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<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="1" width="95%" align="center"> <tr bgcolor="#234c6f"><td> <table border="0" width="100%" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="1"> <tr bgcolor="#234c6f"> <td colspan="2" align="left"> <font size="3" color="#FFFFFF" face="Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"> <b>T O P I C ��� R E V I E W</b> </font></td></tr> <tr bgcolor="#A3B9CC"> <td valign="top" width="18%"> <font size="3" face="Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"> <b>Baloo</b> <br /><small>Member # 5</small> </font></td> <td width="82%"> <font size="2" face="Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"> <img src="https://flare.solareclipse.net/posticon.gif" border="0" alt=" - " /> posted <script language="JavaScript1.3" type="text/javascript"> document.write(timestamp(new Date(1999,9,14,23,34,0), dfrm, tfrm, 0, 0, 0, 0)); </script><noscript><span class="dateformat-0">October 14, 1999</span> <span class="timeformat-0">11:34 PM</span></noscript><hr /> </font> <font size="3" face="Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"> Gravie sent me this. I include his commentary and have only corrected some grammar and punctuation errors.<P><blockquote><BR>This was sent as a joke but can you see the pain and tragedy between the lines?<BR> <BR><center>The alcoholic</center><P><UL><LI>He said he won't drink anymore... Well, not anymore than he does already.<P><LI>He said he has a drink problem... One mouth, but two hands.<P><LI>He's not one to do things in halves....He does them in fifths.<P><LI>When he returns from lunch, he is so loaded they make him take the freight elevator.<P><LI>He's been frequenting a new night club. It has the nicest tables he's ever been under.<P><LI>He said he drinks to forget, but has forgotten what he's drinking to forget.<P><LI>When he gets a cold, he buys a bottle of whiskey, and in no time it is gone. The whiskey, not the cold.<P><LI>Since he has been visiting a psychiatrist, he now drinks on the couch.<P><LI>He's the nicest chap on two feet...if he could only stay there.<P><LI>In taverns all over town he is regarded as one of their most unsteady customers.<P><LI>If it weren't for pretzels, he'd be entirely on a liquid diet.<P><LI>He frequents so many bars that his suits aren't dry cleaned. They are distilled.<P><LI>If there's a nip in the air, he even tries to drink that.<P><LI>He would be an interesting specimen to an entomologist. A good specimen of a bar fly.<P><LI>On his last birthday, he lit all of the candles on his cake.<P><LI>When the boss asks him to work overtime, he demands time and a fifth.<P><LI>He has been warned that alcohol is slow poison. He says he doesn't mind. He's in no hurry.<P><LI>He is a very public spirited person. He drinks spirits in public.<P><LI>The only time he drinks is when he is with somebody or is alone.<P><LI>He only drinks on the days ending in "Y".<P><LI>It takes only one drink to make him drunk. He's not sure if it is the ninth or tenth.<P><LI>No wonder they all call him "Truck". He always has a load on.<P><LI>He believes in a balanced diet. A drink in each hand.<P><LI>At a party, he never plays Spin-The-Bottle. He will never let go of it.<P><LI>Some times he is held up going home. That is the only way he will get there.<P><LI>Once, in a hospital, he asked for water. Everyone thought he was delirious.<P><LI>He deducts his liquor bills as a medical expense as he drinks to everyone's health.<P><LI>He's been getting so high that soon he will have to drink with a net under him.<P><LI>He was recently a judge in a beauty contest. The competition wasn't very stiff, but he was.<P><LI>He's been on a drinking mans diet. Now he is a thin lush.<P><LI>He hates the sight of liquor. That's why he drinks so much... to get it out of sight quickly.<P><LI>It's called for a tremendous amount of willpower on his part, but he's finally succeded in giving up trying to give up drinking.<P><LI>He get all his drinks delivered direct from the brewery.</blockquote><P>I've known one guy like that in my life. It's sad that the above jokes are only funny in a theoretical context.<P>--Baloo<P>------------------<BR>My mind wanders, but don't worry. It's weak and can't get very far.<BR>--Steve Allen<BR><A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/" TARGET=_blank>www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/</A> <P><p>[This message has been edited by Baloo (edited October 14, 1999).] <br /> </font> </td></tr> </table></td></tr></table> <br /> <br />
© 1999-2024 Charles Capps
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