A guy runs home from work one day and yells, "Honey, Honey! Pack you're bags! I just won the lottery!!""That's great!" gushes his wife. "Should I pack for the mountains or the beach?"
"I don't give a shit what you pack, just get out!"
[*Rimshot!*]
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I once lost my corkscrew and had to live on food and water for several days
-W.C. Fields
http://members.tripod.com/~Bob_Baloo/index.htm