Visit his webpage if you get a chance! 8)
[This message has been edited by Vogon Poet (edited April 04, 2001).]
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"Kif, I have made it with a woman! Inform the crew!"
- Zapp Brannigan
Alien: Tilt your head back, that should stop the bleeding.
Klingon Guard: No, actually, in order to stop a nosebleed, you should pinch your nose, and tilt your head forward. You should do this for up to 10 seconds This causes the blood to clot and the bleeding stops.
Kirk: Hey it worked!!!
Alien: Now we know.
Klingon Guard: And knowing is half the battle!!!
G. I. JOE!!!!
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"Or maybe he was a real quack who got sick and tired of pissing people off, and decided to get a life and masterbate for the next 10 years."
- Me to Antagonist on Red Quacker, 03/08/01 20:15
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"The Long Kiss Goodnight begins, more or less, with Geena Davis being kicked in the head by a deer. This was the high point of the film."
- Sol System, 2/24/01
*toss*
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"I write messages on money.
It's my own form of social protest.
A letter printed on paper that no one will destroy.
Passed indiscriminantly across race, class, and gender lines
and written in the blood that keeps the beast alive
A quiet little hijacking on the way to the checkout counter.
and a federal crime.
I hope that someone will find my message one day when they really need it.
Like I do."
-Rage against the Machine
Shatner: "Honestly, I'm just the spokesman for Priceline.com, I..."
::Gets beaten until he finally shuts up::
Sadly Mr. Shatner will never again be able to sing in a Priceline.com commercial.
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"Let me ask you something, Mr. Garibaldi, a purely philosophical question. On a scale of 1 to 10, how stupid do you think I am anyway?" - Bester
Federation Starship Datalink: Brand new look, fresh minty scent, same great taste!
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"Goverment exists to serve, not to lead. We do not exist by its volition, it exists by ours. Bear that in mind when you insult your neighbors for refusing to bow before it." J. Richmond
[This message has been edited by Jeff Raven (edited April 04, 2001).]
*extras have Shatner secured*
Shatner: No, please...I can't take much more of this.
:Rick Berman in the background: Bill, don't worry. The doctor said that the broken ribs won't be hurt when Steve Austin hurls you 50 yards across the set.
Shatner: When I said I would return for the sake of the franchise and a multimillion dollar payoff, I didn't think that I'd kill my...
:Patrick Stewart in the background: Alright, bring Mr. Shatner to his position. Steve just finished warming up with the bowling balls.
Shatner: NO...OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE PLEASE STOP THE MADNESS...MADNESS I TELL YOU...I WON'T DO THIS SHIT...I WON'T DO THIS SHIT FOR UNDER 20 MILLION....NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
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"When I said to get involved in the gay community, I didn't mean to sleep with everyone in it."
Michael_T
[This message has been edited by Michael_T (edited April 05, 2001).]
[This message has been edited by Michael_T (edited April 05, 2001).]
*alien cringes in agony*
Kirk: Don't tell me you keep your genitals in your hand.
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The Worlds Ten Greatest 'Fucks' #9
Who let that fucking woman drive? - Captain of Space Shuttle
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"Kif, I have made it with a woman! Inform the crew!"
- Zapp Brannigan
"His arm! Look at his arm! It has a different color than what we have here... I want it! I want it!"
"What's that on his face? I want to have that! Give us more! WE WANT MORE!"
*SLAP* *PUNCH* *KICK*
"Look he has more! I want some! Give me some of that color too!!"
*KICK* *PUNCH*
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Terry: "Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, ...."
Max: "And?"
Terry: "I forgot."
Max: "Come on, Clinton was the fun one, then came the boring one."
Terry: "They're all boring."
- Batman Beyond (aka: Batman of the Future)
(And if anyone actually gets that reference...sparkin'.)
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"For people with resources, the right events happen. They may look like coincidences, but they arise out of necessity." --T�rk Hviid
[This message has been edited by Shik (edited April 05, 2001).]
Klingon Prison Governer: But how do you know he is a witch?
Prisoner: He looks like one!
Kirk: I'm NOT awitch. They dressedmeup asone.
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At that point, McDonald fired his gun three times in the air to emphasize his point. The crowd, estimated at 350,000, loudly cheered the new candidate.
"Let me make this clear: I am the law! I am your ruler! And you will have fries with that, motherf*cker!"
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"Goverment exists to serve, not to lead. We do not exist by its volition, it exists by ours. Bear that in mind when you insult your neighbors for refusing to bow before it." J. Richmond
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"Or maybe he was a real quack who got sick and tired of pissing people off, and decided to get a life and masterbate for the next 10 years."
- Me to Antagonist on Red Quacker, 03/08/01 20:15
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"Goverment exists to serve, not to lead. We do not exist by its volition, it exists by ours. Bear that in mind when you insult your neighbors for refusing to bow before it." J. Richmond
James Chae: In other news, tonight happend to be the worst case of casting scenario, the powers behind N*Sync decided to have William Shatner be the guest performer before the boy band hit the stage tonight on a Halloween concert. Unfortunately, the his performance proved disasterous as angry teenagers running on hormones and drugs pulled him off the stage where each took a turn beating the crap out of the performer. He is now in critical but stable condition at Cedars Sinai Hospital. N*Sync wishes to appologize to their fans and Mr. Shatner for the mistake.
Thank you for joining us this evening and please stay tune for Star Trek: Voyager. Tonight, Captain Janeway is assimilated by the Borg. Have a good evening.
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"When I said to get involved in the gay community, I didn't mean to sleep with everyone in it."
Michael_T
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"Goverment exists to serve, not to lead. We do not exist by its volition, it exists by ours. Bear that in mind when you insult your neighbors for refusing to bow before it." J. Richmond
[This message has been edited by Jeff Raven (edited April 09, 2001).]
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"The Long Kiss Goodnight begins, more or less, with Geena Davis being kicked in the head by a deer. This was the high point of the film."
- Sol System, 2/24/01
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"In a completely unrelated news story, I have a date tomorrow night."
- Omega, in trying to explain why pigs are now flying, why Microsoft products are now working perfectly, hell freezing over, and George W Bush giving a flawless speech. 04/06/01, 12:17AM
Martia, offscreen: They want your allegiance to the Brotherhood of Aliens.
Kirk: They've got it!
Martia: And they want your coat.
Kirk: Okay!
Martia: And they want to know what happened to the Excelsior.
Kirk: Could we get through a CapCom without having an entry by Krenim that alludes to "Series ?," please?
Martia: I don't think so.
Kirk: Darn.
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"The Long Kiss Goodnight begins, more or less, with Geena Davis being kicked in the head by a deer. This was the high point of the film."
- Sol System, 2/24/01
[This message has been edited by Krenim (edited April 09, 2001).]
Kirk: I'm telling you people the Earth revolves around the sun!
Alien Mob: Burn him!
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"The Long Kiss Goodnight begins, more or less, with Geena Davis being kicked in the head by a deer. This was the high point of the film."
- Sol System, 2/24/01
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At that point, McDonald fired his gun three times in the air to emphasize his point. The crowd, estimated at 350,000, loudly cheered the new candidate.
"Let me make this clear: I am the law! I am your ruler! And you will have fries with that, motherf*cker!"
Seperated from the rest of her kind after her planet fell off it's orbital axis after The Great Bonking'n'Bopping Session, Baby Bop spent her formative years hopping from star system to star system, hoping to find any information pertaining to her people.
An entire civilization, wiped out because of their love of the 60's Earth lifestyle. Her family. Her friends. Her love.
As she cast a cold eye over the gleeful children, the old fury rose again. So unfair, she cried to herself (and not for the first time), that they should have all the things I lost.
Through her watering eyes, she saw his face again. The man that had looked beyond the filth and rags. The man that took her under his guidance and care when all around her feared her for her appearance and avoided her.
The man that saw her for what she really was.
James T. Kirk.
The man that fucked her on Rura Penthe until her kneecaps froze.
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At that point, McDonald fired his gun three times in the air to emphasize his point. The crowd, estimated at 350,000, loudly cheered the new candidate.
"Let me make this clear: I am the law! I am your ruler! And you will have fries with that, motherf*cker!"
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Witty Remark
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"It strikes me that there are enough episodes of the Simpsons that people could speak entirely in Simpsonese, using references from the show to explain or describe an endless series of situations. Nelson and Apu . . . at Tinagra.
But now I�ve brought Star Trek into it again, haven�t I. Sorry."
- James Lileks, 09/04/2001
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"Goverment exists to serve, not to lead. We do not exist by its volition, it exists by ours. Bear that in mind when you insult your neighbors for refusing to bow before it." J. Richmond
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The negotiations have failed. Shoot him!
~ C. Montgomery Burns
"A true landmark of local theater! Shatner bleeds not only pathos but almost real blood!"
~Desson Arnold: Burbank Bee
"A Neo-homeless thriller. Bill Shatner creates a moving show that will have you sitting in your seat for at least 1 1/2 hours"
~Robert Silver: Glendale News Press
Yes, come see the show critics are raving about. A man growing tired of writing futuristic Sci Fi, "Wild" Bill Shatner steps deep into the world of the San Francisco homeless with his tour de force play called "Bill Shatner, Man On The Street Without A House."
quote:
Shater: Brother [pause] can you spare a dime. Or at the very least [pause] a decaf [pause] latte?
"Staged on an actual stage!"
~Raves Valerie Martin: Northridge News
Make your plans to see "Bill Shatner, Man On The Street Without A House."
Coming soon to dinner theater near you.
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The negotiations have failed. Shoot him!
~ C. Montgomery Burns
[This message has been edited by Jay (edited April 11, 2001).]
Chekov: "They call it the aliens' moshpit."
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"Excuse me, Mr. Rampaging Killer? Why don't you put down the gun and take a look at this hand-held monkey? Does it not have clever little forepaws? It eats gum and sap!"
--
L. Fitzgerald Sj�berg
****
Read three (three!) chapters of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet" and something pleasent will happen to you. Possibly involving syrup.
McCoy: "No Jim! It's too dangerous!"
Kirk: "Damnit Bones! I'm going to win Sissy back if this thing kills me!"
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"Excuse me, Mr. Rampaging Killer? Why don't you put down the gun and take a look at this hand-held monkey? Does it not have clever little forepaws? It eats gum and sap!"
--
L. Fitzgerald Sj�berg
****
Read three (three!) chapters of "Dirk Tungsten in...The Disappearing Planet" and something pleasent will happen to you. Possibly involving syrup.
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Homer: I'm gonna miss Springfield. This town's been awfully good to us.
Bart: No, it hasn't, Dad. That's why we're leaving.
Homer: Oh, yeah. [pokes his head out the window] So long, Stinktown!
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"It strikes me that there are enough episodes of the Simpsons that people could speak entirely in Simpsonese, using references from the show to explain or describe an endless series of situations. Nelson and Apu . . . at Tinagra.
But now I�ve brought Star Trek into it again, haven�t I. Sorry."
- James Lileks, 09/04/2001
ARgggggh I think that reptile/cat thingy just put its hands on my ASS!... and I *LIKE* it! ;o)
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Homer: I'm gonna miss Springfield. This town's been awfully good to us.
Bart: No, it hasn't, Dad. That's why we're leaving.
Homer: Oh, yeah. [pokes his head out the window] So long, Stinktown!
------------------
At that point, McDonald fired his gun three times in the air to emphasize his point. The crowd, estimated at 350,000, loudly cheered the new candidate.
"Let me make this clear: I am the law! I am your ruler! And you will have fries with that, motherf*cker!"
Don Kling: Baaahhrrr....... Okay, you go into a fight to the finish. You will fight against one of our worst warriors and you will be paid accordingly.
Shatner: *worst warrior, huh? this should be easy*
*Shatner enters the ring*
*Shatner staggers back with nosebleed*
Shatner: I thought you said that he was your worst warrior.
Don Kling: Bahhhhrrr.... He is..... Now Fight!!!
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"In a completely unrelated news story, I have a date tomorrow night."
- Omega, in trying to explain why pigs are now flying, why Microsoft products are now working perfectly, hell freezing over, and George W Bush giving a flawless speech. 04/06/01, 12:17AM
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"It strikes me that there are enough episodes of the Simpsons that people could speak entirely in Simpsonese, using references from the show to explain or describe an endless series of situations. Nelson and Apu . . . at Tinagra.
But now I�ve brought Star Trek into it again, haven�t I. Sorry."
- James Lileks, 09/04/2001