THIS WEEKS QUESTIONS WILL NOT BE JUDGED INDIVIDUALLY.
This means, if you want to beat Baloo, you'd better be DARNED creative.... *LOL*

1. What are the eleven different herbs and spices in KFC?
2. Was Star Wars overly hyped or was it just me?
3. How do you prove that you are not a figment of your cow's imagination?
4. Have you ever thought about yourself in the third person?
5. Hosie Cow: Myth or Reality?
6. Which came first, the Chicken or the egg?
7. How many angels can stand on the head of a pin?
8. Why don't trout usually fly south for the summer?
9. Fill in the blank: "Long ago, in a galaxy far far away, ____________ "
10. How would you enrich a rat's environment?

GOOD LUCK.. you're gonna need it!

And remember... BE CREATIVE.

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Seduce my mind and you can have my body,
find my soul and I'm yours forever.
- Anonymous

This was not an easy task. First of all, did you know that you can order KFC online? But only if you live in San Diego or Las Vegas. Anyway, back to the search. The only recipe to be found on the official site was for waffles, which isn't the first item that comes to mind when you think of a place that has the words fried and chicken in its name.

Further searching only revealed other searchers. Apparently, KFC has better security then some companies. Plenty of nutritional information, though. 770 calories in a tasty Chunky Chicken Pot Pie.

However, I'm not one to give up easily. I present you with the results of a laboratory analysis. The general conclusion is that the Colonel's secret spices were: Salt, pepper, monosodium glutamate, and storebought poultry seasoning. That's right. There is no mystical herb cultivated only in some Peruvian insane asylum. But that shouldn't stop you from enjoying a big helping of tasty hot wings. Just stay away from that pot pie if you're watching your figure.

2.) Was Star Wars overly hyped or was it just me?

Well...consider the following. There is a Jar Jar Binks sucker, which requires you to press a button that splits the characters head open and shoots out a candy tounge. I'm not sure if this answers your question, but these things really creep me out.

3.) How do you prove that you are not a figment of your cow's imagination?

I don't have a cow. Simple, no?

4.) Have you ever thought about yourself in the third person?

Sol System will have to think about that one.

5.) Hosie Cow: Myth or Reality?

Er...I need context here. Uh, uh...

Look, estrogen! *runs away*

6.) Which came first, the Chicken or the egg?

Fish, lizards, and amphibians were laying eggs long before chickens. So, the egg.

7.) How many angels can stand on the head of a pin?

We could try it with Nicolas Cage and find out.

"What the hell? Who put a *$#%$# pin in my shoe! Bastards!"

Apparently, just one.

8.) Why don't trout usually fly south for the summer?

Well, trout really only migrate twice in their lives, and its more of a reproductive rather than seasonal drive. Oh, yeah, and they're fish and don't have wings, obviously!

9.) "Long ago, in a galaxy far far away, there is great turmoil in the Galactic Republic. See, there's these evil Jedi, right? And they're going to take over or something. Anyway, one of them has this supercool double-bladed lightsaber. He's SO cool. And then, there's this scene with these two battle droids, and they're like 'We will capture you.' and that guy from ER goes, 'In your dreams, metalhead!' and like shoves them across the room. And there's this queen, right? She was in some diary or something. But she's like really hot and stuff, and I hear in the next movie...oh, wait, here's the ship. Watch, watch, this is so cool."

10.) How would you enrich a rat's environment?

Send them off to live with those really smart rats from NIMH.

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"Gone savage for teenagers with automatic weapons and boundless love."
--
Soul Coughing

*Don't get me wrong, The Great Saiyanman Benjita loves the star wars movies. But Episode I could've used some improvement to get to the level of IV - VI.

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The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind. Except in New Jersey, where what's blowing in the wind smells funny.

[This message was edited by Saiyanman Benjita on June 13, 1999.]

2. When goddam Jar-Jar is on EVERY fecking thing of junk food I buy, it's overly hyped. (and I LIKED Jar-Jar!)

3. Have hamburger. If you're still here, you're not a figment.

4. We have. Many times. First of Two identifies with Bob Dole.

5. As real as my Immortal Platypus, Hugh.

6. The egg. The thing (Eo-Chicken?) which laid the egg was just a few genetic mutations shy of an actual chicken.

7. All of them.

8. The airways are jammed with birds and old people bound for Florida.

9. "long ago, in a galaxy far far away, First of Two turned to God and said 'are you sure this "humanity" thing is a good idea?' And God said 'can't be any worse than your "Great Eternal Wombat" idea.' And First of Two said 'oh, shut up.' And mankind was born.

10. Get a boa constrictor and a cat. What's life without risk?

Taragon, cumin, oregano, chili, mint, tomato leaf, glitterstim, ryll, fugu, eye of newt, and Uncle George's Zing-Zang Slammer-Spice. Use only as directed.

2. Was Star Wars overly hyped or was it just me?

Actually, I think you've both been over-hyped.

3. How do you prove that you are not a figment of your cow's imagination?

You know, I asked my cow about this. It seems that she has a PhD in philosophy, though, so the conversation went on for a while, and buckminsterfullerenes were mentioned several times in association with the history of the Hidden Zorpian Empire of Pastrami. Eventually I won the argument about whether cardboard was superior to carrots in their use as energy scales in quantum mechanics, but I didn't get my question answered.

4. Have you ever thought about yourself in the third person?

Not really, or the second person either. But the first person...yeah, definitely, especially in dreams. But when I asked her out, she turned me down, so I know there's never any chance of that happening.

5. Hosie Cow: Myth or Reality?

I'll go with "or." I've never heard the myth of the Hosie Cow, and reality is definitely not a Hosie Cow.

6. Which came first, the Chicken or the egg?

Surely someone like you has heard the joke, Jubes...

7. How many angels can stand on the head of a pin?

Quite a few. They've been known to hold secret meetings on pins to discuss things like NASA.

8. Why don't trout usually fly south for the summer?

It's too expensive, since the rates tend to skyrocket in the summer (vacation season, you know). They usually fly Delta or TWA instead.

9. Fill in the blank: "Long ago, in a galaxy far far away, ____________ "

"...it was a time of revolution, when rebels united to challenge a tyrannical empire. The--what? No, it's from the radio drama. Yes, of course there was, it was on NPR. I'm serious, they even sell the transcript! Yes, in bookstores! Look, it's not my fault if you're not observant..."

10. How would you enrich a rat's environment?

Well, is our eventual goal to enrich the rat itself? I guess you could put up some paintings, send it to college, maybe give it one of those expensive-looking robes and a pipe. Imagine a rat wearing a robe and smoking a pipe. Now, that's funny.

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http://frankg.dgne.com/
"Let's get those missiles ready to destroy the universe!" - TMBG

Grease, oil, fat, lard, sand, chicken lips, feathers, henpeck weed, chicken scratch, great-gree-globs-of-greasy-grimey-gopher-guts, kentucky blue grass.

2. Was Star Wars overly hyped or was it just me?

Of COURSE it was overly hyped. Lucas knew he wouldn't have a problem getting true star wars fans to come see the movie, but for those non-believers, he had to persuade them into coming...bait them, reel them in...and HOOK them. Heh heh...all part of his grand scheme of world domination by the Jedi. Use Force if necessary (*L*)

3. How do you prove that you are not a figment of your cow's imagination?

Simple. Shoot the cow. That'll teach it to think I'm not real.
Disclaimer--I in no way condone the killing of animals for this purpose. Unless of course you wanted steaks for dinner anyway. In which case, save one for me. I'm coming over.

4. Have you ever thought about yourself in the third person?

Of course. I find it quite helpful. When there is no one else around, I can have a best friend to talk to and a worst enemy to talk about and make threats against. It also makes for very good story lines, as all you fiction writers know.

5. Hosie Cow: Myth or Reality?

The myth of the Hosie cow arose in Boston, where the letter "R" does not exist in the spoken language. It is based, however, on the real bovine species referred to as "Hosier", kin to those in the Hoosier state of Indiana.

6. Which came first, the Chicken or the egg?

If we're talking my favorite curry recipe, it would have to be the chicken. You ALWAYS cook the chicken with the rest of the curry. The egg only comes later, added as a condiment to enhance the flavor and make the chicken feel more at home.

7. How many angels can stand on the head of a pin?

If they are Archangels...the big guys with the huge swords...as many as want to. I don't think anyone's going to get in their way and tell them "I'm sorry, this pin has a weight limit of 20 thousand pounds. One of you gentlemen will have to step off." Not on your life would you hear that. Nuh uh.

8. Why don't trout usually fly south for the summer?

Of all the species of flying fish, the trout is no longer one. Long ago, trout used to fly south for the winter, just like all of it's other flying fish cousins from Mario Brothers. However, after a freak accident involving Mario and Luigi and some rather scalding lava, the trout lost their ability to fly, and now spend most of their time in fresh water streams, trying not to be caught by hungry bears.

9. Fill in the blank: "Long ago, in a galaxy far far away, ____________ "

...A group of people inhabited a planet they called Earth. And one day, one of the people on the planet decided to make himself a billionaire by creating a cult that he knew many of the people were sure to follow. To entice them to him, he made movies. Lots and lots of movies, and then books and comics and radio shows to go along with the movies. What enticed people to this man's cult was the ever raging battle of good vs evil, fought between a group of people referred to as Jedi, and another group called the Sith. These groups called on the powers of the universe--the Force-- to obtain the power they needed to either uphold peace and integrity of the universe, in the case of the Jedi, or completely destroy the Jedi, in the case of the Sith. This is what sucked people in. THEY wanted to be Jedi Knights and Sith Lords. They wanted to be a part of this continuous battle, and hoped that in time they too could learn to levitate objects and control people's minds to get what they wanted and needed. ...And the battle still rages...time is ticking in this galaxy far, far away.

10. How would you enrich a rat's environment?

I would purchase great quantities of those "Enrichment Workbooks" I was forced to use in grade school, and litter them around the rat's domain, laced with rat poison, arsenic, and cyanide. I would keep one handy at all times--one that has een thoroughly soaked in ether-- and when the rat showed himself... WHAM with the enrichment workbook. The ether would knock it out cold, and then I could dispose of the rat.

Um... Uh... Er...

*Erases Colonel Sanders from history*

KFC? What's KFC?

2. Was Star Wars overly hyped or was it just me?

*Stops feeding Star Wars sugar cubes long enough to answer in the negative*

3. How do you prove that you are not a figment of your cow's imagination?

I'm glad you asked that.

*Flips over chalkboard behind him, revealing a complex mathematical equation. In the middle of the equation is the phrase "Then a miracle occurs."*

That's how.

4. Have you ever thought about yourself in the third person?

*scoffs*

That's nothing. I/You/Krenim refer(s) to myself/yourself/Krenim in first, second, and third person all the time.

5. Hosie Cow: Myth or Reality?

Well, for many centuries, modern scientists debunked the myth of the Hosie Cow, but recent archeological finds are convincing some that there may have been some truth to the myth.

6. Which came first, the Chicken or the egg?

That depends. If you mean "egg" as in any egg, then the egg came first. If you mean "egg" as in a chicken egg, then the chicken came first.

7. How many angels can stand on the head of a pin?

As many as you would like, if you can make sure their center of gravity is directly over the middle of the pin.

8. Why don't trout usually fly south for the summer?

What do you mean they don't usually fly south for the summer?

*Leans out the window*

Hey, guys! Jubilee says you're not supposed to be flying south!

*The trouts flying outside Krenim's window suddenly crash to the ground and start flapping about*

9. Fill in the blank: "Long ago, in a galaxy far far away, ____________ "

Long ago, in a galaxy far far away, there was a galaxy that was far far away, long ago.

10. How would you enrich a rat's environment?

That's easy. Get rid of the rat.

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Garak: Interesting. You saved the day by destroying the world.
Bashir: I bet they didn't teach you that in the Obsidian Order.

-Deep Space Nine, "Our Man Bashir."

Well, since I'm unfamiliar with how to construct a company, I suppose I'll guess at these ones... cement, plaster, brick, limestone, foil wrap, sand paper, garbage bags, employee hats, cash registers, serviettes, and a dash of maple syrup.

2. Was Star Wars overly hyped or was it just me?

*taco bell dog speak* Just a little bit.

3. How do you prove that you are not a figment of your cow's imagination?

Okay... Would a cow really care, in so much intricate detail, about your love life, Jubes?

4. Have you ever thought about yourself in the third person?

Elim Garak thinks Elim Garak should ask Jubilee to change this question to, "Has the entity responding to this question ever thought about itself in the first person?" Elim Garak would then say "no."

5. Hosie Cow: Myth or Reality?

Now, however would one get the name Hosie? *ahem*

6. Which came first, the Chicken or the egg?

*prophet speak* The Chicken was destined to be the First.

*chicken speak* Why?

*prophet speak* Because there could be no other.

7. How many angels can stand on the head of a pin?

Well, do they have Weight Watchers up there?

8. Why don't trout usually fly south for the summer?

A trout trek takes trout trekking through terrible turns and tortures; trout typically don't take too much trouble trekking twice, just a time or two to try to trek thoroughly.

Short answer: They're lazy little fish.

9. Fill in the blank: "Long ago, in a galaxy
far far away, ____________ "

"Long ago, in a galaxy far far away, shoes never did stink. It wasn't until people actually put their feet in them that they started to become revolting."

10. How would you enrich a rat's environment?

Swiss cheese is a must. Elegant dining attire (especially for Wine & Cheese night - every night!), decorated walls of fine artwork, such as Black Dot on White Wall. I would also suggest keeping Green Peace out if you wanted these items to actually benefit the rat before something happens to him/her.

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Doctor: "Run along. I'll reattach any severed limbs. Just don't misplace them." (Voyager: "The Killing Game")

Lawn clippings, nail clippings, dirt from floor, dirt from parking lot, bugs from overhead lights, ketchup, holy water, salavia, pubic hair, eye crust, and bull semen.

2. Was Star Wars overly hyped or was it just me?

Just me.

3. How do you prove that you are not a figment of your cow's imagination?

By seperating your frame of reference from your cow and becoming aware of your own conscienceness.

4. Have you ever thought about yourself in the third person?

Why?

5. Hosie Cow: Myth or Reality?

Reality.
6. Which came first, the Chicken or the egg?

The egg.

7. How many angels can stand on the head of a pin?

All of them, but they must take turns.

8. Why don't trout usually fly south for the summer?

Thier fins tire out.

9. Fill in the blank: "Long ago, in a galaxy far far away, ____________ "

My dog at my homework.

10. How would you enrich a rat's environment?

By killing off rat predators and not buring the dead.

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"Minsk."

1. What are the eleven different herbs and spices in KFC?

Actually, there's just one. Ground blueberry pastry. Oh, wait, that's Capps Fried Chicken. Nevermind...

2. Was Star Wars overly hyped or was it just me?

SW definitely was. Whether or not you were, only CC knows... :-)

3. How do you prove that you are not a figment of your cow's imagination?

Make hamburger out of him. If you're still around afterward, he wasn't imagining you. Now, as for whether or not the cow was a figment of your imagination...

4. Have you ever thought about yourself in the third person?

No, Tim has never thought of himself that way... *figures that's probably one of the jokes that will be a repeat*

5. Hosie Cow: Myth or Reality?

Myth. Wasn't he the ancient Greek god of bovine leg garments?

6. Which came first, the Chicken or the egg?

The egg. But no-one ever believes me, anyway...

7. How many angels can stand on the head of a pin?

At last count, 42, but they were trying to squeeze another skinny one in. But, more importantly, how many college students can fit in a telephone booth?

8. Why don't trout usually fly south for the summer?

Oh, but they do. Haven't you ever seen the flocks of them gliding by in perfect V-formation? Astounding, really...

9. Fill in the blank: "Long ago, in a galaxy far far away, ____________ "

...there live three weasels: a papa weasel, a� Oh, wait. I've already done that one, haven't I? :-)

10. How would you enrich a rat's environment?

With forty-two essential vitamins and minerals. Or is that his cereal...?

2) Star Wars was hyped up because it is the first Star Wars film in so many years. On the other hand, Titanic was overly hyped because of only two words: "Leonardo" and "DiCaprio".

3) That is not relevant. I am a Cow. Moooo.....

4) I have. Unfortunately, my parents are trying to put their interpretation on top of mine.

5) Just You.

6) *25yearspeak* We have to go back, Jubes, back, to the Devron system */25yearspeak*

7) X to the power of Y as X and Y both approach infinity. But seriously, angels have no weight whatsoever. Therefore, an infinite number of angels on an infinite number of typewriters will eventually define what is Canada....... *blinks* whoops, wrong message.

8) Er, the Trout are dying. Seriously, from a parasite which causes something called "Whirling disease", in which the trout actually "whirl" themselves to death, in other words, their spine locks in a curved position, and they swim in a circular pattern until they starve themselves to death.

9) ............. TRANSFORMERS!!!!!!! More than meets the eye!!!!!!

10) Kill zem........

First Place: Jedi Weyoun
Second Place: Elim Garak
Third Place: Benjita

Honorable mentions go to Sol for the KFC search, and FrankG for the Cow philosophy discussion. *L*

Keep watching for the next 10 questions, which i'm going to try and Guest out. *L*...

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Cherish your visions; cherish your ideas; cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for if you remain true to them, your world will at last be built.

It's just that my computer was having serious problems all this week and I didn't get the chance to get online until now.

1. What are the eleven different herbs and spices in KFC?

As a former employee of Kentucky Fried Chicken, I am uniquely qualified to answer this question, for I know the TRVTH!

Salt and pepper. Yes, I know that's considerably less than eleven. At best, the Colonel couldn't count, and at worst, he lied.

Sorry to dissillusion you.

2. Was Star Wars overly hyped or was it just me?

If, by the fact that even Judge Crater knew of and desired to attend this particular flick, then Yes. Most definitely.

3. How do you prove that you are not a figment of your cow's imagination?

Shoot the cow. If you still exhist, you are real.

Now go make some hamburgers.

4. Have you ever thought about yourself in the third person?

Better than that. I have thought of myself thinking about myself in the third person.

My question to you: Does this mean I was thinking about myself in the sixth person or the ninth?

5. Hosie Cow: Myth or Reality?

It depends. How big a grill do you own, and how much do you enjoy eating the seared flesh of dead animals?

6. Which came first, the Chicken or the egg?

Neither. The rooster.

7. How many angels can stand on the head of a pin?

"It is a violation of celestial fire codes for more than 100,000 angels to dance on the head of this pin. Violators will be condemned to the lake of fire for all eternity."

8. Why don't trout usually fly south for the summer?

They prefer to drive. It takes longer to get there, but they save rental fees once they arrive.

9. Fill in the blank: "Long ago, in a galaxy far far away, ____________ "

There was a little kid who looked a lot like Dennis the Menace. But it gets worse...

10. How would you enrich a rat's environment?

Have him run for governor of Arkansas, win, then go for the White H...

Oh. Already been done.

Never mind.

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"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
--Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/