Well, I think Elim did a great job (and I'm not just saying that because I won)... Baloo is taking next week's, which aught to be interesting... but for this week, here goes!
1. When does heck freeze over and pigs fly? 2. Name a part on Cher's body that ISN'T plastic. 3. Sex on the Beach, anyone? 4. How do you convince your cat that he doesn't rule the world? 5. Fill in the blank: "One dark, stormy night, ______________" 6. What animal would you rather be? 7. I shouldn't press this big red button because......? 8. Who can turn the stove on with her smile? 9. What, exactly, is in "Tuna Surprise" ? 10. Would you rather die a hero or live a coward?
Good Luck, all!
------------------ Sex is sacred. Your body is a temple. Anyone need sanctifying? ;)
posted
1. When the Grass don't grow, The wind don't blow, and the sky ain't blue. 2. To the best of my knowlege, her internal organs, excluding breast, are still organic. 3. Can you say Sandpaper? 4. Toss it in a lake, or better yet, into the Tiger cage at the zoo. That will teach it a leason! 5. I slipped the cat a hit of acid. He sat around all night, purring at brightly colored objects. 6. A Flying Squirrel! "But that trick never works" 7. My dinner isn't done yet. 8. Who can take a happy date, and suddenly make all seem so flat. 9. Mercury. 10. I settle for my half living obscure nonexsistance.
------------------ WHO ARE YOU
[This message has been edited by Kosh (edited July 02, 1999).]
posted
1. When does heck freeze over and pigs fly? When I vote socialist.
2. Name a part on Cher's body that ISN'T plastic. Eyeballs.
3. Sex on the Beach, anyone? Sure. Nevermind that "religion" thing.
4. How do you convince your cat that he doesn't rule the world? Buy a dog. A big one.
5. Fill in the blank: "One dark, stormy night, ______________" I learned of a sinister plot against someone I care for deeply. That's a true story, and I had to laugh at the irony that I learn about it on a dark, stormy night
6. What animal would you rather be? Eagle.
7. I shouldn't press this big red button because......? I don't think there has been one example of a big red button ever having a kind, decent, and moral purpose. If it's big and red, it's probably bad.
8. Who can turn the stove on with her smile? I can think of a few people. But I'm not a stove.
9. What, exactly, is in "Tuna Surprise" ? Tuna that never saw the fishermen coming?
10. Would you rather die a hero or live a coward? Die a hero. That way I could do a cool death scene.
------------------ Josh: I think they're getting to know each other a bit too well, if you catch my drift. Me: Oh, I agree. I think they're spending too much time together, that is of course, if you catch my drift. Asher: I think he's *ucking her, and he's cheating on his wife, and he's risking his marriage, and if his wife finds out about it she'll leave him and take their son, and his life will be ruined. If you catch my drift...
posted
1. When does heck freeze over and pigs fly?
Heck Freezes Over: 8:19 PM ET, October 3, 4572 AD Pigs Fly: 4:57 AM ET, April 19, 2031 AD
2. Name a part on Cher's body that ISN'T plastic.
Her eardrums.
3. Sex on the Beach, anyone?
Umm... I'm going to go with "no" on that...
4. How do you convince your cat that he doesn't rule the world?
Cat's don't rule the world?
*meow*
Coming, master!
5. Fill in the blank: "One dark, stormy night, ______________"
One dark, stormy night, Dr. Jubes-enstein was working on bringing her latest creation to life...
Jubes-enstein: Quick, bring me the brain I need to complete my creation!
CC-gor: Hee... Coming, master... Hee...
Dr. Jubes-enstein installs the brain, and brings the thing to life.
Jubes-enstein: It's alive! Alive!
The thing rises from the table.
Thing: The Defiant is 120 meters in length.
CC-gor: Oh no, you've cloned Frank!
6. What animal would you rather be?
Actually, I prefer being human. Being a member of the third most intelligent species on the planet (behind dolphins and mice) is just where I want to be.
7. I shouldn't press this big red button because......?
Krenim: Don't touch that you fool! That's the history eraser button!
Jubes: So? What'll happen?
Krenim: That's just it... Maybe something good... Maybe something bad... I guess we'll never know...
8. Who can turn the stove on with her smile?
Carrie.
9. What, exactly, is in "Tuna Surprise" ?
Tuna and Mystery Meat.
10. Would you rather die a hero or live a coward?
Can't I do both?
------------------ Darlene: I read a lot of science fiction. Herbert: Bless you, my child. Kay: The world needs more people like you.
posted
1. When does heck freeze over and pigs fly? When I win one of these #*$^%$# addicting 10 question competitions!!
2. Name a part on Cher's body that ISN'T plastic. Her brain. Its actually filled with a gaseous mixture of 80% nitrogen and 20% oxygen.
3. Sex on the Beach, anyone? Answer 1: I don't drink, sorry... Answer 2: If you're talkin about the OTHER 'Sex on the Beach" I'll have to ask my girlfriend if she's interested...
4. How do you convince your cat that he doesn't rule the world? Throw him in the bathtub during bathtime...He'll learn VERY quick.
5. Fill in the blank: "One dark, stormy night..." I once posted a very long, but informative letter on the forums explaining a complex but effiecent method to fix the Y2K problem, but then the power went out, and I didn't want to bother rewriting the whole thing again...
6. What animal would you rather be? Human is good enough for me...
7. I shouldn't press this big red button because......? Because buttons don't need ironing!
8. Who can turn the stove on with her smile? That lady from "Bewitched'.....oh wait, thats a wiggle of her nose...
9. What, exactly, is in "Tuna Surprise" ? Can't tell you...its a surprise...
10. Would you rather die a hero or live a coward? I'd rather live forever...
------------------ "I do whatever the voice of Charles Capps tells me to do."
posted
1. When does heck freeze over and pigs fly?
I don't know. But, when it does happen, there's going to be a lot of weird **** that will go on...
2. Name a part on Cher's body that ISN'T plastic.
Hm... I was going to say internal organs, but you did say "on"...
3. Sex on the Beach, anyone?
Depends upon who all is going to be there...
4. How do you convince your cat that he doesn't rule the world?
Hold him up by his tail at arm's length. That's enough to humble just about anyone...
5. Fill in the blank: "One dark, stormy night, ______________"
"...a gunshot rang out. The maid screamed." *Lucy van Pelt pulls the story out of Snoopy's typewriter and proclaims it the dumbest thing she has ever read*
6. What animal would you rather be?
Homo sapiens sapiens
7. I shouldn't press this big red button because......?
Well, if you don't know, I'm sure not going to tell you!
8. Who can turn the stove on with her smile?
I don't know, but it sounds like she may be in league w/ various occult deities...
9. What, exactly, is in "Tuna Surprise" ?
Absolutely no tuna. Surprise!
10. Would you rather die a hero or live a coward?
Not that I'm a coward, but who said anything about dying?
------------------ Pierce: "We're back!" Winchester: "Yes, like a burp from a bad onion..." -some episode of M*A*S*H that I happened to see
[This message has been edited by TSN (edited July 03, 1999).]
BTW, it's Jaresh. I got the encycleopedia and fixed the spelling.
------------------ Josh: I think they're getting to know each other a bit too well, if you catch my drift. Me: Oh, I agree. I think they're spending too much time together, that is of course, if you catch my drift. Asher: I think he's *ucking her, and he's cheating on his wife, and he's risking his marriage, and if his wife finds out about it she'll leave him and take their son, and his life will be ruined. If you catch my drift...
1. Met Sint Juttemis! (don't ask, Dutch expression, never mind) 2. Sonny
3. Sex, anytime, any place. Please. But no, I'm the eternal virgin. BTW sex on the beach is a song by T-spoon. In China they were forced to rename it fun on the beach.. tsk.
4. Cats are actually very humble. You should hear our youngest at feeding time. MEEEEEEEEEEEEEW! MOuek! Mouek! MEEEEEEEEEW!
5. "I became very fright. Ened."
6. Um, a tortoise. Because they live longer.
7. otherwise i'll have an orgasm. Not that that's unpleasant but I'd have to clean up the mess.
8. Some woman with powerful jaws.
9. A big wack in your face with a 9 kilo tuna. Appears to be a la mode nowadays.
10. Dying as a hero always makes it perfectly clear to me that you were, apparently, not that great a hero at all, otherwise you wouldn't have died. And I'm a coward, so I'm biased towards the latter.
posted
1. When does heck freeze over and pigs fly?That is a trick question. Heck does not freeze over, it freezes under. Pigs, on the other hand, fly whenever they haven't got the time to drive.
2. Name a part on Cher's body that ISN'T plastic.
I would, but it's in a jar in a cosmetic surgery clinic, so technically, it isn't on her body at all.
3. Sex on the Beach, anyone?
Well, not just anyone and if you do, you'd better bring a blanket. The sand really does get into everything!
4. How do you convince your cat that he doesn't rule the world?
Demonstrate the utter futility of trying to open a can of Friskies without thumbs.
5. Fill in the blank: "One dark, stormy night, ______________"
Ten men sat around a campfire.
Suddenly, one cried "Pedro! Pedro! Tell us a story!
And this is the story that Pedro told:
"The defiant is really only 120 meters long."
Then we all laughed as we killed him before he could say another syllable.
6. What animal would you rather be?
[Examines self in mirror.] I thought I already WAS one?
7. I shouldn't press this big red button because......?
It isn't a button after all. It's a raspberry-filled jelly donut and you have no napkins.
This BLUE button on the other hand...
*Klik!*
8. Who can turn the stove on with her smile?
The Queen of England, but since that's the least of her talents, she rarely gets a chance to demonstrate.
She can also open bottles with her teeth and crack walnuts in her bare hands!
And all we Americans have is, is Bill.
9. What, exactly, is in "Tuna Surprise" ?
Surprise! It isn't tuna!
10. Would you rather die a hero or live a coward?
Firstly, you can't die a hero. Heroes are not colorfast. The best you manage is to paint one and hope for the best. Of course, if I had no other choice, I could always fake a heroic death and live an anonymous, yet cowardly life.
------------------ "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." --Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977 www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/
posted
I haven't read all replies, so I aplogise for any similar entries.
1. When does heck freeze over and pigs fly?
Heck freezes over every spring when the flowers dance for Queen Victoria at Buckingham Palace. And pigs already fly. My my, Jubes; you do need to learn about his airplane invention!
2. Name a part on Cher's body that ISN'T plastic.
You cannot demand the impossible of but mere mortals, O Jubilicious!
3. Sex on the Beach, anyone?
I'm not sure that's legal. Or wise. I've heard crabs get fiesty this time of year.
4. How do you convince your cat that he doesn't rule the world?
Convince him it's a feminist society.
5. Fill in the blank: "One dark, stormy night, ______________"
One dark, stormy night, the animals in Sherwood Forest were fearful... and then... the sun came out and the birds began to sing as the clouds past; animals hopped to and fro (yeah, hair problems in the Forest); everyone was cheerful again; and then all science fiction fans threw up at the sheer pleasantness of it all.
6. What animal would you rather be?
*pants* Arf! Arf! Arf!
7. I shouldn't press this big red button because......?
It is the button of embarassment. Push it and suffer; go ahead. It has been known to beam outer garments away and tickle people until they laugh. I'm warning you! Don't. Push. The button.
8. Who can turn the stove on with her smile?
I don't know, but things will be *ahem* heating up quickly if she doesn't stop her innuendo-filled grin too!
9. What, exactly, is in "Tuna Surprise" ?
And you thought they always took the internal organs out nowadays....
10. Would you rather die a hero or live a coward?
I prefer to pave the road with good intentions since hero and coward are relative. Watch out! Get that pebble away; it's so scary....
------------------ Doctor: "Run along. I'll reattach any severed limbs. Just don't misplace them." (Voyager: "The Killing Game")
1. Elim Garak .... Late entry, but just enough innuendo to pull it off, and it made me laugh. 2. Baloo ...... *eats jelly donut anyway* 3. Jeff Raven ... well, Heck ALMOST froze over...
Honorable Mentions go to: Krenim's Dark and Stormy night story, and Jaresh's reason for not hitting the red button.
Stay tuned for Baloo's version of 10 Questions!
------------------ Berkoff: "He's threatening to kill me. What should I do?" Michael: "Don't let him." - La Femme Nikita
Saiyanman Benjita
...in 2012. This time, why not the worst?
Member # 122
posted
1. When does heck freeze over and pigs fly? When Jubilee drives my car. 2. Name a part on Cher's body that ISN'T plastic. Ears-putty, nose-metal, lips-wax, breasts-silicon(Would that count?),secretions-partially hydrogenated soy oil 3. Sex on the Beach, anyone? That happens to be my favourite drink. Unless you're talking about the act, then....sorry, I'm taken, and she hates the ocean. 4. How do you convince your cat that he doesn't rule the world? You can't. Cats completely rule the world. At least until Socks gets the heck out of the Oval Office. 5. Fill in the blank: "One dark, stormy night, ______________" There was a plane, and Bogey said a few words that will be repeated in every movie following. Ingrid Bergman realized that she can get away with adultery, because she's got the second most beautiful face in the world, aside from Audrey Hepburn (Whom even she goes to the bathroom). And some black dude gets rich after Bogey sells the bar to some dude who looks like that turban dude from Indiana Jones. 6. What animal would you rather be? Well that's a toughie, I fear horses, sheep have no brains, cats and dogs both get fleas, cows smell like manure, because their owners won't clean it up, mice and birds get chased by cats, fish get eaten by sharks, who can die by being dragged backwards. I think I would just rather stay a human, because all animals lives suck. 7. I shouldn't press this big red button because......? My bird, Avenger, will accidentally hit it when he gets me some coffee. I'm just too darn lazy to do it myself. 8. Who can turn the stove on with her smile? 'Cause it's you, Dot, and you should know it, Put Nitro on the bridge, go ahead and blow it. Don't throw your hat up in the air...... Cause what might land is a Fridgidare!!! DOT 9. What, exactly, is in "Tuna Surprise" ? The fact that Bill Parcells actually can sing in a Lay's commercial. 10. Would you rather die a hero or live a coward? A coward, cause I can become a hero without dying, and if you think I'm giving my life for anyone, you're kidding.
Well I guess I was late on that one.
------------------ All we are is dust in the wind, dude.... Dust, Wind, DUDE!!!
[This message has been edited by Saiyanman Benjita (edited July 18, 1999).]
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