quote:The ant busts his butt in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
The New Version...
quote:It starts out the same but when winter comes the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show up and show pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to film of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be, in a country of such wealth that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Then a representative of the NAGB (The National Association of Green Bugs) shows up on 'Nightline' and charges the ant with "Green Bias" and makes the case that the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of greenism. Kermit the frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when he sings "It's Not Easy Being Green."
The Democratic candidate for President makes a special guest appearance on the CBS evening news and tells a concerned Dan Rather That he will do everything he can for the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the summer, or as he refers to it, the "Temperatures Of The 80's".
Finally the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Greenism Act" RECTRO-ACTIVE to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and having nothing left to pay his Retro-Active taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he's in....which just happens to be the ant's old house.... crumbles around him since he doesn't know how to maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. And on the TV; which the grasshopper bought by selling most of the ant's food, the Democratic candidate is standing before a wildly applauding group of activists announcing that a new era of "Fairness" has dawned in America.
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
I think someone posted this before. We concluded that Kermit would eat the grasshopper.
Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :
Really? Dang.
I read another version somewhere that ends happily for both species, but I forget where.
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
Perhaps the grasshopper working?
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
If you'll recall, in a post shortly after this was originally posted, Omega called Tahna (I think) a grasshopper. Tahna's response was a big "FUCK YOU" and a link to this post.
Of course, as with this story, this is the only way Conservatives can explain their partys' stance on issues to other Conservatives, since most Conservatives have brains the size of a grasshoppers'.
Hahahahahahahahahaha -- !
Of course, any political party that says its against "Big Government" and views national healthcare as a serious danger to their freedom while ignoring Ashcroft's actions are pretty stupid to begin with ...
Posted by The_Tom (Member # 38) on :
You know, the snide comments you guys keep throwing at one another were all a lot funnier during the last perihelion of Neptune.
[ February 09, 2002, 20:37: Message edited by: The_Tom ]
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
Agreed.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
They were? I don't think I remember such a time...
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
The Ant & The Grasshopper ... a new retelling.
quote:The ant busts his butt in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. Since he is the CEO of powerful company X, he puts in minimum time in the office and doesn't pay attention to what his subordinates are doing. The grasshopper laughs and dances and plays the summer away on the weekends, while putting in a 9-5 job at the same company, renting a 1-bedroom flat, and putting every dollar he can earn in his company's 401k and stock. Come winter the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has little money to spend on food, so he does lose some weight, but he's got a nice apartment and lots of stock options!
The ant quickly jumps in bed with the Republican roaches in D.C. to deregulate the industry. With less watchdog organizations keeping an eye on what he's doing, the ant and his co-executives quickly begin opening new "corporations" to hide the accounting problems in Company X. He meanwhile encourages his employees to continue buying stock.
The ant learns that the account problems are about to surface, and quickly sells off his stock. He collaborates with his other ants to make sure that their worker bugs -- grasshoppers and spiders, mostly -- aren't aware of the iminent collapse. When Company X is found out to be in the shape it is, the grasshopper loses all his hard earned money he had in his 401k, as well as what he had put in stocks!
The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while his actions have led to others being cold and starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show up and show pictures of the shivering grasshopper in his sparse flat, with repo men taking the possessions the grasshopper can't afford to pay because his net worth of one million dollars has evaporated, next to film of the ant (who sold his stock for $15 million) in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be, in this great nation, that Republicans could allow such fraud that makes insects suffer so? Then a representative of the NAGB (The National Association of Green Bugs) shows up on 'Nightline' and charges the ant with "Green Bias" and makes the case that the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of greenism. Kermit the frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when he sings "It's Not Easy Being Green."
The Democratic candidate for President makes a special guest appearance on the CBS evening news and tells a concerned Dan Rather That he will do everything he can for the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the summer, or as he refers to it, the "Temperatures Of The 80's".
Finally the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Greenism Act" RECTRO-ACTIVE to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to practice good accounting, and failing to warn his employees the true nature of Company X's accounting problems. He is also jailed for ten years (but is sadly eaten in jail by a really mean spider). His home is confiscated by the government.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he's in....which just happens to be the ant's old house.... sells for twice the Grasshopper's lost stock! And on the TV, the Democratic candidate is standing before a wildly applauding group of activists announcing that a new era of "Fairness" has dawned in America.
Of course, as the grasshopper watches, it occurs to him that Robert and Stephen will not think this is very accurate, but as two people who claim to have brains (but have yet to provide evidence of such), they would have to agree that this is as accurate as the version Rob posted, and if he doesn't like it, he might want to reconsider posting stuff that makes him look like a smelly asshole.
:)
Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :
Of course, the fatal flaw in Snay's story, and the one that REALLY makes him look like a stuck-up sticky beak is:
NOT ALL ANTS ARE CEO'S.
quote:while putting in a 9-5 job at the same company, renting a 1-bedroom flat, and putting every dollar he can earn in his company's 401k and stock.
Actually, the grasshopper in Snay's story IS an ant... the above quote makes that so... 9he works and saves) he just doesn't know it. He's been told he's a grasshopper for so long, he believes it. And he's been fooled into believing that all grasshoppers are just like him.
[ February 11, 2002, 12:29: Message edited by: First of Two ]
Posted by Balaam Xumucane (Member # 419) on :
Do you really believe that the main difference between a Democrat and a Republican is how much they put into their savings account?
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
Of course he does. He also thinks he can tell cute fables and hope people forget about Enron. Sorry, Rob. Try again. Then again, he also completely ignores all the time Reagan gave China illegal tech, so it's not like he's willing to listen to anything even remotely resembling "reality."
quote:NOT ALL ANTS ARE CEO'S.
DUH, Robert! In the story, I mention one ant in PARTICULAR. Singular ant. Only one. I know you're all about generalizing people and what not, but you're supposed to be a librarian! Didn't you at least READ what I edited? No, you just switched on the "I'm going to generalize everything" switch and did so.
If it makes you happy, replace the grasshopper with the ant and vice-versa. MY story still proves that pro-deregulation Republicans (in this case, Republioaches) are EVIL EVIL EVIL SPIDERFUCKERS!
Of course, the whole point of my story was that generalizations are bad and a fable isn't really good except to make stupid Republicans feel good about themselves, so you should really be feeling good about yourself, Rob.
Me? I'm feeling kind of dirty for stooping to your level.
[ February 12, 2002, 06:55: Message edited by: Malnurtured Snay ]
Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :
:::blinks vehemently::: There's a difference between Republicrats & Demmicans?
Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :
Snay, that was what didn't make any sense about your example. You took a story about generalities (which everyone but you seems to already take as a given are inherently flawed, which is why I said I found it "funny" and I didn't say "true"), and tried to rationalize a specificty from it. Any storyteller can tell you that can't work.
I don't believe the story actually was talking about the Democrats and the Republicans, except to the extent that 'political correctness' as portrayed (and taken to extremes)in the story is primarily the pervue of the Democrats.
Of course, in the final analysis, the grasshopper is a symbol of the 'entitlement' mentality ... you can decide for yourselves who represents that side more often ... whereas the ant is a symbol of those of us who do not believe we are 'entitled' to anything, and who simply go out and do the best we can with what we have, whether we're liberal or conservative.
It's simply a coincidence that if you see someone supporting the 'entitlement' concept, 7 times out of 10 they're also a Democrat (Since the Socialist and Communist parties have such small memberships in the US), and of course, there are exceptions to that, too... certain Super-Right-Wing groups support a sort of 'entitlement' concept of their own... but just for their own.
Still, as a general rule, while there is not always a huge gulf between Democrats and Republicans, there IS one between those who follow the 'entitlement' concept and those who do not.
quote:Do you really believe that the main difference between a Democrat and a Republican is how much they put into their savings account?
Of course not. The main difference between a Republican and a Democrat is how much of your savings account they think belongs to you, vs. how much of it they think belongs to 'the people.'
[ February 12, 2002, 12:11: Message edited by: First of Two ]
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
quote:Of course not. The main difference between a Republican and a Democrat is how much of your savings account they think belongs to you, vs. how much of it they think belongs to 'the people.'
By the time your paycheck gets to you, Rob, taxes have already been taken out. They're not taken from your savings account.
Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :
You're right. I should have said that the difference is in their beliefs about how much of the money that you EARN should go into your checking/savings account, because it belongs to you, and how much of it should go to "the people."
Since I put all of my money into my checking/savings account, and would do so even if I paid no taxes at all, for ME it's exactly the same as saying "how much of the money that you WOULD put in your checking/savings account otherwise should be taken away and given to 'the people.'"
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
Well, Rob, somebody's gotta pay for ... (ready for it?):
Printing the very dollar bills with which people trade. Public roads. Rural electrification. Government subsidized telephone wiring. Satellite communications. Police protection. Military protection. A criminal justice system. Fire protection. Paramedic protection. An educated workforce. An immunized workforce. Protection against plagues by the Centers for Disease Control. Public-funded business loans, foreclosure loans and subsidies. Protection from business fraud and unfair business practices. The protection of intellectual property through patents and copyrights. Student loans. Government funded research and development. National Academy of Sciences. Economic data collected and analyzed by the Bureau of Economic Analysis. Prevention of depressions by Keynesian policies at the Fed (successful for six decades now). Dollars protected from inflation by the Fed. Federal Emergency Management Agency. Public libraries. Cooperative Extension Service (vital for agriculture) National Biological Service. National Weather Service Public job training.
"Why shouldn't the American people take half my money from me? I took all of it from them."
Edward Albert Filene (1869-1937)
Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :
**Points out the Omegaian "Either/Or" Fallacy that Snay seems to have fallen into.**
quote:about how much of the money
See that? "How MUCH," Not, "If ANY"
I don't think even the most diehard Republican would try to say that NO Federal or State or Local funding is necessary for ANYTHING.
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
Yes Rob, I saw that. I simply felt the need to point out to you that its impossible to make any money in the U.S. without relying on the infastructure paid for by taxes, therefore, why bitch about how much you have to pay? Check out the quote in my previous post.
Posted by thoughtcriminal84 (Member # 480) on :
Yet another fable...
The ant was a hard worker, of this there can be no doubt. But she (because ants that work are female, friends. the males are slackers who just want to fuck and die.) wasn't very original when it came to how she did her work. She did it the same old way along with all of her female, sex in the city watching ant friends, and was eventually killed by a big fat kid with a magnifying glass.
The big fat kid was named Ralph, and came from Buffalo. He was slightly retarded. He used alot of ant poison out of spite, and destroyed the anthill with the viscious relish only children and maniacs know.
The Grasshopper was shocked, and mortified, at least at first. But then she (also a female, here.) started thinking "Hey, I can now institute my liberal Leaping policies with no intervention from those bastard Ants! Thus Years of Greenism will finally end, and all shall be free from the yolk of the Queen Ant, (may the bitch rot in hell)."
But without the Army ants to provide protection, and distraction for his moronic pleasures, Ralph came and stomped the grasshopper to death with his size thirteen Reeboks. "Tee Hee," he bellowed, "It pops like wet Play dough!"
The Spiders had seen all of this, and were overjoyed. Finally, they thought, an end to stupid Grasshopper rule! In celebration, they all got drunk and spun webs with big holes in them for all the other bugs to look at. The flies passed right through their previously effective webbing, and went straight to the good shit.
Then the Killer Bees from Africa came and killed Ralph because he was listening to N'synch too loud. (They don't like loud noise.)
Ralph the retarded sadist was buried in Wisconsin, even though he was from Buffalo.
Which most people found to be pretty amusing.
In the years to come, other insects would come into power, and eventually die off, because most of them are female, and females get PMS and are not to be trusted with power.
Posted by Omega (Member # 91) on :
I simply felt the need to point out to you that its impossible to make any money in the U.S. without relying on the infastructure paid for by taxes, therefore, why bitch about how much you have to pay?
Because relatively little of my taxes actually GO to that infrastructure. More go to failed social programs.
You seem to be making the false assumption that there is no difference between objecting to excessive levels of taxation and objecting to the CONCEPT of taxation.
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
quote:You seem to be making the false assumption that there is no difference between objecting to excessive levels of taxation and objecting to the CONCEPT of taxation.
You know, for someone who thinks your invisible friend created the universe, you can be really incredibly dense sometimes.
I don't think Rob is excessively taxed. I don't think the rich are excessively taxed. I don't think most anyone who gets a paycheck is excessively taxed. Why? Because without the infastructrue either paid for by, or subsidized by, the government, no one would make any money at all. We're talking roads, training ... countless services that have led to people like Bill Gates to be able to make millions, and even you, Omega, to earn a paycheck.
If you don't want to pay "excessive taxes", quit your job. Live off the land. If you want to take advantage of jobs, then you gotta pay for the stuff that makes it work. And it's really not excessive, dear chum.
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
Here's another story:
And ant and a grasshopper were arguing about politics over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over, ad nauseam. So I stepped on them. Got my shoes all yucky, but it sure was fun...
Posted by The_Tom (Member # 38) on :
That was considerably funnier than your Oscar joke. Posted by Cartman (Member # 256) on :
But he missed the cockroach...
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
![[Smile]](smile.gif)