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posted
He thought they were a garnish. By the time he discovered his mistake, they had been masticated to death!
--Baloo
(That's his story and he's stickin' to it!)
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[This message was edited by Baloo on March 31, 1999.]
Barney, whose real name is B'harne, is, in actuality, a Demon Prince from the 7th level of the Abyss, charged with nullifying human progress by stupifying the minds of youth.
B'harne is virtually unstoppable, as he projects an Aura of Insipidness for 6 meters around his body. Anything or anyone entering that area slowly loses intelligence (at the rate of about 10 IQ points a minute), until they fall completely under B'harne's sway. The Aura us augmented by the creature's chanted Moronicity spell, recited as thus: "Ayiee luph eyoo, eyoo luph emiee.."
A further B'harne defense feature is that he is constantly surrounded by anywhere between 5 and 50 brain-drained minions, usually, but not always, children, who will prevent any attacker from reaching B'harne himself by various means, including the cry factor, mass tripping, and the devastating kick-in-the-shins maneuver
One form of defense against the mind-draining powers of B'harne is to wear a sensory-dampening helmet. This prevents the aura from acting at full power. Unfortunately, it makes attacking the beast far more difficult.
Another method of combatting the creature, or at least distracting it, is to recite Shakespearean sonnets at it. The monster's mind cannot frame the speech, so it becomes confused. Experiments to see whether advanced physics equations affect it in the same way are still in the early stages.
It is believed that B'harne can only be banished by the combined actions of a dozen cynics. Even this will not destroy him, and he will eventually make his way back to the Earth realms again. However, banishment can serve to free some of the brain-drained victims.
And don't even ASK about the Teletubbies. You don't want to know.
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In recent times, he has realise dthat severeal people, including famed librarian-likes-Giles-from-Buffy-Bloke First have discovered various ways to weaken and destroy him, and so has summoned his two high priests to Earth, the evil seductress Baibi Bupe, and the cunning and devious Bee J'ai. Beware them.
Especially the bib.
------------------ 'It's okay to only know three chords but God, put them in the right order' -Hank Hill
Saltah'na
Chinese Canadian, or 75% Commie Bastard.
Member # 33
posted
*Grabs a Photon torpedo launcher and fires at Barney. He still stands. Grabs a Quantum torpedo launcher and fires, he still stands....... Fires everything but the kitchen sink at Barney. Smoke fills the area. Figures job is finished, until.......*
"I love you, you love meee........."
*Fires everything at himself.*
Oh the torture, oh the humanity.
------------------ I can resist anything....... Except Temptation
I had written a REALLY funny story about the creation on Barney you know, but for some reason IE5 jumps back a page everytime I hit backspace, so you'll have to live without it until I can be arsed to type it up again. HAHAHAHAHA. Huh.
------------------ 'It's okay to only know three chords but God, put them in the right order' -Hank Hill
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