Flare Sci-Fi Forums: My *other* cousin sent me this...

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Posted by Baloo (Member # 5) on :

Yet another cousin sent me these. Some sound manufactured, but most are believable.

N-joy!

Out of the mouths of Babes...
A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were 2 boy kittens & 2 girl kittens.
"How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied, "I think it's printed on the bottom."
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Another three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom, I KNOW they're my feet."
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On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
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A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
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Can people predict the future with cards? My mother can. Really? Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home.
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A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"
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A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord's Prayer. She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother. She said, "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail." AMEN

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Posted by Xentrick (Member # 64) on :

Baloo, you must have more comic-relief relatives than Gabe Kaplan.

Posted by Baloo (Member # 5) on :

I think I'm distantly related to Steve Allen (also quick-witted and wierd-as-hell). His mother was a Dunehew (we're all so smart we're right on the verge of crazy), though I'm not absolutely certain. My only evidence is, having seen a little less than 2 minutes' worth of her performing with her son (an aeon ago) she looks rather like my grandfather in drag, and her maiden name was pronounced (though not necessarily spelled) the same as mine. I looked a bit like Steve Allen when I was young, and my dad resembled him as well (though Dad had red hair).

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"He's dead, Jim."
"You find his car keys, I'll get his wallet!"
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Posted by Baloo (Member # 5) on :

[More from the same cuz. Edited by me to be even funnier. I hope.]

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astonished to see the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "PULL OVER!"

The blonde just smiled, shook her head and yelled back: "SCARF!"

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"He's dead, Jim."
"You find his car keys, I'll get his wallet!"
www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/

Posted by Sunspot (Member # 77) on :

*LMAO*

Thank you, Baloo. I needed this today.

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"You were right about the negotiations...they were short."
Obi-Wan Kenobi to QuiGon Jinn, The Phantom Menace

Posted by Curry Monster (Member # 12) on :

Well this shows one thing above all. Baloo is mightier than the great Soviet Bear by far. *Ponders waving a jug of honey in front of him*.

There's one question I just HAVE to ask you, with all these relatives who look like each other, (possibly dress drag?) and are extremely smart (or the reverse) is there any chance that you are a hillbilly?

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"I have only one purpose, the destruction of Hitler.....If Hitler invaded hell I would make at least a favourbale reference to the devil in the House of Commons".

-Winston Churchill

Posted by Baloo (Member # 5) on :

Well, my regional forebears (Mama bear, Daddy bear, and Grandma and Grandpa bears) come from "hillbilly" country (Arkansas, pronounced "Arkan-saw", because the French named it), but I suspect that the inbreeding and other unsavory habits were left to the livestock.

--Baloo

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"He's dead, Jim."
"You find his car keys, I'll get his wallet!"
www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/

[This message was edited by Baloo on June 18, 1999.]

Posted by RW (Member # 27) on :

Does anyone else feel some of these stories are made up, or, as we would say, sucked from a very large thumb?

Arkansas: if the French named it it would be Ahr-Kahn-s�h.

Sorry, nitpicking rules my life. (Like des moines should be pronounced des mwaan, which everybody knows but doesn't do)