OK, well I've left a few vague references to things in my rare posts over the past weekend, but you guys are about to get the whole situation report on Captain's love life. Several of you should take this opportunity to leave before reading any further, unless you want to know the details of my life. I hear there's a nice Star Wars forum right up the page...
OK, now recline your chair to a 30 degree angle from up, crack open your favorite canned or boxed beverage as I tell my sad story.
Not sure where to start, but I suppose it started on Thursday. Therefore, the story starts on Tuesday. I was walking up Thayer Street, which you may or may not know is the college/townie hangout area on the campus of Brown University, where it meets R.I. School of Design and Johnson and Wales U. dorms. On the nice East Side of Providence, its a huge art scene and hangout, and also where all my friends hang out and where my night job at Spike's, a junkyard themed fast-food hot dog place. I was around there and someone introduced me to a girl, who was hanging out there because she was crashing at somebody's pad for the week for whatever reason. I didn't even pay attention, as my preoccupation of working 68 hour weeks and spending all the rest of my time getting stoned with the local kids and desiging starships doesnt leave my attention span in a malleable state.
On Wednesday, i was growing frustrated with hanging out though. As part of the 'hanging out' deal, Thayer is filled with runaways, drug dealers and their customers, and other wierdness.. at somepoint, i have started to cut back my hanging out, as i try to be responsible and not wreck my life with leisure activities like getting intoxicated and wasting time, and also because a lot of kids are geting violent: vandalizing cars and the such. But anywho, I ended up spending some time talking to this girl, Asia, who I had met briefly the days before. For some reason, somebody was poking fun at my tight t-shirt and the fact that it was cold out, causing my nipples to emerge like two Franz Joseph phaser banks. I dismissed this by saying everyone was jealous of the fact i had nice tits, at which point Asia suggested we compare ours.. she touched my chest, so I jokingly squeezed hers. I figured it would be an easy way to just make a joke so i could move on..
Thursday was the BRU summer concert. It got moved inside because of the rain, so it was at a local club, Lupo's. I went, did the usual antics of carrying lightsabers, dressing up funny, commisserating with like a million kids i know and meeting new people from the BRU message board that know to look for the lightsabers. I also has a couple drinks, which i havent in a long time since i was sick, so i had a nice buzz. I ended up with a diverse group of kids i knew from work, customers, classmates and Thayer kids as we left, and i offered rides to Thayer to anyone i could fit in my car, since it was in the garage at the PP mall an i needed to get it out so i wouldnt have to pay... we went to Thayer so i could get free food at Spike's. Once there, i continued drinking until i was having a full fledged night on the town. A couple of the kids i was with dispersed, and Asia stayed, but a bunch of other kids showed up to take their place.. we all decided to go to my car and smoke, we went, and did so when the other kids, Taylor, Black Alex and Not-So-Black-Alex realized they had to leave at 9:30. All of a sudden i was alone in my car with Asia, when i realized my mistake. I was really drunk and otherwise incapacitated, and this girl wanted me...
anyway, yada-yada-yada, four hours later the battery was dead because we listened to the radio the whole time, and i have a huge purple suck mark on my neck. she wanted to stay in the car and do a lot more than i really am looking to do right now, but i really need to go into spikes and get someone to jump my car before they closed. (this caused numerous embarrassments, as we both had numerous hickies and had left almost four hours earlier)... but anyway, shes taken a couple opportunities since then to shove her tongue down my throat in front of everyone there. THIS DOESNT HAPPEN.. I AM STAR TREK FAN!
Heres the thing: she had runaway from a group home, and i talked her into returning because she was, to put it severely, a fugitive. She called me a few times and i wondered how i feel about her.. i'd never really talked to her (and had only known her two days), so i want to get to know her if we are going to be involved with each other...
then more problems have happened involving a bunch of other girls... but i gotta go now, cuz Omi and Opa are sitting down to dinner and calling me
Posted by Snay (Member # 411) on :
Who are Omi and Opa?
Sounds like an interesting week. I went to a genuine coffee bar in DC yesterday, complete with about two dozen sofas and love-seats in Adams Morgan. There were even two lesbians leaning against my Jeep and kissing when we were leaving. They apologized for the leaning, I apologized for the interuption ...
Actually, aside for rush hour, DC traffic isn't that bad ... but it's a commuter town, so most people take the Metro in. I love the Metro. I wish it would extend up to Baltimore ... it'd make trips a lot easier. It's about an hour and a half to my friends' place in Rosslyn, a subsection of Arlington. Any JAG fans out there know that Bud Robert's apartment is in Rosslyn, which also happens to be right across the Potomac from DC.
Maybe I'll look for a job down here when I graduate instead of heading to Boston.
Maybe.
Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :
I was in DC on Saturday. Lindsey & I desecrated the Aborigine Room at the Museum of Natural History. Then I turned her on in front of an infrared camera at NASM so she could see the heat blooms. Then we collapsed on The Mall under the shade. I wanted to see The Wall, but refused to make her walk that far. She, however, was obsessed with the "giant dildo" down the road.
Then I took the wrong exit headed home & headed down 495 instead of 695. Eh. Sue me.
Posted by David Templar (Member # 580) on :
Wow, you demonstrated restraint while drunk, that's something not so common these days.
[ June 11, 2002, 16:40: Message edited by: David Templar ]
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
Omi and Opa are my grandparents, whom i live with right now.
OK, dinner's over.
Trying to do what was right, I convinced Asia to turn herself in, she got put in a group home.
This is where the most fantastic coincidence in the history of the world happens. Asia's roommate at the group home? Erica,l the girl who stole from my apartment while i was sleeping after we almost did it last year. Erica, who threatened to have me beat up. I can't imagine what kind of cosmic forces cause four-ninths of all the breasts i've ever touched in my life to end up in one room by order of the State of Rhode Island. Perhaps God god bored with darts.
I'm not sure where this is going. Asia gets out during school, because she ditches class and walks to Thayer, but has lost her phone priveliges.. however, she sneaks me an email every once in a while. she wants me to explain things about me that Erica has told her. Erica hates me, and has quite a few legitrimate beefs with me, that i try to forget about because i feel bad that things got so confused and caused such negative things to happen.
Basically, what I should do is tell Asia that this isnt going to work, and was an accident, but i dont want to hurt her feelings. but if i play along much more, im going to end up getting dragged through the mud and damaging my feelings.
basically hurt her feelings or hurt mine... so i cant even allow myself the option i allowed myself earlier of going out with her and seeing if it works or not, because the whole situation is just awful for me now.
plus, my old girlfriend from highschool comes home from college every few months, and by unspoken agreement, tries to fool around with me. i usually try to keep it on a friends level, but she always pushes the envelope ( a lot! ) and i dont know how i would ever tell her im actually going out with someone, since neither of us has discussed our relationship, but never denied that we always end up together on break.
plus, the girl that i actually like and wanted to ask out sees me Friday morning and says 'nice hickey!'
*FLUSH*
god-damn...
what a mess i made... why'd i ever start drinking again?
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
I've been trying to restrain myself for a while... with the exception of my 'mistake' with Erica, which seemed more like a business arrangement, I have been strenuously avoiding sex for the past three years, for the sheer cause of not feeling ready for the fucked up situations some of the girls seem intent on putting me into
Posted by Magna Ultrus (Member # 239) on :
Enterprise is no slouch either. The shuttlebay opens real wide.
Also, given that you seem to accept and acknowledge your immaturity and/or unpreparedness for the big penis in the vagina venture, do what you need to do now, and don't worry 'bout some sad ass ho, because I do know one thing though, bitches, they come they go. Saturday through Sunday, Monday, Monday through Sunday yo. Maybe I'll love you one day, maybe we'll someday grow, till then just sit your drunk ass on that fuckin' runway ho.
With apologies to Marshall Mathers. And Mike Bartel.
But still, do what you gotta do.
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
quote: I can't imagine what kind of cosmic forces cause four-ninths of all the breasts i've ever touched in my life to end up in one room by order of the State of Rhode Island.
You win.
Posted by Magna Ultrus (Member # 239) on :
Ninths?
Posted by The_Tom (Member # 38) on :
*knows how many sets of boobies Mike has touched*
PM me and I'll tell you all! But only if Doug Drexler gives me permission.
Posted by Vogon Poet (Member # 393) on :
Well, I make it four and a half sets, and am left wondering if he had a phase of dating an emotionally-vulnerable breast-cancer recoverer.
Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
That isn't an unlikely assumption, given what we know of Mike's lovelife Posted by Wraith (Member # 779) on :
Or a genetic mutant with three breasts... Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
*sigh* or possibly, there was a set of breasts that I only touched one of, not both. logic guys, run with it.
OK, since i havent been home or posted in about 30 hours, you may assume something happened...
where to start.
ok, well i went out after posting that to chill with some friends and blow off some steam. a rather bizarre set of coincidences led me to end up on thayer street tuesday night. i ran into Asia.
yadda, yadda, yadda, i got arrested and spent the night in jail. i havent slept in a couple days, so im only skimming the story that there will be plenty of time to tell later, making this a justified use of the 'yadda,yadda,yadda' skip
but now something funny has happened.. getting arrested with Asia and spending a night in jail because of it has really caused me to realize i feel a strange kind of bond with her. i dont want to be apart from her.
this situation has gone from bizarre to frightening quickly, but i think i can damage control my way out of it to restore my normal life, with the exception that, emotionally, i am getting twisted apart by how i suddenly feel for her.
ok.. im gonna try to sleep soon...
BTW, Snay, the Crown Vic was much more comfortable than the Caprice... i got to ride in a few cars, I really liked how the Fords handled.
[ June 12, 2002, 21:21: Message edited by: CaptainMike ]
Posted by Magna Ultrus (Member # 239) on :
Which of you was the jailbitch? Nothing makes buttsex more exciting.
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
ah, the inevitable sodomy joke.
I was locked in a holding cell at the North Providence station at about 2 AM.. i was completely alone in the cell block, the only prisoner that night.. it was so quiet that the noise was too loud to sleep.. i was there until about 8 when i had breakfast, made some calls and was driven to the courthouse in Providence (all the towns in Rhode Island have the same court building except for the South Counties).. i was arraigned after being placed in a holding cell downstairs, where the prisoners trickled in and were shackled in groups of two until we are walked up to court.
You haven't lived until you've tried to maintain a civilized yet nonchalant demeanor as you realize you are chained to a person who is urinating.
I was lucky, since i was the only NP case they got to me fairly early, they were serving 'fast food' justice, taking about two minutes per prisoner. I was released on personal recognizance of $5,000 should i cock up before my court date, when i answer for the posession of the substances in my car when they searched it. The matter of the fact that i was with a minor who was in the care of the state wasnt an issue, the NP cops drove her home rather than add that to my difficulties. i havent talked to her, as she is pretty much grounded where she is. but we definitely picked the wrong place to pull off the road and 'talk' about stuff.
Posted by Magna Ultrus (Member # 239) on :
"talk". Like the weed.
I'm all about the sodomy.
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
actually, our intent was really talking.. but after our discussion (in which she basically said she didnt carewhat that other girl said about me), then she pulled the rabid Orion slavegirl routine again.. however, my virginity was snatched from the clucthes of being... um.. snatched.. by blue and red lights. residential district.. sweaty parking bad.
Posted by Magna Ultrus (Member # 239) on :
Things were so much simpler back in the youth of those individuals and/or individual who I am.
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
or claim to be
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
well, ive slept some more and things dont seem so bad.. i can probably get out of this with my freedom and maybe my record intact, based on the advice given to me by intelligent people...
I'm still waiting to be able to talk to Asia about it.. i miss her a lot now.
Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :
Hm. A clear violation of the 11th Commandment.
And you have now learned the First Commandment of 'parking'... find a secluded spot!
Also, it should now be noted that you've gone to 'the big house' for this girl. You've gotten yourself into a nice mess, and it's in part because of her.
"Leverage," says the Psychlo, "lev-er-age."
Of course, if she's already 'going Orion Slave Girl on you,' how much leverage can you need?
[ June 13, 2002, 14:26: Message edited by: First of Two ]
Posted by Vogon Poet (Member # 393) on :
And, while on the subject of slippery slopes, I've always wanted to ask where the most unusual place is that people have had sex. I've always refrained because:
a) Most people here, quite frankly, haven't, and I wouldn't want to be seen to brag. Too much. b) There'd be a plethora of "up the butt" gags.
Posted by Magna Ultrus (Member # 239) on :
Up the butt.
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
*sigh*
for the board we could have a list of 'best places you've ever almost had sex'... here, i'll start.. oh never mind
Posted by Magna Ultrus (Member # 239) on :
Almost up the butt.
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
quote:...a list of 'best places you've ever almost had sex...
At a Christian campground and conference center.
Posted by Magna Ultrus (Member # 239) on :
Up the Christian butt.
Posted by Ritten (Member # 417) on :
Someone seems Ultra Receptive.....
Good luck with everything man...
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
And his sidekick Inclusive Lad.
Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :
I always seem to win these things.
In a confessional in St. John The Divine Cathedral, New York City. The priest was in his little station while Vanessa rode me long & hard. And yes, he heard everything. Hard not to, what with the inherent acoustics & the noise she made. She was rather loud. And wild. Once she "surprised me" with the mounting of a trapeeze in her bedroom. She was not in the circus.
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
*sigh*
Posted by thoughtychops (Member # 480) on :
Strangest place? Nothing really out there yet, but:
In the dressing room at a production of "Hamlet" after my part was done, and during which I was supposed to be working the lighting. Or, in the Voice of God tower during "Texas". Either one was kind of strange, because we could hear the play perfectly. In the tower I was even able to watch the dance numbers.
Ah, theatre.
Meanwhile, becoming a member of the Mile High Club looks to be near impossible these days, with all the extra security. Too much paranoia and way too many distrustful passengers for a good cramped lay. Posted by Magna Ultrus (Member # 239) on :
Up her butt.
Posted by thoughtychops (Member # 480) on :
Nope. Pretty close, though.
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
A friend of mine had sex with his girlfriend on the roof of one of the campus's science buildings during a fireworks show.
Posted by Magna Ultrus (Member # 239) on :
Rocket up her butt.
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
ahem.. we were talking about the Crown Vic cruiser
Posted by The_Tom (Member # 38) on :
Anal Sex in the royal we?
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
UM's just mad i dismissed his original sodomy reference off hand and didnt let it bother me, and persists in discussing sodomy until i become angered and run to Charles.
Has anyone ever thought he's gone to far?... i'm getting there.
Posted by Kosh (Member # 167) on :
I think he's just jealous that you got locked up and he didn't.
As for getting busted, been there, if it was pot, and you had less the 14 grams, it's probation. More then 14 grams and you have a problem. I don't know about other drugs. Do have a lawyer! Things are kind of unusual here right now. Oxycontin has made a major slash in West Virginia, and we seem to be a distribution center. It's getting to the point that it's not safe to go to the park around here anymore. We had three shotings in two weekends just ten miles from here, all in the same county park. Before Oxy came along, this was one of the safest places to live in the country, with one of the lowest crime rates.
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
Our dear UM is simply aware of the first rule of successful comedy: repetition, repetition, repetition.
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
Repetition.
Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :
I thought it was the rule of three? Hmmm...
Posted by Magna Ultrus (Member # 239) on :
Up the third butt.
Going to far? At the very least, I don't post inane stories about my uneventful sex life in a forum populated by strangers and hope that they give a "fuck". Because most of us don't. Or we shouldn't. So fuck this Asia bitch or don't, just shut the fuck up about it then.
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
Uh, yeah...it would appear the Cheerios quality-control people have been getting lax on their urine content standards. What say we all go cool off with a delicious lemonade, ok?
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