Woman's Instruction Book
- Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
- Remember that you are known by the idiot you accompany.
- Don't imagine you can change a man -- unless he's in diapers.
- What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You lock the door behind him.
- So many men-so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
- If they can put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all there.
- Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
- Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone.
- The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can't dance or buy drinks.
- Never sleep with a man who has named his penis.
- You might as well go for younger men. They never mature, anyway.
- A man who can dress himself without looking like Forrest Gump is unquestionably gay.
- Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
- Definition of a bachelor: a man who missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
- Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself type.
- The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest that they're too old for it.
- Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
- If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
- The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years, proving that even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions.
- If he asks what sort of books you like, tell him chequebooks.
- A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh, all right, I'll stay the night,"
- Women sleep with men who, if they were women, they wouldn't even bother to have lunch with.
- Remember, a sense of humour does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.
- If he asks you if you're faking it, tell him no, you're just practising.
- Sadly, all men are created equal.
- When he asks you if he's your first, tell him, "You may be. You look familiar."
Gravie assures me the male equivalent to the above list should show up tomorrow.
--Baloo
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
--Unknown
www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/
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"Diplomacy is the art of Internationalising an issue to your advantage"
Field Marshal Military Project
http://fieldmarshal.virtualave.net
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"...when all that is driving my heart forward
is you, thoughts of you, hopes for you,
and a fading dream with a Mona Lisa smile
that whispers "are you thinking of me too?"
43 days till the dreams become reality...
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"Diplomacy is the art of Internationalising an issue to your advantage"
Field Marshal Military Project
http://fieldmarshal.virtualave.net
All dissatisfied customers will receive a cash refund.
- All women are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
- Be careful when looking for "Miss Right". Be sure her first name isn't "Always".
- I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.
- Scientists have discovered a food that reduces a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called "Wedding Cake".
- Marriage is a 3 ring circus:
- Engagement Ring
- Wedding Ring
- SuffeRing.
- Our last fight was my fault: She asked "What's on the TV?"
My answer? "Dust!"
- In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.- Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two Mothers-in-law.
- Young Son: "Dad, is it true that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, son".
- The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
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My mind wanders, but don't worry. It's weak and can't get very far.
--Steve Allen
www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/