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Author Topic: A little humor
Sol System
two dollar pistol
Member # 30

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I don't know if this is the author or not, but this was posted by one Chadd VanZanten in alt.music.tmbg. A few slight spelling changes by me.

Darth Vader's post-Yavin report.

Vader: What is thy bidding, my master?
Emperor: Report.
V: I need...um, more men.
E: More men? I felt a disturbance in the Force, as if thousands of voices cried out in terror and then were suddently silenced. I was assuming it was the hidden rebel base...
V: Hmm. Well, yes and no, my master.
E: What then?
V: The rebels...got away.
E: ALL OF THEM!?
V: Well, in a way, yes.
E: Oh, for hell's sake, Vader. I'm coming out there right away. We'll discuss this futher in the Death Star.
V: *cringing* Eeeeh, see, that's the thing...
E: What?
V: There are some...problems with the new Death Star.
E: I hope they're not too serious, I put a lot of money into that machine, you know.
V: Yes... Master, erm, could you define "too serious"?
E: Oh, just get to the point, Vader. It's the size of a small moon, what could have gone wrong? Vader?
V: My master, we were attacked by the rebel ships. There were a lot of them.
E: What are you saying?
V: They had technical read-outs, my master.
E: What happened to my Death Star!?
V: Master, the Death Star has been... disabled.
E: You incompetent fool! How long to have it running again?
V: Did I mention they had technical read-outs, master? Full, devastatingly complete technical read-outs?
E: Vader, I'm sensing that I'm going to have to slap you. Now out with it, or I'll take the batteries out of your intestinal tract again.
V: Master, the Death Star was blown up by the rebel ships.
E: Imbecile!! The most magnificent instrument of destruction in the history of...well, in all history, and you let it be blown up by
rebels!? How many rebel ships are we talking about here!?
V: Um...an entire armada?
E: How many is that?
V: Well, you know, it varies with regional commanders...there's 4 - 6 ships in a wing, and they had a Gold Leader, Red Leader, Blue Leader...
E: HOW MANY??
V: ...twenty-five. Give or take.
E: I'LL EAT YOU ALIVE FOR THIS!
V: I got distracted, my master! One of them screamed "Yahoo!" right into the com-link, and then my wingman swerved and--
E: *sniveling* My wingman swerved and someone screamed in the com-link -- BAH! Next you'll be telling me that Yoda pushed you down at school! Put Grand Moff Tarkin on the line!
V: See, that's...the other thing.
E: Don't you dare tell me that Tarkin was on the Death Star when it blew...
V: He was getting old, master, you know he wasn't getting around like he used--
E: Ah Dammit! He was my best Moff! You know how hard it is to find good Moffs these days!? You think I can just walk out to the Moff tree and get
another one!? Who else was on the Death Star!?
V: ...everyone but me...
E: 250,000 Stormtroopers, 50 squadrons of fighter craft, a legion of support personnel and an entire generation of elite military leadership,
LOST! Pinching off the windpipes of your commanders is one thing, but this!! I'll bust you down to 3P0 unit for this! You'll be emptying
oil-pans on R2 units till you rust!
V: Begging the master's pardon, but don't you have to promote me, in light of the fact that most of the rest of the Empire has been blown
away?
E: Insolent worm! What are you talking about!?
V: I'm all you've got left, my master. You have to promote me.
E: Obi H. Kenobi! You're right...damn your sickly pale hide, you're right...
V: Master, I have it all planned out. We'll build a new Death Star, bigger and better, with a bi-i-i-i-ig shield all around it. Oh, and can I get a personal Star Destroyer to find the rebels? A big one? All to myself?
E: Pff, with my luck you'll probably drive it into the new Death Star...
V: Oh, and master?
E: What is it?
V: Can you come pick me up?

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"According to myth, the earth was created in six days. Now watch out! Here comes Genesis. We'll do it for you in six minutes."
--
Dr. Leonard H. McCoy


Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
Diane
aka Tora Ziyal
Member # 53

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*LOL*

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"O Notre-Dame!
Oh! Laisse-moi rien qu'une fois
Pousser la porte du jardin d'Esmeralda"
--"Belle", Notre Dame de Paris



Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
Saltah'na
Chinese Canadian, or 75% Commie Bastard.
Member # 33

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The Emperor would do that choke move in an instant........

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I can resist anything.......
Except Temptation


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Jedi Weyoun
Active Member
Member # 110

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*chuckles* interesting...

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"Fear attracts the fearful"
([[[[[[*]}�������������������������


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Malnurtured Snay
Blogger
Member # 411

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Just had to kick this one back up [Smile]

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www.malnurturedsnay.net

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Veers
You first
Member # 661

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LOL! [Big Grin]

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Meh

Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Matrix
AMEAN McAvoy
Member # 376

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Funny. I once read a comic like that, maybe if i can find I can scan a few images.

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Matrix
If you say so
If you want so
Then do so

Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged
capped
I WAS IN THE FUTURE, IT WAS TOO LATE TO RSVP
Member # 709

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I got a SW comic a couple of summers ago that had Mace and Yoda eating at a Coruscant diner that gets held up by thieves, until the two take them apart. It's so funny, I'm going to have to post the full text of it.

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"Are you worried that your thoughts are not quite.. clear?"

Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged
Malnurtured Snay
Blogger
Member # 411

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Is Dex in it? He was the best alien in AoTC.

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www.malnurturedsnay.net

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Wraith
Zen Riot Activist
Member # 779

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[Big Grin] [Big Grin] . Very funny. [Big Grin]

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"I am an almost extinct breed, an old-fashioned gentleman, which means I can be a cast-iron son-of-a-bitch when it suits me." --Jubal Harshaw

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Nim
The Aardvark asked for a dagger
Member # 205

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Yes, good ol' great stuph.

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"I'm nigh-invulnerable when I'm blasting!"
Mel Gibson, X-Men

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koy'peled Oy'tio
Member
Member # 796

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MUHAHAHAHAHA.....hahahahaha....ha................................MEHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH.....MUHA ... ha.......HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...........HA! Stupid Tarkin.

[ May 22, 2002, 14:40: Message edited by: koy'peled Oy'tio ]

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"Explore New Worlds"

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