The SolarFlare Frequently Asked Questions document. Version 1.1
by Sol System
Welcome to the Flare Forums! In the hopes of making this place as enjoyable as possible, we've compiled a list of frequently asked questions, common injokes, and handy insults. So if you've been sitting back, scratching your head and wondering just how much valium is necessary to get by here, your search is over.
Q: What sort of things are discussed here?
A: Officially or unofficially? The Forums are built around a Star Trek/science fiction core, like so much of the information economy that will take us all into the next millennium. Let's take a look at each Forum seperately.
Incoming Hail: If something official is going on, it will be announced here. If you've got a bug to report, it goes here too.
Network Projects: The enigmatic man with the plan, Charles Capps, does a whole lot of other things loosely connected to the Forums. Learn and comment about them here.
General Discussion: Convienantly located under the words "Star Trek", this forum is for the discussion of anything Trekish that doesn't fit in the other forums. Generally, this includes the original series, the Next Generation, movies, and most fun of all, future predictions. Also home to the "Cast your own Trek series with all the attractive stars you'd like to gawk at for an hour each week" threads.
Voyager: Despite the deceptive title, this isn't the place to discuss Plymouth design philosophy. It's the home of the only Trek show currently in production. Love it? Hate it? Think they should have cast Bob Denver? Share with us.
Deep Space Nine: Not even any room for sarcasm here. Tell us about your favorite episodes, what you thought of the finale, or who you'd like to be stranded in the mirror universe with.
Starships & Other Technology: Also known as the Forums' bread and butter. The direct descendant of the old Utopia Planitia forum, now in brilliant technicolor. The most popular Trek forum here. As its name suggests, talk about all that nifty *tech* we see each week.
Designs, Artwork, and Creativity: Draw spaceships and aliens and scantily clad spacewomen. Annoy the female population to no end. Then post them here!
General Sci-Fi Discussion: Generally, a place to discuss science fiction. Includes such diverse topics as whether Matthew Broderick has a soul, and who your favorite underused Lord of the Rings character is.
Star Wars: Reagan started it, but it never got anywhere. Now, with people scared of China, the climate for its revival is ripe. Whoops. Of course, this is dedicated to those one movies by that guy who did Radioland Murders. Who's sexier, Boba Fett or Mace Windu? Duke it out here.
Officer's Lounge: This is where we cast aside the theme of SF and strike out a new course. Humor, real life stuff, etc. Just about anything goes, except heated arguments. Plus, its moderator is a really swell guy.
Flameboard: Heated arguments. Are you the reincarnated uncle of Nostradamus, currently running for the New York Senate seat on the promise of electric chairs for all and the free practice of the state religion? This is the place for you. And your polar opposite.
Forum Contests: Fun and games. And uncomfortable sexual references. It's all here. Your chance to stick it to The Man.
Q: Who's in charge around here?
A: The Forum leadership is a monstrous octopus, with Charles Capps at the center. Embedded in his face are his eyes, the Co-Administrators. Daryus Aden and TSN and The Shadow. (Yes, Charles has three eyes. He was the product of a secret government experiment in aquatic warfare.) They rove the Forums, keeping us all in line and keeping the goodspeakhappythoughts flowing. Shooting out from Charles' body are the multi-suckered arms that are the Moderators. One per board. PsyLiam, The_Tom, Sol System, The Shadow, Krenim, Fabrux, TSN, Chris Howell, Tora Ziyal, and Tahna Los.
Q: So if I have a problem, who do I ask? And how?
A: Whom. Anyway, emailing any of those people up above will work. They'll either take care of your problem or forward it along to someone who can. They all have email links on the base page for their respective forums.
Q: What sort of behavior is expected?
A: That's a dull way to put it. But the general rules are: Don't post anything that includes naughty bits. Don't spam. And for heaven's sake, sit up straight while you're at the computer.
Q: Spam? Mind defining that?
A: Spam, for the purposes of the Forums, is any unsolicited advertisement for a website, email list, etc. All of which are HIGHLY frowned upon by the powers that be. This might sound a little harsh, but our fearless leader is very serious about it.
Q: Are all links banned, then?
A: No! Posting relevant links to things other forumgoers will find witty or newsworthy is not. A good rule of thumb is, don't go around posting links until you've been around the Forums for awhile. If all else fails, ask. We don't bite. Except for Daryus. But that can be avoided by making sure you are entirely curry free.
Q: Curry?
A: Daryus is our local curry defender. It's his favorite food, and he likes to talk about it. Other popular food addictions are Cadbury Cream Eggs, chocolate things of all shapes and sizes, and coffee. No, I don't pretend to understand it either.
Q: What's this Behaviour Alliance I've seen people talk about often and with great fervor?
A: I'm glad you asked. The Behaviour Alliance is a collection of websites of Forum members. It can be found at www.fortunecity.com/tattooine/phlebas/204/index.html. It also, when a certain person I could name gets around to it, contains news about the Forums and other Flare stuff.
Q: Wasn't that spam?
A: I don't know what you're talking about.
Q: This place seems awfully close-knit. Why is that?
A: The Forums have existed for over two years, going through enough births to make a phoenix proud. Through all that, the population has remained together. We like to think that many lasting friendships have been started here. That can make it all seem a little intimidating. But don't let that get to you. We're always willing to welcome new people into our mysterious inner circle.
Q: Ok...so who is this Capps fellow, then? I'm not sure I like the cut of his gib.
A: The all-powerful Charles Capps is our shadowy benefactor. He lives in California, where he likes to eat pastries, lord over sheep herds, and parade in front of a webcam for our amusement. We've all watched young Charles grow up. Call him our spiritual center, our comedy relief, the Shakespeare to our flowerly tragic love story. Just don't call him Chuckie. Or Charlie. Or Sweet-pants. Never Sweet-pants.
Q: What discussions should I avoid starting?
A: The following discussions will send you immediately to hell, or your theological equivalent: The length of the Defiant, Charles Capps is my secret lover, I think you should all visit my site X...(as a first post), I heard the Saber had a cool graviton beam, How come we never see Tricobalt torpedoes, Voyager is in the Beta Quadrant, Nation X'ers are so stupid, Guns save souls, etc.
Q: Those things are banned, then?
A: Well...no, not really. The "site X" one can get YOU banned, though. As for the rest, they're just things we've discussed over and over again, to the point where if you post them, people are likely to simply ignore your thread, which isn't much fun at all. The general rule of thumb is, if there are several threads devoted to the exact same thing, or locked threads, you should probably steer clear of it. At least until you're a bit better acquainted with the place.
Q: I'm still unsure about this Charles thing.
A: Ok, ok. Here's the skinny. It is a rather routine injoke here to have quite a bit of fun at Charles' expense. Obviously, this only works when you know a bit about him, so CC jokes aren't good fodder for newcomers.
Q: You could have just answered that in the other Charles Capps question.
A: That's not even a question. For that matter, neither was the one before it. Besides, isn't it YOUR fault for filling this thing up with superflous questions? No, don't answer that, you'll just confuse me.
Q: Yeesh, sorry. Uh, ok...many people have cool or funny little things under their names, like tiny signature files. What's up with that?
A: Those are called status lines. They work like this:
0 posts: Hey, you don't exist yet! But you're reading this FAQ first. Bless you.
1-10: New Member. Love me.
11-50: Junior Member. Half a century of posts.
51-250: Member. I am member, hear me post.
251+: Senior Member. Don Quixote's archnemesis.
Once a person reaches the auspicious rank of Senior Member, they are allowed to alter that status line. To do so, merely click on the Profile button at the top of the screen, and modify the appropriate box. Please try to keep them limited to 30 characters or less. Brevity is the soul of wit.
Other than that, there isn't really much intrinsic meaning to the rankings. Some of the most respected posters are still down in the minor leagues, as far as numbers go. Remember, quality kicks quantity down the alley nine times out of seven.
Q: What about those things at the bottom of some people's posts?
A: Those are signatures, or .sig in trendy netspeak. (Overlooking the fact that it isn't actually a .sig at all.) Just a spot to insert a favorite saying or ritual chant. Modify it the same way as above, by clicking on the Profile button.
Q: I must know; how long IS the Defiant?
A: 171 meters, per the DS9 Technical Manual. 120 meters per Frank. Which is correct? That depends on your point of view. (Essentially, the Defiant is often shown to be 120 meters long by the Visual Effects crew, but it is officially 171 meters based on other data.)
Q: Are starship registries chronological? Or, I have this great system to organize Starfleet ship registries!
A: As reported to us by forumgoer Hobbes, here's the word from Mr. Okuda himself.
[registries are] "Semichronological, to my way of thinking, at least. I've always assumed that whoever is in charge of registry numbers tends to issue them
chronologically, but does not always do so. There are some numbers that have been reserved, others that were assigned to projects that were cancelled, but might
later be reassigned. And other oddities that invariably occur whenever you have a big organization with many individual operating units. One reason for this assumption is the fact that the registry numbers for the Constitution-class ships in the original Star Trek series ranged from 1017 to 1371 to 1701, so they could not have been assigned in a sequential block of twelve. Further, if the Constitution was 1700, the numbers could not even have been chronological. Naturally, of course, there are others who have equally ingenious theories about these matters.
Hope this helps.
-Mike"
Q: How exactly are starships classified in Star Trek? I say the Defiant is a Type 35 Hyper-quintonic Carno-Cruiser. My friend says that's impossible, because all Trek ships correspond exactly to the 15th century Venice navy.
A: Try none of the above. This is a topic that's been debated back and forth to little conclusion. However, here's a summary.
Starfleet is a fictional futuristic entity. As such, there is no requirement that it correspond to any surface navy so far as ships go. Furthermore, we don't have any definitive canon regarding how the ships are classified within Trek anyway. In the interest of being complete, here are some types tossed out in both the TNG and DS9 tech. manuals.
TNG: Explorer, Cruiser, Cargo Carrier, Tanker, Surveyor, Scout.
DS9: Escort, Heavy Cruiser, Medium Cruiser, Light Cruiser
Also, we've heard mention of frigates (New Orleans class) and tactical cruisers. (Prometheus class)
Take from those what you will. Do they match up with known naval designations? No. Nor are they meant to. You are, of course, free to assign whatever designations you like. But this is a topic that has been beaten into the ground quite nicely. Besides, we all know that Starfleet is based on ancient Phonecian ships.
Q: When does the new series start, and what is it about?
A: First of all, let me say that fifth series discussion is encouraged, of course. This is just here to answer the two most common and least interesting questions. (Except for the second, but I'll get to that in a moment.) Any new Star Trek series will begin at the earliest in Fall of 2000. However, that isn't to say that it will. Assuming Paramount allows Voyager to stand alone, we might not see the new show until the 2002-03 season.
The second answer is: No one knows. Yet. As of this version of the FAQ, absolutely no information exists, save Brannon Braga's statements that it will not be "Starfleet Academy". When more information starts to appear, we'll probably throw this question out of here, as it will then be a worthy topic for discussion.
Of course, feel free to talk about what you would like the show to be. Just keep in mind that nothing definitive exists yet.
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What did it mean to you
An early chat with death
To pull your body for a moment from your soul
--
Camper Van Beethoven
****
Read chapter TWO of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet"! Now with 30% more plot.
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What did it mean to you
An early chat with death
To pull your body for a moment from your soul
--
Camper Van Beethoven
****
Read chapter TWO of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet"! Now with 30% more plot.
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**...****...**
I hope Chuckie and Frank are happy together.
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All along the watchtower, princes kept the view
While all the women came and went, barefoot servants, too.
Outside in the distance a wildcat did growl,
Two riders were approaching, the wind began to howl.
Bob Dylan
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"Uh, Cody, what has the Mullah of Cappistan been smoking?"
"MILKSHAKES. I HAVE BEEN SMOKING MILKSHAKES!"
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"If every vampire who said he was at the Crucifixion was actually there it would've been like Woodstock. I was at Woodstock. I fed off a flower person and I spent six hours watching my hand move." - Spike, BtVS
[Newbie] Does this mean the new Trek series is out? [/Newbie]
I've been here off and on since Janurary and it helped clear a few things up (ie; the Defiant length debate) so it has uses beyond extremely new members.
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[6th Sense] I see dumbass people [/6th Sense]
Very good, especially the humor. I always thought you were crazy -- I mean, I've heard of people talking to themselves, but how many people actually type to themselves?
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The Dominion has been defeated, but the hardest job will be building the peace ...
Join Cpt. Connor H. Macy and the crew of the USS Tokyo as they attempt to forge the bonds of trust ...
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"I'm not like George Bush. If he wins or loses, life goes on. I will do anything to win." - Al Gore, Newsweek, 1999
Any suggestions for other questions you'd like answers to?
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What did it mean to you
An early chat with death
To pull your body for a moment from your soul
--
Camper Van Beethoven
****
Read chapter TWO of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet"! Now with 30% more plot.
"Exactly how big is it?"
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"I am in one of those rare periods of life where I am convinced I am a sexy devil."- Simon "Sol System" Sizer
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"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much."
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Frank's Home Page
"I remember my mum telling me 'don't wear that jacket, it doesn't go with your top.' And I said 'Screw you mum, I'll wear what I'll like'. And then I went and changed tops." - Liam Ka--thingy
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**...****...**
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Here lies a toppled god,
His fall was not a small one.
We did but build his pedestal,
A narrow and a tall one.
-Tleilaxu Epigram
Andrew
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"I threw bitter tears at the ocean
But all that came back was the tide..." 'I Will Not Forget You' Sarah McLachlan
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"What he did to that walrus gentle-man was inexcusable."
-T. Herman Zweibel on "Mr. Woodrow Wood-pecker", The Onion, 7-Nov-2000
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What did it mean to you
An early chat with death
To pull your body for a moment from your soul
--
Camper Van Beethoven
****
Read chapter TWO of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet"! Now with 30% more plot.
------------------
"What he did to that walrus gentle-man was inexcusable."
-T. Herman Zweibel on "Mr. Woodrow Wood-pecker", The Onion, 7-Nov-2000
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"I am in one of those rare periods of life where I am convinced I am a sexy devil."- Simon "Sol System" Sizer
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"What he did to that walrus gentle-man was inexcusable."
-T. Herman Zweibel on "Mr. Woodrow Wood-pecker", The Onion, 7-Nov-2000