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Posted by Starbuck (Member # 153) on :

Let's see if we can have some fun with this one. Judging in one week so get your thinking caps on!

Here's some to get you going...
Your Starship Crew Might Be Rednecks If...

... the Science Officer refers to the Mutara Nebula as "a swamp"
... the Communications Officer says "Breaker breaker, anybody out there, come back?" instead of "Hailing frequencies open"
... the Captain's Yacht is called Daisy Mae
... the security officers set their phasers to Cajun

Come on, get cracking!!! Best entries win a rare piece of 1980s nostalgia... an infamous Marvel Comics No-Prize...

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"Replicate some marmalade, Commander - helm control is toast!"

Posted by Gepta001 (Member # 231) on :

you are the XO and the captain is your mom, and your dad/brother is in charge of security, and your daughter/wife is the helmsgal

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funniest TV quote.....

"A small penis is a clean penis"
-Matt Real World Hawaii

Posted by Epoch (Member # 136) on :

Post 4000 yeeaa meeee.

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Death before Dishonor!
However Dishonor has
quite a disputed defintion.

Posted by Epoch (Member # 136) on :

Ok seriously now.

There is a tv tray next to the captains chair.

The engineering crew always comes to work with a cooler full of beer.

The crew is on the lookout for space deer.

The holodeck is always running the program Trailer Park.

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Death before Dishonor!
However Dishonor has
quite a disputed defintion.

Posted by First of Two (Member # 16) on :

If you can't spell 'Q.'

If you think an asteroid is something you get if you have a poor diet.

If you find the joke "Phaser? I don't even KNOW her!" endlessly amusing.

If your entire bridge crew has the same last name.

If Pakleds think you're primitive.

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Calvin: "No efficiency, no accountability... I tell you, Hobbes, it's a lousy way to run a Universe." -- Bill Watterson

Posted by Jeff Raven (Member # 20) on :

If tribbles are the main ingredient in most meals.

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"I suppose you thought I was dead? No such thing. Don't flatter yourselves that I haven't got my eye upon you. I am wide awake, and you give plenty to look at."
Household Words, Aug. 24, 1850
From the Raven in the Happy Family

Posted by Justin_Timberland (Member # 236) on :

If your XO thinks that K-Mart or Target is too expensive or your doctor thinks that earning $5.50 an hour makes a person rich like Bill Gates.

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Sometimes I run
Sometimes I hide
Sometimes I'm scared of you
But all I really want is to hold you tight
Treat you right, be with you day and night
Baby all I need is time

-Britney Spears

Posted by Alshrim Dax (Member # 258) on :

... they think that 10 forward is part of Communications Protocol:

Y'all git down here.. we got us some trouble..

10 Forward - o'er'n'a-out!!

########

When Beverly Crusher is the name of the Monster Truck that won the latest Monster Truck Madness competition.

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I feel more like I do now, then when I first got here!!

- Alshrim Dax
The Other Dax;

[This message has been edited by Alshrim Dax (edited January 12, 2000).]

Posted by Fabrux (Member # 71) on :

There's a shuttle in the shuttlebay up on blocks

There's fuzzy dice on the viewscreen

The captain's chair has a footstool

The XO refers to the counselor and the CMO as dual air bags (pending they're both women)

Someone's requested that a warp coil be taken out of the arboretum fountain

The captain's moonshine is stronger than Romulan ale

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Chris's Home Page
The Psi Corps is your friend. Trust the Corps.

Posted by The359 (Member # 37) on :

If you have a working console sitting on top of a broken console

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"The things hollow--it goes on forever--and--oh my God!--it's full of stars!" -David Bowman's last transmission back to Earth, 2001: A Space Odyssey

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

...there's a phaser rifle on a gun rack behind the captain's chair.

...at least 30% of the chief engineer's buttocks is visible above the back of his pants.

...there's some guy called "Ol' Jeb" who sits in a rocking chair in engineering smoking a pipe. Whenever antimatter containment is lost, he points his pipe at the warp drive and says "Yup, 'at's a core breach y'all got dere."

...Zeke, the captain's bloodhound, gets to sit in the XO seat.

...anyone on the ship goes by the name Bubba, or any hyphented name ending in "-Bob".

...the hull is painted in at least two distinct shades of primer.

...the "head" is a hole in the floor of the last deck.

...one of the nacelles is held on by duct tape.

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"The Earl of Sandwich invented the sandwich. Samuel Morse invented the Morse Code. Plato invented the plate."
-Holly, Red Dwarf: "Parallel Universe"

[This message has been edited by TSN (edited January 13, 2000).]

Posted by AndrewR (Member # 44) on :

You're Tactical officer yells out: "Hey Ma! I can see Vulcan from here"

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"All the lonely people, where do they all come from" - Eleanor Rigby, The Beatles.

Posted by Gepta001 (Member # 231) on :

if your last name is Joads and the ships is so crowded with family and friends, all there is, is standing ground. Your current course is taking to to Cardassia because you received a subspace communication that there were plenty of well paying jobs for everybody.

you can't even afford to fire your pa out in a photon torpedo because you are so poor, so you just drop him at a cargo bay.

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funniest TV quote.....

"A small penis is a clean penis"
-Matt Real World Hawaii

Posted by Fabrux (Member # 71) on :

Your starship hull is painted John Deere green

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Chris's Home Page
The Psi Corps is your friend. Trust the Corps.

Posted by Vacuum robot lady from Spaceballs (Member # 239) on :

...you replace 'Command Red' to 'Lumberjack Plaid'.

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I bet when Neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would
always end up saying "Don't forget the big heavy eyebrows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky eyebrows too, and then they would get mad and eat the snowman.

-Jack Handey

Posted by Xentrick (Member # 64) on :

- ship's "sensors" look very much like bent wire coat hangers.

- the warp core is powered by "squeeze." So is the chief engineer.

- back end of the ship is rusted right through.

- cargo holds filled with sacks of sand, concrete, or loads of concrete blocks...for better "traction."

Posted by Gepta001 (Member # 231) on :

if everyone is barefoot, and walks around with phaser rifles held over their shoulders.

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funniest TV quote.....

"A small penis is a clean penis"
-Matt Real World Hawaii

Posted by Mythril (Member # 286) on :

If the veiw screen is held up by a tv tray.

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Go Brain, GO

Posted by Alshrim Dax (Member # 258) on :

When the Red Alert Klaxon sounds like the horn on the General Lee from the Dukes of Hazard.

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I feel more like I do now, then when I first got here!! :)

- Alshrim Dax
The Other Dax;

Posted by Gepta001 (Member # 231) on :

when your cousins best friend is a mule and they never seperate even for bridge duty..

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"I'm not feeling alright today, I'm not feeling that great"

Posted by Nim (Member # 205) on :

When every first contact with an unknown species is introduced with the declaration that you don't take kindly to their types around here.

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Somehow we're going somewhere.

Posted by KXZ (Member # 119) on :

All of your science officer's theories begin with 'I reckon...'

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All hands, abandon ship! All hand, abandon...
BOOM!

Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :

Your starship crew might be rednecks if the Federation president is named Clinton.

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"The Earl of Sandwich invented the sandwich. Samuel Morse invented the Morse Code. Plato invented the plate."
-Holly, Red Dwarf: "Parallel Universe"

Posted by Saiyanman Benjita (Member # 122) on :

....When the view screen is sitting on top of a TV Tray.

....When the conference table is a spool.

....When you go to a family reunion to meet your new first officer.

....When you think severe negotiations with the enemy involve a shotgun and your family honour.

....When the academy standards include a reading of Dr. Seuss's Go Dog Go.

....When your solar system looks like a used starship lot.

....And possibly the grossest one of all, when your emergency medical holographic protocol says "Come on an git a lookit this before I flush it."

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Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage.

Posted by Alshrim Dax (Member # 258) on :

When your grandma says:

"Move that warp coil, I need to take a bath!"

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I feel more like I do now, then when I first got here!! :)

- Alshrim Dax
The Other Dax;

Posted by Starbuck (Member # 153) on :

Okay folks, your time is up!!!
So let's see how they did... I have to say I'm impressed by the level of responses, so we have a few categories...

And the winners are:
The What's Cookin' Ma? prize goes to Jeff Raven for "If tribbles are the main ingredient in most meals."
The Hollering Frequencies Open prize goes to Alshrim Dax for "... they think that 10 forward is part of Communications Protocol: Y'all git down here.. we got us some trouble.. 10 Forward - o'er'n'a-out!!"
The OshKosh Biballs prize for the obligatory arse joke goes to TSN for "...at least 30% of the chief engineer's buttocks is visible above the back of his pants."
The Jed Clampett Memorial Prize is shared by Saiyanman Benjita and Commander Paris, who provided "...when your emergency medical holographic protocol says "Come on an git a lookit this before I flush it." and "All of your science officer's theories begin with 'I reckon...'" respectively.
And finally... special mentions to Nimrod for "When every first contact with an unknown species is introduced with the declaration that you don't take kindly to their types around here." and to Ultra Magnus for "...you replace 'Command Red' to 'Lumberjack Plaid'."

Overall winner: TSN - congratulations! Your Marvel Comics No-Prize is in the mail

Nice efforts, guys - let's do this again soon!

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"Replicate some marmalade, Commander - helm control is toast!"

[This message has been edited by Starbuck (edited January 19, 2000).]

Posted by Gepta001 (Member # 231) on :

what!!! I don't even get mentioned? I thought I had a few really funny ones!!!!

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"Hey you...you talkin to me?"
"Show me your steel"
"I will show you my iron claw technique!"