1.Tell us, every day, how beautiful, special, etc.. we are and how lucky you are to have us.
~This serves a few purposes. First of all, it MAKES us feel beautiful, special, and etc...and you can barter that in later when you want us to do something for you. Secondly, it gives us a reason to stay with you. Contrary to some mens beliefs, WE are the ones that pick YOU. .. We don't HAVE to stay in a relationship with you, so treat us nice, and Remember how lucky you are that we're here!
2. Don't be selfish.
~I can't stress this one enough. You are not the only person in your life. WE have needs too. That means, when you're getting up to get a beer, a simple "Do you want something while i'm up?" Is always nice. If we're really, really tired and had a long day and you havn't, offer to wash the dishes or something. We aren't here as your live-in servants. You want us to make you a sandwich or get you something while we're up? .. Do that for us occasionally too. Thinking about yourself constantly is a one-way ticket to "Do your own laundry"ville, and the couch.
3. We really do like gifts.
~MEANINGFUL ones. Some of us like flowers... some of us like the latest John Grisham thriller... some of us consider a gift to be an evening laying on the grass looking at the stars. Gifts are simply put: Sacrifices on your part to make us happy. We do this for you constantly, and it doesn't hurt to do this for us, too. A well-thought out gift makes us feel special, and wanted, and appreciated. It doesn't even have to cost money, or be silver, or gold, or sparkle.
4. Tell us you love us and need us and want us.... BEFORE we tell you.
~When you say "I love you too" in response to a woman's "I love you" ..... you're only going through the motions. Even if those words are heartfelt, women assume they are being spoken on autopilot. Now that's not to say that when a woman tells you that she loves you she DOESN'T want to hear "I love you too".... but occasionally it makes us feel really good when we hear, out of nowhere... "Dear, I love you, respect you, and appreciate what you've done here" .. or something. Don't make us have to say it first.
5. Don't ask us to do something, then criticize our job, and then expect us to do it again.
~Scenario: I make my guy a sandwich, out of the kindness of my heart, because he's hungry and has asked me to make him one. I put much attention into this sandwich, picking out as many peices of meat as I know he usually eats, add tomatoes, and mayonaise, and a few of those onion things that I can't stand and he can.... Then I cut it lovingly and put it on a plate. To me, this is yet another show of my love: I know how he likes his sandwiches and have constructed what I feel is a perfect show of this. Then, I give it to him, and his only remark is "This could use a few more tomatoes, and honey, you forgot the pickles". This is only going to serve to upset me a bit.... though i'll probably just get up, put more tomatoes on it, and a few pickles, and bring it back. What's really upsetting is when it happens every time, and then I STOP making sandwiches because i'm tired of hearing him bitch about it, and he comes to me and says "How come you never make me sandwiches anymore?" ....
I hope you see the point here.
So there you go..... Hope they help, in some way.
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"Angels, answer me,
are you near if rain should fall?
Am I to believe
you will rise to calm the storm?
For so great a treasure words will never do.
Surely, if this is, promises are mine to give you.
mine to give........ "
~ Enya
[This message has been edited by Jubilee McGann (edited July 24, 1999).]
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"I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I'll let you know."
--Picard to Data, "In Theory"
Male Version:
Tell us every day how much you appreciate the little things we do. We forget it isn't the "size" of the things we do, but the number. If we don't hear any appreciation, we'll stop doing the little things and put more energy into the bigger things.
"All he does is work, work, work! I wish he'd spend more time with the children."
We males need to be told that what we're doing to build up and maintain the relationship is having an effect. If we don't hear that fairly often, we think that we're either being taken for granted or taken advantage of, or that we are somehow not doing enough. If we begin to feel like you value nothing we do, why stay in the relationship at all?
Male Version:
If you think we aren't pulling our weight in the relationship, tell us. If a male thinks his male partner in any other endeavor isn't pulling his weight, he says something about it: "Hey! A little help, here!".
If the other partner is doing all sorts of things for us, we tend to believe we must be "ahead" in the giving game, and so we relax a bit. It makes us uncomfortable to think we're putting too much additional obligation on someone when they're obviously trying to catch up. If the other partner felt she was carrying an unfair share of the burden, she'd say something.
Wouldn't she?
Male Version:
We want time to ourselves. It isn't because we don't love you, but because we are male. Whenever something's bugging us, we don't want to talk about it until we've had time to mull it over. Other males sense this and leave us alone. Please follow their lead.
When we've thought about our problem (or whatever) we will come out of seclusion. Before we sequestered ourselves, we didn't know what we thought. Now that we've taken the time to mull things over, we have a coherent answer and are ready to talk about it.
Male Version:
Males learn to do before they learn to talk. We already thought our actions were saying "I love you". Even those of us who know the importance of the above rule wish you would:
a) Let us know you need to hear the above message (if we haven't heard it from you before).b) Be patient enough to let us say it on our own without prompting.
Men generally take longer to organize their thoughts. It takes time to sort through our feelings (when we know what they are) and then put words to them. It's as difficult a concept for us as assigning a mathematical value to our feelings would be. Be patient. We aren't taught these skills by society, but we are eager to learn.
Male Version:
This cuts both ways. When we do something and get yelled at because it wasn't done to your standards, remember, it was a gesture of love. If you yell at us no matter what we do, we'll stop doing anything except when it suits us.
I'd rather get yelled at for doing something I wanted to do anyway, than to be yelled at for doing something I didn't care to do in the first place.
Male and female humans have different ways of communicating. What throws us off the trail is the fact that they look very similar, but contain very different meaning upon occasion.
Many of us have dogs or cats. The difficulty you have communicating with your pets rarely results in hurt feelings. You have no problem accepting the fact that you do not speak their language, nor they yours. You take the time to observe their behavior and learn to interpret it to your understanding. If you have this kind of loving patience with your pets, then why can't you expend some time trying to understand your mate?
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I'm not uncouth.
I'm differently mannered.
www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/
[This message has been edited by Baloo (edited July 24, 1999).]
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"I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I'll let you know."
--Picard to Data, "In Theory"
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"Merde!"
-commander of Napoleon's army, upon learning that the Duke of Wellington's forces had received assistance and were requesting his surrender
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"What is that? A tank?"
--Our Lord and Savior David Koresh, the Second Coming snuffed out before He could any good.
Well, stop and think about it. You make every effort to ensure your pet understands what you want when you want him/her/it to do (or stop doing) something, right? You reward the animal's good behavior in ways the pet can understand, right?
Master: "Good boy, Rex! Just for that I'm adding some more high-tech stocks to your portfolio!"Rex: "Woof!"
Yeah. Right.
If you don't think you and your mate need to spend any time trying to understand one-another's points-of-view, tell me later about how perfect the relationship turned out.
Cargile, et. al.: Yeah, I think we all know that there are some people who just like to let others serve them. When it's convenient, they throw us a bone and hope, perhaps not too seriously, that it will serve to keep us in their service for the time being.
Not all jerks & *ssholes are powered by testosterone.
--Baloo
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Nurse: Can I help you?
Stan: We're here to commit our friend, Kyle.
Nurse: Reason?
Kyle: I'm a clinically depressed fecalpheliac on Prozac.
Nurse: JACKET!!
[This message has been edited by Saiyanman Benjita (edited July 24, 1999).]
Baloo's right, and i've noted all his points. Thanks for your tips!
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"Angels, answer me,
are you near if rain should fall?
Am I to believe
you will rise to calm the storm?
For so great a treasure words will never do.
Surely, if this is, promises are mine to give you.
mine to give........ "
~ Enya
------------------
Nurse: Can I help you?
Stan: We're here to commit our friend, Kyle.
Nurse: Reason?
Kyle: I'm a clinically depressed fecalpheliac on Prozac.
Nurse: JACKET!!
If they're non-prescription, I'll bet they're still schedule 3.
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I'm not uncouth.
I'm differently mannered.
www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/
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"Diplomacy is the art of Internationalising an issue to your advantage"
Oh, btw, I found Daryus.
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Daniel Henderson
Senior Babylon 5 Editor
http://www.myrkr.com
[This message has been edited by Dan (edited July 25, 1999).]
*L*------------------
"Diplomacy is the art of Internationalising an issue to your advantage"
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Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not advice, it is merely custom.
-- MARK TWAIN
www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/