First we have this, which is really a "Well, DUH" situation, right?
Britney Spears Says She's Not a Virgin
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Pop princess Britney Spears has admitted that she had sex with former boyfriend Justin Timberlake despite once vowing to remain a virgin until she wed.
In the upcoming issue of W magazine, Spears details her relationship with Timberlake, the most-watched music industry romance since Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain.
"The most painful thing I have ever experienced was that breakup," Spears told W. "We were together so long and I had this vision. You think you're going to spend the rest of your life together. Where I come from, the woman is the homemaker, and that's how I was brought up -- you cook for your kids."
The 21-year-old Spears, whose stratospheric rise from Mouseketeer to pop megastar mirrored Timberlake's success, revealed that she had sex with the 'N Sync boy band singer because she believed they would marry someday.
"I've only slept with one person my whole life," she said. "It was two years into my relationship with Justin, and I thought he was the one. But I was wrong!"
Spears, now cutting an image-shifting, comeback album after an 18-month hiatus, said she now realizes "I need my single time" to learn to "be self loving."
"I know it sounds cliche and cheesy, but I really believe that if it's meant to be, it's meant to be," she said.
For now, Spears said, she's hunting far afield for a new beau -- especially in Australia and Spain where men are less "fuddy duddy."
As for reports linking Spears to Irish heart throb Colin Farrell, she said: "Yes I kissed him. Of course I did! He's the cutest, hottest thing in the world -- wooh! He's such a bad boy. But it was nothing serious."
The kiss left her with a "craving" for more of the same. "I haven't had a boy in a really long time ... just a kiss, man. Just a kiss would be nice."
07/08/03 16:47 ET
Then we have this "Best Of Both Worlds" situation, tailor-made for the porn industry:
Human She-Males Created
MADRID (July 2) - Scientists in the United States have created hybrid human "she-males," mixing male and female cells in the same embryo, outraging fertility experts and anti-abortionists.
Dr. Norbert Gleicher of the Foundation for Reproductive Medicine in Chicago and a colleague injected male cells into female embryos in research they believe could lead to better treatments or cures for single gene disorders.
But their work provoked revulsion when they presented it to the annual meeting of the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology (ESHRE).
"There are very good reasons why this type of research is generally rejected by the international research community," Dr. Francoise Shenfield of ESHRE said Wednesday.
"I cannot conceive of any situation in which this particular technique would be acceptable, and if it cannot be applied there is not much use in experimenting with it," she added.
Gleicher and his colleague used male cells because they were easier to track as they studied the development of the embryos up to six days.
Their work also sparked outrage from abortion opponents who described it as run-away science.
"This is gross manipulation of human life," said Nuala Scarisbrick of British anti-abortion charity Life. "The creation of a 'she-male' is disgusting, but not surprising."
07/02/03 13:51 ET
From the "The Queen Is On Crack" department:
Ridley Scott Knighted by Queen
Veteran movie director and producer Ridley Scott has received a knighthood from Queen Elizabeth II in honor of his substantial contribution to the British film industry. Sir Ridley - famed for directing films including Alien, Blade Runner and Gladiator - received his honor at London's Buckingham Palace yesterday. And the 65-year-old admitted feeling "stunned and truly humbled" after the ceremony. He said, "As a boy growing up in South Shields (north-east England), I could never have imagined that I would receive such a special recognition."
And finally, from the "Hey, Let's Play With The Guy's Mind" file:
Man Speaks After 19-Year Coma
MOUNTAIN VIEW, Ark. (July 9) - The words began tumbling out - at first just a few nouns and eventually a torrent of phrases.
Terry Wallis, who had been in a coma since a 1984 car accident, regained consciousness last month to the surprise of doctors and the delight of his family, including his mother, who heard his first word in 19 years.
``He started out with 'Mom' and surprised her and then it was 'Pepsi' and then it was 'milk.' And now it's anything he wants to say,'' Stone County Nursing and Rehabilitation Center social director Alesha Badgley said Tuesday.
His mother, Angilee Wallis, called her son's return to consciousness a miracle: ``I couldn't tell you my first thought, I just fell over on the floor,'' she said.
Terry Wallis, now 39, was riding with a friend in July 1984 when their car left the road and plunged into a creek. Wallis and his friend were found the next day underneath a bridge. The friend was dead and Wallis was comatose.
Wallis' daughter, Amber, was born shortly before the accident, and the coma dragged on for almost two decades. She is now 19 and her dad has said he wants to walk again, for her. He is a quadriplegic as a result of the crash.
``It's been hard dealing with it, it's been hard realizing the man I married can't be there,'' said Wallis' wife, Sandi. ``We all, the whole family, missed out on his company.''
The silence ended June 12 when Wallis uttered his first word. He was able to talk a little more a day later and has improved ever since.
Terry's father, Jerry Wallis, said his son talks almost nonstop now, but it seems as though time stopped for him after the wreck. Terry still believes Ronald Reagan is the president.
Terry has asked to speak to his grandmother, who died several years ago, and even recited her phone number - something everyone else in the family had forgotten.
``You see, he's still back in 1984,'' said Jerry Wallis.
For the Wallis family, Terry's return to consciousness has been a blessing.
Perry Wallis, Terry' brother, said ``just to put it bluntly, it was pure hell to see your brother laying there, not knowing if you'll ever talk to him again.''
The timing of the recovery also has raised eyebrows.
``It's kind of peculiar. He wrecked on Friday the 13th and 19 years later he started talking on Friday the 13th,'' Jerry Wallis said.
07/09/03 07:59 EDT
Posted by Cartmaniac (Member # 256) on :
Re: 1) I'm available Re: 2) the fundies reacted the same way to IVF Re: 3) well, she knighted Richard Attenborough, so... Re: 4) that's what I call a waking moment
Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :
Yeah, but Dickie Attenborough & Sean Connery are NOT Elton John, Paul McCartney, & Ridely Scott. Y'know?
Is there a minimum age limti for a knighting? Or can we just go ahead & submit Liam for petitioning?
Posted by Harry (Member # 265) on :
What on Earth have those anti-abortion fundies got to do with genetic research!?
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
It probably has something to do w/ the fact that they're against abortion.
What did you think the genetcists did w/ those experimental embryos when they were done? In nine months there would be a bunch of hermaphrodites being born near their lab?
Posted by Phoenix (Member # 966) on :
quote:Originally posted by Shik: Is there a minimum age limti for a knighting?
No.
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
Re: 1) Yeah...only one time. (snicker) Re: 2) It's not like hemaphrodites don't exist in some minute percentage anyway. Creepy nonethless. Re: 3) Nothing demeans the title of knighthood so much as bestowing it on entertainers and celebrities. Remember when being a knight meant "brave and honorable? Me neither. Re: 4) Right out of "The Dead Zone". Sad too, thinking Regan is President. Truly hell.
Posted by Cartmaniac (Member # 256) on :
^^ Back when knighthood meant "brave and honorable", it also meant "rape, pillage, and decapitate".
Posted by Ultra Magnus (Member # 239) on :
And the squires they had to sharpen their spears.
UP THE BUTT!!
And the Britney Spears story strikes me, well, say I were to go outside and I were to take notice of something that is outide, like, say the outside, and then I went and told Noheart about the outside, at which point he would probably melt me.
Posted by Harry (Member # 265) on :
So apparently Pepsi had a very succesful campaign in 1984. You silly capitalist pigs!
Posted by The359 (Member # 37) on :
I have found the news story that is best of all...
Does Stonehenge Depict Female Genitalia??
TORONTO (Reuters) - Stonehenge is a massive fertility symbol, according to Canadian researchers who believe they have finally cracked the mystery of the ancient monument in southern England.
In the arrangement of the stones, the researchers say they have spotted the original design: female genitalia.
The theory is laid out in a paper entitled "Stonehenge: a view from medicine" in the July issue of Britain's Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine.
"To the builders of the henge, the most critical events in life were birth and death," Anthony Perks, a retired professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of British Columbia, wrote in the paper.
He noted there was no evidence of tombs built by the original builders.
"Of birth, we could expect little evidence. However, evidence may be there but so large as to be overlooked."
Viewed from above, Perks suggests Stonehenge's inner bluestone circle represents the labia minora and the giant outer sarsen stone circle is the labia majora. The altar stone is the clitoris and the open center is the birth canal.
"Could the outer avenue of Stonehenge...represent the way by which new life entered?" the article wondered, adding that when comparing "the layout of the henge with the anatomy of the human vulva. There is a distinct similarity."
Canadian scientists obviously need to get laid. Look, a Target sign! It must be a nipple!
Posted by Wraith (Member # 779) on :
quote: Stonehenge is a massive fertility symbol, according to Canadian researchers who believe they have finally cracked the mystery of the ancient monument in southern England.
You guys really are getting really desperate over there, aren't you? Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
This really deserves its own thread, but this one is here already, so I figured why not?
Musical News Guaranteed To Pull Your Sorry Soul Into Heaven
quote: Viewed from above, Perks suggests Stonehenge's inner bluestone circle represents the labia minora and the giant outer sarsen stone circle is the labia majora. The altar stone is the clitoris and the open center is the birth canal.
I think this man needs to talk with Mr. Freud.
And anyway.. "viewed from above"!?!?
Imagine this scene.. Canadian scientist in a plane above Stonehenge: "AHA! Just as I expected! A GIANT CUNT!"
Posted by Ultra Magnus (Member # 239) on :
This reminds me of a chapter from Steven Wright's Freud: The story of an insane old man with way too much influence. Posted by Balaam Xumucane (Member # 419) on :
Nothing quite like 25 tonne hunks of roughly hewn stone stood upright in a vaguely concentric pattern to evoke vagina for me.
Also, the possibility of a Pixies reunion makes my henge wet. Flaming Lips + Radiohead, could be great and FL puts on a great show, but, honestly they (he) were (was) such (a) flycatchers (flycatcher) during for the Beck show that it got kind of irritating.
Posted by CaptainMike (Member # 709) on :
quote:Originally posted by Balaam Xumucane: ...makes my henge wet.
i knew the new millennium would have awesome catchphrases! (although this was may be rcycled from millennia past the last, depending on the accuracy of that report).
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
Beck needs Wayne Coyne a lot more than Wayne needs Beck. FOR SHEEZY!
(Because: lighten up sometimes, rock star. That's what I'd say to Beck. Except I wouldn't because I would hyperventilate and pass out, but in between screaming like a schoolgirl and slamming into the pavement, I would be totally on his case for too much seriousness.)
Posted by Balaam Xumucane (Member # 419) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sol System: ...I would be totally on his case for too much seriousness.
Yeah that's gonna fly at a Radiohead concert. Which isn't to say that Thom couldn't use a little cheering up.
For what it's worth, Beck did do some of his (older) fun stuff, and FL did a great job backing him up musically, but Wayne seemed a little eager to get up in there and share some limelight. The fact that the opener/backing band happened to be really terrific and dynamic and fun (and even showed a clip from "Battle Royale" !! behind one of their songs was inspirational), but I paid my US$60 to see Beck.
Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
I would be all "Beck? Eh. But I will go see the Flaming Lips." And then, to Thom: "You are a weirdo."
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)