quote:
BREAKING NEWS: GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT
Bush to be smitten later todayIn a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation,under God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule the Supreme Court decision that handed the White House to George Bush.
"I'm not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this morning on a rare Today Show appearance, "but I'm sure as hell not going to lie back and let Bush get away with this bullsh*t."
"I've watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote count in Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God and I DO know exactly who voted for whom. Let's cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly 20,219 votes."
Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict overrules the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to Al Gore, giving him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing God's Word for possible grounds for appeal.
"God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush campaign strategist Jim Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S. Presidential Election is unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the constitution of the state of Florida."
"Jim Baker's a jackass," God responded. "He's got some surprises ahead of him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I mean."
God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct, explained that bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were no grounds to give the White House to "a friggin' idiot."
"Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach County voted for Buchanan. Get real! The rest meant to vote for Gore. Don't believe me? I'll name them: Anderson, Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt,Ron..."
Our Lord then went on to note that he was displeased with George W. Bush's prideful ways and announced that he would officially smite him today. In an act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job, God has taken all of Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him of his wealth and possessions, sold his family into slavery, forced the former presidential candidate into hard labor in a salt mine, and afflicted him with deep boils.
Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy.
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All along the watchtower, princes kept the view
While all the women came and went, barefoot servants, too.
Outside in the distance a wildcat did growl,
Two riders were approaching, the wind began to howl.
Bob Dylan
Maybe this should be moved to the flameboard?
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Star Trek Gamma Quadrant
Average Rated 7.5 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux
***
Shop Smart -- Shop "S"-Mart
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"Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ty Kwan Leap. Approach me, that you might see." -- The Master
quote:
God will never win. All the lawyers work for the Devil.
LMAO!!
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Maybe this should be moved to the flameboard?
I thought about putting it there, but it's only a funny and I hope there wont be another argument over it.
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All along the watchtower, princes kept the view
While all the women came and went, barefoot servants, too.
Outside in the distance a wildcat did growl,
Two riders were approaching, the wind began to howl.
Bob Dylan
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"It's like LSD refined into HTML form."
-Simon Sizer, regarding superbad.com, 12-Dec-2000
It's unfortunate that some parents truly don't understand the damage caused by a 'distinct' name, and can often end up in many years of therapy & earth-meddling.
It's surprising to note, though, that the trend seems to continue within families. For the purpose of being unique, Jesus Christ was chosen, and look where it got him.
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"Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world." - Dave Barry
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"Yahweh likes to meddle in the affairs of us, as it makes him feel powerful, and he forgets the many years of torment he endured at Supreme Being Secondary School. Many a day would 'Thor - God of Thunder' & 'Mars - God of War' steal Yahweh's lunch money and hang him up by his breeches, all the while belittling Yahweh by insulting his very odd, and non-imposing God name, usually by adding a valley girl accent, and having it come out as 'yeah! way!'."
-Ultra Magnus, 15-Dec-2000
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Luke Ford: "What's it like having a dick in your ass?"
Zoe: "Imagine taking your bottom lip and pulling it over the top of your head. You get used to it but it does hurt."
Well, either would do...
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"Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ty Kwan Leap. Approach me, that you might see." -- The Master
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Re: Russia in WWII
"Hey, we butchered Poles! Thats OK."
- DT.
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Sacrificing small animals to the paper shredder gods.