Flare Sci-Fi Forums: A few shorts...

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Posted by Fabrux (Member # 71) on :

Warning - This post contains language that may be considered coarse. If you are offended by such things, please do not read what follows. Thank you.

Child actors

Two little boys, both aged nine, were set to appear in their first play. The first boy had to say, "Ah fair maiden, I've come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope." The second little boy was to say, "Hark, a pistol shot."

On opening night, the two boys were very nervous. It was their first time on stage and their parents were in the front row. The first little boy came out and said, "Ah fair maiden, I've come to kiss your snatch and fill your hole with soap."

The second little boy was so shook up after the first kid goofed that when he came out he said, "Hark! A pistol shit! A shishtel pit! Cow shit!! Bull shit!! I didn't want to be in this damned play anyway!"

The teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word 'Fascinate'."

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated." The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him. Johnny said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten 8."

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde
replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

The blonde reported for her university final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet-Yes for Heads and No for Tails.

Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.

"I finished the exam in half an hour. But I'm rechecking my answers."

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Ross: "Inter arma, enim silent leges."
Bashir: "'In the time of war the law falls silent.' Cicero. Have we become a 24th-century Rome, driven by the fact that Caesar can do no wrong?!"
-Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges

Posted by Saltah'na (Member # 33) on :

A Painter brings along a blonde to help paint a house. He teaches her how to apply paint to the walls. After that, he leaves her alone with a brush, and a couple of paint cans and goes off to check on another client. He returns in an hour to find the Blonde there stuffed in a parka on top of a coat, sweating like crazy. He asks what's going on, and the Blonde insists she's following instructions as noted on the paint can. The painter picks up the can and reads:

"For best results, use two coats"

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"My Name is Elmer Fudd, Millionaire. I own a Mansion and a Yacht."
Psychiatrist: "Again."