Flare Sci-Fi Forums: Revised Borchardt write-up

This is topic Revised Borchardt write-up in forum Designs, Artwork, & Creativity at Flare Sci-Fi Forums.

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Posted by Baloo (Member # 5) on :

I've been going through my website to see what images need correcting (so the different views agree), making sure that the ship descriptions don't contradict one another (or the dimensions shown in the ship's picture), and standardize the sizes of the images.

I just finished revising the Borchardt class escort. What do you think? (Opens in a new window.)

--Baloo

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"Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves."
-- William Pitt
Come Hither and Yawn...

Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :

Well, just from an english-language standpoint, this neds fixing:

"(It's limited range meant that it) could not operate independently, however, as (it's limited range
meant that it) dare not stray far from its support vessels."

for word redundancy. (problem phrases in parenthesis).

Other than that, it's great!

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"Nobody knows this, but I'm scared all the time... of what I might do, if I ever let go." -- Michael Garibaldi

Posted by Baloo (Member # 5) on :

Thanks! Sometimes when you edit and re-edit something like that, it's too easy to overlook errors like that. It's kind of how you have to look twice at

Paris in the
the spring

Before you realize there's too many "the"s in it. I probably wrote the sentence one way, then decided to move the redundant phrase to another part of the sentence, got distracted, and forgot to finish the edit. That's why I've been going back over these and checking for errors.

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"Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves."
-- William Pitt
Come Hither and Yawn...

[This message has been edited by Baloo (edited February 19, 2000).]