1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines. 2. You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk" 3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine" 4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars. 5. You drink pop, not soda. 6. This doesn't bother you at all. 7. You know what it means to be on pogey. 8. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!!" 9. You can drink legally while still a 'teen. 10. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike. 11. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans. 12. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it. 13. You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and don't want to know if he has! 14. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs. 15. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway. 16. You drive on a highway, not a freeway. 17. You sit on a couch not a chesterfield - that is some small town in Quebec! 18. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is. 19. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers. 20. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas. 21. You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap". 22. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that" 23. You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly". 24. You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line. 25. You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group. 26. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada. 27. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day. 28. You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus. 29. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous. 30. You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air. 31. You know what a tuque is. 32. You have some memento of Doug and Bob. 33. You admit Rich Little is Canadian and you're glad Jerry Lewis is not. 34. You know Toronto is not a province. 35. You never miss "Coaches Corner". 36. Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups. 37. You know all the words to "If I Had a Million Dollars", including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed. 38. You experience a warm fuzzy feeling while picturing a fat man with a blonde Mr. Spock haircut giving a recorder recital to an audience of two: an orange and purple sleepy-eyed giraffe with a voice like Lee Marvin and a pin-headed hyper rooster who is made out of a flannel tea cozy and lives in a bag on the wall. 39. You can easily get several people near you to wax nostalgic on this same image (#38). 40. You know who Ernie Coombs is. 41. You can still whistle the theme to "The Forest Rangers" 42. Whenever you hear the word "car", you have to stop yourself from involuntarily reaching back for a hockey net. 43. You remember when Alanis Morisette was "Too Hot To Hold". 44. You have memorized the Heritage Foundation's Heritage Moments, including your favourites, "I smell burnt toast, Doctor", "You all know I canna read a word... (was that REALLY Sarah McLachlan in that one?)", and "Kanata". 45. You participate in "Participaction". At least, until you fall down laughing when you think of how your hair is getting "sweat-EE and out-of-CONtrol". 46. You spend sleepless nights wondering if Peter Mansbridge and Wendy Mesley will ever find again the blissful love they once knew. 47. And if not, is she free next Friday? 48. You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me". 49. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet, because you can really use more change (You are already wearing your pants halfway down your ass and the hair and three layers of skin is worn off the front of your thighs from carrying your pocket money around). The new coin should have a picture of a musk-ox on it and be the size of a hamburger pattie and have fifteen different kinds of metals in it, including poutine. 50. You know Ashley MacIssac isn't Celtic enough. 51. Your backpack has only one Canadian flag sew-on. 52. Unlike any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you don't possess a Canadian passport. 53. You spend hours in the dark, making scale models of the Avro Arrow and cursing the Diefenbaker government. 54. You have been on Speaker's Corner. Bonus points if The Devil's Advocates made fun of you. 55. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color. 56. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging. 57. You remember "Jodie" from "Today's Special" and wonder why you keep seeing her reading news on the CBC. 58. You wonder idly if there is some government coverup of a covert operation behind shifting the shooting location of "X-Files" from British Columbia to California, but you're far too apathetic to do anything about it anyway, though it was nice seeing some of the old "Beachcombers" cast getting some TV work now and then. 59. You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few weeks early. 60. You read rather than scanned this list. 61. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup. 62. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 63. The mosquitoes have landing lights. 64. You have more kilometers on your snowblower than your car. 65. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground. 66. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard. 67. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow. 68. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons. 69. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car. 70. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey. 71. The most effective mosquito repellent is Molson ICE, but you still drink it. 72. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof. 73. YOu think Road Salt is a condiment 74. You head south to go to your cottage. 75. You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck. 76. You know which leaves make good toilet paper. 77. The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo it's sausage making. 78. You find -40C a little chilly. 79. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer. 80. You can play road hockey on skates. 81. You know 4 seasons:Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction 82. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus. 83. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials 84. You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada" 85. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Canadian friends
------------------ "Goverment exists to serve, not to lead. We do not exist by its volition, it exists by ours. Bear that in mind when you insult your neighbors for refusing to bow before it." - Jeffrey Richman, UB student
That reminds me of an anecdote my dad used to tell that one of his friends from WW II used to tell him. He was a member of an Army Corps of Engineers work crew that helped build the Al-Can highway.
When I got there, we were living in a tent city. Someone told me that the mosquitos were bad on the way up, so I asked and everyone just laughed.
The Sergeant said: "Just keep your rifle handy."
That night I was laying in my bunk about to go asleep when I overheard two mosquitos whispering outside my tent.
"Well, do ya want to eat him here or should we drag him off into the woods first?"
"We'd better get him into the woods first. If we try to eat him here, the big mosquitos will take him away from us!"
------------------ It is less important that you agree with me than it is for you to to understand what I'm saying.
"Time's have changed, our kids are getting worse They won't obey their parents, they just want to fart and curse Should we blame the government? Or blame society? Or should we blame the images on TV?
NO!
Blame Canada Blame Canada With all their beady little eyes and flapping heads so full of lies Blame Canada Blama Canada We need to form a full assault It's Canada's fault!
*verse break*
Blame Canada! Blame Canada! It's seems that everything's gone wrong since Canada came along Blame Canada! Blame Canada! They're not even a real country anyway
"When tomorrow night is dead and gone they'll be no more Celine Dion!"
*'nother verse break*
Blame Canada! Blame Canada! With all their hockey-hulabaloo, and that bitch on Murrey too! Blame Canada! Shame on Canada! For the smut must stop, the trash be flushed, the laughter and fun must all be undone We must blame them and cause a fuss before somebody thinks of blaming us!
Something like that anyway. And before anyone gets stroppy, I will site over half a decade of Dick Van Dyke as all the excuse I need.
------------------ "Give me a f*cking..." -Jubilee McGann
posted
Hey, this is pretty funny...I match about 60-or-so. And I overreacted about the other thing. Sorry. And since it's over, I propose a toast of 2-4's.
------------------ "I've never seen anything this beautiful in the entire galaxy. Alright, give me the bomb" -Ultra Magnus, Fight or Flee
Saltah'na
Chinese Canadian, or 75% Commie Bastard.
Member # 33
posted
1) Uh huh 2) Short form for Homogenized milk. Brother and I used to make gags about it anyway. We now drink 2%. 3) Yummy..... Poutine. French Fries smothered with mozzarella cheese and Gravy. A very good treat. Best place to try it is at New York Fries, and that's a CANADIAN company!!! Boy, what a paradox..... 4) Yep. 5) Ditto. 6) Well, not really, so far, provided that everything is true. 7) Don't know 8) Don't know either. 9) I'm 21 and don't like alcohol. Though some friends of mine tried small bits of alcohol in their teens. 10) Of course, considering how COLD it is right now..... 11) Never been to Cuba. And I quite don't like Castro, Helms, or Burton. 12) Erm..... not right now.... our provincial government CREATES problems and lets US deal with them (ie, education and health care) 13) Chretien is too old. And yes, I don't care. 14) Yep. Need a plastic thing as a milk dispenser. I have no idea why this idea exists. Perhaps to save garbage? (but the Americans DO recycle their cartons and plastic jugs......) 15) And it tastes horrible. How did Americans come up with a name called "Turnpike"? 16) Toronto has something called the "MacDonald Cartier Freeway" but it is commonly referred to as the 401. And we also call our freeways expressways....... 17) Don't know where Chesterfield, Quebec is. 18) No I don't. 19) Actually, we have oodles of it. 20) Maybe, I really don't know. 21) Don't know 22) Yes, they don't. Who else thinks they do? *grabs sledgehammer* 23) Yeah right...... see #9 24) Ho ho ho..... yeah, I know...... 25) Used to watch them when I was younger. 26) Erm.... sometimes. I wonder why not one Canadian city was mentioned as vapourized in Independance Day. 27) No I don't. 28) Used to. Now I don't even know. 29) Never ate one, so can't tell you. 30) Never watched them. Was probably watching Star Trek 31) Had many, hated them all...... 32) No I don't 33) Erm...... 34) Yes, Toronto, the GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD...... 35) Uh... actually, Coaches corner seems more like a commercial and a waste of time to me. 36) Yes and maybe (haven't had Kraft dinner in long time) 37) Yes I do..... ("We wouldn't eat Kraft Dinner...." "But of course we'd eat Kraft Dinner." "Sure we would, we just eat more!!!" "And buy really expensive ketchups....." "Mmmmm..... Dijon Ketchup.....") 38) Erm...... is that supposed to be sick? 39) See #38 40) Yes I do. 41) Don't know. 42) STREETCAR!!!!!! 43) Hotter than Mariah Carey..... 44) Actually, my favourite is the man who walked into enemy fire to save a wounded soldier. 45) No I don't 46) I never knew they had an affair...... Did it involve Bill Clinton? 47) Ummmm..... 48) *LOL* The inuit carving should be just as important as a 12-gauge shotgun....... 49) No, please, no more coins...... the toonie is good enough..... 50) He's actually an insane, fiddle playing, sexual pervert...... 51) Mine has neither..... 52) Mine's expired. Means I can't go elsewhere to (1) plant Car bombs, (2) assasinate an important world leader, (3) search for the Starr Report. 53) CURSE THOSE BASTARDS. One of Canada's possible futures scrubbed by a moron. 54) Never been on. Watch it often. I see everything, from wedding proposals, to insane maniacs...... 55) No I don't. Blue is my favourite Colour, I'm Honoured to be a Flare Member, and adding U's isn't much Labour....... 56) Gratuit, Priz, and Sans Sucre..... (is that right? my french is a bit rusty). How about Sortie, Ouest, Nord, Sud, and Est? 57) I've always wondered that, when did she join, and why? 58) THEY SHOULD HAVE STAYED HERE!!!! DAMN YOU DAVID DUCHOVNY!!!!! 59) That's right. And I wish OUR premier was never even born!!!! 60) What do you think I'm doing now? 61) But I know Mustard, Oregano, Basil, etc...... 62) Heh..... haven't dressed up in years..... But possible anyway, I never did it..... 63) What? 64) In the winter only. Try 125 cm of snow in 3 weeks. 65) uh, wha? 66) No one would be sane enough to try. 67) Oh yeah........ But more slippery though..... 68) sure.... riiiiight....... 69) Not everyone has a snowmobile. 70) Yep, that's right!!!! Though I think the Toronto star goes more than 2 pages....... 71) Never heard of that before...... 72) Oh PLEEEZ. Can we cut it out with these SNOW jokes? 73) Yeah right. We know our salt. Americans would think that Road salt is a condiment. 74) Erm..... here in Toronto, we actually go north..... 75) We don't have a barbeque, and we don't live next to a forest. So there. 76) Now that's sick. And all this is really getting to me now...... 77) Now where did THAT come from? 78) -40C is INSANELY COLD. We have sensitivity to cold too, y'know...... 79) These cold and snow jokes are really starting to heat me up...... 80) CUT IT OUT DAMMIT!!!!! 81) Yep. Summer=Construction, never really stops snowing until probably May, and the Fall is Blistering cold...... 82) No, the Municipality buys a SNOWPLOW before a bus. A Zamboni is an ice-rink cleaner...... 83) Yes I do. I really like the YMCA and the Hockey-on-the-street commercials. 84) That theme has been there for AGES....... 85) Um.... I'm not going to.
*phew*
------------------ I can resist anything....... Except Temptation
1. Dang straight 2. Never heard it before now 3. Yes. Je parle bien le fran�ais 4. Uh huh 5. Yes. What is it with soda, anyways? Stupidest thing I ever heard.. 6. Not as of yet 7. Eh? 8. Oh yes. Considering my parents get drunk about every weekend... 9. I'm only 15... 10. I don't talk about the weather at all 11. Don't smoke. Don't travel much, either. Although my parents may be going to Cuba in April... 12. Either the government or Americans :P 13. No way. He's too old. Besides, he's faithful, unlike some country's leaders.. 14. Yup. Bags are the most popular in this household 15. Yes. Don't get the term "turnpike" anyways. We call them on and off ramps here 16. Yes. I travel highway 7 every day of the work week to school 17. Yes. It's a couch. As for Chesterfield, Quebec... 18. Yes. It's the one with the square head. 19. Nope. It's over the stove and in my dad's truck's glove compartment 20. Most definately. Crowded in there 21. Never heard of them before now... 22. I know. Around here they wear black or navy uniforms, and ride in Crown Vics... 23. Yup. That's why I turned out this way! 24. Eh? 25. Eh? 26. Yes! Most definately! We're the forgotten country, and yet we're closest to all your states! Damn you Americans.. 27. Don't work. And if I did, I wouldn't do that 28. I hate them... 29. Never had them before. Although, maple sugar does make me go nuts... All that sugar... 30. I don't care for old shows... 31. Yes. And I don't wear one! I wear headbands.. 32. Eh? 33. Eh? 34. Exactly. It's the capital of Ontario. The provinces are: British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Ontario, Quebec, New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, Newfoundland, Yukon, Northwest Territory, and Nunavut 35. I hate hockey, contrary to the stereotype that all Canadians love hockey. 36. Oh yes 37. Yup. Here in Atlantic Canada, it's on one of the ads for Lotto Super 7 38. What the hell...? 39. See #38 40. Yes. Mr. Dressup! 41. What the- 42. Like I said, I hate hockey 43. She's alright. But the girls in my homeroom are a lot better.... 44. "Wa-keon, Kanata-kan! But I'm sure it means the houses, the village..." 45. Nope. 46. I hate the news, too 47. Eh? 48. Nope. The only things around my bed are crucifixes... 49. It'll come eventually... Just you wait. By the time I die, all Canadian currency will be coins! 50. Don't really care 51. I have no Canadian flags on my backpack. I'm not a girl. I don't decorate my backpack. 52. Exactly. Don't need one. Does the term "world's longest undefended border" mean anything? 53. CURSE THEM!!!!!! We would have a lot more respect nowadays if the Arrow project wasn't scrapped. 54. No I haven't. To most Canadian stations, Ontario and Nova Scotia are the only provinces that matter. ANd perhaps BC and Alberta. But never little old New Brunswick... 55. I don't really care. 56. Gratuit, prix, sans sucre. I know those because I'm in FI. So :P 57. No I don't... 58. No I don't... 59. Yup. Ours is getting a lot of heat from the press right now... 60. Of course! I want to see what you crazy Americans are saying about us now... 61. And relish... 62. No I don't Snowsuit goes over the costume... 63. They look like UFOs around here.. 64. Not true. We use scoops to clear the driveway. And this year, we're gonna be using the 4wheeler with the plow on it! 65. We have a front step. And what's the point of having the step a metre above the ground? So you can get out when the snow's falling hard... 66. Don't have kids. And snow doesn't fall in October, most of the time.. 67. Enough with the snow jokes. 68. No, sexy lingerie is [CENSORED] 69. No snowmobile here. 4wheeler. And enough snow jokes 70. Which is ridiculous if you ask me... 71. No, the most effective mosquito repellent is a screen tent 72. ENOUGH SNOW JOKES!! 73. That's you Americans, not us... 74. No cottage. 75. No, my cat gets on the barbeque. Seriously. You don't know my cat... 76. Sic, sick, sick. And it's poison ivy 77. No it's not 78. No, -40C is FRICKIN' FREEZING 79. No it doesn't... 80. I hate hockey, and ENOUGH SNOW JOKES 81. No, the seasons are Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter. 82. A Zamboni cleans ice rinks. And my municipality is too cheap to buy anything. Come to think about it, my municpality is just a few subdivisions cared for by the government! 83. Oh yes. 84. I hate hockey!!!!!!!!!!!!! 85. No way. Any Canadian would be offended by some of these.
Might I add that most of the US's best and brightest are from Canada?
------------------ "Waaawhooo! Lookie here ma, I caught me a lightnin' bug!" -Jetstorm
posted
1. Actually, I stand in either. 2. Well, I don't think any respectful person should be offended by such a term, anyway. 3. I understand it, but poutine is disgusting. 4. Well, they are made of chocolate, so why label them candy? And if they aren't, they're candy bars. 5. Yes. 6. It does. 7. I don't. 8. Huh? 9. No comment. 10. Nope. 11. I care, but I've never been to Cuba. 12. Well, considering the government is the people, why should you, honestly, have it any other way? 13. Personal. Space. 14. Never bought it in bags, don't intend to. 15. Well, that's what Mr. Oxford says, now isn't it? 16. Considering many U.S. highways are not free, why call it a freeway? 17. Never heard of that place. 18. I don't have a clue what any of the names for screwdrivers are. 19. Nope. 20. Haha, funny. 21. Huh? 22. Well, they never look like that except on special occasions. 23. No. 24. Yes. 25. Indeed. 26. Well, if it's supposed to be universal like Star Trek, I should be able to expect it now and then, yes? 27. Uh, no. 28. MAKE THE MUSIC STOP! 29. This is a habit I picked up in Vermont. 30. I was? 31. Well, yes. 32. Well, no. 33. Who? And yes, quite glad. 34. Please tell me people don't think this. 35. Oh look as Elim defies the Stereotype (TM by Evil Insidious Stereotypes, Inc.) yet again! 36. If food groups are supposed to make you throw up, then they'd have to be. 37. Nope. 38. Huh? Huh? Triple huh? 39. Quadruple huh? 40. Well, I guess I don't appear very Canadian to you, do I? =P 41. No again. 42. What?! 43. That would be a personal opinion. 44. Never heard of those three, but it's too bad the U.S. doesn't do the same thing. It heightens lack of ignorance... 45. What? 46. Er... that's right... *secretly dons a "?" above his head* 47. ? 48. Oh, funny. Racial discrimination. 49. Environmentally friendly people and governemnt! Oh, we're Evil Incarnate! 50. No! 51. None. 52. I have a Canadian passport of my own, thank you very much. 53. Well, it was a cool plane. 54. Huh? 55. Hehe! Well, the U.S. is the only one that spells that way, so... 56. No, because I'm in an immersion program and am fluent in French. 57. ? 58. Er, that's nice... In English? 59. Anyone who watches U.S. TV should know this. 60. Actually, I scanned it first, then got tired and read it days later. 61. No, I know oregano from watching Generations. 62. We've only had snow here on Hallowe'en once in my life. 63. *calls in the men in white labcoats* 64. Don't own one, don't have any need to. 65. Two and has a front step or ten. 66. Why don't we reinforce the climate stereotype that everyone south of the Hudson Bay doesn't experience in the slightest, mostly? 67. Sometimes. 68. *eye rolling noted by obervers* 69. See above. 70. Sadly, international is about the same as Sports. 71. Huh? Uh, no. 72. Ha. Ha. Ha. 73. *SMITE* 74. No. There is none. 75. *BLUDGEON* 76. *BLUDGEON/SMITE/MAIM* 77. No, it's Bingo. 78. No, that's COLD! 79. Uh-uh. (As in "no.") 80. Roller skates, perhaps, although I, personally, cannot play. 81. No: Skiing in the States (winter), no skiing except in the States (spring), humid (summer), and pretty leaves (automn). 82. No, those only exist in rinks. 83. Actually, they're pathetic. 84. I cringe. 85. In your dreams.
------------------ Elim Garak: "Oh, it's just Garak. Plain, simple Garak. Now, good day to you, Doctor. I'm so glad to have made such an... interesting new friend today." (DS9: "Past Prologue")
posted
I knew our Canadian friends would like this...hehehe
------------------ "Goverment exists to serve, not to lead. We do not exist by its volition, it exists by ours. Bear that in mind when you insult your neighbors for refusing to bow before it." - Jeffrey Richman, UB student
posted
Yes, but no one dares do something like this for the U.S.
------------------ Elim Garak: "Oh, it's just Garak. Plain, simple Garak. Now, good day to you, Doctor. I'm so glad to have made such an... interesting new friend today." (DS9: "Past Prologue")
[This message has been edited by Elim Garak (edited November 25, 1999).]
posted
As a general rule, Americans are too full of their sense of "dignity" to laugh much about themselves.
Of course, we don't have Canadian programs showing us all about our neighbors to the North on all the channels, either.
Besides, I think the British tradition of humor is a bit better preserved up there. After all, we get most of our comedy from paid professionals.
"Don't try this at home, kids!"
Seriously, I fear many of my fellow Americans wouldn't know something was funny unless they saw it on a comedy show. God help them if they tune in halfway through the show. They wouldn't know whether to laugh or be deeply insulted.
Humor: Yet another dwindling American resource.
--Baloo
------------------ It is less important that you agree with me than it is for you to to understand what I'm saying.
posted
Love these lists. Though I remeber someone also had one about the top ten things on each Province as well. hehe ANYONE GOT THAT list?? And moving x-files from Vancouver still pisses me off! much is true on the list for me anyways
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