Episode 3: When Tribbles Attack, Part III

"Captain's Log: Supplemental. I have ordered the Relativity to persue the Aeon through time once again, so that..."

"Sulu! Get out of my chair!"

"You can't tell me what to do! This is my series!"

"My ship!"

"My series!"

"That's it! Get out of my chair before I zap you with my phaser!"

Ducane tapped Braxton's shoulder. "Uh, sir... That's a bottle of mustard..."

"So it is! Well... That's even better! It's well known to history experts such as myself that Sulu..."

"CAPTAIN Sulu!"

"...that CAPTAIN Sulu hated mustard! Now, get out of my chair before I ram this bottle down your throat!"

Sulu grudgingly got out of the captain's chair, which Braxton then occupied. "Captain's Log: Supplemental. I have ordered the Relativity to persue the Aeon through time once again, so that we may recapture my three deranged temporal clones."

Ducane checked his instruments. "Sir, we're about to make the transition back to normal space-time."

"No, from the look of things, we're about to make the transition back to normal space-time..."

***

"Captain's Log, Stardate... Uh... Tuvok, what's the stardate?"

"I'm not sure, Captain. I don't have my Star Trek Chronology with me..."

"Mr. Tuvok, do you have any idea how difficult it is to do a time travel story without a copy of the Star Trek Chronology?"

"No, Captain."

"Well, it's pretty difficult!"

Harry Kim looked up from his instruments. "Captain, a ship has just been picked up by sensors. It's the Aeon!"

"Braxton? Won't this be the fifth time he's tried to blow up Voyager?"

"Third time, sir."

"Right... Third time..."

Tuvok raised his eyebrow in typical Vulcan fashion. "Shall I raise shields?"

Janeway shook her head. "No, we can't raise our shields right now. I've ordered all power to the transporters."

"The transporters, Captain?"

"Yes, I've found the method of drinking coffee far too archaic for a technocrat such as myself. Now I just have the coffee beamed directly into my bloodstream."

"That's all well and good, Captain, but if the Aeon blows up Voyager, it will also blow up your coffee."

"Noooooooooooo! Raise shields! Hail the Aeon!"

***

On the Aeon, Old Captain Braxton, Young Old Psycho Braxton, and Old Old Psycho Braxton were crammed into the cockpit, waiting to make their next move.

Old Captain Braxton said, "If A leads to B, and B leads to C..."

Old Old Psycho Braxton turned and glared at Old Captain Braxton. "I've had enough of your technobabble! Just get to the point!"

"Well, I think Voyager is hailing us."

"Blast! I just had the windshield replaced last week!"

"We were in the Relativity's brig last week!"

"Oh... I see your point..."

"Besides, I meant they want to talk to us."

"Oh... Very well, put them onscreen!"

Janeway's face came onscreen. "Alright, Braxton... Hey! There are three of you... Braxton, Braxton, and Braxton... That's a good name for a law firm..."

"Shut up, Janeway! We're here for our revenge!"

"Not likely, Braxtons! We've raised shields!"

"Ah, but you forget, Captain... Revenge is a dish that is best served cold!"

"Because it's very cold in space?"

"No, because with all your power diverted to shields, your coffee will get very cold very fast!"

"KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

Tuvok rolled his eyes. "Braxton, sir..."

"Right... BRAAAAAAAXTOOOOOOOOOOOON!"

Old Captain Braxton and Old Old Psycho Braxton began to laugh maniacally, with Young Old Psycho Braxton screaming "VOYAGER GO BOOM!"

***

The Relativity made the transition to normal time. Ducane checked his sensors. "Sir, we're now in the late 24th Century, in the Delta Quadrant. It appears the Aeon is going after Voyager."

"Voyager? I hate those guys! Can't we just let my clones destroy them?"

"No, sir, we can't..."

"Very well... We'll save them. After we milk the cows."

"The cows, sir?"

"Yes, the cows... The cows say moo. Moo..."

"Ducane to Doctor. Braxton's babbling again... You'd better get up here..."

Sulu tapped Ducane on the shoulder. "Are you SURE you don't want me to be your captain?"

***

Back in the 23rd Century, the crew of the captainless Excelsior was having its own problems.

Valtane checked his instruments. "Klingon battlefleet approaching, sir! What do we do?"

The lifelike Sulu replica continued to stare blankly into space. "Aye, sir. Ahead warp factor 5."

Rand finally had enough. "That's it! We're out of here!"

The Excelsior powered up its warp engines and headed back towards the Federation.

***

Meanwhile, the Klingon battlefleet, led by Kang, beared down on the tribble homeworld. "At last, we will reveal ourselves to the tribbles! At last we will have revenge!"

Kor tapped Kang on the back. "Wrong sci-fi series..."

The fleet came out of warp and blasted the tribble homeworld to bits. Shouts of "Huzzah!" were heard from the Klingon ships.

Koloth ran onto the bridge. "Wait, sir! We can't destroy the tribbles! I've just designed a new alarm clock for Klingons that will make us millions, but they need tribbles to work!"

Shouts of "D'oh!" were then heard from the Klingon fleet...

***

Janeway tried to take another sip of her ice cold coffee while the Braxton Bunch continued to laugh manically. Finally she had enough. "I NEED HOT COFFEE!"

Before anyone could stop her, Janeway transferred all power from the shields to her portable coffee heater.

Old Old Psycho Braxton punched a few buttons really quickly. "At last we have revealed ourselves to Voyager! At last we have had revenge!"

With that, the Aeon vanished again.

Janeway chugged down a hot mug of coffee. "Yummie! Now, what do you suppose that was all about?"

Harry shrugged. "Beats me, but now the Relativity is here..."

"How would you know? You've never even seen the Relativity!"

"It says so on its hull, Captain."

"Oh..."

Young Captain Braxton, Ducane, and Sulu beamed onto Voyager's bridge. Janeway scowled. "So we meet again, Captain Braxton!"

"No, we meet again, Captain Janeway! But enough of that! Your ship is in terrible danger, and its up to me to save you!"

"From your crazy clones?"

"No, from my crazy clones! They've already set in motion their evil and twisted plan! Their evil, twisted, and fluffy plan!"

Ducane rolled his eyes and tapped his communicator. "Doctor, we need you again..."

Braxton gave Ducane a death stare. "No, I'm perfectly fine, Ducane! Their plan really is fluffy! You see, their plan somehow involves the most lethal weapon in the galaxy: Tribbles!"

"Tribbles?"

"No, tribbles! And we've got to figure out what my evil clones did with those tribbles before its too late..."

To Be Continued...

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"Time is but a window. Death is but a door. I'll be back."

- Vigo the Carpathian, Ghostbusters II.

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me: "I need a new sig..."
CC: "Well create one."
-why I don't have a real signature
 

That said, I think this 'story' is flippin' hilarious!
I've just GOT to go plug in the old Commie-64 so I can get a copy of my old "Q&A" parody...

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"Nobody knows this, but I'm scared all the time... of what I might do, if I ever let go." -- Michael Garibaldi

[This message has been edited by First of Two (edited March 29, 2000).]
 

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"Species 5618, human. Warp-capable, origin grid 325, physiology inefficient, below average cranium capacity, minimum redundant systems, limited regenerative abilities."
Ex Astris Scientia
 

Seriously... love the stories... can't wait for part IV!

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"Replicate some marmalade, Commander - helm control is toast!"