1) Me: Okay, type "x" and then a space...
Luser: Wait, wait...is that an upper case space or a lower case space?
Me: Uhhh...
2) Luser: I seem to have a problem with the disk you folks sent to me.
Me: Alright ma'am...what seems to be wrong with it?
Luser: Well, I put it in the drive and it didn't do anything.
(I put this lady on mute and started laughing, this happens often...thank goodness for the mute button!)
3) Luser: Listen, I dialed up to you people and now it's not DOING anything! What the hell is wrong with it??
Me: Hmmm...so you dialed up, but then it didn't do anything after that?
Luser: YES! I stayed connected for 43 minutes WAITING and it did NOTHING! Is the internet THAT slow?!
Me: Sir, did you open your Internet Explorer?
Luser: What, you mean it doesn't do that for me...?
4) Luser: What's this "Dialing-up Networking" crap? I don't NEED this, do I?
5) Luser: I kept getting this message saying I was disconnected by the remote computer...I'm not DIALING a remote computer!
Me: Ummm...yes ma'am, you are dialing a remote computer...
Gotta love these - Some commonly mispronounced words:
Logon: It's "LOG ON", not "logan"...
Eudora: NOT Endora, or Wudora, or...
Winsock: Note, there is no "T" in this word...so how come so many people say "winstock"?!
My all time favorite (and VERY TRUE) story:
One day I was doing tech support for this lady who was quite the newbie, no problem, I deal with them everyday.
Anyways, I simply could NOT figure out what was wrong with her machine! Windows 98 gave us unhelpful error message after unhelpful error message. I tried EVERYTHING. I asked her if everything was plugged in, I re-installed TCP/IP, dial-up networking and then the modem, I gave her init strings, I double-triple-quadruple checked every setting...
Well, after about 3� hours total of calls from this lady (each time she had to hang up and try again), I gave up. I told her to call a technician. She had completely exhausted both mine AND my co-workers resources, for the life of us, we simply did not know what the problem was.
So, both of us being slightly disappointed, I said goodbye to her. Well, about half an hour she phones me back, here's the dialogue:
Me: "ISP name", Danielle speaking, how can I help you?
Luser: Oh hey Danielle, it's Ms. X again...I was just looking through my computer box and I found this cord, I don't know if it makes any difference or not though...
Me: What type of cord?
Luser: Well, it looks like a phone cord...
Me: **mute button** Hahahahahahahahaahhaahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! (By this point in time, my co-workers are looking at me like I've lost it...) *deep breath* Oh, a phone cord? That would be the problem then. You need to plug that into the back of your computer. **mute button** *more hysterical laughter*
Luser: Oh, okay!
Me: Have a nice day.
Never heard from her again...*LOL* But the strangest thing is, why didn't Win 98 tell us there was no dial tone?!? Guess I'll never know...
*edited by CC to fix the table*
[This message was edited by Charles Capps on April 13, 1999.]
------------------
http://frankg.dgne.com/
Megatron: "Waspinator, salvage Inferno."
Waspinator: "Inferno blow up, Waspinator must salvage. Waspinator blow up, nobody salvage. Why universe hate Waspinator?"
*ROTF LMAO LOLOL*
------------------
Jeff Raven - Having more fun than any human being should be allowed to have
[edit by CC: *fears the wrath of Illiad, changes embedded image into link*]
[This message was edited by Charles Capps on April 13, 1999.]
Iliiad kicks major butt. I suffered from the productivity virus a few days after starting my job in tech support....
Luser: Can't you see what's on my screen right now..? You tell me what's wrong!
Just a little inside look at our daily job: You may think we're staring diligently at your account info or flipping through books to find an answer for you, but 9 times out of 10, we're surfing the web or chatting on ICQ...Ever hear the person in tech support typing away? Chances are we're not finding info for you, we're telling our friend on ICQ about a date last night or swapping silly stories like those you see above. 
------------------
I drink therefore I am.
-Descartes
___
Still my favourite
"Keyboard Not Connected - Press Space to Continue"
____
Tech: *rather frustrated* okay - your computer keeps coming up with a error message. Is there anything resting on the keyboard.
Man: No!
Tech: Are you sure?
Man: No.........
Tech: What?
Man: "My Cat"
Tech: Take the Cat off the keyboard.
___
Luser: "I've pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens."
Tech : "Foot pedal?"
Luser: "Yes, this little white foot pedal with the on switch." (The foot pedal was the mouse.)
___
A luser was having diskette problems. After trouble shooting for a while (magnets, heat,etc.), tech asked the customer what else she was doing with the diskette. Response: "I put a label on the diskette, roll it into the typewriter..."
___
A tech once calmed a woman who was enraged because "her computer had told her she was bad and an
invalid." The tech patiently explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
and is just the beginning......
------------------
---- AAARRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!----
I feel better now.
*ROFL*... this is good stuff .. and the "Grow a brain" section that's mention on there is funny, too.
"Weezie" IS pretty warped, if you ask me...
------------------
There are people who one loves immediatly and forever. Just to know that you exist in the same world together is sufficient. Till I loved, I never lived - enough.
I once read a help line story where the person had no power, and was wondering why the computer would not work, if I can lay my hands on it I'll post. It really is a must read!
------------------
I drink therefore I am.
-Descartes
Errrr....I'll find it again, anyways...