SIGNS YOU MAY BE CANADIAN
1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
2. You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk"
3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just
spilled my poutine"
4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
5. You drink pop, not soda.
6. You know what it means to be on pogey.
7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!!"
8. You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
9. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
10. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap
place to travel to and has good cigars.
11. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it
instead of telling them to stay out of it.
12. You're not sure if the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don't
want to know if he has!
13. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
14. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
15. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
16. You sit on a couch not a chesterfield - that is some small town in
Quebec!
17. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
18. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
19. You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
20. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that"
21.You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly".
22.You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
23.You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
24.You participated in "Participaction".
25.You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "What's
good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me".
26. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.
27. Unlike any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you don't
possess a Canadian passport.
28. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the
missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
29. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar
added",thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
30. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
31. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
32. You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's
"Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.
33. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
34. You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.
35. You know what a toque is.
36. You have some momento of Doug and Bob.
37. You admit Rich Little is Canadian and you're glad Jerry Lewis is not.
38. You know Toronto is not a province.
39. You never miss "Coaches Corner".
40. Backbacon and Kraft Dinner are two of the food groups.
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"......"
�������������-The Breen at Internment Camp 371
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I did'nt do it.
I must point out that there are regions of the U.S. where "pop" is more popular to say than "soda."
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Quark: "Lesson number one: No one involved in extra-legal activity considers himself nefarious." (DS9: "The Sound of Her Voice")
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Clones are People Two
"The Force is like duct tape: it has a dark side and a light side, and it holds the universe together"
([[[[[[*]}�������������������������
Not a bad test for Canadianishness at all...
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"......"
�������������-The Breen at Internment Camp 371
1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
Nope. You stand in queues.
2. You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk"
No, but you find it very funny.
3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just
spilled my poutine"
Got the first part. The second sounds just a bit to stuck-up and snobby for me.
4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
I always though candy bars were sweets, and chocolate bars were chocolate. Ina ny case, I eat Mars Bars. And Crisps.
5. You drink pop, not soda.
LEMONADE it's called. Duh. And I drink Coke Dr Pepper and lots of beer.
6. You know what it means to be on pogey.
NO, but I'm sure Monty would love to do it.
7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!!"
Buh?
8. You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
Oh yeah...
9. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
No. I dispise people who talk about the weather and think that they should be locked away for ever and ever until I say so so nyah!
10. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap
place to travel to and has good cigars.
I didn't. And it isn't cheap from here. France is our version of that. (hey Tachy!)
11. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it
instead of telling them to stay out of it.
We do, but we don't expect much in the way of results.
12. You're not sure if the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don't
want to know if he has!
Oh god no. Not Blair, Major, and ESPECIALLY her!
13. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
No. That way madness lies.
14. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
Yup.
15. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
No, you drive on a motorway.
16. You sit on a couch not a chesterfield - that is some small town in
Quebec!
Er, would that be like a bus then?
17. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
Like a philips screwdriver?
18. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
No. Again. Madness. Death.
19. You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
Not symbiotic life-forms that look and act EXACTLY the same in DS9 and TNG. Honest.
20. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that"
You mean like Paul Gross?
21.You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly".
Under 5% here. And how can you tell from tap poured bear anyway? Do you all carry ACP testing kits with you?
22.You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
He isn't? DAMN HIM!
23.You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
They're not? DAMN THEM!
24.You participated in "Participaction".
I haven't. DAMN ME!
25.You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "What's
good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me".
I haven't...WHAT?
26. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.
No. My hunger for the �2 coin has been answered.
27. Unlike any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you don't
possess a Canadian passport.
No, I don't. Guilty.
28. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the
missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
And Favourite. But I wouldn't touch US textbooks with a 2.6 meter barge poll.
29. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar
added",thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
Not cereals. I do know the French, German, and Dutch for 'Batteries not included' 'instructions inside' and 'Beast Wars' though...
30. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
I'm exitied whenever British TV shows something British.
31. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
All the time. And promptly forget.
32. You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's
"Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.
Unfortunatly no. How will I live?
33. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
I have not tried this feet in the lst two years, and so am unsure of the outcome.
34. You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.
I was quite melancholic actually. The beach whats?
35. You know what a toque is.
What Ted Danson has on his head?
36. You have some momento of Doug and Bob.
And Woodchop. No wait, wrong show.
37. You admit Rich Little is Canadian and you're glad Jerry Lewis is not.
Just try and stop me from not admitting that.
38. You know Toronto is not a province.
Er, sure I do. Honest.
39. You never miss "Coaches Corner".
I have never missed it, cause it's never on.
40. Backbacon and Kraft Dinner are two of the food groups.
What about the chocotastic group?
There. That's 10 minutes of my life wasted.
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'You want the moon on a stick, don't you?'
-Richard Herring
Oh, and it's "skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-dink, sin-a-ma-rinky-doo", IIRC. Didn't you ever watch The Elephant Show? *sings* "One elephant went out to play, upon a spider's web one day..." Oh, my... *just scared himself because he knows all that*
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"I see you've found your Nausicaan friend. You seem unimpaled so far..."
-Q to Picard, "Tapestry"
*changes sig*
[This message was edited by The_Tom on May 11, 1999.]
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Clones are People Two
"The Force is like duct tape: it has a dark side and a light side, and it holds the universe together"
([[[[[[*]}�������������������������
------------------
Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-dink, Skin-a-ma-rinky-doo...
-Sharon, Lois and Bram
Look what I found!
AHHH!
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Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-dink, Skin-a-ma-rinky-doo...
-Sharon, Lois and Bram
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Clones are People Two
"The Force is like duct tape: it has a dark side and a light side, and it holds the universe together"
([[[[[[*]}�������������������������
Get a load of this, guys.......... And I hope this does not offend any Americans, the title of this e-mail I received is What is the dumbest thing an American has said to a Canadian
-----------------------------
In an elegant restaurant during Expo '86 in Vancouver:
An overweight American, after finishing his meal approached the hostess stand. "'Scuse me miss, ya got any toothpicks," the man asked? "I'm sorry sir, we do not," replied the friendly hostess.
"Well!" said the American, red faced and agitated, "what kinda class-ass place is this anyway, that don't carry no toothpicks?" With a smile, the host standing nearby replied with ascerbic whit: "This is the Prow, sir. Would you like a cocktail sword instead?"
We're sure the American didn't get it, the joke, that is.
-------------------------------
I live in Southern Ontario and used to work in a gas station along Hwy 21. One day two American boys pulled up with downhill skis on their roof asking how they could get to Blue Mountain in Collingwood (it was summer time by the way). I respectfully gave them the proper directions and sent them on their way. This is a true story!
-------------------------------
My friend lived near Torquay Sask. Their neighbor, from five miles away in the US , came over for a visit.
"I noticed it was so much colder as soon as I crossed the border " he said!!!
-------------------------------
Before returning to Canada I had to give the forwarding address to the local Hydro company and had to spell CANADA for her.
An American was telling me how when he got to Quebec all the street names were in French so he went out and bought a map. Did that help...I asked. Nope he chuckled, dang map was all French too.
You cross the border and them thar Canadyans don't fool 'round, you gotta do 100 none 'o this 60mph. They reeeally want 'a get t'where theys a goin up thar Canada way!
All true! Had to laugh discreetly at the time.
-------------------------------
I work in a branch for the Royal Bank. One day, an American tourist came in for a currency exchange. He looks at the different-coloured dollar bills and the one and two dollar coins and asks: "Is this stuff valid anywhere in Canada?"
I politely said "yes" to the man, but in the back of my mind, I was thinking "No, every store in Canada has its own currency, you moron!!!!". You wouldn't believe how many Americans ask stupid questions about our currency.
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I can resist anything.......
Except Temptation
"Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-dink, Skin-a-ma-rinky-doo...
I LOVE YOU!
Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-dink,
Skin-a-ma-rinky-doo...
I LOVE YOU!
I love you in the mornings and in the afternoon
I love you in the evenings, underneath the moon!
Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-dink,
Skin-a-ma-rinky-doo..."
It's pretty much just a few more Skin-a-ma-rinky lines after that.
------------------
Josh: I think they're getting to know each other a bit too well, if you catch my drift.
Me: Oh, I agree. I think they're spending too much time together, that is of course, if you catch my drift.
Asher: I think he's *ucking her, and he's cheating on his wife, and he's risking his marriage, and if his wife finds out about it she'll leave him and take their son, and his life will be ruined. If you catch my drift...
And I wish Jerry Lewis were from Canada, or France!!
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INSURRECTION
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"You're wrong, and you're a grotesquely ugly freak."
- Chris Morris, Brass Eye
The ones I didn't get were the ones before my time and them alone.
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Quark: "Lesson number one: No one involved in extra-legal activity considers himself nefarious." (DS9: "The Sound of Her Voice")
Does that mean I'm not a genuine Candian?>>>
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I did'nt do it.
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"I see you've found your Nausicaan friend. You seem unimpaled so far..."
-Q to Picard, "Tapestry"
------------------
Quark: "Lesson number one: No one involved in extra-legal activity considers himself nefarious." (DS9: "The Sound of Her Voice")
As of now, The_Tom and I are tied for being the truest Canadians in here. I think we should celebrate with a Molsons.
------------------
Josh: I think they're getting to know each other a bit too well, if you catch my drift.
Me: Oh, I agree. I think they're spending too much time together, that is of course, if you catch my drift.
Asher: I think he's *ucking her, and he's cheating on his wife, and he's risking his marriage, and if his wife finds out about it she'll leave him and take their son, and his life will be ruined. If you catch my drift...
An interesting note about Kraft Dinner. It was originally named Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. The name it is known by now first came into being as a Canadian nickname for the product.
That makes sense to me.
Iv'e had three boxes in the last two weeks.
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I did'nt do it.
------------------
Josh: I think they're getting to know each other a bit too well, if you catch my drift.
Me: Oh, I agree. I think they're spending too much time together, that is of course, if you catch my drift.
Asher: I think he's *ucking her, and he's cheating on his wife, and he's risking his marriage, and if his wife finds out about it she'll leave him and take their son, and his life will be ruined. If you catch my drift...
(I actually happen to be eating some Kraft Dinner spirals as I write this)
(And he likes to hit people on the head)------------------
http://frankg.dgne.com/
"[Steve Jobs] shouts at his employees a lot, using language you can't use on TV, not even on UPN." - Andy Ihnatko
Something Else here........ if you can understand ALL of these jokes, then you should be considered an Honourary Canadian.......
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
1. You live in the center of the universe
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election
4. There's no such thing as an Ontario Seperatist
5. Your grandparents sold booze to the States during Prohibition
6. Lots of tourists come to Toronto because they mistakenly believe it's a cool city
7. The only province with hard-core American-style crime
8. MuchMusic's Speaker's Corner - rant and rave on national TV for a dollar
9. Baseball fans park on your front lawn and pee on the side of your house
10. Mike Harris: basically a sober Ralph Klein
top 10 reasons to live in british columbia
1. Weed
2. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges
3. The local hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder
4. The local wine doesn't taste like malt vinegar
5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown
6. A university with a nude beach
7. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations
8. If a cop pulls you over, just offer them some of your hash
9. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on
10. Cannabis
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA
1. Big Rock
2. Preston Manning
3. Tax is 7 percent instead of approx. 200 percent
4. The Premier is a fat, wife-beating alcoholic with a grade 4 education
5. Flames vs. Oilers
6. Stamps vs. Eskies
7. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of
8. Eventually, it will be your town's turn to ban VLT's
9. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups
10. You can attempt to murder your rich oil tycoon husband and get away with it
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN
1. You never run out of wheat
2. Those cool Saskatchewan Wheat Pool hats
3. Cruise control takes on a whole new meaning
4. Your province is really easy to draw
5. You never have to worry about roll-back if you have a standard
6. It takes you two weeks to walk to your neighbor's house
7. YOUR Roughriders survived
8. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours
9. People will assume you live on a farm
10. Buying a huge John Deere mower makes sense
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA
1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beach front property
2. Amusing town names like "Flin Flon" and "Winnipeg"
3. All your local bands make it big and move to Toronto
4. The only province to ever violently rebel against the federal government
5. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes
6. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter
7. You don't need a car, just take the canoe to work
8. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood
9. Because of your license plate, you are still "friendly" even when you cut someone off
10. Pass the time watching trucks and barns float by
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
1. Everybody assumes you're an asshole
2. Racism is socially acceptable
3. The only province to ever kidnap federal politicians
4. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbor will move out next
5. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada
6. The FLQ
7. Your hockey team is made up entirely of dirty French guys
8. The province with the oldest, nastiest hookers
9. NON-smokers are the outcasts
10. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo bastards"
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
1. You are sandwiched between French assholes and drunken celtic fiddlers
2. One way or another, the government gets 98 percent of your income
3. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies
4. When listing the provinces, everyone forgets to mention yours
5. The economy is based on fish, cows, and ferrying Ontario motorists to Boston
6. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick
7. You have French people, but they don't want to kill you
8. Everybody has a Grandfather who runs a lighthouse
9. Just as charming as Maine, but with more unemployed fishermen
10. You probably live in a small seaside cottage with no television
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
1. The only place in North America to get bombed in both World Wars ... by a moron who accidently set a munitions ship on fire
2. Your province is shaped like male genitalia
3. Everyone is a fiddle player
4. If someone asks if you're a Newfie, you are allowed to kick their ass
5. The local hero is an insane, fiddle playing, sexual pervert
6. The province that produced Rita MacNeil, the world's largest land mammal (har har har)
7. You are the reason Anne Murray makes money
8. You can pretend you have Scottish heritage as an excuse to wear a kilt
9. The economy is based on fish, lobster, and fiddle music
10. Even though it smells like dead sea animals, Halifax is considered Canada's most beautiful city
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE ON PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got the big-ass bridge
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour
3. You were probably once an extra on "Road to Avonlea"
4. This is where all those tiny red potatoes come from
5. The economy is based on fish, potatoes, and CBC TV shows
6. Tourists arrive, see the "Anne of Green Gables" house, then promptly leave
7. You can drive across the province in two minutes
8. It doesn't matter to you if Quebec separates
9. You don't share a border with the Americans, or with anyone for that matter
10. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
1. The poorest, stupidest, drunkest province in Confederation
2. If Quebec Separates, you will float off to sea
3. In the rare case when someone moves to the Rock, you can make them kiss a dead cod
4. The economy is based on fish, seafood, and fish-related products
5. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse
6. You understand the meaning of Great Big Sea's lyrics
7. The work day is about two hours long
8. You are credited with many great inventions, like the solar-powered flashlight and the screen door for submarines
9. If someone asks if you're from Nova Scotia, you are allowed to kick their ass
10. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders on your wedding day
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I can resist anything.......
Except Temptation
I feel like a Canadian again! I understand!
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I did'nt do it.
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I can resist anything.......
Except Temptation
Yes, im trying to start another East coast/West coast thing again
Westside!!!!!!!1
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Homeboy in Outerspace
(The only surviving fan of UPN's Homeboyz in Outer Space)