Flare Sci-Fi Forums: Cognitive differences in gender...

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Posted by Baloo (Member # 5) on :

I'm putting this here JIC. If it blows up, it's in the right place (Besides, this is my first post with my new status line). The following observations are not invariably true, but they are often enough.

I noticed something a while back.

When you thank people for doing something, guys (males) say "No problem" or some similar phrase to indicate they didn't expend any effort on your behalf.

Women say "You're welcome" or some phrase that indicates they did, in fact, make an effort, but figured you were worth it.

My own theory: Men like to be independent and competant. We don't like to inconvenience others without good reason. "No problem" lets the other person know that we did not consider ourselves inconvenienced by whatever we did to earn thanks.

Question: What is the analysis of the female response, and what are other frequently-observed behaviors (not stereotypes) that are generally different, depending on the gender of the person showing the behavior?

--Baloo

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Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :

One thing I've noticed is that the way a person crosses their legs is gender dependent. For example, most of the time when crosses their legs, they use one of two ways: 1) they put the ankle of their left foot on top of their right knee and 2) they put their left knee on top of their right knee. Women, on the other hand, either put their left knee on top of their right knee or do that and include bringing their left ankle behind their right calf (kind of wrapping their legs, I guess).

I know: too much time on my hands.

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"Some people call me the Space Cowboy. Yeah! Some call me the Gangster of Love. Some people call me Maurice. Whoo hoo! 'Cause I speak of the Pompatus of Love!" - Steve Miller Band's The Joker

Posted by Diane (Member # 53) on :

I say "you're welcome", but that's exactly what I mean, that I'm happy to be able to do something for the person. Personally, I'd prefer saying, "I spent time and energy doing something for you because I like you (in the broadest sense of the word)" instead of "pfft, it was nothin'."

Siegfried: I actually do both leg-crossing, although I only do the "female" form in broad public (but more often not crossing legs at all as it's rather uncomfortable).

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"We offered him unchallenged control of the Alpha Quadrant, and all he could think about was his daughter."
--Weyoun, "In the Pale Moonlight".

Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :

The only way I can cross my legs is putting the left ankle on the right knee. But that's a design flaw in my body more than anything else (short thighs and a lot of, um, padding).

Posted by Jay the Obscure (Member # 19) on :

and, er, um, outdoor plumbing. Things tend to get a little scrunched with some leg crossings.

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Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :

Scrunched? What an interesting way of putting it...

Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :

*Warning. Overgeneralizations ahead: I know, you don't have to tell me*
.

My theory is that men tend to be more self-centered, while women tend to be more other-centered.

In other words, women take more thought-time to consider what effects their actions will have on other people, and long-term, while men go directly from thought to deed.

Therefore, men, as stated above, say "no problem" to show how the action of helping affected THEM, while women say "you're welcome" to show their concern for the OTHER person, though each may be equally pleased to help.

This, I believe, has a connection to the phenomenon of "shopping" vs. "buying."

Men go into the nearest store, see what they want, buy it, and leave.

Women comparison shop in different stores, get what they need, then spend time looking for anything else that, while not on the list, might be useful or pleasant to have.

The second option, while being a bit more time-consuming (sometimes QUITE a bit), can be more cost-effective and make life easier in the long run, since it is more "other-centered."

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Posted by bryce (Member # 42) on :

I believe your right. Although we should be able to find a better term for it than "self-centered."

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Posted by Jedi Weyoun (Member # 110) on :

hmmm. Well, personally, I usually say 'no problem'...although sometimes it's because the person who, for example, has just come to my room to ask me to print about 20 pages of a essays and such for an english portfolio, is apologizing profusely and saying they hope they aren't putting me out. That in itself seems somewhat more of an inconvenience...i really don't MIND letting them use my printer...(so long as they can reimburse me with paper..hehe) but, oh well. *L* I dunno. If they say thanks i say 'you're welcome'...*shrugs* maybe it's a regional thing. as far as the leg crossing, i do all three (or was it 4...) usually when i'm anxious...(ie, my story is being torn apart in a class workshop, or i'm sitting in my ..ahem...spanish 102 exam...) then i'll do the leg-wrap thing...and at the complete opposite end of the spectrum, when i'm really relaxed, i'll cross my ankle over my knee.
*L* Just my little rant. maybe what it says is that in general, guys are more relaxed than gals *shrugs*

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**The Light only shines in the dark, and sometimes innocence is just an excuse for the guilty**

Posted by Baloo (Member # 5) on :

The only thing men shop for like women do everything else is cars.

Otherwise, the old (and possibly outdated) hunter/gatherer explanation seems to jive with the facts:

Hunter: Men go out, "kill" the item in question, and bring it back to the cave before anyone else can take it from them.
Mission accomplished for the mighty hunter.
Gatherer: Women go out, examine everything of interest very closely (don't wanna waste energy dragging useless items back to the cave, don'cha know) and carefully select what they perceive as the best items available. Then they bring it back to the cave.
Mission accomplished for the thoughtful gatherer.

--Baloo

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Posted by MaGiC (Member # 59) on :

Baloo...you have obviously never met my father! He can shop me to a standstill, and he did last weekend...it took him three days but he was still going and I finally wanted to go back to the 'cave'.

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Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :

Well, of course the above is a generality, and there's a lot of variation depending on lifestyle and personal traits...

F'rinstance, you take me to a big Barnes & Noble or Borders or other giant bookstore, and I could stay and shop for eons.

I've got "scanning" (where your eyes skim over stuff, and you instantly decide whether you want it or not) down to a fine art. It helps that I can read (and comprehend) faster than everybody I know. Helps in big stores and fleamarkets.

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You're just JEALOUS because the little voices talk to ME!

Posted by Baloo (Member # 5) on :

I also am an atypical male, in that when entering a bookstore, I necessarily plan on staying a while, or at least until I have scanned every title on every shelf.

Fortunately, like 1^st of 2, I can skim rapidly through by reading the titles and authors at a glance, stopping to carefully examine only those titles which intrugue me.

Send me after clothes, on the other hand, and I'll club the first pair of Levis in the right size over the head and drag 'em back to the lair.

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Posted by PsyLiam (Member # 73) on :

Not to sound stupid, but always thought that the women wrapping leg cross was so that men couldn't see their knickers. I know it's obvious, but with the size of skirts a lot of girls wear today...

On the other hand, men don't want to look girly, and so hav ea dopted a more 'manly' way of crossing their legs. Plus the fact that if they do tight leg cross, as Jay said, things tend to get a bit tight and squashed.

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-Richard Herring

Posted by Jedi Weyoun (Member # 110) on :

Oh I have no doubt that's where it originated *L* thing is, I'm anything but manly and I sit like that, and I don't wear skirts often enough to have gotten in the habit of 'wrapping my legs' for that reason alone *L* Maybe it's something biological that's ingrained in us now. ...I do take after my dad more anyway... *L*

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"The Force is like duct tape: it has a dark side and a light side, and it holds the universe together"

Posted by Cargile (Member # 45) on :

I try not to do anything for anyone just to avoid having to reply to a "Thank you."

Posted by Trinculo on :

I don't know enough about men and women for me to make a statement about the differences in behavrior or thoughts. My only friends thses past 20 years have been my psychologist and my mother. However, I do know that the "hunter-gatherer" theory that Baloo stated is collapsing in face of evidence to the contrary. Women are being shown to have a greater influence in society, to being even the leaders of societies tens of thousands of years ago. And the Venus figurines, which were believe to be blessings to fertility, are now being seen as tools of the birthing process (i.e. spiritual midwives). I like when the past is not idealized or simplified.

Posted by Baloo (Member # 5) on :

I like the mental imagery associated with "killing" my purchase and dragging it home. It helps me sublimate agression which otherwise might find socially unacceptable expression.

[Twitch!]

--Baloo

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If God Himself walks up to you and tells you to found a new religeon, ask for some I.D.
You're probably talking to an imposter.
www.geocities.com/Area51/Shire/8641/