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Posted by Baloo (Member # 5) on :

My nephew sent me this...

quote:
Bob, my Dad sent this one to me, thought you might find it funny!
In a message dated 06/01/2000 9:56:01 AM Pacific Daylight Time, Alapmi96
writes:
<< Just thought you might get a kick out of this one. Rich

NEWPORT NEWS, VA (April 11)

The US Navy, amidst lavish celebration, launched the newest addition to the Fleet today: the USS William J. Clinton. The *Clinton*, according to a Navy spokesperson, will add a new twist to the Fleet's combat capabilities, and will solve a number of tricky problems that have arisen in the years since women were added to the complements of the Navy's vessels. The USS Clinton, designated AGH(M)-1, is a brand-new, state-of-the-art Maternity Hospital Ship.

Navy Spokesman Ben A. Diepschidt, briefing reporters before the christening ceremony (the ceremony for the *ship*, of course, not its occupants) stated that the new vessel is designed to alleviate a serious problem aboard ships of the Fleet: the increasing incidence of shipboard pregnancy. "We are concerned that the necessity of evacuating female sailors from fleet units has become an increasingly difficult operation, given the number of evacuees that we have to deal with on a weekly basis.
The *Clinton* will be equipped with its own helicopter-airlift wing, which will relieve the operational burden on existing combat units." The *Clinton* is to be the first of a 15-ship class, each ship, of 80,000 tons, costing $15 billion. A *Clinton*-class ship is to be added to each of the Navy's Carrier Battle Groups, in order to insure full combat-readiness in the face of the increasing number of expectant naval personnel. Each AGH(M) is provided with a fully-equipped OB/GYN staff, a complete birthing facility (staffed by Navy medical personnel trained as midwife/Lamaz specialists) and a neonatal clinic.
A comprehensive day-care center will also be included in order to allow new sailor-mothers to Return to duty as quickly as possible, which will greatly increase the efficiency of Navy operations, Diepschidt told reporters.
In a departure from Navy tradition, the ship's sponsor, NOW president Patricia Ireland, christened the vessel by breaking two bottles across the ship's bow: one containing infant formula, symbolizing the services to be provided to a new generation of Navy Brats, the other, filled with kiwi/orange/cucumber nectar, represents the Navy's commitment to fulfilling the needs of all of its pregnant crewpersons. The second ship of the class, the USS Murphy Brown (AGH(M)-2), is to be launched later this year.

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"Nice guys finish last? I'll say we do!
(Sometimes we last for hours.)"
-- Me
http://www.geocities.com/cyrano_jones.geo/

Posted by Saltah'na (Member # 33) on :

*waves white flag*

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"My Name is Elmer Fudd, Millionaire. I own a Mansion and a Yacht."
Psychiatrist: "Again."

Posted by Dat (Member # 302) on :

*rotflmao*

If this is actually true, I'm laughing even more. Imagine being the president of the most powerful country and your navy just commissioned a auxiliary hospital ship named after you. All the other ships named for presidents are warships! Washington was a sub and now is a carrier. Lincoln is a carrier. T. Roosevelt, Reagan, Kennedy, Eisenhower, Truman are all carriers. Gee, I wonder what a USS Richard Nixon would be? Even USS John McCain is a destroyer. And what about carriers named USS John C. Stennis or USS Carl Vinson. No one has even heard of them (though I know they are/were senators who "bribed" the navy to have carriers named after them. And USS Murphy Brown? Since when did the US Navy begin naming ships after fictional characters? What next? USS Frasier Crane? Let me guess, USS James Kirk, USS Jean-Luc Picard, USS Benjamin Sisko, and USS Kathryn Janeway? Or how about USS Cosmo Kramer?

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7 alarm clock: "Do not touch me."
Dilbert: "Then how do I turn you off?"
7: "Believe me, I am plenty turned off."

Posted by The_Tom (Member # 38) on :

PopMaze: It would be my guess that the above is not, in point of fact, true.

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"Truth about Santa Claus debunks Santa God. God evolves from Santa."
-Gene Ray, http://www.timecube.com

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

Especially not if you notice that the spokesman is named "Diepschidt". For those of you who still don't get it, say the name out loud, pausing between the syllables. If you still don't get it, I'm afraid you're beyond hope. :-)

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"This is Major Tom to ground control. I'm stepping through the door, and I'm floating in a most peculiar way. And the stars look very different today..."
-David Bowie, "Space Oddity"

Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :

Now you've ruined his naivete'. Mean people.

Incidentally, (and I may have mentioned this before) there was a USS Farquhar (a destroyer, amazingly enough) that served in WWII. It sunk the last German sub sunk in the Atlantic.
(For those of you who don't know it, that's my last name)

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"Nobody knows this, but I'm scared all the time... of what I might do, if I ever let go." -- Michael Garibaldi

Posted by Mikey T (Member # 144) on :

I never thought that I would say this, but...
I'm glad that his name isn't plastered on a warship or sub. With all of his presidential escapades, a hospital ship suits his name better than a warship or anything with long, powerful things and loaded weapons.

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"Life's a bitch, then you die"
-USS Luzon, Vanderbuilt Class starship

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

Worst would be if they put his name on a sub...

Posted by Dat (Member # 302) on :

Hey, I never said I believed it was true. Re-read my first sentence. I said if it actually is true, I'd be laughing even more. I just gave a lengthy discussion in case it was.

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7 alarm clock: "Do not touch me."
Dilbert: "Then how do I turn you off?"
7: "Believe me, I am plenty turned off."

Posted by The359 (Member # 37) on :

For those of you who watched SeaQuest DSV, there was a destroyer in one of the first episodes named the USS William J. Clinton or something to that affect. Of course, this was very early in his presidency....you know, BEFORE he screwed up.

Also, there is a Seawolf class USS Jimmy Carter and a Nimitz Class USS Ronald Reagan both under construction. This is the only time that ships have been named for LIVING presidents.

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"The things hollow--it goes on forever--and--oh my God!--it's full of stars!" -David Bowman's last transmission back to Earth, 2001: A Space Odyssey

The 359 Webpage

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

Well, if they're under construction, byt the time they're launched, don't be so sure they'll be named for living people. Carter and especially Reagan aren't exactly the youngest people around... :-)

Posted by Teelie (Member # 280) on :

*lmao*

That is the stupidest thing the Navy could do, I hope it never comes true.

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Ex-Admin at the TrekBBS.com

Posted by The_Tom (Member # 38) on :

Speaking of seaQuest, an obscure bell just rang... didn't Lt. Cmdr. Hitchcock leave to take command of the supertanker Hillary Clinton at the end of the first season?

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"Truth about Santa Claus debunks Santa God. God evolves from Santa."
-Gene Ray, http://www.timecube.com

Posted by Teelie (Member # 280) on :

Yeah, she did.

Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :

Homer: "Hey, do we get to land on an aircraft carrier?"

Pilot: "No, sir. The closest vessel is the USS Walter Mondale. It's a laundry ship. They'll take you the rest of the way."

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"While it is true that 15% of home accidents are caused by large penis related incidents, only a small number have ever been known to be fatal."
****
Read chapter one of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet"!