Flare Sci-Fi Forums: Billy's Blue Screen Award 99

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Posted by Bernd (Member # 6) on :

An here is the first nominee:

*** Word 97 ***
This highly sophisticated software gives you the feeling of superiority to the users of obsolete word processors like Word 95. The latter will admire the incredible power of your software once they get a document from you and can't read its unique file format. They will then submissively ask you to spare some of your precious time and convert the document back to their primitive format. The diabolical option "Save as" gives you the opportunity to convert the files to alleged Word 6 format, but only you know it's actually RTF. So the document will be around 90MB, able to torture virtually any PC and user. A version to saturate even a 1GHz/512MB/20GB computer will be released soon. A special pleasure is the extraction of images from the document. If you copy and paste them to any image processing program, the artistic filter of Word 97 will automatically change the color format and the image borders. An efficient means to cheer up boring technical diagrams. Vector graphics need not even be exported. The built in Word 97 image processing is superior. You can design 3D elements now! Wow! Insignificant functions like changing text or line styles have been largely omitted for the sake of simplicity. The most exciting feature is surely the built in thrilling game "Search the Image" that hides inserted graphics within the document and with some luck you'll be able to find them. No need to mention that Word 97 makes better use of your system resources than any preceeding version. No problems with almost empty hard disks and excess free memory anymore!

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Brain. Brain. What is brain? (Kara the Eymorg, "Spock's Brain")
www.uni-siegen.de/~ihe/bs/startrek/

Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :

Which is why I use Microsoft Works 3.0!!

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"That is the exploration that awaits you: Not mapping the stars and studying nebulae, but charting the unknown possiblities of existence." - Q, All Good Things...

Posted by Siegfried (Member # 29) on :

Lotus Word Pro '97, baby. All right!

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"Some people call me the Space Cowboy. Yeah! Some call me the Gangster of Love. Some people call me Maurice. Whoo hoo! 'Cause I speak of the Pompatus of Love!" - Steve Miller Band's The Joker

Posted by Bernd (Member # 6) on :

The really bad thing is that everyone around me is working with Word 97, and I'm the last to use the ancient program in a lab/office where "gimme the file" is the most said sentence by far (well, in German of course).

Posted by Chimaera on :

Perhaps Bernd has yet to run into one of the most exciting (exciting=infuriating here) features of Word 97, the ability to automatically reformat you document when it feels your current format is not sufficient. Word will rearrange objects such as pictures and equations, change font style and size, and moves text and objects around in a fashion so complex it almost looks random

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"Sometimes you get the bear, and sometimes the bear gets you."
-Commander Riker, USS Enterprise

Posted by Jay the Obscure (Member # 19) on :

Dig this, my parents still use Wordstar! Circa mid-80's word processing program. As much as I try to drag them into the world of modern computing they cling to their little computer with the 10 mb hard drive.

*sigh*

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My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really.

Posted by Cargile (Member # 45) on :

I'm laughing tears at how Word 97 is being described.

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I'm the only one who understands me, and I ire of my company.
--Paul Cargile

Posted by Aethelwer (Member # 36) on :

See, Microsoft is evil.

I use WordPerfect 3.0 (the Mac version, which came out about the same time as Word 6).

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Dead End: "Who cares?"
Wildrider: "It looks like Starscream's defeated him!"
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