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Author Topic: New English Phonetics
WizArtist II
"How can you have a yellow alert in Spacedock? "
Member # 1425

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Europe English
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen world!


Joke Site

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There are 10 types of people in the world...those that understand Binary and those that don't.

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Mars Needs Women
Sexy Funmobile
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Wunderbar!
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Daniel Butler
I'm a Singapore where is my boat
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I've seen a version which ends something like "and zen evrivun vil bi spiking German like ve vanted to begin vis!"
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MinutiaeMan
Living the Geeky Dream
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I was going to say that "you know you're getting old when you start seeing jokes from ten years ago repeated like they're new" — but then it occurred to me that everything on the internet gets repeated like it's new.

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“Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” — Isaac Asimov
Star Trek Minutiae | Memory Alpha

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Mars Needs Women
Sexy Funmobile
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Wunderbar!
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Da_bang80
A few sectors short of an Empire
Member # 528

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quote:
Originally posted by MinutiaeMan:
I was going to say that "you know you're getting old when you start seeing jokes from ten years ago repeated like they're new" — but then it occurred to me that everything on the internet gets repeated like it's new.

You mean like this one:

What's long and hard and full of semen? A submarine.

And like all the good Darwin Awards?

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Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I cannot accept.
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of all the people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.

Remember when your parents told you it's dangerous to play in traffic?

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MinutiaeMan
Living the Geeky Dream
Member # 444

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Pretty much, yeah.

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“Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” — Isaac Asimov
Star Trek Minutiae | Memory Alpha

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Sean
First Tenor
Member # 2010

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I have never seen this one before. I actually thought this was news...

Oh well, now when I misspell words, I kan tel my teacher zat I'm speking European Eenglish. [Big Grin]

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"Kosh, I'd like to introduce you to our Resident schmuck and his side kick Kick Me."-Ritten

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity".
-George Carlin

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TSN
I'm... from Earth.
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M. N. Women : How did you manage a double post with nearly a five-hour gap in between?
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Mars Needs Women
Sexy Funmobile
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Time-travel.
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Omega
Some other beginning's end
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I'm pretty sure it was a joke.

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"This is why you people think I'm so unknowable. You don't listen!"
- God, "God, the Devil and Bob"

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Jason Abbadon
Rolls with the punches.
Member # 882

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No Ebonics was a joke.

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Justice inclines her scales so that wisdom comes at the price of suffering.
-Aeschylus, Agamemnon

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Sol System
two dollar pistol
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THIS JOKE IS EITHER ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY YEARS OLD OR SLIGHTLY LESS OLD.
Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
   

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