Flare Sci-Fi Forums: Shut up, Chakotay! (II)

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Posted by Krenim (Member # 22) on :

Well, it seems a few people thought I should do another one of these, so...

I'm going to give you a Voyager episode title. You have to write a long, obnoxious parable for Chakotay to bore us to death with. The rules are:

1. Chakotay must include the episode title.

2. Chakotay must make the parable as funny as possible.

3. Chakotay must explain how this parable pertains to some aspect of the episode. The more insane the logic, the better.

This week's episode is:

Death Wish

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"The only good thing about this film is the edible chocolate roaches they gave out. Mmm, mmm... Wait a minute, edible roaches don't crawl. Edible roaches don't crawl!"

- Jay Sherman, The Critic.

Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :

hows bout you include ep synopsis for those here not "fortunate" enough to follow Voyager?

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Star Trek Gamma Quadrant
Average Rated 6.83 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux
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"Oh, yes, screw logic, let's go for a theory with no evidence!"
-Forum Member Who Shall Be Nameless. 11:48am, Jan. 19th, 2001

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

Is that the one where that other Q shows up and wants to kill himself?

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My new year's resolution is the same as last year's: 1024x768.

Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :

I'm still trying to work some Charles Bronson allegory into mine. . . maybe a Native American character called Hides-Acting-Inability-Behind-Moustache?

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"Businesses used to be like Christianity; if you were faithful and obedient, you could obtain bliss in the afterlife of retirement. Now it's more of a reincarnation model. If the worker learns enough in his current job, he can progress to a higher level of employment elsewhere."

- Dogbert

Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :

You've had long enough, Mr. Poet. Because you introduced the perfect joke but failed to follow up on it, I am now taking control. Tremble!

FADE IN: INT, VOYAGER, READY ROOM

JANEWAY: What can we do, Chakotay? If we turn him over to the Q they'll just put him back inside that comet for all eternity. If we defend him, he'll die. And even though he wants to die, I am not about to let him do it aboard my ship.

CHAKOTAY: There may not be much we can do, Captain. In many ways it's-

JANEWAY: Remarkably similar to an ancient tale handed down by your forefathers?

CHAKOTAY: Well, yes. So? Anyway, according to the story there was once a respected medicine man who had devoted himself to a life of peace. He refused to raise an arm against his fellow man. One day, a group of bandits sacked the village and killed the medicine man's wife and daughter. He was devastated. An ill wind seemed to blow over him. He was possessed by the spirit of the Lor'kal. The spirit of vengence. It granted him a single, deadly wish. A wish of death. A death wish.

JANEWAY: He wished to die and join his family?

CHAKOTAY: No, he wished for a stout bow and a magical quiver of homing arrows. Then he went out and killed all the bandits.

JANEWAY: Chakotay, that's a charming, if horrible, story, but what does it have to do with us? Quinn doesn't want revenge. He just wants to die.

CHAKOTAY: Right, right. So why don't we get the medicine man to do it?

JANEWAY: Chakotay? Get out.

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I will shout until they know what I mean.
--
Neutral Milk Hotel
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Read three (three!) chapters of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet"! Then, go insane!

Posted by Teelie (Member # 280) on :

*lol*
That was good!

Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :

Damn! Thwarted!

- Dogbert

Posted by The Talented Mr. Gurgeh (Member # 318) on :

That was so good I can just hear Chakotay saying it.

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*Kenshiro gets off bed made from solid stone*
*Bed made from solid stone explodes*
Fist of the North Star

[This message has been edited by Gurgeh (edited February 06, 2001).]

Posted by Krenim (Member # 22) on :

Well, since Sol is the only person who submitted an entry, I declare him the winner.

And despite Sol's request that I do another one, I do believe this contest shall be the last of its kind. With only one person entering, its simply not worth it.

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"The only good thing about this film is the edible chocolate roaches they gave out. Mmm, mmm... Wait a minute, edible roaches don't crawl. Edible roaches don't crawl!"

- Jay Sherman, The Critic.