The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see naked Klingon orgy. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are having gay sex. During this scene, Picard complains about having sex with Data.
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must kill a Breen. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data proposes to Worf. .
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving a pizza delivery guy. ! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that that he is really Worf's father, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Captain Sulu, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, G'ry, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But G'ry is not REALLY that bad, because this villian inherited his evilness.
The crew then learns that Pluto is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'I feel pretty.' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf has a small penis. . This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, is promiscuous with the extras.
A little later, Riker runs naked around the bridge. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the Baltimore ghettos. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, Picard has a toupee. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Oh, you motherfucker...!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that G'ry has a vibrator! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'Ooooh, seatbelts!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop G'ry, the Enterprise grows a third nipple. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop G'ry.
Soon, Riker shoots at himself (ooops). . But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called Ze Nebula Original. Almost defeated, G'ry, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his vibrator! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills G'ry by impaling him with Geordi's visor. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily his long lost daughter, Jane-Lane Picard saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with having sex with Data. Picard then gives a speech about Republican immorality.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.
Posted by WizArtist (Member # 1095) on :
Star Trek:Nemesis
Written By:WizArtist The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see TSN dieting. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are posting on Flare. During this scene, Picard complains about PsyLiam being his smarter brother.
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must teach Saltah'na how to drive an SUV. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data is revealed to be Omega.
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving Cartman, in his rice rocket, being forced off the road by Saltan'ha's SUV! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that Jason Abaddon really wants a redneck truck with big mirrors, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Morn, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, Jason Abbadon, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Jason Abbadon is not REALLY that bad, because this villian has trouble typing is all.
The crew then learns that The NETiverse is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'Strangers in the Night, exchanging glances...' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf finds out that Styrofoaman is really his father. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, dates Sol System.
A little later, Reverend redesigns everyones logos. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the Bermuda Triangle. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, TSN becomes the Genesis Planet. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Great Caesar's Ghost!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that Jason Abbadon has a Rice Rocket/SUV! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'CapCom reloaded, Sir!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop Jason Abbadon, Starfleet sends forth a 1/2500 scale fleet to attack. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Jason Abbadon.
Soon, Riker shoots at Jason. But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called the democratic candidate. Almost defeated, Jason Abbadon, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his Rice Rocket/SUV! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Jason Abbadon by correcting his spelling errors. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily the U.S.S. Daedalus saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with PsyLiam being his smarter brother. Picard then gives a speech about the dangers of carpal tunnel from online posting.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.
THE END
Posted by TSN (Member # 31) on :
"...luckily his long lost daughter, Jane-Lane Picard saves Picard at the last moment."
And then she goes off with Daria Riker and makes sarcastic comments about the crewmembers?
Posted by MrNeutron (Member # 524) on :
Star Trek: Measuring a Man
Written By: John Steinbeck
The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see Riker trying on his girdle. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are playing strip poker and Geordi is losing. During this scene, Picard complains about Data's breath.
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must dedicate a Wal*Mart on Talos IV. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data discovers he is an MP3 player.
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving the Enterprise doing donuts in spacedock! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that that impotent Plexus wants to put his brain in Data's "fully functional" body, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to the guy who played the helmsman frozen in the first scene in Encounter at Farpoint, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, Plexus, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Plexus is not REALLY that bad, because this villian just wants to get it up and get off with Troi.
The crew then learns that Vulcan is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'Shake Your Groove Thing.' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf has the same impotence problem as Plexus. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, comments on Worf's "problem".
A little later, Data discusses his various attachments and how fully functional he is with MicroSOFT upgrades. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the bronson canyon (again). Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, the Enterprise is shot through a wormhole, self destructed and the saucer crashes. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Felgercarb!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that Plexus has a positronic braincase! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'The bed must be made HERE!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop Plexus, Data's hips go wild like the techno trousers in Wallace and Gromit. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Plexus.
Soon, Riker shoots at Data's parts. But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called London Chimney. Almost defeated, Plexus, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his positronic braincase! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Plexus by plugging Data's hijacked body into a 220V outlet (Data is 110V). Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Troi's "two talents" saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with Data's breath. Picard then gives a speech about the ethical cost of Viagra.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.
THE END
Posted by The Vorlon (Member # 52) on :
Warning: Graphic words follow...
Star Trek: Porn! Written By:12" Love Rod
The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see a giant ship shaped like a dildo. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are having an orgy. During this scene, Picard complains about his small penis.
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must give a sensual message to a group of Ferengi. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data masterbates, to no avail.
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving Riker shaving his balls! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that that a giant space dildo is planning to fuck Uranus, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to two lesbians kissing, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, Some Horny Dude, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Some Horny Dude is not REALLY that bad, because this villian is still a virgin and wants to loose his viginity in a spectacular way.
The crew then learns that Uranus is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'I'm Gonna Make Love to Ya Woman.' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf suffers from premature ejaculation. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, makes Worf feel better by helping to clean us his sticky Klingon mess.
A little later, Data does his rendition of 'Puppetry of the Penis'. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the alley behind a run down porno store. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, Data tangles with a 3-breasted Cat Woman in a bar. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Dude, this Fucking Viagra doesn't work!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that Some Horny Dude has a Genital Herpes Generator! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'We're gonna need more vasaline!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop Some Horny Dude, the Enterprise gets caught in a giant space Condom. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Some Horny Dude.
Soon, Riker shoots at a mirror of himself. But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called The Quivering Purple Mound. Almost defeated, Some Horny Dude, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his Genital Herpes Generator! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Some Horny Dude by corking the business end of his giant space dildo and flooding the insides with sperm. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily spermicidal lubricant saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with his small penis. Picard then gives a speech about the benefits of contraceptives and the dangers of causal sex.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.
THE END
Posted by Kazeite (Member # 970) on :
"A little later, Reverend redesigns everyones logos."
WizArtist, please don't do that again. I almost died while laughing Posted by MinutiaeMan (Member # 444) on :
I'm going to have to try this later on... shame I've got to go to class soon. Posted by AndrewR (Member # 44) on :
OK my turn! Doesn't sound HALF bad...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Star Trek:Future's End
Written By:Andrew The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see A shockwave changing various events. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are in a starship race. During this scene, Picard complains about not having enough fun in space.
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must investigate a temporal disturbance in the typhon expanse. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data (having regained his original personality in the body of B-4) starts to age.
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving Romulan seperatists! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that that Burlinghoff Rassmussen has escaped his penal colony and has approached several governments about time-travel, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Seven of Nine, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, Burlinghoff Rassmussen, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Burlinghoff Rassmussen is not REALLY that bad, because this villian is trying to get home.
The crew then learns that the future is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'Time after Time.' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf is overpowered by Rassmussen. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, commondeers a romulan vessel .
A little later, Riker accidently sits in Picard's chair. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the park grounds. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, the Enterprise and Riker's ship race towards Rassmussen and his device. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'That's crap!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that Burlinghoff Rassmussen has a space-folding time-travel device! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'This will be our future's end!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop Burlinghoff Rassmussen, The destruction of a starship via a time-continuum-induced implosion. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Burlinghoff Rassmussen.
Soon, Riker shoots at Rassmussen's partner in crime. But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called Netrexia. Almost defeated, Burlinghoff Rassmussen, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his space-folding time-travel device! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Burlinghoff Rassmussen by Turning the time travel device on Rassmussen. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Troi saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with not having enough fun in space. Picard then gives a speech about how time is not dictated by one man.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.
THE END
Posted by AndrewR (Member # 44) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Vorlon: Warning: Graphic words follow...
*snip*
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving Riker shaving his balls! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
*snip*
Soon, Riker shoots at a mirror of himself. But this doesn't help anything.
*snip*
The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.
THE END
That whole thing was the HILARIOUS!! LOL! I nearly
1. Ran out of breath 2. Lost control of my bowels
I have tears from laughing so hard!
Thankyou
Andrew
Posted by Austin Powers (Member # 250) on :
Same here.
@The Vorlon & WizArtist: both your plots should be made into movies... Posted by Austin Powers (Member # 250) on :
My turn:
Star Trek:Big Headache
Written By:Austin Powers The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see an imploding donut. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are acting out a holodeck adventure involving a honkytonk band. During this scene, Picard complains about soaring fuel prices in the Gamma Quadrant.
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must investigate a mysterious plasma hoover. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data learns that his body can be reassembled into a deflector dish.
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving a pie fight between the TNG crew and Lore's rogue Borg! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that that he should have found out about the plot an hour ago, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Weyoun dressed as a nun, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, Unpronouncable, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Unpronouncable is not REALLY that bad, because this villian suffers from ingrown toenails.
The crew then learns that Bill Gates' microwave oven is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'Daddy wasn't there.' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf finds out that Quark is his half-brother twice removed. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, has sex with Fat Bastard.
A little later, Picard says "Shut up Will. I had wanted to say that for 15 years!". The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the Australian outback. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, the TNG crew must fetch two mammoths from the past in order to save the day. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'licketysplit!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that Unpronouncable has a bowel implosion generator! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'Get some marmelade. Helm control is toast!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop Unpronouncable, the Enterprise gets stuck in a holo-nebula. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Unpronouncable.
Soon, Riker shoots at Wesley. But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called The Oomoxion Nebula. Almost defeated, Unpronouncable, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his bowel implosion generator! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Unpronouncable by impaling him with a stack of frozen Jaffa cakes. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Nigel Powers saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with soaring fuel prices in the Gamma Quadrant. Picard then gives a speech about Bush's right to invade Iraq without cause.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.
THE END Posted by machf (Member # 1233) on :
Star Trek:Evacuation
Written By:Nobody
The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see a fish swimming. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are sitting on a raft in the middle of the ocean. During this scene, Picard complains about losing even more hair.
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must attend their bi-annual physical examination. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data attempts to prepare a new drink.
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving swordfighting to death among themselves! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that Starfleet is hiding the existance of a cure for balding hair, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Captain Okona, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, Wo Mi Tao, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Wo Mi Tao is not REALLY that bad, because this villian is just playing a joke on the crew.
The crew then learns that Mars is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'La Cucaracha.' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf has a lousy tatoo. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, announces she's pregnant again.
A little later, Riker slaps Picard on the butt. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the ocean. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, the singalong scene rips off The Final Frontier. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Blast!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that Wo Mi Tao has a water evaporator! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'Oh, REALLY?!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop Wo Mi Tao, the Enterprise goes underwater. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Wo Mi Tao.
Soon, Riker shoots at his foot. But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called Nebula Rasa. Almost defeated, Wo Mi Tao, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his water evaporator! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Wo Mi Tao by accident. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Okona saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with losing even more hair. Picard then gives a speech about the birds and the bees.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.
THE END
Posted by Cpt. Kyle Amasov (Member # 742) on :
It has been some time, but an event like this brings me back from the depths of lurkerdome...
---------------
Star Trek:Shatner's Revenge
Written by:Brannon Braga
The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see Shatner killing all the Paramount execs in a faked meeting to discuss the possibility of a Star Trek XI. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are at home running out of money and waiting for the call to return to the set. During this scene, Picard complains about just getting 26 Million dollars last time he had to do a Trek-movie.
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must stop evil Shatner from directing another Trek-movie and killing the franchise forever. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data falls into a lava pit and nearly melts down. Interestingly, his damaged voice-processor starts makes him sound like James Earl Jones.
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving Picard trying to start a new career as a professional wrestler! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that that Shatner may hold the key to do a successful Trek movie despite being odd-numbered, but the price would be the return of Kirk and the end of Picard's 8-digit-salaries, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Leonard Nimoy in a banana-costume, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, William Shatner, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But William Shatner is not REALLY that bad, because this villian just has a huge Ego.
The crew then learns that Star Trek is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'Mr. Tambourine Man.' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf becomes the evil nameless klingon villain of the week in the Shatnerverse and probably wont survive the first act. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, fucks Kirk because he made her the spacebabe of the week.
A little later, Picard accidentially crashes his Hummer into Shatners new Lexus. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the Paramount cantina. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, Picard wants to save a stranded whale until he realizes it's just Jimmy Doohan taking a sunbath at the beach. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Frell!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that William Shatner has a Star TrekOmnipedia 6-CD-edition with all the TNG-episode-scripts to make himself familiar with the crew's weaknesses! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'I have a baaad feeling about this mission!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop William Shatner, Picard engages Shatner in a Matrix-like bullet-time shootout that leads to a hand-to-hand-Kung-Fu-battle with all sorts of slo-mo and wire-work. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop William Shatner.
Soon, Riker shoots at a poor guy in a red shirt. But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called the mighty Smog. Almost defeated, William Shatner, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his Star TrekOmnipedia 6-CD-edition with all the TNG-episode-scripts to make himself familiar with the crew's weaknesses! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills William Shatner by setting Shatner's hairpiece on fire after forcing him to eat the entire script. All 117 approved copies, that is. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Rick Berman saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with just getting 26 Million dollars last time he had to do a Trek-movie. Picard then gives a speech about Picard being better than Shatner and how he knew it from the start.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.
THE END
-------------
[ February 16, 2004, 10:47 AM: Message edited by: Cpt. Kyle Amasov ]
Posted by Malnurtured Snay (Member # 411) on :
Star Trek:Undiscovered Country
Written By:Jeff Benson The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see Worf and Riker shooting a bunch of Breen. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are at dinner in the captain's mess. During this scene, Picard complains about his new senior staff.
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must find out where the Titan is. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data is dead. Data does nothing..
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving the Enterprise and a Breen ship! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that the Breen want to annex Federation colonies, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Kira Nerys, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, D'e!e!r', the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But D'e!e!r' is not REALLY that bad, because this villian is really bad, just humiliated at the Dominion's defeat.
The crew then learns that Colony Geriva VI is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'Data is dead, Data does not sing anything.' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf has been shot in the back by a Breen, and is rescued by Picard. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, has assumed command of the Titan after Riker's capture.
A little later, Geordi throws his glass in the face of Commander Madden. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the arctic, Picard rescues Worf. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, the captain's mess scene rips off Star Trek VI. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Motherfuckers!!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that D'e!e!r' has a energy dampning weapon! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'Beat to Quarters: red alert!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop D'e!e!r', Titan ejects its warp nacelles. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop D'e!e!r'.
Soon, Riker shoots at Breen soldiers. But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called Quaylor's Pass. Almost defeated, D'e!e!r', in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his energy dampning weapon! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills D'e!e!r' by throwing a knife into his eye. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Riker, in the Breen prison saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with his new senior staff. Picard then gives a speech about moving on with life.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.
THE END
Posted by Fleet-Admiral Michael T. Colorge (Member # 144) on :
Star Trek:Addicted
Written By:CoffeeAddictMike
The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see a bombing of a Starbucks in Starbase 21. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are sitting around a table figuring out who move the cheese. During this scene, Picard complains about being married to Wendy Nuss and what a bitch she is.
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must retrieve the formula that makes Starbucks coffee adictive. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data becomes alergic to coffee.
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving Riker and Worf fighting for the last caramel to make Caramel Machiatto! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that that Barista plans on getting everyone in the universe addicted to sex by using Starbucks' formula in lube, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Ron Jeremy, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, Barista, the magnificent, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Barista, the magnificent is not REALLY that bad, because this villian is actually Intersex and is confused about gender.
The crew then learns that Fornicate II is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'Toxic.' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf ends up wearing a T-shirt that says 'A Hard Top'. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, is able to swallow an eclair without gaging.
A little later, Crusher and Picard accidentally have sex and try not to talk about it the next day. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the nude beach full of gay hockey players. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, Picard sleeps with a whole lot of sexy women while the doctor becomes cynical. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Fuck, is that all you're carrying cuz I've seen bigger!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that Barista, the magnificent has a double-headed dildo! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'Fuck me, spank me, pull my hair!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop Barista, the magnificent, Hale Berry and Britney Spears kiss and have sex. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Barista, the magnificent.
Soon, Riker shoots all over the Sex and the City women at their gynecology exam in Sickbay. But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called Seamen's Mess. Almost defeated, Barista, the magnificent, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his double-headed dildo! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Barista, the magnificent by opening the green door. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily a Sweedish exchange student saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with being married to Wendy Nuss and what a bitch she is. Picard then gives a speech about why it is good to pay an escort for sex and how to have it become a tax deductible.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.
THE END
Posted by Daniel Butler (Member # 1689) on :
Quark was cut from the final edit of Nemesis? What did he do and say? Anybody know?
Posted by Josh (Member # 1884) on :
he was cut from inserection
Posted by Mars Needs Women (Member # 1505) on :
Wendy Neuss
Posted by Shik (Member # 343) on :
Jesus. Can we chip in & get Mike laid?
Posted by Daniel Butler (Member # 1689) on :
Star Trek:The Search for More Money
Written By:Dan
The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see Picard cutting a line of coke. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are eating chocolate sundaes in Troi's quarters. During this scene, Picard complains about dark chocolate not being sweet enough.
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must get some sweetener for Picard's chocolate. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data eats chocolate and goofily gets it all over himself.
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving a dead TOS character and a shuttlecraft! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that dark chocolate is SUPPOSED to be sweet, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Hoshi Sato, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, Xykon, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Xykon is not REALLY that bad, because this villian just doesn't like bitter dark chocolate.
The crew then learns that Throwaway is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'rather badly.' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf is discovered to have a Human fetish. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, pops out of her top.
A little later, Troi tells a dirty joke. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the beach. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, meeting a Godlike energy being. This scene is subsequently considered apocryphal. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'LEEEEROYYYY JENKINNNNNS!' The audience pretends this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that Xykon has a pressure-relieving suppository! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'Can't never have enough potato chips!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop Xykon, the Enterprise destroys a black hole with transchronophasic interfluctuating quantum tachyon beams...modulated to a subspace frequency. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Xykon.
Soon, Riker shoots at an errant birthday cake. But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called The Smoke Cloud. Almost defeated, Xykon, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his pressure-relieving suppository! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Xykon by cutting him open; nailing his intestines to a tree; and leading him around the tree as his intestines unwind and are wrapped around it. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Troi(!?!?) saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with dark chocolate not being sweet enough. Picard then gives a speech about Napster and copyright infringement.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.
THE END
Posted by Daniel Butler (Member # 1689) on :
quote:Originally posted by Josh: he was cut from inserection
So what'd he do and say? Anybody? And I agree, let's get Mike laid..
Posted by AndrewR (Member # 44) on :
A 3 year old thread!?!
Posted by Mars Needs Women (Member # 1505) on :
Star Trek:Squarepants
Written By:Marsneedswomen
The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see a refrigerator opening. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are drinking warm apple juice. During this scene, Picard complains about his impotence.
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must buy Windows Vista. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data has sex with a cylon.
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving a Federation fleet retaking Deep Space Nine! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that Shin Meat is building a giant enema bag, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Seven of Nine's cleavage, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, Shin Meat , the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Shin Meat is not REALLY that bad, because this villian missed too many episode's of NBC's Heroes.
The crew then learns that Trantor is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'I Touch Myself.' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf has violent diarrhea. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, swims naked in chocolate ice cream.
A little later, Doctor Who makes a joke about Daleks. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the nudist retreat. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, Picard chest is shaved. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Poppycock!' The audience pretends this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that Shin Meat has a Toaster Strudel ! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'That's just about the finest smell in the world, 'cept maybe for pussy.!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop Shin Meat , Riker pulls a rabbit out of his ass. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Shin Meat .
Soon, Riker shoots at Spot the Cat. But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called Taco Bell Rift . Almost defeated, Shin Meat , in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his Toaster Strudel ! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Shin Meat by giving him a wet-willy. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily his mother's lesbian lover saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with his impotence. Picard then gives a speech about how Windows Vista sucks.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.
THE END
Posted by Daniel Butler (Member # 1689) on :
The repressed sexual tension pouring out in these scripts is cause for reflection, don't you think?
Posted by The Ginger Beacon (Member # 1585) on :
Well, geeks, porn, duh! Did you expect anything more (or less)?
Posted by The Mighty Dwarf from Outer Space (Member # 2024) on :
Star Trek:The Borg Strike Back With The Help Of The Dildos
Written By:Mighty Dwarf from Outer Space
The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see an assimilated chair exploding. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are on a holodeck fighting teletubies. During this scene, Picard complains about having a short "phaser rifle".
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must Blast the damn Borg Pyramid. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data eats a soup with a knife.
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving The Enterprise destroying THE BORG PYRAMID with an dildo torpedo! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that that Borg King want's to assimilate Vulcan after he watched "Vulcan Love Slave III" , and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Dax, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, Borg King, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Borg King is not REALLY that bad, because this villian is a virgin and he doesn't want to.
The crew then learns that Vulcan is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'The Eye of the Tiger.' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf cries because of a papercut. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, kicks Picard's fat ass.
A little later, Vulcan's run around and sing Broadway sogs. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the forge desert. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, find Spock on a jungle planet. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Son of a donkey and a...p'tak!' The audience pretends this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that Borg King has a asimilation super dildo! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'Eeee... were are my pants?!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop Borg King, The Enterprise fires dildo torps. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Borg King.
Soon, Riker shoots at Worf's mirror reflection. But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called Bongo Bongo. Almost defeated, Borg King, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his asimilation super dildo! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Borg King by firinga dildo rocket at him. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily NoName#47 saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with having a short "phaser rifle". Picard then gives a speech about dildos.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.
THE END
Posted by Bones McCoy (Member # 1480) on :
The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see a Romulan ostrich race. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are making sushi. During this scene, Picard complains about bad service on airlines.
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must pick up a quart of milk and tampons, as they're the only ship in the sector. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data replaces his head with a George W Bush mask.
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving a thumb-war! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that he can save a lot of money by switching insurance companies, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Michael Jackson, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, Michael Buble, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Michael Buble is not REALLY that bad, because this villian wishes he were Frank Sinatra.
The crew then learns that Endor is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'Fuck the Police.' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf listens to Celine Dion. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, flashes the helmsman.
A little later, Data is confused as to the use of toilet paper. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the Mogadishu badlands. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, Data tells Picard not to grieve. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'aw, poopy!' The audience pretends this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that Michael Buble has a Vulcan blow-up doll! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'I'm Rick James, bitch!!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop Michael Buble, the crew beam down to a strip joint. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Michael Buble.
Soon, Riker shoots at a Romulan ostrich. But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called The Well of Repetition. Almost defeated, Michael Buble, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his Vulcan blow-up doll! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Michael Buble by playing hip-hop. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily common sense saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with bad service on airlines. Picard then gives a speech about the importance of diversifying investment portfolios.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
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