Well, not that bad a turnout for a complex contest.Jubes racks in first place with quite the story (all of which I shall post after this). It's quite obscene, but, well, it's also rather internally consistent. You'll see. 
TSN comes in a very close second and the story comes together remarkably well, too.
First of Two and Tahna Los also had excellent stories, so it was too hard to pick. Honourable mentions to both, then.
I have to say. It was very enjoyable to stand by and watch people post things they didn't intend to.
Feel free to comment on the stories, which were....
Jubes's Tale:
One dark and kinky day, there was our favourite endoplasmic reticulum, Gaius Ambrosius Macellus Severus III. Gaius Ambrosius Macellus Severus III was on his way to two inches below my *censored* when suddenly, the phallus next to him sprung into action and ****ed the little, old holy twinky wrapper beside Gaius Ambrosius Macellus Severus III.
Passionately, our endoplasmic reticulum sprang into cranberry and proceeded to get ready to pleasure himself. It was a kinky task, but Gaius Ambrosius Macellus Severus III eventually was finished, when passionately our endoplasmic reticulum, heard cries from more men being ****ed!
Deriving extreme ecstacy from this demon hamster, Gaius Ambrosius Macellus Severus III moblised immediately and shouted at the phallus perpetrator, "Get away from that beautifully nubile woman before you regret it, phallus scum!"
Gasps arose from the forumgoers, who, upon reading this, had a rush of ecstacy come over them. Oh eternal ecstacy!
The confrontation soon became a Noun and our endoplasmic reticulum and the phallus were quickly climbing two inches below my *censored*. It didn't take long before phallus fell to a kinky, men-filled death.
The (beautiful) end.
Tahna's Tale:
One dark and goofy day, there was our favourite egg, Charles Capps. Charles Capps was on his way to Toronto when suddenly, the scrambled egg next to him sprung into action and fried the little, old fried egg beside Charles Capps.
Ruthlessly, our egg sprang into boiled egg and proceeded to get ready to go bald. It was a goofy task, but Charles Capps eventually was finished, when ruthlessly our egg, heard cries from more rotten eggs being fried!
Deriving extreme wrath from this chicken, Charles Capps moblised immediately and shouted at the scrambled egg perpetrator, "Get away from that chicken head before you regret it, scrambled egg scum!"
Gasps arose from the forumgoers, who, upon reading this, had a rush of wrath come over them. Oh eternal wrath!
The confrontation soon became a body and our egg and the scrambled egg were quickly climbing Toronto. It didn't take long before scrambled egg fell to a goofy, rotten eggs-filled death.
The (chicken) end.
First of Two's Tale:
One dark and obtuse day, there was our favourite wombat, Gern Blensten. Gern Blensten was on his way to Oz when suddenly, the submariner next to him sprung into action and masticated the little, old ozone beside Gern Blensten.
Burbly, our wombat sprang into platypus and proceeded to get ready to bluff. It was a obtuse task, but Gern Blensten eventually was finished, when burbly our wombat, heard cries from more elvii being masticated!
Deriving extreme lunacy from this monastery, Gern Blensten moblised immediately and shouted at the submariner perpetrator, "Get away from that purple koala before you regret it, submariner scum!"
Gasps arose from the forumgoers, who, upon reading this, had a rush of lunacy come over them. Oh eternal lunacy!
The confrontation soon became a noun and our wombat and the submariner were quickly climbing Oz. It didn't take long before submariner fell to a obtuse, elvii-filled death.
The (purple) end.
TSN's Tale:
One dark and Klingon day, there was our favourite kumquat, Murgatroyd Aloysius Neutronium III, Esq.. Murgatroyd Aloysius Neutronium III, Esq. was on its way to Doodiopolis when suddenly, the gazelle next to it sprung into action and imploded the little, old Greek Orthodox church beside Murgatroyd Aloysius Neutronium III, Esq..
Incoherently, our kumquat sprang into USS Enterprise-Z and proceeded to get ready to run around screaming like a Banshee. It was a Klingon task, but Murgatroyd Aloysius Neutronium III, Esq. eventually was finished, when incoherently our kumquat, heard cries from more Idahoes being imploded!
Deriving extreme ambivalence from this hoop skirt, Murgatroyd Aloysius Neutronium III, Esq. moblised immediately and shouted at the gazelle perpetrator, "Get away from that combustible neon green mouse before you regret it, gazelle scum!"
Gasps arose from the forumgoers, who, upon reading this, had a rush of ambivalence come over them. Oh eternal ambivalence!
The confrontation soon became a dog's chew-toy and our kumquat and the gazelle were quickly climbing Doodiopolis. It didn't take long before gazelle fell to a Klingon, Idahoes-filled death.
The (combustible) end.
------------------
Elim Garak: "Oh, it's just Garak. Plain, simple Garak. Now, good day to you, Doctor. I'm so glad to have made such an... interesting new friend today." (DS9: "Past Prologue")
Printer-friendly view of this topic
