posted
Creeping Death, and Other Rumors of the Apocalypse
My Children:
I once dreamed up a story where the winds of time created a vortical meta-eddy that swept inhabitants of various epochal niches to a Nexus of WorldLine congruency. It was a blue-shifted infra-time capsule developed by an bored Jovian Super-AI near the end of our solar solar system's useful shelf life, a dimensional corridor developed to withstand even the endless march of time with only a slight fragmentation of mental stability in certain inhabitants.
Inside of this Zero-Point Corridor, (Which looked like Stonehenge in order to lend an air of comfortable strangeness, much like the ending of Kubrick's 2001) A Martian robot from the 31st century named Iron-Bob was having resplendant Bondage sex with a tenth century Hunnish warrior, and Shadow--the heroine of the tale--commented that "All things considered, that's the strangest thing I do believe I've ever seen."
Shadow would end up saying this about every ten seconds, because she saw progressively weirder and more fucked-up shit by the minute. But it would all come crashing down when a man from the eight hundred and sixty first century named Andy--short for Andro--decided he didn't like living in what he called "Shit-Time", because small bits of anti-matter kept getting stuck to his massive canines when he ate dinners of King Quarks from nano-plates made of super-string filth. He was a Transpecial Jumper, who got fair wage for existing as various life-forms, and then writing about it in sleazy journals. Good Work, for a man as young as he was, but it also afforded him enough experience in transmutating boundaries that he was able to create some Supra-scissors to escape the Corridor.
The Nexus imploded like a burst hyper-balloon, and it flung the inhabitants back to where they came from. Or pretty much so. They were all in the same solar system, at least. It's just that they all went to the wrong points in line-time.
You can imagine the inherient humor that occurs when a three-penised Chinese Trimathadite who can only eat fungal asparagus and cherry flavored frankencense is let loose upon Chicago during the Prohibition days.
Shadow's big job, given to her by the Head Mistresses of Time Magazine (the 'zine was actually about matters of the Chrono-sphere, not the Time-Warner AOL mishmash that comes out weekly) was to go to these hyper-fucked up venues and report what she saw, and if possible, keep any Paradox Storms from occuring. She got this job because her resume said that she liked to travel, and she could speak Spanglish fluently.
So ANYWAY: Shadow was doing her job across the centuries, reporting on the activites of these Marginals from across the Time-Wave. She had these Goggles that could see into every part of the EM spectrum, and she owned a chain-smoking Point One computer named harvey 1.7, who had certain "Gestapoisque" tendencies that most free loving people didn't enjoy too much. In fact, Harvey 1.7 tried constantly to conquer the world, but Shadow wouldn't let him, taking his cigarettes away anytime he got too rowdy.
It was all good fun for Shadow. She made a fair living, and she was never bored. Shadow and Harvey the Neo-fascist eventually became friends, and they had many intense and fucked up adventures. They saved the Local Universe a lot. She married a fellow named Charlie, who was a Royal Physicist for his Queen's Science-Army on alternate Earth 1175-A. They had three kids; Mitch, Beatrice, and Allie. All are now Hypernauts of their own accord, and the eldest, Mitch, has become something of a Local Cosmic celebrity with his band, "Mandelbroit and the Fractals".
Yesterday, Shadow died from a mutant strain of the 2002 West Nile Virus and I buried her in the folds of my Neo-cortex, after saying many kind and friendly words. Harvey 1.7 couldn't be reached for comment, since he's off trying to conquer Asia-minor in an ill-advised land war. I can feel his pain from here.
-------
I'm drunk on three day old Elephant Beer, folks. This is the kind of thing I write at such times. Be Kind.
Registered: Jan 2001
| IP: Logged
posted
What have you been smoking lately??? And what the f*** is Elephant beer? Wait, I think I don't really want to know.
-------------------- Lister: Don't give me the "Star Trek" crap! It's too early in the morning. - Red Dwarf "The Last Day"
Registered: Nov 1999
| IP: Logged
Cartman
just made by the Presbyterian Church
Member # 256
posted
*stares at erratic stream of consciousness*
Okay, I've read this, uh, creative fabrication three times so far, and I still can't make heads or tails of anything past the second paragraph. Therefore, the only commentary I am able to provide is:
posted
Ha! Good spot Thoughtface. I didn't catch the allusion the first time through, but then the allegory stuck out like a man who isn't wearing a bowler hat in England.
Pretty witty stuff, if a bit acerbic.
Registered: Oct 1999
| IP: Logged
posted
Glad to know that being creative can go beyond posting pictures of starships without any backlash. Yes!
And no, it's not about "Gangs of New York", though that is at the top of my Must See List.
Elephant Beer is beer that is usually consumed by elephants. Everybody knows that.
Registered: Jan 2001
| IP: Logged
Cartman
just made by the Presbyterian Church
Member # 256
posted
I figured it was an allegory of sorts, but precisely to what, my small, inferior, devoid-of-references intellect is incapable of determining.
Registered: Nov 1999
| IP: Logged
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic
