He also sent me:

1. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
   
   
2. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
   
   
3. How do I set my laser printer on stun?
   
   
4. How is it possible to have a civil war?
   
   
5. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
   
   
6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
   
   
7. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
   
   
8. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
   
   
9. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
   
   
10. If you ate pesto and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
    
    
11. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
    
    
12. Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
    
    
13. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
    
    
14. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?
    
    
15. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
    
    
16. What happens when none of your bees wax?
    
    
17. Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket?
    
    
18. If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
    
    
19. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
    
    
20. If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?

He also sent this:

18. By the end of the party, he's got every damn kid doing the "pull my finger" trick.

17. Clown car must be started with a breathalyzer device.

16. Keeps screaming, "My name's not BO-zo, it's bo-ZO!"

15. References to Kierkegaard and Nietzsche are lost on most 5-year olds.

14. Props for his "disappearing" trick: a moving van and your wide-screen TV.

13. Scares the holy hell outta the kids during the "Severed Limb" trick.

12. Tells the kids he killed Barney in a blood match in Newark.

11. Didn't bring any balloons, but manages to twist your dachshund into other animal shapes.

10. Prefaces each trick with, "Here's a little number I learned in the joint."

9. Not exactly the PeeWee Herman impression you were expecting!

8. Wears a t-shirt that says, "Drug-free since March!"

7. More interested in squirting seltzer into his Scotch than into his pants.

6. Those huge ears look too darn life-like, and the entire act consists of showing charts and complaining about the national deficit.

5. A sad clown is one thing--a clown who spends the entire party with a gun to his temple is another thing entirely.

4. Only balloon animals he can make are a snake and a "snake on acid."

3. Business cards include the phrase, "From the Mind of Stephen King".

2. Price list includes "lap dance" and "around the world."

1. All the balloon animals are ribbed and lubricated.

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No, I'm not cold. I'm just trying to pretend I don't want a cigarrette!
www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/

2. They were shells in the movie.

3. It depends on the brand. Usually it's listed in the menu on the LCD.

4. Dunno; ask Lincoln or Davis or Grant or Lee or...

5. Well, on the moon.

6. It's not really blind, it's just nearsighted.

7. Not when they're practicing, at least.

8. It's an evil conspiracy. #2.5 pencils are really the most popular.

9. It's a bribe to keep how wonderful it is a secret.

10. Yes.

11. You've failed twice as much as succeeded.

12. Maybe. Let's ask one.

13. Because the name is already taken.

14. We can; you just need to have a license.

15. Nah, it's because of some long-dead ancient civilisation that we can't hold accountable.

16. Hire new ones.

17. The answer is on the bottom of the basket.

18. (Seriously, it's because the plane would be too dense to take off.)

19. It might turn into regular cream.

20. Because then all accidents would happen within either 5 or 15 miles of home.

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**The Light only shines in the dark, and sometimes innocence is just an excuse for the guilty**

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When I saw you I fell in love,
and you smiled because you knew
- Unkown

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INSURRECTION

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You're just JEALOUS because the little voices talk to ME!