T O P I C ��� R E V I E W
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Cargile
Member # 45
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posted
Yep, when your life pretty much unravels, it is time to repeat Ozzy Osborne and say, Mama, I'm coming home. These past twelve years have been a learning experience. I've enjoyed them. I hated them. The best part was being there when my daughter Bethany was born almost four years ago. The worst part was discovering that I had been loved not for who I was, but for what I had (and when I no longer had it, it was goodbye.)Since me and Bethany's mother are like two magnetic north poles, I shall depart the household, hopefully by the end of the month, and return to my native Georgia (not the old Soviet state) and begin afresh. It pains me to leave a child. It has been a hard decision. But I have nothing here in North Carolina. No future except to be a mill operator all my life. I think not. I'm better than that. I wasn't ready to continue school after highschool. I am now. There is so much I want to do, so much that I want to be, that if I don't leave and make it happen, it never will happen. My dreams and successes will be just dreams envisioned and never enacted. And I believe and have solid faith that I will be a better father to Bethany if I do this. Insofar, I plan to study physics, do some drama--I'd love to act--and I want to be a part of movie making, from screenplays to directing, to acting. I think it is about time I made my dreams come true. I want to reach people. I want to make people think, or rethink. I want to make an impact. And most of all, I want Bethany to understand this. I think she will. My greatest fear is that she will assume that I am abandoning her. But, of course, I will remain in communication with her always. This experience is not new to me. My sister actually did abandon her first daughter Tara--leaving her with her father--moving to New Orleans, and later New York state (and finally back home.) While home once, I had the misfortune to hear my three year old niece crying in the night for her mother. I have never felt that much anguish in my life as I tried to console her. I beleive I felt everything she felt and I cried just as deeply. It doesn't have the be the same way in my situation. I'm not going to let it. I know my actions (including the future divorce) will hurt my daughter, but I know that trying to cling to a relationship that is a lie will hurt her worst. The best possible future for us both lies in me moving away to make my life, and subsequently hers, better.I just wanted to share that with you. (Who needs therapy when there is the Internet?) ------------------ "What is that? A tank?" --Our Lord and Savior David Koresh, the Second Coming snuffed out before He could any good.
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Sol System
Member # 30
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posted
I wish you the best of luck, Paul.------------------ "Have you ever seen a bloody egg? Glass in hand, laying up in bed?" -- They Might Be Giants
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The_Tom
Member # 38
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posted
*really hates it when he has to be so uncreative in a response, but this is probably the best I could use*What he said. ------------------ "You're not quite evil enough. You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil, just one calorie, not evil enough." -The good Doctor and his son, Scot
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Kosh
Member # 167
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posted
Good luck Paul! I think you are doing the single most difficult thing any person could do, leaving a child you love so much, but in the end, as you have said, it will be the best for her as well as for you. The one thing worse then a broken home, has got to be an unhappy home.------------------ WHO ARE YOU?
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Charles Capps
Member # 9
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posted
*grimace*
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Jubilee
Member # 99
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posted
In the end, what it comes down to is that the decision that is the right one does not always make everyone happy immediatly. You need to do this, and I think that It's the best thing for your daughter, as well. I wish you the best of luck and i'm sure there are lots of us praying for you. :-)------------------ "It is important to get up when you fall...for this much I know to be true: That thing we call Failure is not in the falling down, but the staying down."
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Baloo
Member # 5
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posted
Thanks, Jube! I couldn't have said it better myself. (So I didn't. Sometimes it takes me a while to ramp up to a relevant thought.)Paul, you are in our prayers (those of us who pray) and thoughts (those of us who think, anyhow ). --Baloo [This message has been edited by Baloo (edited August 03, 1999).]
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