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Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
 
Here we go again, with a little offering I picked up in alt.binaries.startrek a while ago - nowadays they just post multi-part RealPlayer files of recent Voyager eps. Trawl through 6,000 message headers? Not me! It's a shame, they had some good images and sounds usedto appear there. . .

Meanwhile, I'm thinking again of collecting all the previous CapComs together somewhere, and I need some ideas for an individual page design - anyone feel inspired? No need to write a page, a simple picture of what you think it could look like will do.

Anyway, here's the pic. Judging next Wednesday.

------------------
"I rather strongly disagree, even if I share the love of Dick. Speaking of which, that would be the most embarrasing .sig quote ever, so never use it."

- Simon Sizer, 23/01/2001

 


Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
 
Spock: Captain, I am ... amazed. My tricorder indicates that Sol System is indeed bigger than you are.

Kirk: NOOO!

McCoy: Relax, Jim, many men feel insecure about the size of their penis. But size doesn't matter. It's how you use it.

Spock: Or, as your earth females like to say, it is the 'motion of the ocean, not the size of the boat.' Quite illogical, really. Bigger is better.

Kirk: Shut up, both of you.


[This message has been edited by Ooooh!Aaaah! (edited February 28, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by JeffKardde (edited February 28, 2001).]
 


Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :
 
K, S,& M Discover the dusty remains of an ancient Earth electronic game...

Kirk: Analysis, Mr. Spock. Can you make it function?

Spock: I'm reading something here... All... your base... are belong... to us?

Kirk: What can it mean?

McCoy: *thinking* . o O (I'm NOT gonna say "I'm a Doctor, not a Translator." I'm NOT gonna say it...)

------------------
The government that seems the most unwise, oft goodness to the people best supplies. That which is meddling, touching everything, will work but ill, and disappointment bring. - The Tao Te Ching

[This message has been edited by First of Two (edited February 28, 2001).]
 


Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :
 
Spock: Apparently you've discovered one of Nurse Chapel's... devices. I'm sorry, Jim, but you've been beaten out by a tool.

------------------
"President Bush. It's fun saying that. Go ahead, you try." - M. Lucinsky, Spectrum Editor

"Being a liberal is one of the most gutless choices you can make. It doesn't require you to think, it only requires you to feel." - Rush Limbaugh
 


Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :
 
Kirk: Spock, I think you've had enough.

Spock: One moment, Captain, I'm battling Snorlax with my Pikachu.

------------------
"President Bush. It's fun saying that. Go ahead, you try." - M. Lucinsky, Spectrum Editor

"Being a liberal is one of the most gutless choices you can make. It doesn't require you to think, it only requires you to feel." - Rush Limbaugh
 


Posted by Krenim (Member # 22) on :
 
Spock: We get signal.

Kirk: What!

------------------
"The Long Kiss Goodnight begins, more or less, with Geena Davis being kicked in the head by a deer. This was the high point of the film."

- Sol System, 2/24/01
 


Posted by Saltah'na (Member # 33) on :
 
Spock begins singing Backstreet Boys songs as Kirk and McCoy contemplate suicide.

------------------
"My Name is Elmer Fudd, Millionaire. I own a Mansion and a Yacht."
Psychiatrist: "Again."
 


Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :
 
Spock: Blasted device! You shall not thwart me, Rubik's Cube!

------------------
"President Bush. It's fun saying that. Go ahead, you try." - M. Lucinsky, Spectrum Editor

"Being a liberal is one of the most gutless choices you can make. It doesn't require you to think, it only requires you to feel." - Rush Limbaugh
 


Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :
 
Liam: What have you got there, Lee?

Lee: A special device that smites people. *sets targets on First of Two and Krenim*

------------------
"President Bush. It's fun saying that. Go ahead, you try." - M. Lucinsky, Spectrum Editor

"Being a liberal is one of the most gutless choices you can make. It doesn't require you to think, it only requires you to feel." - Rush Limbaugh
 


Posted by Krenim (Member # 22) on :
 
Spock: We appear to be in some sort of voidlike void.

McCoy: Well duh...

------------------
"The Long Kiss Goodnight begins, more or less, with Geena Davis being kicked in the head by a deer. This was the high point of the film."

- Sol System, 2/24/01
 


Posted by Krenim (Member # 22) on :
 
Survivor: The Void

McCoy: I think we should vote Sulu out next. What do you think, Spock?

Spock: Do not interrupt me, Doctor. I am trying to fashion a fishing pole out of this tricorder.

------------------
"The Long Kiss Goodnight begins, more or less, with Geena Davis being kicked in the head by a deer. This was the high point of the film."

- Sol System, 2/24/01
 


Posted by Epoch (Member # 136) on :
 
Spock: I'm sorry captain but the scan shows that you don't have a heart.

Kirk: WOOHOO GUILT FREE!

------------------
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the weaponry to make the difference.



 


Posted by Nim (Member # 205) on :
 
(Bones) -Ok, Jim you're up. Go, Spock!
(Spock) -Former dictator, goes through many hairstyles, LOVES quoting literature.
(Kirk ) -*frowns* Um, damnit, it's just on the tip of my tongue...
(Bones) -Spock, better cover your ears...

------------------
Here lies a toppled god,
His turnip not a small one.
We did but build his pedestal,
A narrow and a tall one.

-Tleilaxu Epigram

[This message has been edited by Nimrod (edited March 01, 2001).]
 


Posted by Jay the Obscure (Member # 19) on :
 
Kirk: Well...

Spock: One moment please Captain.

McCoy: You still have the receipt Jim?

Kirk: Of course I do. But...damn it. This really burns my butt.

Spock: Fascinating picture that. However Captain, back to the question at hand. Regardless of what the Radioshack salesperson told you, this is not a DVD device. Clearly, you have been, as they say, taken to the cleaners.

Kirk: Oh, someone is going to get phasered over this one...

Spock: Hmm. Anyway, as I was saying, this device in fact appears to be a mish mash of electronic wiring thrown together with external buttons which light up at random intervals to give the illusion...

McCoy: You mean???

Spock: Yes Doctor, just like our set.

------------------
I should've known you were the only one stupid enough to kidnap you! Now get down here so I can spank you in front of this gawking rabble
~ C. Montgomery Burns

[This message has been edited by Jay (edited March 01, 2001).]
 


Posted by Jay the Obscure (Member # 19) on :
 
Spock: Stupid Tricorder...be more funny.

------------------
I should've known you were the only one stupid enough to kidnap you! Now get down here so I can spank you in front of this gawking rabble
~ C. Montgomery Burns

 


Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :
 
Kirk: "And you're SURE this'll get me Playboy Channel AND Spice for free, right? And it can't be detected?"

------------------
"Gee, the public whipping didn't quite convey their fascist culture, I need something more straightforward. Ah, leather hats!" --Nimrod, on National Socialism fashion design.



 


Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
 
As cancellation neared, the producers of Star Trek went shopping for corporate sponsors to keep the show running.

Kirk: "Analysis, Mr. Spock?"

Spock: "Lucky Strikes, Captain. Now with menthol."

------------------
I will shout until they know what I mean.
--
Neutral Milk Hotel
****
Read three (three!) chapters of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet"! Then, go insane!



 


Posted by Gaseous Anomaly (Member # 114) on :
 
sniggers

------------------
"Sack me!? I MADE the BBC!!"



 


Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :
 
Kirk: Well, Spock?

Spock: I'm sorry captain, the only channels I can get is the Home Shopping network, and some BBC show about cheese.

Kirk: That's the last time I buy from Panasony...

McCoy: Even in the future nothing works!

------------------
"President Bush. It's fun saying that. Go ahead, you try." - M. Lucinsky, Spectrum Editor

"Being a liberal is one of the most gutless choices you can make. It doesn't require you to think, it only requires you to feel." - Rush Limbaugh

[This message has been edited by Jeff Raven (edited March 01, 2001).]
 


Posted by Mikey T (Member # 144) on :
 
Kirk: Mr. Spock, what are you picking up?

Spock: I'm dectecting a show called Voyager, commanded by a female captain named Janeway. She is what humans call a hard ass woman.

Kirk: Hard ass? Any nudity?

Spock: There is no such thing on the show. Only there is a tall blond humanoid named Annika Hansen running around in high heels and a tight lycra outfit. Next week she apparently will date the commanding officer.

McCoy: What kind of a show is that without any nudity?

Kirk: Just wait til the sweeps come around. I hope there's action between this Hansen woman and the commander...perhaps maybe with the captian herself.

Spock: I doubt you want to see the captain without her uniform...

------------------
"Oh for fuck's sake, stop your moaning,
If you fancy a threesome at this time of night, you can't get start getting choosey about which particular three!
-Queer As Folk, UK
 


Posted by Jay the Obscure (Member # 19) on :
 
McCoy: [gasps] Look at these low, low prices on famous brand-name electronics!

Kirk: Don't be a sap, Doctor. These are just crappy knock-offs.

Spock: Pfft. I know a genuine Panaphonics when I see it. And look, there's Magnetbox and Sorny.

------------------
I should've known you were the only one stupid enough to kidnap you! Now get down here so I can spank you in front of this gawking rabble
~ C. Montgomery Burns

 


Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
 
Spock: "I see. . . an aging ham actor, with several failed marriages behind him, suddenly finding success by doing website commercials in return for stock, only to have it snatched away as the dot-com bubble bursts."

Kirk: "Damn! Poor guy!"

------------------
"I rather strongly disagree, even if I share the love of Dick. Speaking of which, that would be the most embarrasing .sig quote ever, so never use it."

- Simon Sizer, 23/01/2001

 


Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
 
Actually, Bill Shatner cashed in his stock before Priceline went under -- made quite a good deal out of it. I think he only had $200,000 in stock at the company when it went.

------------------
Star Trek Gamma Quadrant
Average Rated 6.27 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux (with four eps posted)
***
"Oh, yes, screw logic, let's go for a theory with no evidence!"
-Omega 11:48am, Jan. 19th, 2001
****
"The candidate who slimed John McCain in the primaries and smeared Al Gore in the general election is now the president who pledges to elevate the nation's tone and bring civility to our discorse. Kind of like Michael Corleone brought peace to the mob by killing the heads of the other four families."
--Paul Begala, Is Our Children Learning?



 


Posted by Saltah'na (Member # 33) on :
 
Spock: I can't believe this, according to my tricorder, it appears that Captain Kirk is actually Female!!!

*McCoy Faints*

------------------
"My Name is Elmer Fudd, Millionaire. I own a Mansion and a Yacht."
Psychiatrist: "Again."
 


Posted by Fabrux (Member # 71) on :
 
Spock: "Anyone remember how to write a 'k'?"

Kirk: "I think you draw a straight line with another coming out of it..."

McCoy: "Damnit, Spock, I'm a Doctor not a Graffiti reference card!"

------------------
"Lately I've noticed that everyone seems to trust me. It's really quite unnerving. I'm still trying to get used to it."
- Garak, "Empok Nor"

 


Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
 
Spock: "Do you have any threes?"

Kirk: "Go fish."

------------------
We are the Borg. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
"Wowsers!"
-Star Trek: Series ?: "A Pair o' Docs, part II"
 


Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
 
Kirk: "What is it, Spock? What do you see?"

Spock: "I see a great hand, reaching out of the stars."

Kirk: "Ooh, that sounds good! What else?"

Spock: "I hear millions of voices calling your name."

Kirk: "My fans, I bet."

McCoy: "Ha! Probably your victims."

Kirk: "Nobody asked you!"

------------------
I will shout until they know what I mean.
--
Neutral Milk Hotel
****
Read three (three!) chapters of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet"! Then, go insane!



 


Posted by Mikey T (Member # 144) on :
 
Kirk: Is it working yet?

Spock: Please captain, this is a very sensative machine...I must be careful.

McCoy: I wonder how accurate it will be..

Kirk: It better be accurate. I just don't feel the same ever since we recieved the new crew members from Gailos 5

Spock: Captain, I have the gaydar machine operational. Who should I scan first?

McCoy and Kirk: Chekov!!!

------------------
"Oh for fuck's sake, stop your moaning,
If you fancy a threesome at this time of night, you can't get start getting choosey about which particular three!
-Queer As Folk, UK

[This message has been edited by Michael_T (edited March 02, 2001).]
 


Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :
 
Spock: Patience, Jim. Vulcan finger traps are quite testy.

------------------
"President Bush. It's fun saying that. Go ahead, you try." - M. Lucinsky, Spectrum Editor

"Being a liberal is one of the most gutless choices you can make. It doesn't require you to think, it only requires you to feel." - Rush Limbaugh
 


Posted by Vacuum robot lady from Spaceballs (Member # 239) on :
 
Spock: I'm almost done...here...just finishing the bussard...

McCoy: Now, don't shake it like last time, Spock.

Kirk: He's Right. These 'Etch-a-sketch'-Corders are quite sensitive.

Spock: Indeed, Captain.

-----------------

Director: Cut! What's the problem now?

Nimoy: The light here isn't turning on.

Kelley: Well, what's the problem?

Nimoy: The batteries are fine. Here, I've almost got it, it seems to be...*tug*...a hairpiece.

Director: Dammit Bill! Again with the hairpieces in the Machinery? I bet Kirk Douglas wouldn't have had this problem.

-----------------

Spock: I GOT THE POWERUP AND WON THE GAME!

-----------------

Spock: Oh yeah, here we go...

McCoy: Look at that one!

Kirk: Wait, what's that window that just appeared?? No, we don't want access to the top 69, just close it Spock.

Spock: I have done so, but here, three more have replaced it.

McCoy: And more now! They've crashed the sensors!

Kirk: DAMN YOU POPUPS! DAMN YYYYYOOOOOUUUU!!!!

------------------
"This is such an amazingly minor complaint. Does anyone actually watch episodes anymore, or is it just a notebook + pause button exercise these days?"
-Sol System on what constitutes modern day Star Trek watching, 02-22-01


 


Posted by Saltah'na (Member # 33) on :
 
Spock: "Today's Latest News. Federation destroyed by Klingon and Romulan Alliance"

Kirk and McCoy: *GASP*

Spock: Hahahaha...... gotcha..... just love these novelty items, huh?

------------------
"My Name is Elmer Fudd, Millionaire. I own a Mansion and a Yacht."
Psychiatrist: "Again."
 


Posted by Hobbes (Member # 138) on :
 
Kirk: "Come on Spock, we need to get back to the Enterprise."

Spock: "One moment Captain, T'Xing is about to find out that Selik is having an affair with her twin sister T'Pring while she was going through the Kolinahr ritual."

McCoy: "Dammit you green-blooded.... we don't time have time for Vulcan soaps."

------------------
Flare: Where sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Federation Starship Datalink: Brand new look, fresh minty scent, same great taste!
 


Posted by Michael Dracon (Member # 4) on :
 
Kirk: "Red, Red, Yellow, Black."

Spock: "That is, as you say, not it."

Bones: "Try: Red, Black, Yellow, Red."

------------------
Terry: "Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, ...."
Max: "And?"
Terry: "I forgot."
Max: "Come on, Clinton was the fun one, then came the boring one."
Terry: "They're all boring."

- Batman Beyond (aka: Batman of the Future)

 


Posted by Michael Dracon (Member # 4) on :
 
Spock: "I'm sorry captain. As you can see this one only plays tapes."

Kirk: "Damnit! I need one which can play CD's..."

Bones: "I told you to go for the Mustang, I saw CD cases on the passenger seat."

------------------
Terry: "Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, ...."
Max: "And?"
Terry: "I forgot."
Max: "Come on, Clinton was the fun one, then came the boring one."
Terry: "They're all boring."

- Batman Beyond (aka: Batman of the Future)

 


Posted by Mikey T (Member # 144) on :
 
Kirk: Spock, let's go!! We don't have time for this. We need to rescue the hostages.

Spock: Hold on captain, I am attempting to make this device work, but it seems to be low on batteries.

Kirk: Take it with you and have Scotty fix the power problem.

McCoy: Why don't you just borrow batteries from Kirk... he has plenty of battery powered devices in his quarters like his martini stirer...

------------------
"Oh for fuck's sake, stop your moaning,
If you fancy a threesome at this time of night, you can't get start getting choosey about which particular three!
-Queer As Folk, UK
 


Posted by Nim (Member # 205) on :
 
"battery-powered devices"? I can't see the end of this...

------------------
Here lies a toppled god,
His turnip not a small one.
We did but build his pedestal,
A narrow and a tall one.

-Tleilaxu Epigram



 


Posted by Jay the Obscure (Member # 19) on :
 
McCoy: Have you established a better connection yet.

Spock: Please be patient Doctor, I am working to solve the problem regardeing the poor feed.

Kirk: Calm down Bones, he needs his space to work.

Spock: Ah, there, I have established a clear video feed. It seems to be video from an old Earth source....

McCoy: Do we ever receive any other kind?

Krik: Shut it Bones.

Spock: Hmm, this looks interesting.

Kirk: Is it archived footage of the devistating biological conflicts of the late 20th century? Damned Yangs and Kohms.

McCoy: Or is is film of a beautifual young woman who runs a soup kitched who needs help to cross the street only to do so would mess up the time line?

Spock: It is neither gentlemen.

Kirk: Well, what is it?

Spock: Louis Theroux's Weird Weekends

------------------
I should've known you were the only one stupid enough to kidnap you! Now get down here so I can spank you in front of this gawking rabble
~ C. Montgomery Burns

[This message has been edited by Jay (edited March 05, 2001).]
 


Posted by Michael Dracon (Member # 4) on :
 
Spock: "28 k8?"

Bones: "What's a k8?"

Kirk: "It must be something small, because you can fit 28 of them in there."

------------------
Terry: "Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, ...."
Max: "And?"
Terry: "I forgot."
Max: "Come on, Clinton was the fun one, then came the boring one."
Terry: "They're all boring."

- Batman Beyond (aka: Batman of the Future)

 


Posted by Orion Syndicate (Member # 25) on :
 
McCoy: Alright you green blooded sonofabitch, you've been staring at that thing for ages. What is it?

Kirk: It's not mine!

Spock: It's an earth gadget called a penis enlarger

Kirk: It's not mine!

Spock: There's a receipt here in the name of James Kirk

Kirk: Give that to me, it was supposed to be a present for Chekov.

------------------
The Worlds Ten Greatest 'Fucks' #3

What a stupid place to plant a fucking tree - Marc Bolan

[This message has been edited by Orion Syndicate (edited March 06, 2001).]
 


Posted by Saltah'na (Member # 33) on :
 
Spock: Okay, let's try this ..... *presses button*

Clone of Kirk: *raises right hand and gives the finger*

Bones: Cool! Try another button

Spock: Let's try this ..... *presses another button*

Clone of Kirk: Hey Baby, you and me, my quarters, right now, on the double. And that's an order.

Spock: Phase two to take over the world is now complete. Our plan is proceeding according to schedule.

Bones: For once I couldn't agree with you more.

------------------
"My Name is Elmer Fudd, Millionaire. I own a Mansion and a Yacht."
Psychiatrist: "Again."

[This message has been edited by Tahna Los (edited March 05, 2001).]
 


Posted by Mikey T (Member # 144) on :
 
McCoy: Are you done yet?

Spock: No doctor, please have patience. I have two left to download.

Kirk: What is taking so long?

Spock: Captain, I am trying to download all of *Nsync's songs for free before Napster closes.

McCoy: Couldn't you do that when we get back on the Enterprise?

Kirk: He can't, we upgraded to Windows XP and the computer always tries to make him use Windows Media Player 7. Damn that Bill Gates...damn him to hell!!!!!

------------------
"Oh for fuck's sake, stop your moaning,
If you fancy a threesome at this time of night, you can't get start getting choosey about which particular three!
-Queer As Folk, UK
 


Posted by Mikey T (Member # 144) on :
 
Kirk: How far are we from the location?

Spock: About 1Km captain. Security is minimal and I detect no shields or damping fields in or around the complex except a transporter deflector. Shall I proceed then?

Kirk: Do it. Make sure we have a clear visual.

McCoy: I can't believe you didn't just pay for the damn Britney Spears concert tickets. Are you planning to save up for the Women of Wrestling Bitch O Rama charity event next week?

Kirk: Actually I was going to buy a new captain's chair but now I will.

------------------
"Oh for fuck's sake, stop your moaning,
If you fancy a threesome at this time of night, you can't get start getting choosey about which particular three!
-Queer As Folk, UK
 


Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :
 
Spock: It appears to be a divining device.

Kirk: Does it really work?

Device: 'All signs point to yes.'

Kirk: Amazing. I'm going to ask another question: Will I be famous for something other than an old science fiction captain?

Device:'Situation doubtful'

Kirk: Damn.

McCoy: My turn- Will I get to shack up with Nurse Chapel?

Device: 'Not Likely.'

Spock: Am I the greatest, mack-daddiest, coolest Vulcan that ever lived in the Galaxy?

Device: 'Yes.'

Spock: I think its working perfectly, Captain.

Device: 'Affirmative.'

------------------
"President Bush. It's fun saying that. Go ahead, you try." - M. Lucinsky, Spectrum Editor

"Being a liberal is one of the most gutless choices you can make. It doesn't require you to think, it only requires you to feel." - Rush Limbaugh
 


Posted by Right on :
 
Kirk: Well, Spock? Is the X-Ray vision working?

Spock: Yes Captain. Hmmm.

McCoy: Well, what is it you pointy eared computer?

Spock: Fascinating. I did not know Nurse Chapel does not wear underwear.

------------------
"Am I not destroying my enemies when I make them my friends?" - Abraham Lincoln

"America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail it knocks over a chair." - Arnold Toynbee

"Fighting for peace is like f***ing for virginity." - Anonymous

"Our bombs are smarter than [George W. Bush]. At least they can find Kuwait." - A. Whitney Brown

 


Posted by Hobbes (Member # 138) on :
 
So Lee, who won?

------------------
Flare: Where sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Federation Starship Datalink: Brand new look, fresh minty scent, same great taste!
 


Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
 
OK, sorry, took a while to get round to this - I need to be in the right mood, and that's when I've had time at all. Soo, here goes. . .

The winner for his B5 parody is Sol System - I'm always a sucker for those. Runners-up are Hobbes and Michael_T, and an honourable mention to Krenim for best "AYBABTU" reference of the week.

Thanks to all who took part, keep trying - I'm seeing a lot of talent here and am anticipating some of the newer contestants will soon be winning! New contest will be up shortly.

------------------
Ross: This is not good for my rage. *takes another pill*

 


Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :
 
Goal!

------------------
I will shout until they know what I mean.
--
Neutral Milk Hotel
****
Read three (three!) chapters of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet"! Then, go insane!



 


Posted by Jay the Obscure (Member # 19) on :
 
Oh, Simon is just a suck-up anyway.

------------------
I should've known you were the only one stupid enough to kidnap you! Now get down here so I can spank you in front of this gawking rabble
~ C. Montgomery Burns

 


Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :
 
No Miss Congeniality prize for you, young lady!

------------------
Ross: This is not good for my rage. *takes another pill*

 




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