Flare Sci-Fi Forums: Sexist humor.

This is topic Sexist humor. in forum Officers' Lounge at Flare Sci-Fi Forums.

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Posted by Baloo (Member # 5) on :

Ja, I know, my cousin sent me this, but I added the HTML codes to make it look good.

Remember -- If you laugh, you're perpetuating sexual stereotypes (If there's any PC folks here, THAT oughta give 'em fits!)

DEFINITIONS BY GENDER...

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
female: Any part under a car's hood.
male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
male: Playing football without a helmet.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

BUTT (but) n
female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
male: What you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n
female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
male: Anything that can be done while drinking

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n
female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2.5 min.

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All the wrong people have a good opinion of themselves.
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Posted by RW (Member # 27) on :

OK, so I laughed. Ex-queeze me.

What would you want with 75 channels on your tv? We have 20 and about half is crap. Does this mean that of those 75 channels, 37.5 of them are crap as well? :]=

Posted by Baloo (Member # 5) on :

The odds of any channel being any good are precisely 50% up to 20 channels. Beyond 20, the odds are that only 10 channels will be any good. And if weather or other atmospheric conditions interfere with reception, the good channels are invariably affected first.

--Baloo

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I have an unfair advantage.
I have a dictionary and I'm not afraid to use it!
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Posted by Kosh (Member # 167) on :

Baloo's first law of TV transmissions! Cool! You should keep track of Baloo's Laws. It's true. Last night I went through all the channel's several time, and found nothing. I said in another thread that I get about 50 channels it's really more like 65. We only get about 44 of them and the rest are pay extra. I paid extra for Sci-Fi and History, and was watching both of them more then any others, but since I moved, I haven't gotten them back.

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WHO ARE YOU

Posted by RW (Member # 27) on :

interference?

GET CABLE!

Posted by Baloo (Member # 5) on :

Get cable. Get 40-50 or more channels.

Only 10 will be worth a damn. I know these things.

--Baloo

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I have an unfair advantage.
I have a dictionary and I'm not afraid to use it!
www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

I wish the cable companies would let you pick what channels you want, and then only make you pay according to how many you get. Certainly, there would be more people who would go in for that, and they would end up making more money, right?

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"Imagine all the people, living life in peace..."
-John Lennon, "Imagine"

Posted by Kosh (Member # 167) on :

It cost them so much per channel, to put that channel on their system. The Home shopping network, and things like that are free, so you'll never be able to get rid of them.

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WHO ARE YOU

Posted by RW (Member # 27) on :

I see the cable companies are no different over there :]

Posted by Baloo (Member # 5) on :

I never watch HSN, but guess what? In principle, it's one of my favorite channels. Because it pays my cable company to show it, my bill is some unspecified amount less.

Really, how much trouble is it to memorize the channels you like and avoid all the others anyway?

--Baloo

*Goiiiinnnggg!*

RW: I just realized (after a noticeable delay) that you mentioned 20 channels and only 10 good ones, and you were referring to BROADCAST TV!

Yow! I forget sometimes just how sophisticated the rest of the world can be. Here in Clovis, New Mexico, you are hard-pressed to receive more then 4 or 5 broadcast channels. All of the channels you can receive here have had their signals boosted by a "translator network". Channel 10 from Lubbock, for example, is beamed via microwave to a booster station, and the signal is "translated" to 53 on the UHF dial for rebroadcast in the local area. It's the only economical way to serve areas the size of France with the population of, say, Belgium.

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"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
--Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
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[This message has been edited by Baloo (edited July 06, 1999).]

Posted by HMS White Star (Member # 174) on :

Baloo: you live in Clovis, NM wow have you ever been to the Buddy Holly museam there (I think that's where he's from

All I have to say is I love my cable company, while there may be nothing on T.V. I pay only $45 and they give me Roadrunner. HE HE that means 45KB connection per second and that's when it's slow .

HMS White Star

Posted by Warped1701 (Member # 40) on :

Actually, Buddy Holly is from Lubbock, TX, the other city Baloo mentioned. Clovis, NM is about 90 miles northwest of Lubbock.

We used to have cable, but recently we got a satellite. Mother got fed up with dad talking about getting a satellite dish all the time. She gave in, we got DSS. There's the same nothing on the satellite as there is on cable. Only more of it.

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"I see you have the ring. And that your Schwartz is as big as mine!
-Dark Helmet, Spaceballs

Posted by Jedi Weyoun (Member # 110) on :

Baloo--believe it or not i have that same problem with the cable service we get in our dorm rooms at UNM in albuquerque. Just isn't worth a flip. that or it was just the DARN tv my roommate brought. we had to use a freakin' channel box thing on it, plus it had rabbit ears.....even an old atari box hooked to it, although we didn't have any games and it probably didnt' work. *L

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"Fear attracts the fearful"
([[[[[[*]}��

Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :

I love DSS. Well, considering I spent most of my life having only four channels, like most everyone else. It was quite a revelation. It's almost worth it just for that croc guy. Crikey!

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"And give me back my evil heart so I can see you as you are."
--
John Linnell

Posted by Dani (Member # 57) on :

Atari?! I wish I could use mine, but unfortunately I seem to have lost the joystick and paddles...*grumbles* Actually, I barely saved mine, it was destined for the thrift store when I promptly removed the box from my step-mom's possesion. Man, that was a close call. How could she even think of turfing the atari? It's as old as I am!

Anyways, this has nothing to do with the topic...*L...but I actually did laugh, most of them were pretty funny.

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