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Posted by Montgomery (Member # 23) on :

Here's the deal. I set this going and then clutch my poor head after I see what becomes of it.

A barber's shop on the Promenade....

Sisko walks in: "They just made me a captain!"

Tellarite Barber: "You'll be wanting the special then?"

Sisko: "The what?"

Ten minutes later...

Sisko staggers out onto the promenade and meets Kira who looks at his bald head and says:........

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"FOOLS! Will I have to kill them ALL?!?!"

Posted by Saltah'na (Member # 33) on :

....."Hello Chrome Dome...... or should I say......"

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I can resist anything.......
Except Temptation

Posted by Xentrick (Member # 64) on :

"You didn't fall for 'the special' did you? What terrible timing."

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

Kira: "You realize, of course, there's no way you can command the Defiant like that. The reflection will make a glare off the viewscreen. And, besides...

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"It'd be a pity if every pencil on Earth suddenly collapsed in on itself and blew everything up."
-Krenim, TNO chat, September 30, 1999

Posted by Kosh (Member # 167) on :

Only one skin head in the Captain's chair at a time, you'll have to grow a beard, or something. Why don't I...

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"One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor". George Carlin

Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :

"...hold your head for a second as I fix my hair."
Just then, Jake comes in, sees Kira and Sisko, and says...

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"I'm looking for someone to change my life.
I'm looking for a miracle in my life.
And if you could see, what its done to me...
To lose the love I knew, could safely lead me to
The land that I one knew...
To learn as we grow old, the secrets of our souls."
Question, The Moody Blues

[This message has been edited by Jeff Raven (edited October 13, 1999).]

Posted by Jubilee (Member # 99) on :

"..... Uhm... Kira, could you stop using my Dad's head as a mirror for a minute?... I have something to tell him thats... well... VERY important........." *Nog comes in and puts an arm around Jake...*

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"...when all that is driving my heart forward
is you, thoughts of you, hopes for you,
and a fading dream with a Mona Lisa smile
that whispers "are you thinking of me too?"

38 days till the dreams become reality...

Posted by Orion Syndicate (Member # 25) on :

Jake: Well dad, you see Nog and I have come to realise that we're more than just friends.

Ben: What do you mean?

Jake: Well you see, that day we went to the Gamma Quadrant and met the Jem Hadar for the first time, we were both really scared and to try and get our minds off it we decided to.........

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Do business with us, or we'll ruin you.

[This message has been edited by Orion Syndicate (edited October 13, 1999).]

Posted by Gaseous Anomaly (Member # 114) on :

Nog: Well, we...kinda mind-melded.
Jake: But we only did it once!
Nog: Yeah, yeah. But there was that guy staring at us, the same actor that played...

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"So, no room for Bender, huh? Well I'll build my own lunar lander, with blackjack, and hookers.
In fact, who needs a lander, or blackjack?
Ah, screw the whole lot o' ya!"
-- Bender, Futurama.

Posted by Elim Garak (Member # 14) on :

"Lon Suder. And he looked at us with those eyes..."

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Elim Garak: "Oh, it's just Garak. Plain, simple Garak. Now, good day to you, Doctor. I'm so glad to have made such an... interesting new friend today." (DS9: "Past Prologue")

Posted by Aethelwer (Member # 36) on :

"...and said, with a menacing yet calm tone, 'Would you like to buy a magazine subscription and/or a tree?' After considering the offer, I realised that..."

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Frank's Home Page
"I can't find any good quotations." - Frank G

Posted by Elim Garak (Member # 14) on :

"I'd rather buy real estate in Frank's game (shameless plug), but that wasn't an option, so I raised an eyebrow at him, lifted my hand, and..."

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Elim Garak: "Oh, it's just Garak. Plain, simple Garak. Now, good day to you, Doctor. I'm so glad to have made such an... interesting new friend today." (DS9: "Past Prologue")

Posted by Aethelwer (Member # 36) on :

"...remembered that it's a 'collaborative project,' not a game. Then, I..."

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Frank's Home Page
"I can't find any good quotations." - Frank G

Posted by Elim Garak (Member # 14) on :

"... reached out to bite the salesman's index finger when I came to the conclusion that I..."

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Elim Garak: "Oh, it's just Garak. Plain, simple Garak. Now, good day to you, Doctor. I'm so glad to have made such an... interesting new friend today." (DS9: "Past Prologue")

Posted by Montgomery (Member # 23) on :

"...have forgotten what it was I was trying to say and..."

Sisko interrupts, holding up his hands,
"What is this about my head? I just wanted to feel the wind to my brain a little!"

To which Nog mutters:......

------------------
"FOOLS! Will I have to kill them ALL?!?!"

Posted by The First One (Member # 35) on :

"Mein Gott in f***ing Himmel." Jake looked at him strangely and asked. . .

Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :

"...I didn't know you spoke Portugreek."

Nog lifted a finger to his mouth and said,"...

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"I'm looking for someone to change my life.
I'm looking for a miracle in my life.
And if you could see, what its done to me...
To lose the love I knew, could safely lead me to
The land that I one knew...
To learn as we grow old, the secrets of our souls."
Question, The Moody Blues

Posted by Jubilee (Member # 99) on :

".... Shhhh..... they only think I do. And i'm not sure I love you anymore."
Jake looked very stricken and said ......

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"...when all that is driving my heart forward
is you, thoughts of you, hopes for you,
and a fading dream with a Mona Lisa smile
that whispers "are you thinking of me too?"

38 days till the dreams become reality...

Posted by Kosh (Member # 167) on :

You don't speak Potugreek!! How are we going to...

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"One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor". George Carlin

Posted by Elim Garak (Member # 14) on :

"... order a tribble to replace Dad's hair before Admiral Nechayev notices and takes a kiniption?"

Finally, Kira opens her mouth to...

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Elim Garak: "Oh, it's just Garak. Plain, simple Garak. Now, good day to you, Doctor. I'm so glad to have made such an... interesting new friend today." (DS9: "Past Prologue")

Posted by Montgomery (Member # 23) on :

...belch. Sisko takes it as a lack of interest and heads off to see Bashir in the infirmary.

Bashir: Ah, Captain. Had the special done I see!

Sisko: We'll have less of that doctor, I've come here to...

------------------
"FOOLS! Will I have to kill them ALL?!?!"

Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :

"..see if that 'enhancement' is ready."

Bashir nods and hands it to Sisko. "Remember, you have to..."

Posted by Elim Garak (Member # 14) on :

"... talk to the special hypospray, as if it were your favourite teddy bear, before you..."

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Elim Garak: "Oh, it's just Garak. Plain, simple Garak. Now, good day to you, Doctor. I'm so glad to have made such an... interesting new friend today." (DS9: "Past Prologue")

Posted by The First One (Member # 35) on :

Just then a Colonel in the British Army entered and said: "Right, stop that! It's getting far too silly. There has to be moe to a Creative thread than just completing each others' sentences! Now, let's see some plot development, or you're all on report!" Them, with a flourish of his swagger stick and a cry of "beam me up, Ethel!" he vanished.

Bashir stared dumbly at the spot that had briefly been occupied by the mysterious visitor. Regaining his composure, Sisko tapped his commbadge and said "Sisko to Ops: intruder alert!"

Posted by Xentrick (Member # 64) on :

"Ops here. No shit, captain. We've got intruder alerts all over the station! We have transporter readings in seven locations, they're beaming through our shields! Communications are...[static]"

{that okay for a plot start?}

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

Suddenly, the static cleared and a chorus of voices was heard singing, broadcast over the communications system of the entire station:

"Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam! Lovely Spam! Wonderful Spam! Lovely Spam! Wonderful Spam!"

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"It'd be a pity if every pencil on Earth suddenly collapsed in on itself and blew everything up."
-Krenim, TNO chat, September 30, 1999

Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :

"Captain, the Promenade is being flooded with an toxic substance! Spam!!" blurted out an unknown ensign.

Posted by Montgomery (Member # 23) on :

"I've seen this happen before", chimes in Dax.

"It's clearly the result of a subspace phenomenon known as a 'Python Schism'."

Sisko: "So what do we do old man?!"

Dax: "Well, usual procedure is to invent a particle and spray it at any swirly things in sight. But to beat this I'd say we need to..."

------------------
"FOOLS! Will I have to kill them ALL?!?!"

Posted by Kosh (Member # 167) on :

get the crew together, around the power source for the station, generate as much power as possible, and sing the original words to Louie, Louie. It's the only way to get the gate to the Python universe to close. Either that or...

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"One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor". George Carlin

Posted by Elim Garak (Member # 14) on :

"We can regrow your hair in under two hours!"

"That's spotty at best," replied Sisko.

Nog rushed back in, breathing, "Sir! The intruders have kidnapped Jake and are demanding we--"

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Elim Garak: "Oh, it's just Garak. Plain, simple Garak. Now, good day to you, Doctor. I'm so glad to have made such an... interesting new friend today." (DS9: "Past Prologue")

Posted by Jubilee (Member # 99) on :

"...Stand on our heads and bark like chickens until their Grand Poobah comes to see us!"

Sisko looked rather confused. "Isn't it possible to......"

------------------
"...when all that is driving my heart forward
is you, thoughts of you, hopes for you,
and a fading dream with a Mona Lisa smile
that whispers "are you thinking of me too?"

36 days till the dreams become reality...

Posted by Jubilee (Member # 99) on :

".... Barbecue this stuff and eat it on a bun with ketchup?".

Sisko then proceeded to barcue massive amounts of SPAM and eat it.

Nog Gaspes and said "OH MY GOD. YOU ATE THEIR LEADER!"..

Just then, Dax turned blue and collapsed to the floor, wriggling like a fish.

Bashir looked at her and said....."

------------------
"...when all that is driving my heart forward
is you, thoughts of you, hopes for you,
and a fading dream with a Mona Lisa smile
that whispers "are you thinking of me too?"

36 days till the dreams become reality...

Posted by Montgomery (Member # 23) on :

"RRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU_BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRBBBBBBBBBBBBBB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Then O'Brien wanders in with a cheese grater and a cup of coffee and says: "In all my years of service I've never seen such a load of..."

------------------
"FOOLS! Will I have to kill them ALL?!?!"

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

"Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam..." the Vikings continued to sing.

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"It'd be a pity if every pencil on Earth suddenly collapsed in on itself and blew everything up."
-Krenim, TNO chat, September 30, 1999

Posted by Elim Garak (Member # 14) on :

"Would you quit it with the Spam already, Tim?" asked Nog-- Oh wait, that was me.

"-- such a load of rhubarb pie in my life; wouldn't you agree, Julian?"

"What? Postganglotic nerve?" was the response.

"People!" snapped Sisko like an oft-too-taught captain whose name will not be mentioned (but begins with a J). "We have a mission to accomplish? Remember?"

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Elim Garak: "Oh, it's just Garak. Plain, simple Garak. Now, good day to you, Doctor. I'm so glad to have made such an... interesting new friend today." (DS9: "Past Prologue")

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

[*glares @ Elim for ruining his joke*]

"Mission?" asked Nog. "What mission?"

"You know, our mission...!" replied Sisko through clenched teeth.

Kira pulled out a copy of the script and began leafing through it. "I don't remember any mission, either...."

Sisko, rolling his eyes, leaned over and whispered something in her ear. Her eyes slowly widened. "Oh.... That mission...."

Sisko nodded and walked away.

"What?!" asked Nog. "What is it? What's the mission?"

Not unlike Sisko had done, Kira leaned down and whispered into the Ferengi's ear...:

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"It'd be a pity if every pencil on Earth suddenly collapsed in on itself and blew everything up."
-Krenim, TNO chat, September 30, 1999

Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :

...who in turn told Dax, who told Bashir, who told O'Brien, who then exclaimed:

"My God! You're right, sir. We have to orange transwarp replicated cottage applesauce the Dominion right away!"

But first, we'll have to repair...

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"Quadrilateral I was, now I warp like a smile."
--
Soul Coughing

Posted by Gepta001 (Member # 231) on :

...the photonic catapult so we can sling that food products at them..."

Meanwhile, Kira embarrased about her recent lapse of forgetfullness decides to search out Odo.

Kira: Odo, I'm totally stressed out. I need to be with you right now. I forgot about the mission and now I am unhappy, the only thing that will make me happy is your ability to change the size of your....

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and I, I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the diference.

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

...weasel.

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"Warning: warp core breach sooner than you think."
-Voyager computer, VOY:"Tinker, Tenor, Doctor, Spy"

Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :

"Weasel?" Odo asked. "There isn't anything very erotic about a weasel."

"Oh, why does everything have to be erotic with you?" Kira sighed. "Oh, fine. I must admit I rather like that high frequency gel thing..."

But before the two could wander off into their own alt.startrek.creative.erotica story, Sisko interrupted.

"Major! There's a problem."

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"Quadrilateral I was, now I warp like a smile."
--
Soul Coughing

Posted by Gepta001 (Member # 231) on :

Sisko: A strange Temporal Anomoly as swallowed DS9. Time is running at Different Speeds all over the Station. It's 0900 hours tommorrow at Quarks, next thursday in the brig, and it's yesterday in my office, I just finished a conversation with myself. And Odo, some guy named David Lister is in a ship named the Starbug requesting permission for an emergency dock, it seems he knows what might be causing the anomolies, I've granted him permision to dock on pylon 9 I want you guys to meet him there.

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and I, I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the diference.

Posted by Elim Garak (Member # 14) on :

Sisko: "But, unfortunately, it will be yesterday by the time you get there, so you had better--"

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Elim Garak: "Oh, it's just Garak. Plain, simple Garak. Now, good day to you, Doctor. I'm so glad to have made such an... interesting new friend today." (DS9: "Past Prologue")

Posted by Krenim (Member # 22) on :

...go through the Infirmary, where it is tomorrow, so that when you get to yesterday, it will be today."

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"Alright... Who wrote 'Beavis and Butthead rule' on the back of my skull?"

- Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Star Trek Parody, The Critic

Posted by Jubilee (Member # 99) on :

"But Sisko," said Kira, "if time is running differently all over the station, how do we know if this guy has come today, tomorrow, or next month?"

Sisko looked perplexed and said.."

------------------
"...when all that is driving my heart forward
is you, thoughts of you, hopes for you,
and a fading dream with a Mona Lisa smile
that whispers "are you thinking of me too?"

34 days till the dreams become reality...

Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :

"I hate temporal mechanics."

Just then, O'Brian's voice came over the comm system.

"I believe that's my line, commander. And don't worry about getting there yesterday, because it'll be a while before anyone finds pylon nine. We only have six pylons, remember? I saw the Starbug flying circles 'round the station trying to find three others, so I redirected her to docking port four..."

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"I consider the foundation of the Constitution as laid on this ground: That "all powers not delegated to the United States, by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States or to the people . . ." To take a single step beyond the boundaries thus specially drawn around the powers of Congress is to take possession of a boundless field of power, no longer susceptible of any definition."
- Thomas Jefferson to George Washington, 1791

Posted by Elim Garak (Member # 14) on :

"... where Brannon Braga has obviously boarded the station in order to subject us to wacky temporal mechanics."

"Hm. I see the gravity," came O'Brien's reply.

"Do you, Chief? Now, back to what I was saying," continued Kira. "I redirected there and..."

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Elim Garak: "Oh, it's just Garak. Plain, simple Garak. Now, good day to you, Doctor. I'm so glad to have made such an... interesting new friend today." (DS9: "Past Prologue")

Posted by Montgomery (Member # 23) on :

...then I thought to myself...

Does my bum look big in this?

------------------
"FOOLS! Will I have to kill them ALL?!?!"

Posted by Jubilee (Member # 99) on :

And then the running gag police came in and said
"Not THAT again!" and Shot Kira because the running gag has become no longer funny.

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"...when all that is driving my heart forward
is you, thoughts of you, hopes for you,
and a fading dream with a Mona Lisa smile
that whispers "are you thinking of me too?"

30 days till the dreams become reality...

Posted by Montgomery (Member # 23) on :

8P

Once everyone had chased off the running gag police with a scythe, a British Army general beamed into the scene, proclaiming,

"Right, Stop! This whole creative thing is just Far Too SILLY! It was alright with the odd good line and merry nonsense, but now you've got no sense of narrative at all! Why don't you just do one of those jolly caption competitions instead?
Go on, off you go!......no bally discipline these days..."

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"FOOLS! Will I have to kill them ALL?!?!"

Posted by The First One (Member # 35) on :

Bastard! How dare you one-up-man me?!

*foot comes down and squashes Monty*

Posted by Kosh (Member # 167) on :

It's

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"One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor". George Carlin

Posted by Jubilee (Member # 99) on :

.......... And now for something, COMPLETEY different.

*dancing naked can-can girls swamp the station*

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"...when all that is driving my heart forward
is you, thoughts of you, hopes for you,
and a fading dream with a Mona Lisa smile
that whispers "are you thinking of me too?"

27 days till the dreams become reality...

Posted by Orion Syndicate (Member # 25) on :

They make their way to the promenade strutting their stuff until Kira notices that one of them looks very familiar.

Is that you Captain Sisko?

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Do business with us, or we'll ruin you.