Flare Sci-Fi Forums: For the CapCom is Hollow, And I have Touched the Sky

This is topic For the CapCom is Hollow, And I have Touched the Sky in forum Forum Competitions at Flare Sci-Fi Forums.

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Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :

No, NOT "I have touched this guy," Jordan, don't get excited. 8)

Anyway, being as I am a fan of Series ?, I saw this picture. . .

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"I never saw the TAS, there actually was sex on the bridge?"

- Matrix, 14/03/2001

Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :

Officer: My God, Captain! It's William Shatner's Hairpiece!

Captain: Evasive Maneuvres!

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"Goverment exists to serve, not to lead. We do not exist by its volition, it exists by ours. Bear that in mind when you insult your neighbors for refusing to bow before it." J. Richmond

[This message has been edited by Jeff Raven (edited March 17, 2001).]

Posted by Quatre Winner (Member # 464) on :

*THWACKS Lee*

Shaddup, you!

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In this crazy world of lemons, baby...you're lemonade!

Posted by Mikey T (Member # 144) on :

Helmsman: Sir, I'm picking up a Federation starship, late 24th Century.

Captain: Try to identify the ship and...

Helmsman: It's being identified as USS Voyager, NCC-74656!!!

Captain: If that ship has entered in here, we must destroy it or our series continuity will be destroyed. Red Alert!! Shields up and arm the tri-cobalt torpedoes in all 15 torp launchers.

Helmsman: But we don't have 15 launchers...

Captain: Dear god...it has begun...

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"Oh for fuck's sake, stop your moaning,
If you fancy a threesome at this time of night, you can't get start getting choosey about which particular three!
-Queer As Folk, UK

[This message has been edited by Michael_T (edited March 18, 2001).]

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

guy: "Wow, Captain, you were right... These new vibrating chairs are sweet!"

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"...I know this board in secret, intimate ways which are beyond your comprehension.... Let's just say that people should *not* be telling me what to do; it should always be the other way around."
-"Red Quacker", conspiracy theorist and contemporary lunatic

Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :

Braxton: "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...The Lord of the Dance."

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Not even a god can deny that I have squared the circle of a static Earth and cubed the Earth sphere by rotating it once to a dynamic Time or Life Cube.
--
Gene Ray
****
Read three (three!) chapters of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet" Or don't. You know, whatever.

Posted by Gaseous Anomaly (Member # 114) on :

Guy sitting down: Watch this, dude. Imo get the power-up AND WIN THE GAME!!

Guy standing up: Sweet.

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At that point, McDonald fired his gun three times in the air to emphasize his point. The crowd, estimated at 350,000, loudly cheered the new candidate.

"Let me make this clear: I am the law! I am your ruler! And you will have fries with that, motherf*cker!"

Posted by Quatre Winner (Member # 464) on :

Timeship Flunky: My God! It's huge! It's enormous! How will Sol's penis fit inside of the shuttle bay?!

Braxton: Lots and LOTS of KY, my boy...

(Gross, ain't it?)

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In this crazy world of lemons, baby...you're lemonade!

Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :

Officer: Garish colors...push-buttons...Mini-skirts? Is *that* our future??

Captain: Yep.

Posted by Vacuum robot lady from Spaceballs (Member # 239) on :

To use the ever-ready source of comedic excellence:

Operator: Main Screen Turn On.

Captain: It's You!

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"Instructed by history and reflection, Julian was persuaded that, if the diseases of the body may sometimes be cured by salutary violence, neither steel nor fire can eradicate the erroneous opinions of the mind."

-Edward Gibbons, The Decline and Fall of The Roman Empire.

Posted by Jay the Obscure (Member # 19) on :

Officer: According to sensors Captain, you indeed do have a stick up your butt.

Captain: Excellent.

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The negotiations have failed. Shoot him!
~ C. Montgomery Burns

Posted by Jay the Obscure (Member # 19) on :

Captain: Things are all ship shape on the ol' bridge?

Officer: Well, we are all feeling a bit shagged and fagged and fashed, it being a night of no small expenditure.

Captain: Buh?

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The negotiations have failed. Shoot him!
~ C. Montgomery Burns

Posted by Michael Dracon (Member # 4) on :

Someone outside the picture: "OOOooohh! Pretty colors!"

Captain Braxton: "I said give me FULL power, not Flower Power!"

Helmsman: "Uhm, yes, sorry dude... uhm... captain."

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Terry: "Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, ...."
Max: "And?"
Terry: "I forgot."
Max: "Come on, Clinton was the fun one, then came the boring one."
Terry: "They're all boring."

- Batman Beyond (aka: Batman of the Future)

Posted by Orion Syndicate (Member # 25) on :

Helmsman: Captain Braxton, isn't that you shagging my mother on the screen.

Braxton: Shit! I knew her fetish for taping our sexual antics would catch up with me some time. Well I suppose you had to find out some time.

Helmsman: But from the date on the home video.....

Braxton: ....Yes, *cue Darth Vader voice* I am your father.

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The Worlds Ten Greatest 'Fucks' #6

No fuckers gonna know - Richard Nixon

Posted by Quatre Winner (Member # 464) on :

Timeship Flunky: "Are you thinking what..."

Braxton: "Yes."

Timeship Flunky: "Aishiteiru."

Braxton: "Wakatta, boku no koi."

Timeship Flunky: "Omae wa ore no mono da."

Braxton: "Saaa...Oi, Lieutenant..."

Timeship Flunky: "Nani ka?"

Braxton: "Watashi wa...anoo...boku wa...oh, screw it. I'm running out of fan-known nihongo phrases. Ah well, it was fun while it lasted..."

Timeship Flunky: "Nimyuu kanryou."

*There was a slight pause and a ruffling sound.*

Timeship Flunky: "HEEEY! These'll work...Do you want to go with...okay."

Braxton: "Kinoo no yoru nani o tabemashita ka...?"

Timeship Flunky: "Eeto, kinoo no yoru desu ka. Sukiyaki o tabemashita."

Braxton: "Hoka ni wa."

Timeship Flunky: "Eeto...Hoka ni wa...Yakitori o tabemashita."

Braxton: "Wa yoku eega ni ikimasu ka?"

Timeship Flunky: "Uun, amari ikimasen ne. Wa...?"

Braxton: "Tokidoki ikimasu. Demo, terebi no eega wa yoku mimasu."

Timeship Flunky: "Watashi wa terebi mo amari mimasen."

Braxton: "Sumimasen. Chiizubaagaa wa arimasu ka?"

Timeship Flunky: "Hai, arimasu."

Braxton: "Ikura desu ka?"

Timeship Flunky: "330-en desu."

Braxton: "Jaa, chiizubaagaa to koohii o onegai shimasu."

Timeship Flunky: "Arigato gozaimasu. 480-en desu."

Braxton: "Basu ga tomaru to mina isoide norimashita."

Timeship Flunky: "Hashi de taberu koto ga dekimasu ka?"

Braxton: "Enough."

Timeship Flunky: "Yeah, thank god for phrasebooks. I hope we confused a lot of people."

Braxton: "Do you know what we just said?"

Timeship Flunky "You know what? I don't have a clue. And frankly, I like it that way."

Braxton: "Hn."

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In this crazy world of lemons, baby...you're lemonade!

Posted by Mikey T (Member # 144) on :

Braxton: I see that the Federation starship Baywatch is here. Hail them.

Helmsman: Yes sir.

*viewscreen opens*

Braxton: Captain Anderson, it's very nice to see you again.

*Helmsman stares to the point of orgasm*

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"Oh for fuck's sake, stop your moaning,
If you fancy a threesome at this time of night, you can't get start getting choosey about which particular three!
-Queer As Folk, UK

Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :

My God - someone who remembers the USS Baywatch. . .

And, hint: Entries I can't understand don't win. 8)

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"Kif, I have made it with a woman! Inform the crew!"

- Zapp Brannigan

Posted by Quatre Winner (Member # 464) on :

*glares at Lee*

Oh, all right...here's the damn translation...

"What did you eat last night?"
"Well, last night...I ate sukiyaki."
"Anything else?"
"Well, anything else...I ate yakitori."
"Do you often go to movies?"
"Well, I don't go very much. How about you?"
"I go sometimes, but I often watch movies on television."
"I don't watch television much, either."
"Excuse me, do you have cheeseburgers?"
"Yes, we do."
"How much do they cost?"
"330 yen."
"Well, then, please give me a cheeseburger and coffee."
"Thank you. That will be 480 yen."
"When the bus stopped, we all got on in a hurry."
"Are you able to eat with chopsticks?"
"Hn."

Be glad it wasn't in Gaelic. I was studying that two years ago before I decided to switch to Japanese...

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In this crazy world of lemons, baby...you're lemonade!

Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :

Officer: Captain, look! a 1977 Original Jawa figurine with the painted model and felt overcoat! AND IT'S ONLY $188.75 ON EBAY!

Captain: That's nothing. I have the November 1977 Gold Plated C-3PO figurine with solid silver stand in its original packaging AND not a mark on the box.

Posted by Michael Dracon (Member # 4) on :

Braxton: "Captain's log, stardate 474439.G, USS Relativity, NCV 447439.6 ..."

Helmsman: "That's the other way around sir!

Braxton: "Oh right. Uhmm.... Take a microjump into the past, and we'll do it again. We'll pretend this never happened."

Helmsman: "Yes sir. Done sir!"

Braxton: "Captain's log, stardate 447439.7, USS Relativity, NCV-474439-G ..."

Helmsman: "That's point six sir, not point seven. We went to the past, remember."

Braxton: "Ah yes! Let's do that again, shall we.

Helmsman: "Yes sir! Microjump completed!"

Braxton: "Captain's log, stardate 447439.6, USS Relavity, NCV-474439-G ..."

Helmsman: "Uhm sir, That's Relativity..."

Braxton: "Ah screw it, I quit!"

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Terry: "Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, ...."
Max: "And?"
Terry: "I forgot."
Max: "Come on, Clinton was the fun one, then came the boring one."
Terry: "They're all boring."

- Batman Beyond (aka: Batman of the Future)

Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :

Captain: Thank you for previewing my slideshow, Ensign. Now, I want you to be totally frank: Does my bum look big in that?

Officer: Er...um...uh...

Posted by Saltah'na (Member # 33) on :

Helmsman: And here's the new "Seven of Nine-Uncovered" Web Site.

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"Or maybe he was a real quack who got sick and tired of pissing people off, and decided to get a life and masterbate for the next 10 years."
- Me to Antagonist on Red Quacker, 03/08/01 20:15

Posted by Jay the Obscure (Member # 19) on :

Officer: Um, Captain Braxton....That last line was from your guest apperance on "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman."

Captain: Damn fine show.

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The negotiations have failed. Shoot him!
~ C. Montgomery Burns

Posted by Jay the Obscure (Member # 19) on :

I tried hard to resist. I really did...well, not really.

---

Helmsman: Captain, you better have a look at this sensor reading.

Captain Braxton: What is it, son? Better put it on the main view screen.

Helmsman: I don't know what it is sir, but it looks like a giant--

Person 1 (in background): Dick! Dick, take a look at this screen.

Person 2 (in background): Oh my God, it looks like a huge--

Ensign 1 (offscreen in background entering the bridge): Pecker?!?!

Ensign 2 (offscreen in background): Classic John Waters movie of the late 20th century, you must see it. Oh goodness, (Pointing to the main view screen) that's a giant--

Captian Braxton (to person seated wearing brown): Wang! Danm it man, pay attention!

Lieutenant Wang: Sorry, sir I was distracted by the sensor reading of that giant flying--

Helmsman: Johnson. Sir, Commander Johnson has identified the object. It's Sol System's enormous --

Ensign 2 (offscreen in background): Shaft. Yet another great late 20th century movie.

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The negotiations have failed. Shoot him!
~ C. Montgomery Burns

[This message has been edited by Jay (edited March 20, 2001).]

Posted by Mikey T (Member # 144) on :

Captain Braxton: I can't believe that she wore that dress to the Grammys. It's just transparent plastic over a thong bikini.

Helmsman: It could be worse, sir.

Captain Braxton: How so?

Helmsman: You didn't end up drunk and sleeping with her.

Captain Braxton: And that's bad? Look at her...

Helmsman: I prefer not to, sir.

Captain Braxton: I frankly don't know what's your problem with RuPaul. I think she's a very attractive woman.

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"Oh for fuck's sake, stop your moaning,
If you fancy a threesome at this time of night, you can't get start getting choosey about which particular three!
-Queer As Folk, UK

Posted by Justin_Timberland (Member # 236) on :

Braxton: So how was your date with Seven of Nine last night Lt.?

Helmsman: Ah...I'd rather not talk about it...

Braxton: Well from what I've heard, it sounded like you two had fun. Feeling better?

Helmsman: Sir?

Braxton: The doctor told me you went to sickbay afterwards. Something about an injury. I take it that you two had too much fun...

Helmsman: Not really sir.

Braxton: Why not?

Helmsman: She broke a few things in my quarters.

Braxton: Oh...she went Klingon. Well I could see that coming. What did she break?

Helmsman: A table, several chairs, a vase, some nuts...

Braxton: I see...

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There's more to life than just sex...there's sex with chocolate.

Posted by Saltah'na (Member # 33) on :

Braxton: Shift the viewscreen to the left.

Helmsman: How's that?

Braxton: Much better. Now zoom in about 200%. God, she's a thing of beauty, isn't it?

Helmsman: Yep, never seen something so closely rounded before. And she looks pretty hot too, doesn't she?

Braxton: Uh huh. Never saw a better looking gas giant like this one.

[This message has been edited by Tahna Los (edited March 20, 2001).]

Posted by Krenim (Member # 22) on :

They're Braxton and Ducane!
They're Braxton and Ducane!
One is the captain!
The other's... Ducane!
They're travelling through time!
Soon we'll end this stupid rhyme!
They're Braxton, they're Braxton and Ducane, Ducane, Ducane, Ducane, Ducane!

Rand and Valtane (offscreen): We'll sue for this, Braxton! Oh, how we'll sue!

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"The Long Kiss Goodnight begins, more or less, with Geena Davis being kicked in the head by a deer. This was the high point of the film."

- Sol System, 2/24/01

Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :

Officer: Sir, I've finally done it... I've hacked into Charles Capps' sheep porn collection...

Captain: mmmmm....

Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :

Considering the current status of the picture:

Braxton: "Damn it! I told you not to press that button!"

Posted by Vacuum robot lady from Spaceballs (Member # 239) on :

Officer: My...god! Is that Dolph Lundgren, sir?

Braxton: Yes it is. He would be a good Captain.

Officer: A good captain indeed, captain.

Braxton: What?

Officer: DOLPH LUNDGREN!

-Edward Gibbons, The Decline and Fall of The Roman Empire.

Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :

Braxton: I just don't know. My mind's a blank.

Officer: Yeah me too.

Pic is still down, eh?

Posted by Mikey T (Member # 144) on :

Helmsman: Sir, we have the viewscreen operational again.

Braxton: Bring bridge sensor 16 on viewscreen.

Helmsman: Aye sir. Captain...is that you? You look different since you were in command of the Aeon.

Braxton: By George you're right! Damn the camera adds ten pounds...

------------------
"Oh for fuck's sake, stop your moaning,
If you fancy a threesome at this time of night, you can't get start getting choosey about which particular three!
-Queer As Folk, UK

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

guy: "Fuck! Even in the future, nothing works!"

I dunno... For a brief moment, his face reminded me of Rick Moranis, for some reason... *L*

Posted by Hobbes (Member # 138) on :

Braxton: "Well after 900 years the first transmissions of Series V will reach us here in the Delta Quadrant."

Duncane: "Couldn't we of just gone back to 2001 and see it for the first time?"

Braxton: "... It's starting."

Duncane: "My God...captain."

Braxton: "Yes, yet another series ruined by Braga. Damn you Braga."

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Flare: Where sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Federation Starship Datalink: Brand new look, fresh minty scent, same great taste!

Posted by Krenim (Member # 22) on :

Ducane: Sir, shouldn't this CapCom have been judged by now?

Braxton: No, this CapCom should have been judged by now...

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"The Long Kiss Goodnight begins, more or less, with Geena Davis being kicked in the head by a deer. This was the high point of the film."

- Sol System, 2/24/01

Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :

Sulu: I AM CAPTAIN! I AM CAPTAIN! I AM --

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Star Trek Gamma Quadrant
Average Rated 8.32 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux (with seven eps posted)
***
"Oh, yes, screw logic, let's go for a theory with no evidence!"
-Omega 11:48am, Jan. 19th, 2001

Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :

Officer: Sir, I can access the Flare Forum archives of 2001 and find the winners of this CapCom.

Braxton: You are forgetting, Ensign. Lee still has the adminstrator password on all the Windows 3000 machines. Best not to upset him.

Posted by Sol System (Member # 30) on :

Braxton: "Ducane, report."

Ducane: "Hmm. Difficult to see, the future is."

Braxton: "What? It's right there. There, on your console. Just tell me what it says!"

Ducane: "I see...a great hand..."

Braxton: "Oh, not again."

Posted by Lee (Member # 393) on :

OK, OK, I have a sex life now, in fact, I might as well come out and say it.

I'm in love.

There. Now, where were we? The winner is Jay, finally hitting the right note with his Austin Powers pastiche. Runners-up are Ultra Magnus and Altair. Honourable mention goes to Krenim for inspiring this particular competition and coming up with some good entries.

Simon's last entry was good too, but I'd already decided Jay's was best (and he's been more than unusually gifted already, he can't win every CapCom too).

I'll have a new one up shortly. As usual, congrats to the winners. 8)

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"Kif, I have made it with a woman! Inform the crew!"

- Zapp Brannigan

Posted by Vacuum robot lady from Spaceballs (Member # 239) on :

w00T w00T!

Posted by Nim (Member # 205) on :

Soll ich den kleine schweine t�ten?

[This message has been edited by Nimrod (edited March 26, 2001).]

Posted by Jay the Obscure (Member # 19) on :

Ah, gee shucks. I fell all special now.

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The negotiations have failed. Shoot him!
~ C. Montgomery Burns

Posted by Harry (Member # 265) on :

*silence*

*still silence*

*more silence*

Braxton:"Err, didn't I just order you to take us out of Spacedock?"

Officer:"No, Sir"

Braxton:"Oh, OK"

*silence*

*more silence*

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"To all Harry-Fans: I meant no disrespect against Harry and have nothing against the stupid little creature. Thanks and enjoy the show."
Nimrod, 04-04-01.

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Titan Fleet Yards - Harry Doddema's Star Trek Site