A year or so ago I became an uncle. My half sister had a baby boy.
I was finally able to meet the kid today, and I am very glad I did. I have never, EVER met such a good natured little rugrat. There wasn't a thing he didn't smile and at. No, really. describes him perfectly. It's his favorite expression. Well that and drooling all over everything.
He's intelligent and very perceptive. Notices and makes associations very quickly. I.e. things that are shaped like phones and have buttons are fun to button mash with, then hold up to one's ear.
I can't say that he's the product of the parents, but he most certainly fits in with the rest of the family.
This meeting took place at a very rare event in my life... all of my siblings together in one place. This hasn't happened in over fifteen years. It's something I hope we continue to do on a yearly basis.
My father was never really close to my half siblings... I was only like 6 years old when they left the house for the last time to live with their mom. They were in their teens.
Things are slowly being patched up now. I want no part of that particular healing process, as it involves things to which I don't really have a clue.
But it occurs to me now... I'm the relative closest to the family. I'm in Seattle, they're in Portland. Everyone else is in the Bay Area.
It's likely that I'm going to be an influence on the kid's life.
This both excites me and scares the living SHIT out of me.
A year ago I couldn't have even written that... I was still shocked that I was going to be an uncle.
Then's my sister's marriage... Totally out of left field. Before I met him for the first time six months ago, I'd only known him as the "Long's guy", as he worked at the local Long's Drugs...
His side of the family is... well off. I'll leave it at that.
He's also obviously from a conservative home... he's bluntly racist and homophobic. Then again, so are my parents, thought not nearly to that extent.
And when their first comes along ... whenever ... it frightens me that I probably WON'T be an influence in this kid's life. He or she is going to grow up in a household that has values that I personally don't approve of, thus continuing the cycle... it really frightens me.
Don't even get me started on my half brother. He's in an undefined relationship with this girl... I'm one to speak, of course.
Anyway.
The very things that defined my life... that I thought defined my life, have changed. My own little view of reality has shifted.
And all of this only really clicked together and concerned me enough to think about it today.
... This is going to be a stupid question... but am I alone here? Has anyone else just realized one day that things had changed in a major subtantial way without ever realizing it? Like... OMFG, how did I get here?
Anyway. I had to get that written down. It'd be bugging me all weekend otherwise.
Posted by Jason Abbadon (Member # 882) on :
Speaking as someone disowned for not converting to the Baptist faith and coming from a VERY racist (father's side really) family, I can tell you that there is only so far your influence would take you with the child or his family. At best you should look forward to whatever time you can spend with this kid (while he's still free of racist leanings) and treat him well. YOu could, in the future, make yourself available to the kid for mabye a week's stay or two a year with you. His parents would love the reprieve from raising a kid and you could open his eyes to a larger world than his narrow minded dad believes in. No preaching at him or anything, just be cool and talk to him about how he feels about things like diffrent people and cultures. Sounds dopey when written but kids really dO have their own opinions on the world from an early age and even if they don't contradict their parent's prejeduce the kid would probably like someone with an open mind to ask questions to.
Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :
Charles, living with Jubes alone should have let you see that revelations come at the strangest times. They're kind of like Galen, showing up when they're least wanted & most needed. Personal realities, personal perceptions change with every passing moment & are by their very nature incredibly flexible.
No, you're not the first person by far to question yoursefl & you most certainly will not be the last. The only thing you can do is listen to what you're being told, examine what's been shown you, & take that knowledge as the harbinger of change it is & use it.
I myself have been buying epiphany on wholesale of late. ("Cue Avery Brooks!") On Thrusday in the shower, I had a bit of a lifeflash, a sort of mental picture of a possible future. My sister is pregnant with her first child, has been for about 2 months or so.
In this flash, I was in New York visiting my sister & brother-in-law, & seeing my new niece for the first time (Note: I don't know if I'll have a niece as she's still pregnant, but that's the thing about future flashes.) It was nighttime & Miranda (yeah, I know..Miranda Mandrake. Funny yet cool) was crying so much. She just would not calm down & go to sleep. Jackie tried things & they didn't work. Mark tried things & they didn't work. Finally I said, "Here, let me try. I can't do any worse than either of you."
They gave me the baby & I held her, ensconsing her in just this massive field of love, & she quieted down a bit. Not a lot, but a noticeable amount. Without thinking, I began to sing to her; the song was "New World" by Bj�rk. As I softly sang, she just dropped off & made no noise at all save the snurking & snorking of sleep. Mark & Jackie were amazed as I handed her back to them to put to bed.
As we talked that night, I made mention of the fact that I felt in a rut in State College. They looked at each other & said that they were thinking of looking for a nanny...but after seeing how she reacted to me, they offered me the chance to do it. I thought it over & accepted. I would be with family, help raise a new person correctly, & maybe find something of myself in the process.
It was strange yet oddly comforting. Family has never, ever been a big part of my life. I have not spoken to my mother & stepfather in 4� years. It's only recently that my father & I have had something of a relationship that approaches normal. With him comes a mild one with my stepsister & her husband. It's a hard, hard thing to attempt to rebuild familial ties. especially when everyone is scattered to the four winds. But it's worth it.
You & I are from a generation marred by divorce, parents with several remarriages & dating partners...& it's made us more than a little jaded. I think at this forum, we're in the minority in that regards (HOW many 1961-1981 folks are here again?), but now we in the lower end of that range are fast approaching the point where we're saying "Holy shit, we are nowhere NEAR where our parents were at this age." And it scares us. In some ways it's good, in others it's bad. Some of those things are broad & general, others far more specific & personal. But we deal as best as we can.
Posted by Kosh (Member # 167) on :
Just be honest with the boy, always. It will mean a lot to him in the future. When he gets older, and starts questioning everything, including what he's learned at home, the people that have been honest with him will come out looking best and being held in high reguard. With only a little influence from you, he may well turn out not to be so racist and homophobic. My father was that way, but little things pushed me in the oppisite direction. My relationship with Dad was far better at the end of his life, then it was when I was growing up, but we still had pretty much opposite viwes of the world.
Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :
That's because your kind has been around so long you've forgotten what it's like to die.
Posted by Styrofoaman (Member # 706) on :
quote:Originally posted by Charles Capps: It's likely that I'm going to be an influence on the kid's life.
This both excites me and scares the living SHIT out of me.
I am going to be a father come December.
Running a factory is one thing. Beeing a trek-god-ubergeek is one thing...
But a father? Exciting and scary indeed.
... Enjoy the kid while it's this age, soon it'll be a teenager and it'll hate you no mater how much money you loan it. Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
Yay! It's not a secret anymore!
Posted by Styrofoaman (Member # 706) on :
Never was. Posted by Charles Capps (Member # 9) on :
Congrats, man.
After I posted this, I was able to actually talk to Ken for a while... he's not as bad as I thought. Like me, he gets INCREDIBLY nervous around new people, and uses humor to defuse the situation... But it's always delivered deadpan, thus not making it apparent that it's a joke unless you know him.
I'm not nearly as worried now. Though something about him still doesn't strike me as right...
Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :
You should do what I do with my nephews. Get into Pokemon/DBZ/whatever kids like at the moment. Talk to them about it. Become their favourite relative. Then force your opinions into their tiny brains until they beg for mercy. Then send them out to conquer all the land in the western world.
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
at. No, really. ![[Wink]](wink.gif)