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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Mars Needs Women: [QB] Star Trek:Squarepants Written By:Marsneedswomen The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt. After the credits, we see a refrigerator opening. This confuses the audience to no end. Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are drinking warm apple juice. During this scene, Picard complains about his impotence. There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must buy Windows Vista. Thus, beginning their mission. When they arrive at this mission, Data has sex with a cylon. This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving a Federation fleet retaking Deep Space Nine! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately. Later on, Picard finally finds out that Shin Meat is building a giant enema bag, and thus the plot of the film finally begins. As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Seven of Nine's cleavage, though this person doesn't really help anything. Then, Shin Meat , the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Shin Meat is not REALLY that bad, because this villian missed too many episode's of NBC's Heroes. The crew then learns that Trantor is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue! While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'I Touch Myself.' The audience groans. A little later, Worf has violent diarrhea. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience. Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, swims naked in chocolate ice cream. A little later, Doctor Who makes a joke about Daleks. The audience doesn't laugh, however. Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the nudist retreat. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite. Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film. Soon, Picard chest is shaved. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason... Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Poppycock!' The audience pretends this is cool and edgy. Finally, the crew discovers that Shin Meat has a Toaster Strudel ! This makes the situation very dangerous! In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'That's just about the finest smell in the world, 'cept maybe for pussy.!' ...even though this makes no sense. In their attempts to stop Shin Meat , Riker pulls a rabbit out of his ass. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Shin Meat . Soon, Riker shoots at Spot the Cat. But this doesn't help anything. There is a final showdown in a nebula called Taco Bell Rift . Almost defeated, Shin Meat , in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his Toaster Strudel ! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him. Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Shin Meat by giving him a wet-willy. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily his mother's lesbian lover saves Picard at the last moment. Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with his impotence. Picard then gives a speech about how Windows Vista sucks. The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space. The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack. THE END [/QB][/QUOTE]
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