This was sent as a joke but can you see the pain and tragedy between the lines?

The alcoholic

• He said he won't drink anymore... Well, not anymore than he does already.

• He said he has a drink problem... One mouth, but two hands.

• He's not one to do things in halves....He does them in fifths.

• When he returns from lunch, he is so loaded they make him take the freight elevator.

• He's been frequenting a new night club. It has the nicest tables he's ever been under.

• He said he drinks to forget, but has forgotten what he's drinking to forget.

• When he gets a cold, he buys a bottle of whiskey, and in no time it is gone. The whiskey, not the cold.

• Since he has been visiting a psychiatrist, he now drinks on the couch.

• He's the nicest chap on two feet...if he could only stay there.

• In taverns all over town he is regarded as one of their most unsteady customers.

• If it weren't for pretzels, he'd be entirely on a liquid diet.

• He frequents so many bars that his suits aren't dry cleaned. They are distilled.

• If there's a nip in the air, he even tries to drink that.

• He would be an interesting specimen to an entomologist. A good specimen of a bar fly.

• On his last birthday, he lit all of the candles on his cake.

• When the boss asks him to work overtime, he demands time and a fifth.

• He has been warned that alcohol is slow poison. He says he doesn't mind. He's in no hurry.

• He is a very public spirited person. He drinks spirits in public.

• The only time he drinks is when he is with somebody or is alone.

• He only drinks on the days ending in "Y".

• It takes only one drink to make him drunk. He's not sure if it is the ninth or tenth.

• No wonder they all call him "Truck". He always has a load on.

• He believes in a balanced diet. A drink in each hand.

• At a party, he never plays Spin-The-Bottle. He will never let go of it.

• Some times he is held up going home. That is the only way he will get there.

• Once, in a hospital, he asked for water. Everyone thought he was delirious.

• He deducts his liquor bills as a medical expense as he drinks to everyone's health.

• He's been getting so high that soon he will have to drink with a net under him.

• He was recently a judge in a beauty contest. The competition wasn't very stiff, but he was.

• He's been on a drinking mans diet. Now he is a thin lush.

• He hates the sight of liquor. That's why he drinks so much... to get it out of sight quickly.

• It's called for a tremendous amount of willpower on his part, but he's finally succeded in giving up trying to give up drinking.

• He get all his drinks delivered direct from the brewery.

I've known one guy like that in my life. It's sad that the above jokes are only funny in a theoretical context.

--Baloo

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My mind wanders, but don't worry. It's weak and can't get very far.
--Steve Allen
www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/

[This message has been edited by Baloo (edited October 14, 1999).]