Flare Sci-fi Forums
Flare Sci-Fi Forums Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Flare Sci-Fi Forums » Community » Officers' Lounge » My cousin sent me this (Part II)

Author Topic: My cousin sent me this (Part II)
Member # 5

 - posted      Profile for Baloo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Cleaning out the Gene Pool

And What Was Plan B?

An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts...

And These Nitwits Are Teaching Our Children!

A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher." And a student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy...

With a Little Help from Our Friends!

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting to please come out and give himself up...

Some Days, It Just Doesn't Pay to Gnaw Through the Straps...

Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."

Do-It-Yourself Brain Surgery?

In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain...

And for the Main Course...

A man in Taormina, Italy was hospitalized after swallowing 46 teaspoons, 2 cigarette lighters, and a pair of salad tongs. Yummm...

The Getaway

A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.


I'll rest easier when I doscover these to be urban folklore.

Don't call me a Yank.
I prefer to be referred to as a "Pull with a Sudden Movement".

Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
Jeff Raven
Always Right
Member # 20

 - posted      Profile for Jeff Raven     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
How about the guy who tried to rob a store that was closing... He pulls a gun on the clerk and asks for all the money in the drawer. The clerk tells him there's nothing in the register, and the robber replied, "Uh, sorry then, well this gun wasn't really loaded either."

Plus I've heard stories of bank robbers getting into police cars instead of their own getaway cars, a robber who was pinned to the ground by a female wrestler when he tried to steal her purse, and some who use their own bank receipts for letters to the tellers asking for the money.

Jeff Raven - Having more fun than any human being should be allowed to have

Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
Senior Member
Member # 27

 - posted      Profile for RW     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 

This was in the newspaper a couple of days ago, three men (or four, don't remember) try to rob someone in a parking lot as he was getting into his car. The man was a professional karateka. The first robber got hit and kicked in his groin, the second one got hit as well and the man slammed the car door closed with his head between it. The third man was wiser and ran away. (thrre men it was then..)

BTW Baloo, where's the story about the guy who cut his toes and head off with a chainsaw?

Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
First of Two
Better than you
Member # 16

 - posted      Profile for First of Two     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I can't remember where I heard this one, but a psycho stalker-guy went after his ex-girlfriend with a sledgehammer. While she was in her car. he hit the windshield with the sledgehammer, which bounced off the shatterproof glass and rebounded into his head, killing him.

And who says you can't observe evolution in action?

*I only SEEM Normal*

Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
Reigning Supreme
Member # 23

 - posted      Profile for Montgomery     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I've got a recent one from the UK:

A guy was up on trial, and the judge sentenced him to 2 years imprisonment. He was led from the dock, and the court moved on to the next case.

Only later did one of the jurors pull an official aside and ask why an innocent man had just been sentenced. It transpired that someone coughed when the foreman said the "not" in his "not guilty" verdict, and the judge missed it.

An unborn scream burst in my stomach,
and spread like cold mercury through my chest.
I covered my face with my hands, but kept looking through my fingers.
"Write that down!", he told the stick.
"Is visibly destroyed, yet unable to turn away".

- Blue Jam

Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged

Quick Reply

HTML is enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins

Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

© 1999-2024 Charles Capps

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3