Flare Sci-Fi Forums: My other cousin sent me this...

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Posted by Baloo (Member # 5) on :

I'm sure we've all seen lists like this before, but some of these crack me up.

The Troubled Human Race
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(...And that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:
Do not turn upside down.
(Printed on bottom of the box. Too late! You lose! I love it: food to piss you off.)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space or underground?)
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(Not to mention the nut who wrote the warning )
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(DDDUUUHHH!)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(What is this, a home castration kit?!?)
On a childs superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

My personal fave? The warning on the chainsaw!

"Ouch! Uh-oh! Where are those instructions..?"

------------------
I came home the other night and tried to open the door with my car keys...and the building started up. So I took it out for a drive. A cop pulled me over for speeding. He asked me where I live... "Right here".
-- Steven Wright

Posted by RW (Member # 27) on :

Thank you, I really laughed. Pity everybody's asleep otherwise I'd be laughing louder. My favourite is the AA nuts instruction.

Wrong labels can be fun too. A few years ago the labels on some firecrackers told you to put them in a bottle and light them. Or the bottles of white spirit with labels saying it was distilled water.