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» Flare Sci-Fi Forums » Community » The Flameboard » *Sigh* Oooh, this is NOT good...

   
Author Topic: *Sigh* Oooh, this is NOT good...
Jaresh Inyo
Ex-Member


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Here's a topic that doesn't involve religion but I would love to have everyone get involved in. Because, franky, I don't know what the hell to do.

Tonight, out of the blue, this girl from my school called me. She's a bit troubled, with a screwed up family (Divorced parents, stepfather's an asshole, ect), but we've always gotten along. I know she isn't the perfect girl either, with pot and 'shroom useage, but she's never gone too crazy.

Tonight, she called me out of nowhere. And, man, was she pissed-faced drunk. I am not that worried about that, but she began to talk more and more while she was drunk, telling me. And man, is she determined to fuck her life up. It's really disturbing.

While she was drunk, she gave me her best friend's name and number. I called her up, and asked for her thoughts. She was polite, and willing to talk, but then asked me never to call her again. She wasn't rude, but she told me very bluntly that she didn't want to get involved. This is her best friend, here.

So, I find myself alone. I barely know this girl anymore, but it seem's that I'm all she's got left. I don't know who to turn to or what to do. I've tried Christianity, my religion, and it didn't work. Okay, fine. I've tried to point out that her behaviour is self-destructive. Nope. No luck.

And this isn't the only problem I'm facing lately. The girl I've harboured feelings for over the past two and half years found herself being pursued by a guy who openly told me he was just interested in her to have sex with once. My best friend was betrayed by one of his other best friends and attacked. Another good friend has also been threatened by some of the school's "Cigarettes and pot" group. Argh. Too much to do, not enough Matt Gurney's to do it.

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Josh: I think they're getting to know each other a bit too well, if you catch my drift.
Me: Oh, I agree. I think they're spending too much time together, that is of course, if you catch my drift.
Asher: I think he's *ucking her, and he's cheating on his wife, and he's risking his marriage, and if his wife finds out about it she'll leave him and take their son, and his life will be ruined. If you catch my drift...


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Sol System
two dollar pistol
Member # 30

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I'm going to offer some pithy statements.

First of all, if there's nothing else you can do for this friend of yours, listen to her. That alone is worth quite a bit.

Second of all, regarding this other female friend of yours...tell her how you feel. If I could say only one thing for the rest of my life, it would be a warning against keeping such feelings to yourself.

And remember, you can't solve everyone's problems all by yourself.

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"And though I once prefered a human being's company, they pale before the monolith that towers over me."
--
They Might Be Giants


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Jubilee
...complete with cherries!
Member # 99

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Jaresh ... I totally understand what you're going through... A few pointers:

1. You aren't going to want to hear this, but there isn't much you can do for her. Unfortunatly, she has to learn this lesson for herself, and nothing you say is going to stop her from walking down her path. I know this because I was in her shoes just last year. You can pray for her... You can pray she learns her lesson before she really hurts herself. The only other thing you can do is find someone who is a professional counselor, or a parent .. someone who has more charge of her life than you do. And if it's illegal, honey .... and you know about it ... you may just have to take it to the police to get your point across. It may be the only way to show how much you care (as twisted as that sounds, it's the truth).

2. You are only one person, and have your own life to worry about as well. Unfortunatly, you are not God, and you are not Atlas, born to carry the world on your shoulders. You can be there for your friends, and help them to your best extent ... but you can't take responsibility if that fails, or if you can't help them. After you've done everything in your power ... there's nothing you can do (except pray, again). Sometimes the hardest thing is accepting this.

So basically the best thing you can do is continue to be there for all your friends, to the best of your ability, and pray for them.

*HUGS* Good Luck ... I'm praying, too.

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There are people who one loves immediatly and forever. Just to know that you exist in the same world together is sufficient. Till I loved, I never lived - enough.


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The Excalibur
Senior Member
Member # 34

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You might try calling a hotline to get advice for the girl, or what you should do regarding her.
As for the rest, take it as it comes. Do what you think is right at the time.

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The Naked Now


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Warped1701
Back from Vacation
Member # 40

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I can't make any better comments about the girl. As for your feelings, I could say a few things.

Tell her how you feel. It may seem like a bad idea, but in the end, it will do you a great deal of good. If you don't, there's a good chance that you'll be living with "What if's" and "Might have been's". There are some things I regret in life, in the top 10 "Dumbest Shit Chris Has Ever Done", 7 consist of not telling a woman how I felt about them. I should have, but I didn't. And that I will regret the rest of my days.

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"We choose to do this and more. Not because it is easy, but because it is hard."
-- John F. Kennedy


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Baloo
Curmudgeon-in-Chief
Member # 5

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Jaresh: I couldn't give any better advice than Jubilee did. Someone who's been there, done that (and learned from the experience) is a good source. Sounds like Jubilee's credentials are genuine.

--Baloo

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Nobody's perfekt.


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First of Two
Better than you
Member # 16

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Yep. Listen to Jubes, she's right on the ball.
I'd do the same thing. (Except the praying bit, but do that if it helps you.)

TELL THE GIRL! I can't stress that enough. The top three biggest regrets of my life are not telling women in my life that I fancied them. (I don't believe I just said "fancied." errrgh.) I thank the Universe that I had the bits to tell the most recent one.. we've been together a year and a half now.. Anyway, what-ifs can drive you insane (for me, that's a short drive indeed), so TELL HER.

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*I only SEEM Normal*


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Diane
aka Tora Ziyal
Member # 53

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About your female friend, the best thing to do really is to get her a counsellor or psychologist. If that's not possible for some reason or another, get her to focus on something else. Find out about her interests, her REAL interests, and encourage her toward pursuing them. Ask her any little thing at all that she's proud of everyday, that'll improve her confidence. Suggestions for her would be more readily accepted if you make them humbly, as in "maybe you could..." or "wouldn't it be better if..." Listen to her and make as few judgments as possible. Most of all, DON'T leave her be. Problems don't right themselves.

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"I have come to the conclusion that one man is called a disgrace, that two are called a law firm, and that three on the law become a congress! And by God I have had this Congress!"
--John Adams, "1776"


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Cargile
Nobody Special
Member # 45

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True story. Way back in high school our house recieved a wrong number in which the young woman immediately began to tell me--a perfect stranger in all respects--her problems in all its glorious detail, none of which I paid any attention to as I read the daily comics and watched Tom and Jerry cartoons waiting desperately for her to pause so that I could correct her on her dialing mistake. Several minutes later she made that pause and was expecting an answer from me. I gave it some thought for about three seconds and told her that she should not be talking to me, I wasn't a psychiatrist. Then I hung up and went about my life. Sure that's cold and shallow, but I've learned to cut with the grain, not against it.


I make fun of this because I'm afraid to feel. At least that's what I've learned in Alcohol and Substance Abuse class. I don't know though. The idea of being evil is far more exciting than the idea of being afraid of a petty emotion like compassion.

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IF is the middle word in Life.
--Appocalypse Now


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