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» Flare Sci-Fi Forums » Community » Forum Competitions » The return of....THE FNN! (Page 3)

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Author Topic: The return of....THE FNN!
Lee
I'm a spy now. Spies are cool.
Member # 393

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Excellent, JeffK! Just one thing (heh heh). . .

quote:
G'hoi 'lpi, a spokesman for the t'lip Order

Surely "spokesthing?"

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"Businesses used to be like Christianity; if you were faithful and obedient, you could obtain bliss in the afterlife of retirement. Now it's more of a reincarnation model. If the worker learns enough in his current job, he can progress to a higher level of employment elsewhere."

- Dogbert


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Nim
The Aardvark asked for a dagger
Member # 205

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Now, this is getting, a little accidental humour there, this is getting out of hand. Ah well.

Our top story tonight: Wesley Crusher meeting women again?

One of our reporters stationed at DS5, who had just finished a two hour, (one-way-communication) interview with Commander William Riker, about his last shoreleave, spotted former-Ensign Wesley Crusher in the local mess hall, apparently standing in line for food. then, just out of the blue, a female lieutenant walk up to him and touched his arm.
Crusher, flitching violently (probably due to long isolation from physical contact with humans), turned around and smiled at her.
We don't know more as of now, our reporter had to go to the ladies room, but we'll be covering this revolutionary development into the life of this 29-year old bachelor.

This just in: A closer look at the "DS5-incident", echoing throughout the solar system, has revealed that the female lieutenant responsible for the emotional meltdown of Mr. Crusher, was just reaching for a napkin behind him.
Counselors have been sent to deal with the rapidly deteriorating situation aboard DS5, trying to contact the native-americans Wesley have been studying with for a time, hoping to avoid any taking of hostages or suicide attempts from Mr Crushers side. Good luck, Wes!

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Here lies a toppled god,
His fall was not a small one.
We did but build his pedestal,
A narrow and a tall one.

-Tleilaxu Epigram



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Saltah'na
Chinese Canadian, or 75% Commie Bastard.
Member # 33

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SPORTS

FBA (Federation Basketball Association) Updates: The Pakled Dorks were shut out today by the Terran Blitz, getting walloped 7,980,254,641,127,164 to 0. The Pakled Dorks next game will be against the Dominion Changelings in the hopes that we may never see them again.

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"My Name is Elmer Fudd, Millionaire. I own a Mansion and a Yacht."
Psychiatrist: "Again."


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Malnurtured Snay
Blogger
Member # 411

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So ... who won?

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Star Trek Gamma Quadrant
Average Rated 6.83 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux
***
"Oh, yes, screw logic, let's go for a theory with no evidence!"
-Forum Member Who Shall Be Nameless. 11:48am, Jan. 19th, 2001


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Michael Dracon
aka: NightWing or Altair
Member # 4

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Gee... Let me think....

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I thought a professional demon chaser like yourself would've figured it out by now. I'm the Slayer. Slay-er. Chosen One. She-who-hangs-out-a-lot-in-cemeteries? Ask around. Look it up: "Slayer, comma, the."
- Buffy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer


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Nim
The Aardvark asked for a dagger
Member # 205

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*smack* Don't think!!! Feeeel...
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Lee
I'm a spy now. Spies are cool.
Member # 393

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The Pakled coach, Grakmo, had this to say after the game: "They are tall. We are short. We are far from home." Further questioned about their attempts to procure non-Pakled talent, such as the recently-thawed Michael Jordan, in suspended animation since the early 21st Century, Grakmo would say only "he will make us strong."

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"I rather strongly disagree, even if I share the love of Dick. Speaking of which, that would be the most embarrasing .sig quote ever, so never use it."

- Simon Sizer, 23/01/2001


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Siegfried
Fullmetal Pompatus
Member # 29

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Hearings Launched into Violations at Utopia Planetia

Report blames high loss of Galaxy-class starships on improper construction techniques and materials

Reported by Christopher Holly, staff reporter for the Cypress Tattle-Tell

The Federation Council�s Committee on Starship Construction Oversight (C.O.S.T.C.O.) has announced today that it will begin immediate hearing on the construction violations at the famed Utopia Planetia Fleetyards. This was in response to a report by the Starfleet Inspector General Office�s Director of Production Efficiency (D.O.P.E.) that was highly critical of the Fleetyard.

�By willikers, we�ll get to the bottom of this-here mess, I reckon,� stated COSTCO chairperson Councilor Herbert �Bubba� Bushbottom. �I reckon we ain�t gonna allow much more of this tom-foolery to go up there.�

Admiral Timothy Rollins, commander of the now-embattled fleetyard, stated, �Recent reductions in our budget by that hippie council forced us to cut corners. The war means increased production, but a third of our duranium budget was taken away to fight the outbreak of Mad Tribble Disease!�

Construction on starships at the Fleetyard has been suspended until COSTCO reports its findings to the Council. Unfortunately, six starships were slated to be launched later this week to join the Dominion War effort. Those starships (the Simon Sizer, Hanky-Panky, Stallion, Collasus, Indefatigueable, and Domination), will be transferred to the Titan Fleetyards for inspection and launched if all is well.

�To say that what we have done here is endangering the lives of our brave men, women, and things is totally preposterous! Other fleetyards have been doing this long before we started,� added Rollins.

Despite Admiral Rollins�s assurances, the DOPE�s report blames Utopia Planetia entirely for the destruction of the starships Yamato, Enterprise, and Odyssey. Improperly and non-operational warp core ejection systems were installed on those ships at Utopia Planetia. Additionally, using Microsoft Main Computer Protector as an anti-virus program was installed on all Galaxy-class starships instead of the Norton Starfleet Virus Defiler.

This reporter spoke with Commander Christopher Holloway, chief engineer of the starship Cavalier (the most recent Galaxy to be launched). Holloway said, �Yeah, there were problems getting the Cavalier launched on time. No standard GCS bridge modules were available, so we had to use the pathfinder module from the Galaxy�s shakedown. On top of that, it didn�t fit properly, so we were forced to use duct tape to attach the bridge. I also have my copy of Memoirs of a White House Intern propping up a corner of the warp core. And don�t even get me started on why it looks like the nacelles are pointing in the same direction.�

The report also gives shocking indications of intoxicated junior engineers and technicians completing vital components of the starships as well as a general "college dorm" atmosphere in the crew areas. Updates on the hearings and future of Utopia Planetia will be made as reports are filed.

This story appeared in the Cypress Tattle-Tell and was distributed via the Federation Press.

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Nic: She's not a practicing lesbian. We need PRACTICING lesbians!
Me: I have a camcorder.
Nic: But no lesbians.
Me: Ahhh... no.
Nic: DAMN IT MAN! WE NEED LESBIANS! LOTS AND LOTS OF LESBIANS!

ICQ Conversation From January 23, 2001.


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Malnurtured Snay
Blogger
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Miranda-Class Suffered Highest Losses With Longest Operational Time

by Miguel Molina, special to the FNN

The Miranda-Class starship has been a Starfleet fixture for almost one hundred and twenty years. At first an experimental program to cobble a starship out of common parts, the Miranda-Class became known as a Starfleet symbol -- the starship with the longest planned operational lifetime of 110 years.

But only nine Miranda-Class starships have survived that time period, and major refits have extended their lifespan. The USS Miranda, prototype of the class, has recently returned to active duty after a three year overhaul. It is projected to be able to remain on duty for another twenty years, although Starfleet Operations refuses to comment on rumors that the Miranda will be retired at that time. The one hundred and seventeen-year old starship is currently ferrying foodstuffs to Cardassia Prime, for the Starfleet Marine Expeditionary/Occupation Forces.

Fifteen Miranda-Class Starships made up the first production run. The most famous of these is the Reliant, second ship of the class, which was destroyed by Starfleet forces in a top-secret action out near the Mutaran Nebula in circumstances which still remain classified today. Of the rest, the Miranda is the only one still in service -- the others have been decomissioned, scrapped, or lost in action.

"The Miranda-Class has served Starfleet and the Federation extremely well," Operations Chief Admiral Howard Weinstein commented. "We hope to keep them in service for quite some time."

Over twenty-seven hundred Mirandas have been constructed across the Federation. Six hundred and eighty remain in service today -- the youngest is the USS Salisbury, which was launched on August 9th, 2351, the year when the Miranda-Class ended production.

When they were first introduced, Mirandas were the most advanced and sleek of the fleet. They carried crews of two hundred plus, and rated a full rank captain to command. Now, many are crewed by no more than twenty officers and enlisted (three ships have a crew numbering only five), and the typical captain ranks a lieutenant.

"It's a great first command," Lieutenant Patrick Hunt of the USS Redstar said. "I've been out of the Academy for three years, and I've got my own ship." Hunt is especially proud -- his grandfather was the first captain of the seventy-six old year Redstar. "He's jealous -- he had to wait until he was a Captain to take command," Hunt, who commands one ensign and fifteen enlisted crew, laughed. Hunt said that most Mirandas are largely used for transport and cargo missions. The Redstar has been assigned to the regular cargo route running from Starbase Seventy-Four to colonies along the Andorian frontier for the last year. "It was more exciting when my grandpa was in command," Hunt observed. "He saw action against the Gorn and Tzenkethi."

One hundred and seven Miranda-Class starships were lost during the Dominion War. An additional sixty-two were retired from service after recieving considerable damage deemed "too costly" by Starfleet Operations to repair.

The Miranda-Class has recently been removed from "Combat Line Starships" by Starfleet Tactical. "The Miranda-Class has proven too vulnerable to modern weaponry," said Captain Chris Martin, Director of Tactical Fleet Operations, when asked to comment on the decision. "Up to date shield generators are too costly to install, and the spaceframe simply can't withstand a quantum torpedo launcher or phaser cannons."

Critics charged that during the War, Miranda-Class ships were used as "cannon-fodder" by Allied commanders to draw Jem'Hadar kamikaze runs away from more powerful ships.

Twenty-eight Mirandas have been retired from active service, stipped of military hardware, and sold to the civilian sector. One, USS Haddington, was purchased by eccentric idustrialist Hark Co'lawn, whose shipyards produced eighteen of the class in the 2320's. "It's a great ship," he said. "I've had it for thirty years, and I plan on keeping it for another thirty. No wonder she's stood in good use, she's sturdy and proud."

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Star Trek Gamma Quadrant
Average Rated 6.27 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux (with four eps posted)
***
"Oh, yes, screw logic, let's go for a theory with no evidence!"
-Forum Member Who Shall Be Nameless. 11:48am, Jan. 19th, 2001

[This message has been edited by JeffKardde (edited February 13, 2001).]


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