1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide.
You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians
have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "sh*t".
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Thank you for your cooperation.
GOD SAVE THE QUEEN
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"Uh, Cody, what has the Mullah of Cappistan been smoking?"
"MILKSHAKES. I HAVE BEEN SMOKING MILKSHAKES!"
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[6th Sense] I see dumbass people [/6th Sense]
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"The distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion."
--Albert Eistein
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"What he did to that walrus gentle-man was inexcusable."
-T. Herman Zweibel on "Mr. Woodrow Wood-pecker", The Onion, 7-Nov-2000
::Mumble, grumble ... German car my fuckin' ass, Jeeps won the war, dammit ... grumble::
[This message has been edited by JeffKardde (edited November 17, 2000).]
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"I'm not like George Bush. If he wins or loses, life goes on. I will do anything to win." - Al Gore, Newsweek, 1999
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"I do prefer the arse, but you can't dismiss the leg. They're joined at the hip, so to speak."
- Liam Kavanagh
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"You know, you--you let a wolf save your life, they make you pay and pay and pay..."
- Fraser, "due South"
So, there's this plane ... aboard are a doctor, a lawyer, a priest and a little boy.
Well, yes, of course there's a pilot! That's just a given!
So, the plane starts developing some engine trouble. The pilot goes back and says, "Sorry, guys, we gotta ditch."
He grabs a parachute and jumps.
Problem: only 3 parachutes remain ...
The Doc says, "I save people's lives, so I must live!" he grabs a chute and jumps.
The Lawyer says, "I'm the smartest man on Earth! I must live!" he grabs a chute and jumps.
The Priest says, "I've lived a long life. You take the last chute little boy."
The little boy shakes his head. "Not to worry. The smartest man on Earth just jumped with my backpack."
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Star Trek Gamma Quadrant
Continuing to boldly go ...
Oh, and please don't call me a European. In fact, don't call anyone from the UK a European. I'd almost rather have Omega's "Brittain" than that.
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"If every vampire who said he was at the Crucifixion was actually there it would've been like Woodstock. I was at Woodstock. I fed off a flower person and I spent six hours watching my hand move." - Spike, BtVS
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"I'm not like George Bush. If he wins or loses, life goes on. I will do anything to win." - Al Gore, Newsweek, 1999
The Scots, we keep the sabbath... and anything else we can lay our hands on.
The Irish, who don't know what they want, but who are willing and eager to fight for it anyway.
The Welsh, who pray in church on Sunday, and prey on their neighbors the rest of the week.
The English, who claim to be a self-made people... which at least absolves God of the horrible responsibility."
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"Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ty Kwan Leap. Approach me, that you might see." -- The Master
Is it just me, or are people like them one of the very reasons that everyone else in the world mocks the US? :-)
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"What he did to that walrus gentle-man was inexcusable."
-T. Herman Zweibel on "Mr. Woodrow Wood-pecker", The Onion, 7-Nov-2000
-How 'bout those europeans, huh?
-Yeah, eating them snails and froglegs.
-What? I thought they ate kidneys, livers, fisheggs and soup made out of blood.
-Nonono, snails, squid and beer mixed with honey and milk. And rotten herring. And they sleep in the middle of the day, when they should be working.
-Was it really Europe you went to?
-Hell yeah!
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And keep your foot off that blasted samoflanche!
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"The distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion."
--Albert Eistein
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Remember December '59
The howling wind and the driving rain,
Remember the gallant men who drowned
On the lifeboat, Mona was her name.
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"What he did to that walrus gentle-man was inexcusable."
-T. Herman Zweibel on "Mr. Woodrow Wood-pecker", The Onion, 7-Nov-2000
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Communism. Who wouldn't like their neighbour thrown into a goulag?
Please vote for the Communist Party of Canada This November 27th.
I'm declaring myself the fully independent sovereign nation of Robistan! First fully-mobile state! I declare myself Dictator For Life.
Who wants to start a war?
*The Geek that Roared*
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"Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ty Kwan Leap. Approach me, that you might see." -- The Master
(Just so everyone knows I am having fun with this)
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Death before Dishonor!
However Dishonor has
quite a disputed defintion.
"We burnt your White House down once, and I'm sure as hell we can do it again!"
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Communism. Who wouldn't like their neighbour thrown into a goulag?
Please vote for the Communist Party of Canada This November 27th.
"I am Jeff Benson, the Marylander!" ::draws sword, chops off heads::
Of course, we Americans (er, US Americans), also tend to group ourselves as "European Americans" ... I myself would be a "Swedish American", and dammit, I *want* that distinction!
Well, ok -- I'd be a "Swedish/German American..."
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Star Trek Gamma Quadrant
Continuing to boldly go ...
(that's from the area known as Acadia, that being the provinces of New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, and Prince Edward Island.)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
(That's in Canada, got it? It's not all snow and igloos up here)
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Hunt: "You cheated!"
Rhade: "It's only cheating if you get caught."
-Andromeda, "Double Helix"
[This message has been edited by Fabrux (edited November 17, 2000).]
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What did it mean to you
An early chat with death
To pull your body for a moment from your soul
--
Camper Van Beethoven
****
Read chapter one of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet"! Gonna donate half my money to the city.
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"What he did to that walrus gentle-man was inexcusable."
-T. Herman Zweibel on "Mr. Woodrow Wood-pecker", The Onion, 7-Nov-2000
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"I do prefer the arse, but you can't dismiss the leg. They're joined at the hip, so to speak."
- Liam Kavanagh
UM: Yeah? well WE lit that castle fire a couple years back!
(What? I wasn't supposed to let that slip yet? sorry...)
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"Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ty Kwan Leap. Approach me, that you might see." -- The Master
[This message has been edited by First of Two (edited November 18, 2000).]
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What did it mean to you
An early chat with death
To pull your body for a moment from your soul
--
Camper Van Beethoven
****
Read chapter TWO of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet"! Now with 30% more plot.
That's EASY...
*Begins scrounging for misplaced plutonium*
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"Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ty Kwan Leap. Approach me, that you might see." -- The Master
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[6th Sense] I see dumbass people [/6th Sense]
Hi, I'm Bob. I'm an Arkansasian. It's kinda like being a Kentuckist or a Oklahomite, only...not. Different culture, religion, language, currency and gastronomy.
In fact, we immerse our pan-pizzas(TM) in ketchup before we eat them, in one bite. A cultural legacy our neighbours, whom I resent being associated with by the way, do not uphold. So there!
(actually no one's ever pulled it off in one bite but that's a challenge we embrace!)
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And keep your foot off that blasted samoflanche!
[This message has been edited by Nimrod (edited November 18, 2000).]
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Calvin: "Isn't that weird?? If computers can think, what will people be better at than machines?"
Hobbes: "Irrational behavior."
This post is sponsored in part by the Federation Starship Datalink
Sort of like
"Add-hom-i-nem" =)
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The Dominion has been defeated, but the hardest job will be building the peace ...
Join Cpt. Connor H. Macy and the crew of the USS Tokyo as they attempt to forge the bonds of trust ...
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Re: Russia in WWII
"Hey, we butchered Poles! Thats OK."
- DT.
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"What he did to that walrus gentle-man was inexcusable."
-T. Herman Zweibel on "Mr. Woodrow Wood-pecker", The Onion, 7-Nov-2000
But, for whoever said that saying Europeans is the same as saying Americans, (I can't be arsed to check), I hate to point it out to you, but in Europe, we are actually different countries. With different languages, and everything. Yes, it's true. North US-ers might be different to South US-ers, but I dare say Geordies (Newcastle residents) are different to Cockneys. In fact, I know they are. Most of them are mad. But I'm not gonna start demanding I be called a "Greater London resident", because I'm different from Orion Syndicate, and his Mancunnian ways.
Oh, and please don't say stuff like "we have one of the best countries in the world". It tends to make other countries want to vomit.
"Al-lew-min-nium"
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"If every vampire who said he was at the Crucifixion was actually there it would've been like Woodstock. I was at Woodstock. I fed off a flower person and I spent six hours watching my hand move." - Spike, BtVS
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**...****...**
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"If every vampire who said he was at the Crucifixion was actually there it would've been like Woodstock. I was at Woodstock. I fed off a flower person and I spent six hours watching my hand move." - Spike, BtVS
Hey, is it true what they say about Sweden? About all the good looking blonde women? 'Cuz if so, I wish my ancestors had stayed!
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The Dominion has been defeated, but the hardest job will be building the peace ...
Join Cpt. Connor H. Macy and the crew of the USS Tokyo as they attempt to forge the bonds of trust ...
------------------
"What he did to that walrus gentle-man was inexcusable."
-T. Herman Zweibel on "Mr. Woodrow Wood-pecker", The Onion, 7-Nov-2000
South America is the jumblepot of counties. And you left out Venezuela! =)
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The Dominion has been defeated, but the hardest job will be building the peace ...
Join Cpt. Connor H. Macy and the crew of the USS Tokyo as they attempt to forge the bonds of trust ...
In fact, "bimbo" is a seriously overused word. Just like "nimrod"... Check'em out in the back-issues of www.word-detective.com.
Full o'good stuff.
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And keep your foot off that blasted samoflanche!
[This message has been edited by Nimrod (edited November 20, 2000).]
We get embarrassingly belligerent when we've a few taken, but at least we'll go drinking with the person we were trying to creel after the fight.
Respect. And Drink.
What more does one want?
*and*
I am immensely proud of where I come from, but I do consider myself European also.
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Remember December '59
The howling wind and the driving rain,
Remember the gallant men who drowned
On the lifeboat, Mona was her name.
------------------
"What he did to that walrus gentle-man was inexcusable."
-T. Herman Zweibel on "Mr. Woodrow Wood-pecker", The Onion, 7-Nov-2000
------------------
"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much."
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The Dominion has been defeated, but the hardest job will be building the peace ...
Join Cpt. Connor H. Macy and the crew of the USS Tokyo as they attempt to forge the bonds of trust ...
------------------
Me: "Why don't you live in Hong Kong?"
Rachel Roberts: "Hong Kong? Nah. Oh, but we can live in China! Yeah, China has great Chinese food!"
(discussion with fellow classmate, 9/5/00)
Mustang Class Starship Development Project
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"Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world." - Dave Barry
You know, thanks to their attempts to colonize parts of the world that don't belong to 'em, we fought Vietnam! Grrr ... well, that and I just don't like the French ... =)
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The Dominion has been defeated, but the hardest job will be building the peace ...
Join Cpt. Connor H. Macy and the crew of the USS Tokyo as they attempt to forge the bonds of trust ...
------------------
What did it mean to you
An early chat with death
To pull your body for a moment from your soul
--
Camper Van Beethoven
****
Read chapter TWO of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet"! Now with 30% more plot.
Sol: I would've thought you'd be more interested in the Eiffel Tower? It's not everyday someone like you finds a kindred spirit with the same, er, 'erect' proportions, as it were.
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"Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world." - Dave Barry
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Star Trek Gamma Quadrant
Rated 7 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux
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"What he did to that walrus gentle-man was inexcusable."
-T. Herman Zweibel on "Mr. Woodrow Wood-pecker", The Onion, 7-Nov-2000
Nuke 'em all.
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Star Trek Gamma Quadrant
Rated 7 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux
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"I am in one of those rare periods of life where I am convinced I am a sexy devil."- Simon "Sol System" Sizer
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"I do prefer the arse, but you can't dismiss the leg. They're joined at the hip, so to speak."
- Liam Kavanagh
"Raven" was my most popular (most often used) nickname in school.
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"Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ty Kwan Leap. Approach me, that you might see." -- The Master
------------------
What did it mean to you
An early chat with death
To pull your body for a moment from your soul
--
Camper Van Beethoven
****
Read chapter TWO of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet"! Now with 30% more plot.
------------------
"I am in one of those rare periods of life where I am convinced I am a sexy devil."- Simon "Sol System" Sizer
Okay, sorry, but I saw the opportunity to take a cheap shot at Omega, and I took it. Don't any of you even try to say you wouldn't have done the same... *LOL*
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"What he did to that walrus gentle-man was inexcusable."
-T. Herman Zweibel on "Mr. Woodrow Wood-pecker", The Onion, 7-Nov-2000
TSN: Yep, your right.....
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**...****...**
Oh, and Ritten, what do you mean by "Irish-American"? Over here most people would count "foreign blood" as far back as maybe grandparents, but still, no-one would call themselves "Irish-English".
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"I am in one of those rare periods of life where I am convinced I am a sexy devil."- Simon "Sol System" Sizer
Mostly its, "Gee, what is that strange accent you have?"
"Whot? Ah din't have an ahcent!" ::SMACK::
"Ow! Sure you do, where you from?"
"Bahstahn."
"Oh, see, that explains it!"
::SMACK::
"OW!"
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Star Trek Gamma Quadrant
Rated 7 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux