A Completely Factual Relating Of A Dream, Intended To Show My Mental State And To Function As An Introduction Of Sorts.
My very first job interview for my very first job that does not involve picking things up, moving things via forklift, or in general doing things to other things that grow in the ground or the products thereof. So why should I be nervous? My dream was disappointingly stereotypical. I went into the office and sat down. A nice middle-aged woman, no doubt the composite of hundreds of middle-aged women I've known, asked me some questions, and all was fine. And then in an instant she is gone, replaced by Armin Shimmerman. He is not quite so nice. In fact, he is in full Principal Snyder mode, which is fairly disturbing, because what kind of sap has such an obvious and TV-related dream?; but not half as disturbing as the fact that I'm now sitting in my underwear. (In fact, I would wind up nearly missing my interview due to oversleeping, and did wind up wearing whatever I was able to quickly throw on. Thanks a lot for that nearly self-fulfilling prophecy, subconscious.) Then an attractive blond woman came over and starting to talk to me, which would have been nice were it not for my crippling amount of leg exposure, but Armin was insistant that I come over and look inside a room for some reason. Then I woke up.
Caveat: I am no longer 100% sure I had this dream before my interview. It may have occured afterwards, but I don't think so.
So What Is It, Exactly, That You, You Know, Do?
Somebody made a very good guess in another thread. I do not actually write obituaries. I just cut and paste them. Or rather, I prepare them, through a series of highly technical procedures (Cut & paste, spellcheck, the occasional phone call.), to run in the Yakima Herald-Republic. I do this on weekends and holidays. Part time. I'm probably technically unemployed by many economic rubrics. This week I do work every day, however. Except for Monday. I didn't work then. And only in the afternoon.
Do You Get To Work In A 21st Century Newsroom, And Perhaps Wear A Hat With A Press Pass Stuck In It?
No. Once a day I take a boiled down summary of what's going to actually go into the paper down to the newsroom, though. They are different down there. I work in the sales department, near the front desk, close to the graphic layout people. On the other side of the building work people who do things I have no idea about. They have cubicles like mine, but as to what they enter into their Macintosh workstations? No idea. I am as out of the loop as a person can be without growing up in some distant land where no loop exists.
The Most Misspelled Word, Personal Edition. Cemetery. I put an A in for the last E all the time. Yet who gets complimented for their spelling on Day #2 of their employment? NOT SOMEONE WHO ISN'T ME!
Uh, I think I've actually exhausted my premise here. Any questions? I work in a cubicle for the first time ever. I work indoors for the first time ever. And today I used Photoshop in a professional capacity. I am the media king, essentially.
Posted by Cartmaniac (Member # 256) on July 02, 2003 07:09 PM:
NOT SO FAR OFF! I ALMOST GOT TEH POWARUP AND NEALRY WON TEH GAEM!
If UM hadn't snatched the Simon Historian position, I would be, like, NEXT IN LINE!
Posted by Styrofoaman (Member # 706) on July 03, 2003 01:35 AM:
Yakima Herald-Republic?
This is Yakima, in Washington State?
I've been there. Home of Irwin Research And Development.
IRAD
Makers of The Best Thermoforming Machines Ever.
Cool. Next time I go out there I'll pick up a copy. Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on July 03, 2003 02:07 AM:
I love how everyone here makes me feel not so wierd.
The ability to make a large goateed man who lightsaber fights with children and has memorized the names of every Trek story of all time feel not so wierd is a powerful ability.
Posted by Ultra Magnus (Member # 239) on July 03, 2003 02:20 AM:
Even more: Yakima is the adopted new birthplace of Snoopy Doggy Doggy, or whatever the name of that "rapmusic" star is, Simon tells me.
Posted by MinutiaeMan (Member # 444) on July 04, 2003 04:22 AM:
Ha, I got you guys all beat for weirdness! I'm selling KNIVES!
No, seriously. I started the job about four weeks ago, and it's pretty cool. It's not just any knives like you get in the supermarket or at Kmart, but higher-quality stuff that'll last a lot longer and are backed up by a guarantee from an established company. This ain't Ginsu or whatever that I'm working on, here. Posted by Phoenix (Member # 966) on July 04, 2003 04:39 AM:
quote:Originally posted by Ultra Magnus: Even more: Yakima is the adopted new birthplace of Snoopy Doggy Doggy, or whatever the name of that "rapmusic" star is, Simon tells me.
Snoop Doggy Dog?
Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on July 04, 2003 08:26 AM:
quote:It's not just any knives like you get in the supermarket or at Kmart, but higher-quality stuff that'll last a lot longer and are backed up by a guarantee from an established company.
"It's not Amway, it's Consolidated Products!"
Posted by MinutiaeMan (Member # 444) on July 04, 2003 09:57 AM:
Yeah yeah yeah... Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on July 04, 2003 10:25 AM:
You do Cutco? Those things rock.
Posted by Futurama Guy (Member # 968) on July 04, 2003 04:26 PM:
So you need some sort of college education to write obituarys? Thats money well spent. Then again, I shouldn't be one to talk, as I spent a shitload on a college education that taught me a hell of a lot of nothing in preparation for being unemployed for the first 7 months following my release into the wild.
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on July 04, 2003 04:31 PM:
Huh.
Posted by Futurama Guy (Member # 968) on July 04, 2003 04:34 PM:
You changed it...
Huh what?
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on July 04, 2003 04:55 PM:
Originally, it was "issues," as in "Boy, this thread seems to be working out some issues." But then I got bored with that, and wanted something more vague.
Posted by Ultra Magnus (Member # 239) on July 04, 2003 05:12 PM:
Snoopy Doogie Doggy.
Posted by Harry (Member # 265) on July 04, 2003 07:50 PM:
Fashizzle mah nizzle!
Posted by MinutiaeMan (Member # 444) on July 05, 2003 01:25 AM:
quote:Originally posted by Shik: You do Cutco? Those things rock.
Thank you, Shik, I couldn't've said it better myself... except for the T-shirt that I'm going to be getting, which reads "I sell knives in people's homes, and it ROCKS!"
Fortunately I haven't had a dream about this job yet... I'd be worried if/when I do. ('course, having a knife dream would be wrong on so many levels that it's not funny, anyway... )
Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on July 05, 2003 06:12 AM:
We had those at the condo in CT; my roommate was annoyed because she had lost a couple & couldn't find a new supplier until she happened to meet a guy who sold them.
I once through one into a piece of old wallboard up to the hilt. Pulled it out, cleaned it off, & it stil sliced ham Jew-thin.
Posted by MinutiaeMan (Member # 444) on July 05, 2003 07:37 AM:
quote:I once through one into a piece of old wallboard up to the hilt. Pulled it out, cleaned it off, & it stil sliced ham Jew-thin.
Well, I guess you'll be getting a new one of those pretty soon, though at half price, right? Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on July 05, 2003 08:57 AM:
When we were on holiday in the Dominican Republic, we saw this brilliant infomercial on one of the US channels, hosted by some guy in a chef's outfit. He was selling these amazing knives. They could cut frozen cans of orange juice, meat, concrete, metal, wood, slice bread without squashing the loaf, and sttill went through tomatoes like a knife through butter. Come to think of it, butter was the only thing we didn't see these knives cut! Now THAT'S entertainment. 8)
Posted by Kosh (Member # 167) on July 05, 2003 10:04 AM:
Welcome to the race Sol. I fell behind so long ago I don't think I even qualify as a rat anymore.
Posted by Ultra Magnus (Member # 239) on July 05, 2003 10:11 AM:
It is like I am a capybara. Or, even better, a Death Rat.
Holey cow!
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on July 05, 2003 03:51 PM:
I made a S.D.D. joke, and then it posted, and then I realized there was a page two and we were way beyond that. So now this post needs salvaging, but I don't know how to do it.
Uh, today I spoke with a funeral home from Texas.
Posted by Bigtom (Member # 1068) on July 07, 2003 06:03 AM:
So did we..... I make commercials, and a funeral home wants some spots made.
Gotta think outside the box on this one.
Posted by Cartmaniac (Member # 256) on July 07, 2003 08:28 AM:
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