posted
THE UNDISCOVERED CONTINUITY PART III: THE WRATH OF... NAH, TOO EASY
"Captain's Log: Our search for the Xindi superweaponVorlon planetkillermeaning of life Tkon planetmover is about to begin. We have dropped out of hyperwarp in the Delphi Ardu system, known to be a Tkon outpost 600,000 years ago. Once we travel back in time, we will search the Delphic ExpanseMines of MoriaMess Hall Tkon Empire for that which will save two of the Federation's most important planets... Risa and Centauri Prime!"
Ducane rolled his eyes. "Earth and Vulcan, sir."
"Right. What did I say?"
"Risa and Centauri Prime."
"What about them?"
To that, Ducane shook his head and muttered sarcastically to himself, "I've sure missed these witty conversations these past few months..."
Braxton turned to Damar. "Bring the temporal drive online."
"If it even still works..."
"Huh?"
"We never use the stupid thing! For a series all about time travel, we sure haven't been doing a lot of it lately!"
"Ducane, when did we last use the temporal drive?"
Ducane went hunting through the ship's logs. "I think it was the 'Desperate Times' two-parter, sir."
"Wow. It has been a while. Computer, what is the status of the temporal drive?"
Oh, now you decide to speak to me.
"Not this again... What's the matter with you now?"
I've just been sitting around these past few months with nothing to do, and I don't get so much as a "Hello" when you finally decide you want to go somewhere again. Not only that, but the first thing you ask me about is the status of the most deglected piece of hardware on the ship. If you really want to know how the temporal drive is doing, well, quite frankly, it's depressed.
"The temporal drive is... depressed?"
You betcha. Nobody ever pays attention to it. Poor thing.
"Let me rephrase the question: Is the temporal drive functional?"
Yeah.
"Alrighty. Damar, bring the temporal drive online. Xaronna, set a course for 600,000 years ago. Engage."
With that, the Relativity jumped into the timestream and vanished.
***
Meanwhile, back at Starbase 47...
THEY DID WHAT?
Wesley Crusher, sitting before Robo-Nechayev, repeated himself. "The Relativity crew left without me!"
BRAXTON HAS DEFIED THE WILL OF THE ROBO-NECHAYEV! I SHALL CRUSH HIM BENEATH MY GIGANTIC METALLIC HEEL!
Before either one of the two could say or do anything else, warning klaxons went off. A voice came over the comm system. "Ma'am, a ship just decloaked off our starboard bow."
THIS IS A SPACE STATION. DOES IT EVEN HAVE A STARBOARD BOW?
"I'll have to check on that, ma'am. Anyway, I'm picking up transporter activity! They're boarding the station!"
On cue, several individuals beamed directly into Robo-Nechayev's office. They were Gowron and his Klingon crew, armed to the teeth. Gowron approached Robo-Nechayev. "You! Tell me where Braxton is!"
YOU DARE TO INVADE THE ROBO-NECHAYEV'S STATION AND MAKE DEMANDS?!?!
Gowron's eyes began bulging out of his head again. "Yes, I do!"
INSOLENT KLINGON! YOUR BULGING EYES HAVE NO EFFECT ON ME!
"Silence, metallic abomination! I will hunt down Braxton and kill him in the most painful manner possible, and if you do not assist me, I shall raze your station to the ground!"
WE ARE IN DEEP SPACE, YOU DOLT! THERE'S NO GROUND TO RAZE THE STATION TO! BUT... I ALSO WISH TO DESTROY BRAXTON! WE SHOULD JOIN FORCES!
"Very well! Then let us return to my ultra-high-tech Klingon warship, so that we may hunt him down!"
VERY WELL. MY STARFLEET SECURITY CODES CAN TRACK THE RELATIVITY FOR YOU.
With that, the Klingons and Robo-Nechayev vanished, leaving Crusher again alone...
***
A short time later, the Relativity dropped out of the timestream. Braxton turned to Dax. "Are we in the right time period?"
"Give me a minute, would you? Starfleet timeships don't exactly go hopping back 600,000 years every day, you know. Let's see... Accounting for stellar drift, the stars seem to be in the right place. And I'm picking up ships whose design seem to match those found in Tkon ruins. And that giant sign right in front of us seems to be reading the correct date."
Sure enough, a giant sign was directly ahead of the ship. It read "Welcome to Delphi Ardu. The current year is 597,148 B.C."
Ducane shook his head yet again. "There are so many things wrong with that, I'm not even going to try listing them..."
Dax jumped up. "Aha! If we travelled back 600,000 years, that means that we're from 2852! We've finally nailed down what year our present is!"
Damar interrupted. "Check the fine print, Dax."
Written in small text at the bottom of the sign was written "Give or take 48 years."
Braxton asked, "48 years?"
Damar responded, "That puts us anywhere between 2805 and 2900, since the series lasted for four years."
Ducane sighed. "Can we please get back to the mission?"
Braxton agreed. "Very well. Now, I've been doing some thinking..."
Everyone snickered.
"Shut up, all of you! Anyway, we've travelled back so far back in time that I don't think we need to worry about a cover story much. After all, if we say we're from the Federation, the Tkon wouldn't know what we were talking about anyway. Besides, most of the Tkon are about to get nuked by a supernova, so it's not like they're going to have much time to act even if they did know we were from the future."
Everyone was shocked. Kes recovered the quickest. "Wow. Another rare gem of intelligence. How long did it take for you to come up with that one paragraph?"
"Six hours."
"Thought so."
"Dax, hail the nearest ship. Let's ask where we can find of these planetmovers."
Seconds later, a man wearing a black hooded robe appeared on the main viewscreen. Braxton stood up. "Greetings. I am Captain Braxton of the Relativity."
The man onscreen responded. "Greetings to you, as well. I am Captain Window."
"Window? What kind of a name is that?"
Ducane whispered, "The sentry the Federation found on Delphi Ardu was referred to as Portal. Apparantly, they all have names like that."
"Right... Anyway, we are new to this region of space. We are wondering if your civilization has any unique technology that our people could acquire through trade."
"Such as?"
"Oh, I don't know... Say... A planetmover?"
"Yeah, we've got those. But they're all stored in orbit around Tkon Prime right now. You'll have to go there if you want to get one."
"And where would Tkon Prime be?"
"Follow the giant signs. You can't miss it."
"Thank you very much. Could you do me one more favor?"
"What would that be?"
"Could you say 'At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi... At last we will have our revenge...' for me?"
"You are a very strange people."
"No, it's just me. Mostly."
Dax cut the channel. Braxton sat back down. "Find whichever sign points towards Tkon Prime, and then set a course."
Ducane said, "Sir, there's one thing that concerns me... We're going to Tkon Prime. The system that's about to go supernova any minute. Isn't that dangerous?"
"Sure is! Fun, huh?"
***
Back in the 29th Century, Gowron's warship arrived in the Delphi Ardu system. Chang checked the sensors. "The Relativity isn't here!"
Gowron shot a death glare towards Robo-Nechayev with his bulging eyes. "I thought you said they were here!"
THEY MUST HAVE ENTERED THE TIMESTREAM. WE'LL HAVE TO TRACK THEM THROUGH TIME. WHERE ARE YOUR TEMPORAL SENSORS?
"Temporal sensors? I don't know. Do we even have temporal sensors?"
Chang checked. "Nope. We don't have temporal sensors."
CAN THIS SHIP EVEN TRAVEL THROUGH TIME?
"Chang?"
"Nope."
I THOUGHT THIS SHIP WAS ULTRA-HIGH-TECH!
"So did I! But we can fix this! J'Dan, whip up some temporal sensors, and a time travel device while you're at it!"
J'Dan looked confusedly at Gowron. "And how would I do that?"
"You're the ship's chief engineer!"
"I'm a bio-engineer!"
"You pick now to tell me this? Dr. Brown, whip something up for us!"
Brown jumped up. "Jumping gigawatts! I can do that!"
"And 'gigawatt' begins with a hard 'g' sound!"
Kang whipped out a dictionary. "Actually, either way is acceptable."
"Shut up, Kang! I guess we'll just have to sit around for a while until Dr. Brown is finished..."
-------------------- "Kirito? I killed a thing and now it says I have XPs! Is that bad? Am I dying?"
-Asuna, Episode 2, Sword Art Online Abridged
Registered: Mar 1999
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posted
I thought those Episode I jokes went out of style in the first season? Heehee!
-------------------- “Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” — Isaac Asimov Star Trek Minutiae | Memory Alpha
Registered: Nov 2000
| IP: Logged
quote:Originally posted by Krenim: Everyone was shocked. Kes recovered the quickest. "Wow. Another rare gem of intelligence. How long did it take for you to come up with that one paragraph?"
"Six hours."
So...abrupt.
Despite Wesley living through the episode (though hopefully not the series *hint hint!*), it was still very good, as usual.
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