
Daryus Aden
TSN
Frank G
Coddman
Liam
Sol System
First of Two
Lee Kelly
Jubilee McGann
MaGiC
LOA
The Capps Family *duh duh duh duh, snap snap*
Red Quacker (yes him, if he can be located )
This list is not complete. Other possible witnesses include Tachy (not likely) and Christian Hohne Sparborth. (We're investigating a possible link between the Flare Forums and the TrekBBS. According to an anonymous source, the defendant was seen mingling with Christian on several occaisions. Now if we can get those negatives developed without that guy screwing it up....)
[ June 01, 2001: Message edited by: Tahna Los ]
YOU did, Tahna!
Bring. It.
quote:
Charles didn't eat my cat!
YOU did, Tahna!
Tahna, you'll have to leave Jeff's pussy alone!
*ahem* May I ask whom is representing the Defense? Or will the State of Flare have to provide an attorney for Mr. Capps? We will need such an attorney and a list of witnesses for the Defense before this trial may begin properly.
Everyone in the forums can be part of the Jury.
As for the list of defense witnesses, they can come out at a later date, even when the Prosecution rests its case.
I won't be calling witnesses right now as I will be leaving work for the day (ah, the wonders of being an assistant D.A.). I'll be calling witnesses on Saturday.
See ya!!!
If not, Tahna may call the first witness when ready.
*whispers across the bench to MsChris* I don't think Tahna will be presenting until Saturday. But I could be wrong about that too.
The deleting starts in 5 minutes.
Me: Please state your name and occupation for the record.
Sheep: BAAAAHHH!!!!!
Me: Um, I said, State your name and occupation for the record.
Sheep: BAAAAHHH!!!!!!
Me: Your Honour, please direct the witness to answer.
MsChris: Sheep, you must answer the question.
Sheep: BAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Me: Permission to treat witness as hostile.
MsChris: Granted.
Me: Sheep, are you a member of Mr. Capps so called "Sheep Militia"?
Sheep: BAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!
Me: Did you participate in the Sheep revolution earlier this year?
Sheep: BAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
MsChris: Answer the question or I will hold you in contempt.
Sheep: BAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
MsChris: Guards, take him away. And bring me the sheep menu while you're at it.
Sheep: BAAAHHH!!! BAAAAHHH!!!! BAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
Well, scratch one witness......
The People now call JeffKardde's Cat.
*Assistant whispers to Tahna's Ear*
Erm.... due to circumstances beyond my control, uh, thats right, the People will not be able to call JeffKardde's Cat to the stand. Sorry.
In any case, I move for adjournment until Monday. Won't be in on Flare all Sunday. Later.
Tahna: Okay. The People call Sheep number #2536. Please state your name and occupation for the record.
Sheep: BAAAAHHH!!!!! (My name is Warren. I'm a sheep.)
Tahna: Um, I said, State your name and occupation for the record.
Sheep: BAAAAHHH!!!!!! (I just told you!)
Tahna: Your Honour, please direct the witness to answer.
MsChris: Sheep, you must answer the question.
Sheep: BAAAAAHHHHH!!!! (What? I did!)
Tahna: Permission to treat witness as hostile.
MsChris: Granted.
Tahna: Sheep, are you a member of Mr. Capps so called "Sheep Militia"?
Sheep: BAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! (Of course not! Those guys are wackos!)
Tahna: Did you participate in the Sheep revolution earlier this year?
Sheep: BAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! (No! I have a ewe and twelve lambs to take care of. I can't go running about revolting. The very idea is... um... Well, I was going to say "revolting", but that's just silly...)
MsChris: Answer the question or I will hold you in contempt.
Sheep: BAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! (What are you talking about? What do you want from me?)
MsChris: Guards, take him away. And bring me the sheep menu while you're at it.
Sheep: BAAAHHH!!! BAAAAHHH!!!! BAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! (BAAAHHH!!! BAAAAHHH!!!! BAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!)
MIB: You can't get rid of me that easily!! I AM THE LAW!!!! MsChris. You are charged with obstruction of justes. The penalty is 3 years in prison. How do you plead.
MsChris: Of for god's sake. Not you again.
MIB: Answer the quetion!!
MsChris: *sigh* Not guilty *quietly waves at the guards to take away MIB again*
MIB: I knew you'd say that. I find you guilty. GUARDS!!! Take him away!
*guards grab MIB and start taking him away*
MIB: WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING!!! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!!! I AM THE LAW!!!
MsChris: Guards. Get him to shut up.
*one of the guards pistol whips MIB. He get's knocked out and falls to the floor with a thud*
MsChris: Get him outta here!
*The guards drag MIB away.*
MsChris: Someone needs to ban those damn sci-fi conventions. Let's get on with this!!!!
[ June 03, 2001: Message edited by: MIB ]
Shall we continue this trial??? We've been in recess for a while now.
1) Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help me [insert whatever divine deity you believe in here]?
2) State your name and occupation for the court.
3) How long have you known the defendant?
4) How did you come across his plans to take over the world?
5) Please describe this thread marked "People's Exhibit A". Please identify your role in this thread.
More questions to come. I want to give the defense a chance to object to any of my questions.
[ June 04, 2001: Message edited by: Tahna Los ]
Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help me [insert whatever divine deity you believe in here]?
I don't believe in any divine deities. And, besides... Remember what happened when someone swore to tell "the whole truth" in Life, the Universe, and Everything?
State your name and occupation for the court.
Name: TSN.
Occupation: Imitating Omega Supreme.
(Never mind... Obscure "Transformers" reference...)
How long have you known the defendant?
Ever since we first met...
How did you come across his plans to take over the world?
"Come across"? I thought it was just common knowledge...
Please describe this thread marked "People's Exhibit A". Please identify your role in this thread.
I'm afraid I have to plead the fifth on that. That's the fifth commandment, of course. As in, if I told you, I'd have to kill you...
Oh... and I've recovered from the shock... I think I'll make it through the trial now.....
~LOA! 
Baliff, Please make sure Ms.Jubes has plenty of tissue and water.
6) I'm referring to the secret plans towards world domination hatched by CC, the use of his sheep in the Sheep Revolution, and how the Forums play a grand part in his schemes. We have statements in while CC's intentions were obvious to the people of Flare, his actual plans were only privy to the admins at all times. Please elaborate to the court what you have discovered.
7) The fifth commandment states "Honour thy father and mother". What does this have to do with your statement?
Say next time MIB comes in, can I have a go at him? I've brought my kickin' shoes and am eager to use them. (No offence MIB, I'm just going with the flow)
And good God man, don't invite that mad justice freak back in here! That's the last thing we need! He goes on about perceived injustice worse than Chang Wufei!
"I'm referring to the secret plans towards world domination hatched by CC, the use of his sheep in the Sheep Revolution, and how the Forums play a grand part in his schemes. We have statements in while CC's intentions were obvious to the people of Flare, his actual plans were only privy to the admins at all times. Please elaborate to the court what you have discovered."
I've informed the [Discovery | discovery] over subspace radio.
"The fifth commandment states 'Honour thy father and mother'. What does this have to do with your statement?"
Wrong one. And kindly stop ruining my jokes... :-)
*wonders if she can just plead the fifth on all Tahna's questions*
quote:
Originally posted by Jubilee McGann:
*drinks water and uses lots of Tissues since the Bailiff will provide more**wonders if she can just plead the fifth on all Tahna's questions*
Hmmm...You may be held in contemp and jailed if you don't answer the questions. Oh, and, since you aren't married to Mr.Capps, you may be called for testimony. You may be required to testify as a hostile witness. You can't get out of it! Mr.Capps won't have a chance....Muwhaaahhhhaaaa!
*ahem*
Sorry, TSN, but you leave me with no choice...
*thinks this is going to be a long trial* *goes over her testimony and orders a pizza*
Tahna, please rephrase your questions to simple 'yes' or 'no' questions. TSN, you will answer with a 'yes' or 'no' or be held in contempt.
Guard: Judge Mschris!! THAT CRAZY JUDGE DREAD GUY ESCAPED!
Daniel: Oh no....
Mschris: Oh shit....
*then MIB, Judge Dread costume and all, uses a rope to climb down to the 6th story court room and proceeds to crash through one of the windows*
MIB: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I AM THE LAW!!!! SENSE YOU DON'T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY A BROUGHT A FRIEND!
*just then a woman dressed as Judge Hershey walks in through the doors*
Hershey: WE ARE THE LAW!!! YOUR OUR UNDER ARREST!!! SURRENDER NOW OR BE VAPORIZED!!!
MsChris: Oh for god's sake. Now there are two of them!
*One of CC's sheep tries to run away out of fear*
MIB: Oh no you don't!
*bang! The sheep falls dead with a bullet up his ass*
MIB: NOBODY WILL ESCAPE THE LAW THIS TIME!!!!
Tahna Los: NO!!!!! He was one of my witnesses.
Hershey: Shut up!! WE ARE THE LAW!!!!
Daniel: *mumbles under his breath* Oh shit. They mean business this time.......
MIB: NOW LISTEN! EVERYONE GET UP AND FORM A NEAT LINE! YOU ARE ALL BEING CHARGED WITH OBSTUCTION OF JUSTICE AND OF ASAULTING A JUDGE! HOW DO YOU ALL PLEAD?!?
The whole court room in unison: Not guilty.
MIB and Judge Hershey woman in unison: We both knew you'd all say that.
Judge Hershey: I find you all guilty!!!! THE SENTANCE IS 10 YEARS IN PRISON!
*akb1979 takes off his kicking shoes and use them to knock MIB unconsious*
akb1979: YEAH!!! The court is saved!!! WOO HOO!
Hershey: Dread! NOOOOOOO!!! That tears it!
*Hershey pulls out her gun, but before she can pull the trigger Tahna Los knocks her unconsious by hitting her on the head with the dead sheep carcas.*
Tahna Los: That's for killing my witnesses!
MsChris: Oh thank god! GUARDS GET THEM OUT OF HERE!!! PUT THEM IN CHAINS AND MAKE SURE A SWAT TEAM IS WATCHING THEM 24-7!!!!!
*just then MIB groans and starts to wake up*
Daniel: GUARDS!!!
*one of the guards kick MIB in the face and he goes unconsious again. After that 4 gaurds have been sent and are know draging MIB and the crazy Judge Hershey woman away.*
Mschris banging her head on her desk: Why can't one trail go without incident around here?!?!?!
[ June 07, 2001: Message edited by: MIB ]
As for answering the questions w/ "yes" or "no"...
State your name and occupation for the court.
Yes.
How long have you known the defendant?Yes.
How did you come across his plans to take over the world?No.
Please describe this thread marked "People's Exhibit A". Please identify your role in this thread.Yes.
I'm referring to the secret plans towards world domination hatched by CC, the use of his sheep in the Sheep Revolution, and how the Forums play a grand part in his schemes. We have statements in while CC's intentions were obvious to the people of Flare, his actual plans were only privy to the admins at all times. Please elaborate to the court what you have discovered.Yes.
The fifth commandment states "Honour thy father and mother". What does this have to do with your statement?No.
Honestly, I think my answers made sense the first time 'round. But, if this is what you want, so be it...
Posted by Tahna Los (Member # 33) on :
*rubs hand over head*TSN, I never even revised my questions yet.
Posted by LOA (Member # 49) on :
Oh, boy.. this is going to take a while, isn't it?
Posted by Daniel (Member # 453) on :
*has taken gavel from MsChris and is slowly banging himself over the head with it, muttering about MIB and insanity charges*To LOA: Indeed it will. Perhaps years, if we can drag this out right. And Tahna, that's "I haven't even revised my questions yet." Not "I never..." *ahem* Sorry. I'm obsessive compulsive about grammar.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
"Tahna, please rephrase your questions to simple 'yes' or 'no' questions. TSN, you will answer with a 'yes' or 'no' or be held in contempt."See, she didn't actually say that I had to answer the revised questions w/ a yes/no...
Posted by Daniel (Member # 453) on :
This is why we're treating you as a hostile witness. The deliberate stupidity tactic. (No, I'm not really bashing you TSN, but for the purposes of this court...)
Posted by Tahna Los (Member # 33) on :
Yep.Okay TSN.
1) Did you, along with the defendant, conspire to brainwash the male population of the forums by using LOA's picture as indicated in "Exhibit A"?
2) Were you aware of plans by the Defendant to brainwash the Forum population by the use of Subliminal messages like the Defendant's mug hidden in the new version of Flare?
3) Were you aware that the Defendant would expand his brainwashing plans to affect the entire world once the plans for the Flare Forums were complete?
Answer That.
[ June 07, 2001: Message edited by: Tahna Los ]
Posted by Jubilee McGann (Member # 99) on :
*grabs the sheep carcass and starts barbecuing the witness* *grin**offers MsChris some pizza*
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
Incompetent guard #2: Oh! Sense your barbecuing that dead witness I claim dibs on some of the ribs! I would like mine well done plz!
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
"Did you, along with the defendant, conspire to brainwash the male population of the forums by using LOA's picture as indicated in 'Exhibit A'?"No.
"Were you aware of plans by the Defendant to brainwash the Forum population by the use of Subliminal messages like the Defendant's mug hidden in the new version of Flare?"No.
"Were you aware that the Defendant would expand his brainwashing plans to affect the entire world once the plans for the Flare Forums were complete?"No.
"Answer That."Yes.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
That was boring. I may have to give this thread a miss from here out...
Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :
Yeah, 'yes' and 'no' are BORING.I mean, unless you let the witness give long, rambling, vaguely relevant, and funny statements which give the other side something to cross-examine with, who's going to listen?
And when's MY turn?
Posted by Tahna Los (Member # 33) on :
Bleah. Oh well.No More Questions, your witness.
1of2: Check your PM.
[ June 08, 2001: Message edited by: Tahna Los ]
Posted by Daniel (Member # 453) on :
Hmm. The jury is complaining that this thread is "boring." What do you say MsChris? A prime example of 21st Century attention span limits?
Posted by akb1979 (Member # 557) on :
Firstly Daniel I was not trying to slander anyone, but merely express my gratitude to you all for making this a great place to visit and be part of.Secondly -
YAY!
I got to help save the day and use my kicking shoes!YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY!
(Can you tell that I'm excited and happy?)
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
Incompetent guard #2: Hey Jubilee! When is that sheep carcas gonna be ready to eat?
Posted by MsChris (Member # 445) on :
*Licking fingers*
What sheep?Please continue. The first witness was the only one fussed at for being evasive. Everyone has a turn ya know!
Cross examination?
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
Incompetent guard #2: Awwwwwwww! But I claimed dibs on the ribs!!
Posted by Daniel (Member # 453) on :
akb1979. *ahem* I was joking.Incompetent guards?! Gah! No WONDER they couldn't keep out MIB. And, uh, why are we all eating ribs? Court is still in session!!
Posted by Jubilee McGann (Member # 99) on :
*passes out Barbecued Sheep Portions*
Posted by Daniel (Member # 453) on :
Well, since we're at it... *takes a barbecued sheep portion and bites into it* Mmm. Not half-bad.
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
Incompetent guard #2: YAY. mmmmmm. This is good!Incompetent guard #1: Ditto on that!
Incompetent guard #3: Hey! This is good! Do we have any cans of sprite to wash it down?
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
*munches on rib while talking*All right, Mr. Nix, your restrictions
*chomp*
of answering "yes" or "no" are lifted for my
*chomp*
questioning. Assuming MsChris agrees, of course.
*chomp*
Have you ever known the defendent to say ANYTHING involving world domination?
*chomp*
Do you believe that the defendant is intellectually
*chomp*
capable of creating or exectuting any plan involving world domination?
*looks for a napkin*
*can't find one*
Um... I'll be back in a moment, your honor...
Posted by MsChris (Member # 445) on :
Hey! Bring me one too!And 'no' - I don't mind dropping the 'yes' or 'no' for your questioning. It's not likely he would be evasive with you.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
"Have you ever known the defendent to say ANYTHING involving world domination?"I think I've heard him mention Adolf Hitler at some point. That, by extension, sort of involves world domination, I suppose...
"Do you believe that the defendant is intellectually*chomp*
capable of creating or exectuting any plan involving world domination?"
I'm not sure I understand the question. Could you define "*chomp*"?
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
Your honor, I request that this witness be held in contempt of court and removed from this courtroom, so that a more productive witness might be called.
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
Incompetent Guard #7: JUDGE MSCHRIS!!!! MIB AND THAT JUDGE HERSHEY WOMAN ESCAPED!!Mschris: *chomp* WHAT?!?!? HOW?!? They were chained up and being watched by 3 swat teams!
Incompetent guard #7: Apparently an entire legion of Judge Dread fanatics "rescued" the two!
Mschris: An entire legion? Oh no.....
Daniel: Oh! Suddenly I feel sick. Was this lamb carcas completly cooked?
Mschris: OK. Seal off all the entry ways in here and report in every 10 minutes!
Incompetent guard #7: ok.
[ June 10, 2001: Message edited by: MIB ]
Posted by Daniel (Member # 453) on :
*whimpers* Oh good God, not again... *bellows* CALL IN THE NATIONAL GUARD!!
Posted by Nimrod (Member # 205) on :
Nameless General: All 50 legions???? That's the whole reserve as well!!!Field Marshal Nimrod: I DON'T CARE! THIS IS GENOCIDE!!!!!
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
Incompetent guard #1: We should continue this trial before the legions of Judge Dreads come storming in here!
Posted by akb1979 (Member # 557) on :
"Let 'em come!" I cry as I pull out a double-barreled shotgun, semi-automatic pistol, six grenades, a sub-machine gun, chainsaw, anti-tank rocket launcher, AK-47 rifle, throwing knives, knuckle dusters, vibroblade, vibroaxe . . . rubber duck - eh? "Rubber duck! Oh sorry, wrong fantacy!""Hi baby!" Says a naked, drop-dead gorgeous babe - then again . . . .
Oh yes, must not forget my kicking shoes!
"Right! I'm ready for any Judges!"
Daniel: I knew that, but that doesn't stop me from expressing my appreciation to everyone - unless you don't want it . . . ?
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
Incompetent guard #1: *smacks akb1979* We've got legions of Judge Dreads right outside the building and your thinking about hot, naked women and rubber duckies?!?! Get a hold of yourself man!
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
I move that all posts such as that above be stricken from the record.
Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :
I move that all posters who cannot spell "Judge DREDD" correctly be stricken. On the head. With a sledge-o-matic.
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
Sorry about that. Let's all calm down and proceed with the trial!!!!!
Posted by Daniel (Member # 453) on :
...says the insane one.
Posted by Tahna Los (Member # 33) on :
Your honor, I request that this witness be held in contempt of court and removed from this courtroom, so that a more productive witness might be called.Same Here. I move that TSN be charged as an accessory to the fact. I doubt the defense would mind.
Please allow me time to call my next witness. (erm, I need time to feint, parry, and riposte)
Posted by akb1979 (Member # 557) on :
Incompetent guard #1: *smacks akb1979* "We've got legions of Judge Dreads right outside the building and your thinking about hot, naked women and rubber duckies?!?! Get a hold of yourself man!""But of course I'm thinking about hot, naked women and rubber duckies - well I guess I could skip the rubber duckies. If I'm about to die horribly, I'd rather my last moments be spent with a hot, naked women than with you, you incompetent guard. TAKE THAT!" Proceeds to hit guard repeatedly with kicking shoes before pulling a baseball bat out of his bag and hitting him with that. "And I'd like to see a man who would say no to that beautiful baby in the corner. TAKE THAT, AND THAT AND THIS TOO!"
Finally, the incompetent guard is lying on the floor, unconcious and AKB1979 calms down and moves to the corner to join the babe. "Ah, the job of being slightly mad!"
Posted by Jubilee McGann (Member # 99) on :
*thinks if this keeps up, she may never have to testify* *whoooops quietly with glee*
Posted by Daniel (Member # 453) on :
Your honor, I request that this witness be held in contempt of court and removed from this courtroom, so that a more productive witness might be called.With the Honorable MsChris in absentia for the moment, I grant your request. The witness is now being held in contempt and shall be stricken from the court. Bailiff!! Thank you... Of course, MsChris has the final jurisdiction over these matters.
Tahna, you may call your next witness at your discretion.
Regarding the motion that all the insane posts be stricken from the record, I assume you simply want to ignore them. If that is the case, by all means. Those posts have no bearing on these proceedings.
And Ms. McGann, now that you've said that, I'll make sure you have to testify. Hehehehehe...
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
Erm... I don't think you can hold someone in contempt unless you warn them and tell them what to do to avoid it. Otherwise, the judge could just say "I don't like this witness. Arrest him for contempt."...
Posted by Vogon Poet (Member # 393) on :
These things are sent to try us.
Posted by MsChris (Member # 445) on :
Well, in that case...The witness may step down and I'll reserve the right to call the witness at a later time for further questioning. Oh and consider yourself on probation (so-to-speak). One more screw up and you shall be held in contempt.Okay, now that I've set the stage for a contempt charge on this witness, it's up to ya'll to make it work.
Next witness!
My laptop is on the blink - hence my lengthy disappearing act. Should have it back soon though.
Posted by Tahna Los (Member # 33) on :
Please allow me time while I speak to the Next Witness.
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
I have no objection to that. If his last witness was any indication, the prosecution needs all the help he can get. I do, however, suggest that the next witness be identified, and that his or her bank accounts be closely monitored.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
"One more screw up and you shall be held in contempt."What's the legal definition of "screw up"?
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
*whispers*I believe that that would include talking out of turn in a court room after you have been warned to cease being an annoyance, for the express purpose of being difficult. It might also be defined as anything that annoys Her Honor. Either way, I have a feeling that you're screwed. Need a lawyer?
[ June 12, 2001: Message edited by: Omega ]
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
I'm being threatened w/ trumped-up contempt charges. I should think that would give me the right to speak. And the only way I can be sure not to annoy the judge would be to do nothing. But, if I did that, and they asked me more questions, I'd also be annoying her by not answering. Basically, you've put me in a winless situation.Spare me this mockery of justice!
Posted by MsChris (Member # 445) on :
Sooo...Does that mean that you are asking for the contempt charge to be declared now?
Posted by Vogon Poet (Member # 393) on :
I hold TSN in contempt. Not because of this case, but on general principles. 8)
Posted by Charles Capps (Member # 9) on :
...
Posted by Daniel (Member # 453) on :
A "winless situation?" Hmph. There is no such thing as a no-win scenario.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Hurry up people. I want to do my Quintessons joke.Oh, and I have nothing but contempt for this court.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
Thank you for your support of my TF references... :-)
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
No problem. Sorry I didn't reply straight away, but I couldn't deal with, er, that...then.
Posted by Tahna Los (Member # 33) on :
The People now call forward Frank "Mac" Gerretana1) Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help me (insert whatever divine deity you believe in here)?
2) State your name and Occupation for the record.
3) Please tell the court what you know of "Operation Clon".
More questions to follow.
Posted by Aethelwer (Member # 36) on :
1) Sure! Do I get fries with that?2) Frank Gerratana, Lazy Student
3) Operation Clon is the plan to dominate the world with sheep controlled by Korean techno music. While CC is the official originator, it is actually the brainchild of none other than General Alfred A. Armegeddon!
Posted by Tahna Los (Member # 33) on :
4) How did you come across "Operation Clon"?5) Were you ever threatened by the defendant if you divulged information about "Operation Clon"? If so, how?
Posted by Aethelwer (Member # 36) on :
This is, of course, divine knowledge.I was threatened by General Armegeddon himself, but the sheep and coffee mug he sent after me were thwarted by my backyard minefield. They got to my shrimp, though.
Posted by Tahna Los (Member # 33) on :
6) Sad to hear. What were the casualties?
Posted by Aethelwer (Member # 36) on :
All my shrimp were killed, but I got the coffee mug and six sheep.
Posted by MsChris (Member # 445) on :
Mr.Capps, don't sit there and think I haven't noticed your "..." instability. That's twice now!Hmmm....Does anyone see the extra stuff at the bottom of the thread? Am I the only one that can see it? Is Mr.Capps trying to hypnotize and reprogram me?
I would like to see the counsel at the bench please...
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
Incompetent guard #5: *walks throught the court room door. There is a scratch on the side of his forehead that is bleeding a little* MsChris! Here's the first status report on the Judge Dredd situation.Mschris: Fine. What's the situation.
Incompetent guard #5: Well. The Judge Dredds control floors 1 up to 4. But when they took floor 4, they just stopped.
Daniel: HUH? Stopped? Why? They wouldn't have stopped unless it gave them an advantage. What's on floor 4.
Incompetent Guard: Offices, daycare centers, file rooms, no vital part of the building.
Daniel: hmmmm Return to your post. Continue to send reports every 10 minutes.
Incompetet Guard: Aye, sir.
MsChris: ok. Let's continue the trial.
Tahna Los: Was it just me or was this reminecent of a movie we all probably saw once? I can't quite think of the name of it....
[ June 13, 2001: Message edited by: MIB ]
[ June 13, 2001: Message edited by: MIB ]
Posted by Krenim (Member # 22) on :
Present Krenim: This trial sure is strange...Future Krenim: Yeah, that's what I said to me when I was you.
Present Krenim: So, are you going to tell me how this all ends up?
Future Krenim: You wouldn't believe me if I told you...
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
*approaches bench warily*Yes, your honor?
Posted by MsChris (Member # 445) on :
*as Tahna approaches the bench**begins mumbling*
Mr.Capps' instability is becoming more and more obvious. Because of litigating factors, I think now would be a good time for that psychological evaluation I mentioned earlier. If someone would be open to making the request, I would be glad to follow through with a court order.*ahem*
Posted by Vogon Poet (Member # 393) on :
I'm delighted to announce the publication of the first cash-in sensationalist book expos� of this trial, When Capps Attacks. Out now in all good bookstores, price $5.99 (plus tax). Guaranteed to be totally out of date by the time you finish reading this paragraph!
Posted by Tahna Los (Member # 33) on :
I move for a seven-three-oh exam with the state-appointed psychiatrist.Where's Dr. Skoda and Dr. Olivet?
*assistant whispers in ear*
Oh yeah, I forgot, this ain't Law and Order....
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Since I took a whole year of psychology at university, and since I was sober for at least 47% of that time, I am the most qualified psychiatrist here. How much do I get?
Posted by Tahna Los (Member # 33) on :
Two Pence and A French Fry.
Posted by InFiNiTy is a (Member # 531) on :
I think I want the french fry, I may not be a qualified psychiatrist, but I can sure as hell do pyschobabble, and that is worthy of a fry
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Yes. I am slightly less likely to go mad and kill everyone in the courtroom though.
Posted by Jubilee McGann (Member # 99) on :
I'll throw in a couple quid.... I've got it stowed in my stockings for just such an occasion as this.....
Posted by MsChris (Member # 445) on :
Okay, PsyLiam. You conduct the evaluation.
*maybe in a seperate thread?*And we will use InFiNiTy for a second opinion.
BALIFF! Take the defendant to the evaluation room!
Next witness please?
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
The fact that Jubes carries foreign money around in her tights proves that she's a classy girl.
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
Incompetent guard #5: MsChris!!1 THE JUDGE DREDDS ARE ON THE MOVE AGAIN!! THEY ARE HEADING FOR THIS COURT ROOM! WE'RE TRYING TO FIGHT THEM OFF!! YOU HAVE ABOUT 45 MINUTES BEFORE THEY BURST THROUGH THESE VERY DOORS!!!
Posted by Nimrod (Member # 205) on :
I'm sorry to digress, but Jubilee? Have you been naughty again? Siggywise?
"The girl that lives with Charles' member"??????
Posted by Vogon Poet (Member # 393) on :
For which she should be applauded. Recent pictures show he's looking rather scuzzy these days, so God only knows what stage of hygiene his tackle is in. I salute her bravery. 8)
Posted by Jubilicious (Member # 99) on :
*ROFL**ahem* Yes, I am a brave soul. I DO live with Charles, but if you'll notice EVERYONE has "Member" under their statusline. Not just me.
And what I do with his member is none of your business. Unless I make it so.
Liam: The funny thing is that I really DO have some quid and pence hanging around here somewhere.... lord only knows why.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
It's law. Everyone has to have foreign money that they hold onto, just in case they revisit the country they got them from. And, when they do actually go there, they must forget the money. I have frands and deutchmarks lying around.I haven't seen a pic of Charles for ages. I do remember his beard was getting steadily out of control. And he looked dangerously like he might get a pony-tail.
I'd take steps if I were you Jubes, or you might end up going out with Comic Store Guy.
Posted by Nimrod (Member # 205) on :
I believe the term to be "comic enthusiast", thank yeu very much!
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
I have 1 or 2 nazi coins! Please don't ask me why. *clears throat* We should contiue the trial* Capps' sheep ae getting a bit restless from just waiting there.
Posted by Jubilicious (Member # 99) on :
*thought the sheep were barBQ'd?*
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
Incompeten guard #1: No. Only one of the sheep was barbq'ed. He was delish!
Posted by akb1979 (Member # 557) on :
"Mmm . . . indeed." AKB1979 says while he licks BBQ sauce off his fingers. "Say, any chance of seconds?"
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
Incompetent guard number #6: *runs into the court room and locks the door behind him* THE JUDGE DREDDS ARE HERE!!!! THERE ARE DOZENS OF THEM!!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!*pounding is heard as the Judge Dredds try and break down the door*
Daniel: OH GOD!!!! WE'RE SCREWED!!!!!
Posted by Jubilicious (Member # 99) on :
Alright, that's it.*gets out her rocket launcher*
*opens the door and quickly launches rockets at ALL the Judge Dredds and whoever else is standing in the hallway, including incompetent gaurds and MIB if he's there*
*whacks the dead bodies with the crowbar of justice just in case*
*shoots them a few more times for safe measure*
*throws EMP's and grenades in the hallway, locks the door, and waits for the "BOOOM"*
*walks out to find everything dead, so it can NO LONGER DISRUPT THIS THREAD*
*sets up 2 bigass sentry guns just in case*
*comes back in, whipes some sweat off her brow, shuts the doors and takes a seat*
Now, if we can please continue with this trial in an ORDERLY MANNER?IE: I have PMS and heavy weaponry. DO NOT PISS ME OFF AGAIN.
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
Incompetent guard #1 minus his left arm thanks to Jubilicious: Um... miss? Take a look outside.Jubilicious looks down through the window to see the entire city street flooded with Judge Dredds. All of them marching in a military fashion.
Jubilicious: Where the hell did all these guys come from!
Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :
**WHUMMMMMMMM**Borg Icosahedron appears from a transwarp conduit.
**THRUMMMMMM**
Every single Judge Dredd is beamed off the planet, their atoms scattered throughout space.
**KOOSH! KOOSH!** **BWAMMO! BWAMMO!**
The Borg open fire on the Judge cloning facilities, annihilating them to the last quantum particle.
"We are the Borg. Judge Dredd is irrelevant. You will proceed, without further delay, with the trial. Resistance will be punished."
Posted by Daniel (Member # 453) on :
*posts several Gundams rather conspicuously outside the courthouse just in case*Now. Where were we before all of this nonsense? We need to get this trial moving people! It's beginning to feel like we're actually part of the US Court System! C'mon! The wheels of Flare justice must move faster than this! (Preferably somewhere close to at least 35 miles per hour.)
Posted by Tahna Los (Member # 33) on :
I'm still waiting for the results of the Psychiatric Exam. I'm not finished questioning Frank, but when I do, I plan to call Dr. Liam Kavanagh as the next witness.
Posted by akb1979 (Member # 557) on :
And I'm still waiting for my second helping of BBQ'ed sheep!
Posted by Jubilicious (Member # 99) on :
*points to a very inconspicuous button that will destroy the Flare server if she pushes it*It's DNA activated, NO ONE gets to push this button but me. And if I see so much as ONE JUDGE DREDD I am pushing it.
Is that clear, MIB?
Any more nonsense, and EVERYTHING goes.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
"IE: I have PMS and heavy weaponry."I have just about managed to not post the joke I want to make here. Don't tempt me like that again.
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Holy crap in a pita pocket!
Posted by Charles Capps (Member # 9) on :
...
Posted by Vogon Poet (Member # 393) on :
I see Siggychops obviously patronizes the local Kebab shops. . . 8)
Posted by Jubilicious (Member # 99) on :
((Chops... mmmm.... Now I want pork chops for dinner, thanks Lee.))
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Actually;"IE: I have PMS and heavy weaponry."
Microsoft's new ad campaign has Netscape users switching over in droves.
Posted by MsChris (Member # 445) on :
Hmmm...Mr.Capps is growing more and more unstable. Where's that evaluation?!
Posted by Nimrod (Member # 205) on :
What, is this a contest or something? We should put it in the proper forum den, eh?
Posted by Tahna Los (Member # 33) on :
Oh skip it.I'll be asking Dr. PsyLiam as the next witness.
Posted by Charles Capps (Member # 9) on :
*just does the three dots thing, amused*...
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
That's more than I am.Whaddya want?
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
Incompetent Guard #1: At the rate this is going, this is gonna drag on like the O.J. Simpson trials!!!
Posted by Vogon Poet (Member # 393) on :
Why do you think the Defence are so quiet right now? They intend to bring in Johnny Cochrane to play the "Chewbacca Defence" card!
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
NOOOOOOO! NOT THE CHEWBACCA DEFENSE!You can't use that! It's illogical! Chewbacca does NOT live on Endor with the Ewoks! He doesn't swing that way! He's not a PLUSHIE!
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
Incompetent Guard #1: No! Dear Jesus no!
Posted by Vogon Poet (Member # 393) on :
It makes no sense!
Posted by MsChris (Member # 445) on :
Next witness please...Wonders if Mr.Capps is amused because he's holding the Psychiatrist hostage?!!
Someone please locate the court appointed psychiatrist!!!!!
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
The defence team would at this time like to make it known that we ARE present. We simply are beginning to wonder why.
Posted by Tahna Los (Member # 33) on :
I forgot to ask Frank the remaining questions:You mention about a Mug being a casualty among the sheep that stepped into the minefield. What is this so called "Mug"?
Was there any devious plans for the "Flare Forums" using this devious "Mug"?
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
Incompetent Guard #1: Did you see that?MsChris: No.
Daniel: What?
Incompetent Guard #1: I thought I saw a small group of Star Trek red-shirts packing phaser rifels just outside the building.
MsChris: Oh hell. Please god! Please let him be suffering from dellusions!
Posted by Jeff Kardde (Member # 411) on :
::screws silencer on pistol::: :Double-taps MIB in the back of the head::
Okay, now that that's taken care of ...
[ July 01, 2001: Message edited by: Jeff Kardde ]
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
*uses his last breath to speak* You idiot......I'm not the........enemy. Get those red-shirts!! ahhh.
Posted by Jubilicious (Member # 99) on :
**SIGH**Judge, if it please the court, I request that we recess until such time as this case can be taken at least a bit more seriously..... at that time we can make a new thread and start this thing over.
Posted by Daniel (Member # 453) on :
*sighs, a long and suffering sigh, the sigh one uses when one realizes that the people in school one has just escaped from aren't the ONLY annoyingly silly ones out there*Sounds like a good idea to me. MsChris?
Posted by Krenim (Member # 22) on :
Present Krenim: Hey, I thought you said this trial was going to get stranger! Right now, it seems to have screeched to a halt!Future Krenim: Just wait...
Present Krenim: Perhaps if I sealed off the courtroom from the rest of the space-time continuum, the trial could continue without interruption.
Future Krenim: No.
Present Krenim: No?
Future Krenim: You can't do that.
Present Krenim: Why not?
Future Krenim: Because I didn't do that. Any deviation from the timeline that I know could blow up the universe.
Present Krenim: And that's a bad thing, right?
Future Krenim: Yes, the destruction of all that is would definitely fit into the 'bad things' catagory.
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
*Star Wars theme music plays*With the legions of Judge Dredds dead, some of CC's sheep dead and a small army of Star Trek red-neck...erm...shirts about to break into the courthouse, MsChris and Daniel decided to evacuate their main base...uhh...courtroom in downtown Flare taking CC and his sheep along in shackals. They are now continuing the trail at some unknown destination where they will not be bothered.
Meanwhile the Star Trek red-shirts have broken into the courtroom to find that it is empty. They are now mounting a search and rescue mission for CC. Thats right. Storm troopers are to Darth Vader in the same way that Judge Dredds and red-shirts are to CC, but the court doesn't know this so shhhhhhhh!!!! What? Did you honestly think that CC was gonna take over the world with an army of sheep? hehe.
Meanwhile, on Tatooine, Han Solo just rescued Princess Liea from the evil Boba Fett. Afterwards there is a long kiss. Han layed Liea on her back and slipped her skirt off. Her skin was milky smooth. Liea said to Han in a seductive voice, "Take me." Solo then proceeded to.......
*A phaser shot is heard along with the sound of a body falling to the ground
Red-shirt #1: Damn narrators allways stray from the point of the story. MOVING ON!!!!!
to be continued............
[ July 07, 2001: Message edited by: MIB ]
Posted by Jeff The Card (Member # 411) on :
Which makes the second time in this thread (at least) that MIB has been shot.
Posted by Vogon Poet (Member # 393) on :
Well, the bailiffs are gonna get really confused calling Young Krenim, Old Krenim, Young Psycho Krenim, Old Psycho Krenim, Young Old Psycho Sane Krenim, etc. to the stand. . .
Posted by Krenim (Member # 22) on :
Well, I don't believe I've been called as a witness.And neither do I.
Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :
*bump*Is there even still a trial?
Has Charles's Secret Guild of Assassins struck?
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Well, I think the group of Star Trek red-shirts captured the courthouse. Of course, 4747 of them died in the process, but the courthouse is in red-shirt custody.Currently, an odd ritual is taking place whereby the spirit of MIB is trying to resurrect his body.
MsChris and the jury escaped through the fire exit while the prosecuting and defense attorneys made to the elevator station and shimmied down the support cables.
The spectators in the audience were taken hostage, and are having their body hair ritually shaved off by the Red-shirts until their demands are met.
Walker, Texas Ranger, has been called in from Dallas since he has expertise in courthouse hostage situations. The women from Baywatch are coming in to perform CPR on whatever hostages need it. Currently, JeffKardde is pretending to have trouble breathing and Fabrux is gawking at the vast sea of red spandex.
Infinity is still in the courthouse somewhere no doubt planning a demostration against the evil United States influence in the world. This will likely involve Cheetos and Silly String.
PORNE (People Obviously Resentful of the New Enterprise) are staging a protest outside the courthouse requesting that Enterprise be canceled, Berman and Braga be executed, Okuda installed as President, fur is murder, and all the political prisoners freed.
Charles and Jubilee are in the courthouse annex across the street. They're hiding in a janitor's closet "comforting" each other until the crisis is over.
First of Two is at the Command Center preparing a rescue team to go into the courthouse and liberate it from the Red-Shirts, MIB, and Infinity. The current plan involves lots of guns, whips, chains, and a very sadistic dominatrix.
LOA is modeling her newest line of exotic swimwear. TSN is the photographer, and a large crowd of observers has gathered around her asking for autographs and pictures. Two people were beaten up by her bodyguards when they made an offensive proposition involving chocolate syrup.
I think that about covers everything.
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
*starts chanting some kind of spell to resurrect his body*Rise my body!!!! RISE!!!!
*His body starts rising, but just when it's back on it's feet it collapses again.*
Sigh. Damn it.
*Picks up a phon and dials a number*
Yes. Is this Clones R Us??
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
How about trying some Viagra?
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
uhhh. cute, man. I guess I walked into that one didn't I?
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
Yeah, you kinda did, MIB. But don't worry: I'll trip up somewhere and then you can move in for the kill.
Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :
I'm not in a C&C Center! I'm on board the Borg Icosahedron! And I've already blown up the cloning facilities... there'll be no resurrections on MY watch!
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Walking into something after taking Viagra can be quite painful. Not as painful as tripping up though...
Posted by Jeff The Card (Member # 411) on :
You take viagra, Liam? I didn't think you were that ... old ...
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
You've hit another deer Jeff?
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
He walked into it after taking Viagra. It wasn't much fun for him, but it was even less so for the deer...
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
Are you sure? I heard that the deer found it quite pleasurable.
Posted by MIB (Member # 426) on :
I'll be jury member #11!!! MUHAHAHAHAHA!! Capps! You're going down!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Jeff The Card (Member # 411) on :
Let me start off by saying: MIB, shut the fuck up.TSN, Liam's the one taking viagra. I don't need it. Liam walked into the deer, and he should know very well that the deer enjoyed it quite a damn bit.
I did not hit another deer. I did not hit the same deer for a second time. I did hit your momma up all night, and I'm going back tonight to hit her up again.
So be nice.
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
You're not planning on hitting Tim's mother with a deer, are you?And where the hell am I suppossed to find a deer in the middle of London, anyway? They don't tend to take the underground...
Posted by Charles Capps (Member # 9) on :
I'm closing this.Feel free to reopen it when MIB is suffeciently abused and learns to shut the hell up when asked to.