It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have died as a result of really bizarre circumstances. Policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
So, the next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me, in detail, exactly how you died." "No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips - the nerve of that guy! I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticks me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could find to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I burst several blood vessels in my brain and died right there on the spot." The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy DID die from bizarre circumstances, being a crime of passion and all. So the Angel announced, "OK, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
The next guy came in to meet the Angel - it was the Vice President, Al Gore. "Mr. Gore, before I can let you in, I need to hear all of the details about your death." Gore said, "No problem... but you're not going to believe this! I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment in the city doing my daily exercises. With the election coming up, I'd been under a lot of pressure. I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the railing! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there, face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me killing me instantly." The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Gore finishes his story. 'I could get used to the new policy', he thinks to himself. "Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and lets Al Gore enter.
A few seconds later, President Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is almost too shocked to speak... I mean, first Gore then Clinton! Thoughts of assassination and war poured through the Angel's head. Finally he says, "Mr. President, please tell me the circumstances surrounding your death." Clinton says, "OK, picture this: I'm buck naked, hiding in a refrigerator..."
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"Godzilla. Accept no expensive imitations."
- Eric Tolle, Usenet.
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Intelligence, Integrity, Responsibility.
Vote Bush/Cheney 2000
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"Weirdness doesn't frighten me. Ten-foot-tall purple wombats with shaving-cream-covered broadswords singing 'Kumbayah'... Now, that scares me..."
-Tim Nix
[This message has been edited by Fabrux (edited August 24, 2000).]
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"Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly,
if a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it"-Abe S.
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Frank's Home Page
"I'd like to have a hard one, though..." - Fabrux
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"Weirdness doesn't frighten me. Ten-foot-tall purple wombats with shaving-cream-covered broadswords singing 'Kumbayah'... Now, that scares me..."
-Tim Nix