19 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN by Dave Barry
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
10. Never lick a steak knife.
11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
19. Your friends love you anyway.
------------------ Star Trek Gamma Quadrant Average Rated 8.32 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux (with seven eps posted) *** "Oh, yes, screw logic, let's go for a theory with no evidence!" -Omega 11:48am, Jan. 19th, 2001
Posted by Nim (Member # 205) on :
A commendable list, Lo Wang.
------------------ Don't kill me, I'm charming!
Posted by Quatre Winner (Member # 464) on :
# 19 is a load of shit.
------------------ In this crazy world of lemons, baby...you're lemonade!
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
Heh, if only it was that simple...
------------------ "Cry havoc and let's slip the dogs of Evil"
Posted by MC Infinity (Member # 531) on :
Is 7 real, or did you just add that because of "you know who" ? LOL, j/k by asking this I admit to it.
------------------ "Well if it's gonna be that kind of a party, I'm putting my dick in the mashed potatoes!"
-Nimrod 16/4/2001
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
No, I didn't make it up about Omega. It's actually on the list.
------------------ Star Trek Gamma Quadrant Average Rated 8.32 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux (with seven eps posted) *** "Oh, yes, screw logic, let's go for a theory with no evidence!" -Omega 11:48am, Jan. 19th, 2001
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
Mm-hmm. I've seen this before. Minus... 1, 10, and 11, oddly.
------------------ "Omega is right." -Jeff Karrde, March 18, 2001 08:47 PM
?