THE BUSINESS OF MODERN DATING

LETTER FROM A PROSPECTIVE SUITOR....

Dearest Ms XXXXXXXXX

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on-the-relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.
I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours sincerely,
Mr. XXXXXXX

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MODERN REPLY TO MODERN DATING

Attn: Mr XXXXXXX

Dear Sir,

Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance. However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction.
However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous. I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment.
If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards.
Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP'. I shall be entertaining. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a luxury condo and a Jag are in order.
Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions placed on myself.
If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest. Please also note that my sister is happily employed.

Yours perhaps,
Ms XXXXXXXXXX

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"My Name is Elmer Fudd, Millionaire. I own a Mansion and a Yacht."
Psychiatrist: "Again."

 

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"No way man!
I've served my time in hell, and I ain't going back...
Not without a fight!"

"Hey Catherine, guess what?
"What?"
"We started going out on the 28th November!"
"Really? Hang on, it's the 28th of February today isn't it?"
"Yeah!"
"Oh shit, we've gotta get married now."
"But...we've only gone out 5 times. And 4 of them involved accidently meeting in the Chemisty lab."
"Too late lover-boy. You should have thought of that before you heated my liquids with your bunsen-burner."
"Wasn't that metaphour reaching a little?"
"Yeah. Still, pull your trousers down."
"Okay. But maybe we should wait until the end of P.E.?"
"Mmm"
"Ooh"
"Didn't Liam have a point at the start of thsi dialogue?"
"Oh shut up and ride me like a monkey, bunsen-boy".
"Oh, sure, that's a sexy nickname."

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"I'd give anything to be able to turn invisible. I wouldn't use my powers to beat people up, but use them to protect the girl's locker room."
Xander Harris

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7 alarm clock: "Do not touch me."
Dilbert: "Then how do I turn you off?"
7: "Believe me, I am plenty turned off."
 

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Death before Dishonor!
However Dishonor has
quite a disputed defintion.